For those who don't know, my dad's property has been seriously threatened by the wildfires in north-central Washington. The threat has subsided for the moment, but he expressed frustration and sadness at being basically locked in his home as a watchman, not knowing if the fire was going to suddenly shift.
On Monday my mom asked if I had heard from him. Not since the morning, when he answered some emails. Today she went up to the house, and found his body.
We don't have many more answers, only speculation and questions. We are certain my dad deliberately took his life. It is baffling; he had many projects and plans for the future and seemed in good spirits. But he may have had a health crisis and wanted to end things quickly; he had talked of that sort of decision before, and he had brief spells of health scares, like one that seemed like a mini-stroke a couple years ago, and more recently, possible heart issues. He may have been upset over the stock market. Maybe he went mad from sudden-onset cabin fever. Who knows. We will likely ask the coroner to do an autopsy to try to get some idea, some reason. But I am trying to keep in mind that we may never know with certainty what happened. I am well aware of the horrible mystery that suicide leaves.
My brother and Mom and I will tackle the process of sorting out affairs and logistics tomorrow. We are still swinging around between grief, numbness, disbelief, and back to grief.
Despite his faults, undoubtedly he was the most important person in my life. I am a Daddy's Girl and he was one hell of a person. Long before now, I have dreaded the idea of having to live without him, and I am already thinking of the billions of ways I will miss him.

On Monday my mom asked if I had heard from him. Not since the morning, when he answered some emails. Today she went up to the house, and found his body.
We don't have many more answers, only speculation and questions. We are certain my dad deliberately took his life. It is baffling; he had many projects and plans for the future and seemed in good spirits. But he may have had a health crisis and wanted to end things quickly; he had talked of that sort of decision before, and he had brief spells of health scares, like one that seemed like a mini-stroke a couple years ago, and more recently, possible heart issues. He may have been upset over the stock market. Maybe he went mad from sudden-onset cabin fever. Who knows. We will likely ask the coroner to do an autopsy to try to get some idea, some reason. But I am trying to keep in mind that we may never know with certainty what happened. I am well aware of the horrible mystery that suicide leaves.
My brother and Mom and I will tackle the process of sorting out affairs and logistics tomorrow. We are still swinging around between grief, numbness, disbelief, and back to grief.
Despite his faults, undoubtedly he was the most important person in my life. I am a Daddy's Girl and he was one hell of a person. Long before now, I have dreaded the idea of having to live without him, and I am already thinking of the billions of ways I will miss him.
