haven't posted in a while.

So i have a cold, it started last week with a sore throat and just when that was starting to clear up and go away my nose started running, then congestion, not both, my head feels funny, i have a slight cough and I'm friggin tired. More tired then normal.

My new medicine I'm on to prevent headaches works pretty good. i still get the occasional twinges but nothing a couple Tylenol doesn't knock out within 15 minutes. I did however have the strangest thing happen. It was like i had a migraine without the headache. i was nauseated and had the whole light and sound sensitivity, but no headache.. thankfully it was night time, so i just went to sleep and the medicine does a great job of putting me to sleep at night.

School news is all good. I got a B on my 2nd biology exam, which I'm stoked about, it's an improvement from the c on the 1st exam. But now I have to start working on my paper for that class and I'm having a hard time deciding on a topic. My presentation for my forensic anthropology class went very well especially since i had to do it by myself since my partner dropped out of class apparently and didn't tell me or the teacher. Good thing i like doing all the work. I'm a little upset about my last test though. I got a B, 1 point off from getting an A because I apparently don't like to read the whole question.. I got an A on the 1st exam in that class and got all my points for everything else in that class, so it's dragging my average down.. But thankfully this weekend I'm participating in a burial set up, so I get some extra credit. We get to dig a couple graves and put skeleton casts in them for the rest of the class to dig up in a couple weeks.

At the beginning of the year me and a couple girl friends started doing girls night out. Once a month we get together without hubbys or kids and do something fun. This month is pole dancing and I'm pretty excited! It's a private class just for us which is nice, they call it a party.We had 10 girls but 1 of them dropped out which is really frustrating since the reason i set the date for the day before Easter was because that's the only day she could go. She's not a regular to the group but we really wanted 10 girls.. And I knew that she would flake. Because that's what happens when you schedule something around one person, right! And since it's the day before Easter, another girl might not be able to come either she was supposed to go to her parent's house that day but she's trying to schedule a later leaving time so she can come. I'm also not counting on a girl to come who's friends with the girl who dropped out. So we have some girls asking other friends if they'd like to come so no one has to pay more then the original set price. Either way I'm sure we'll have a blast, everyone is super excited.. If i like the studio i have decided I'll take more classes from them. They offer pole dance classes, lap dance classes, sensual dances, and pussy cat dance class. I think it'll be fun and something i haven't done before. i love dancing, so this might help me change up my workout routine.

and on the baby front, we are doing good with our break and i have barely even thought about it. We also might be prolonging the break for longer then we thought. We're doing all the testing starting in June, but we are thinking about postponing any treatments until next summer.. We'll see how we feel after meeting with the specialists...
anyway that's all for now..

hmmm...

so let's see what's new. my car got banged into at the dr's yesterday. the lady didn't even leave a note. but someone saw her and left me a note and talked to me when i came out. The stupid ninny was still there too. She just moved her car over a parking lane.. if you're gonna hit and run, you should run further.. i dropped it off to get fixed today and it's already done!! it's in paint and i'll be able to get it Thursday. Which means Friday sine i have classes on Thursday basically all day.
Speaking of classes, I got an A on my forensic Anthro exam. i'm excited about that.

i got a new rx for my headaches yesterday. I went to see the neurologist finally and he gave me an anti seizure med that works well for headaches. so i have to take it every night. He also informed me he didn't like the meds i am taking for migraines.. Hates them very much.

hello?? Flow?? are you there??

So, i have been under my coverline for 2 days now and I'm still waiting for AF to show up.. I really have no indications that she's coming other then the extremely low temps. And I tested yesterday, which seemed really silly to me, but J and I had dentist appts yesterday and we knew there would be xrays, so he wanted to make sure.. it was neg, obviously... So today i'm just running to the bathroom every hour to see if my visitor has decided to bless me with her presence. It's rather annoying when you know it's coming and she's just taking her sweet as time coming. We have decided to take a break on the ttc front.. After 16 cycles of actively trying we just want to get back to sweet lovin that isn't timed or all about making a baby. This last cycle really drained us. The clomid by the way apparently worked nicely. My Dr called with my progesterone levels, that i had drawn at 4dpo, and they were at 40. My number not on clomid was 15, which is normal I guess. Anyway, since i took the clomid we wanted to make sure this cycle we gave it our best shot and not be lazy with things. We are like that most of time, not giving 100% to the baby making timing. Now normally I'm not one to complain about too much sex.. I think I've never complained actually, I like having lots of sex. But 6 days in a row of "We have to have sex" sex, was too much.. I have to give it up to J though, he was a trooper and did his job and didn't complain. But I'd like to not go through that again.. I want to just have fun sex for a while. So that's what we're going to try to get back to. Plus I'm taking 2 classes this semester at school and with working full time, it's sort of draining me.. And I'm trying to lose weight and get into better shape, so i have other things to focus on other then making a baby.

I'm going to start researching R.E.'s and call out insurance and talk to them about what all is covered and what isn't. Then we'll save up money while on our break and when we decide to I'll call and make an appt. Then we'll go from there.
It's weird for me to think I would ever be at this point. Needing assistance and tests to get pg. I wish i could be like all the other girls in my family and get knocked up just by looking at a boy. However that seems to have passed me. I'm ok with going, I see no shame in needing help. And it really doesn't seem like we've been trying to that long. But i don't want it to get to the point where it has been too long and we haven't tried to find out what's wrong and done something about it. J is ok with it too, he obviously wishes it was easier but i think we came to a point a long time where we knew it wasn't going to be easy. It's weird to think there's something wrong when all initial tests came back normal and we were told to just keep trying. I know however that that's just the tip of the ice burg and there are many other tests to be done..


It funny to see how J is reacting to all of this also. I mean I'm not a super barren Betty but I definitely have my moments of it. And I laugh a little whenever I see J get like that too. We had to run to Target for some stuff yesterday before our dentist appt. and I kid you not i think there were about 6 very pregnant ladies that we saw in our short probably not even 10 mins we were there. And that's not counting the numerous ladies with brand new babies... As we walked out the door and past 2 friends that seemed to be equally pregnant with a couple other little ones with them J let out a faint sort of grunt. All i could say was really?? and we both started laughing..
There is obviously something in the water here that is not attaching to us.. Oh well.. we'll get through it and know that when we are blessed with a beautiful little one that we worked for them, and they weren't just an oops surprise.

the clomid experiment

So, we have moved onto cycle #16, it doesn't seem like that long. And we decided to give clomid a try. So I'm on 100mg days 5-9 of my cycle. I'm on day 2 of taking it and so far so good.. I did get a migraine yesterday but I'm not sure if it's from the clomid. Either way, it's gone today which is nice. I was a little worried with all the drama I've heard and read about taking clomid and how I would react... You know Clomid crazies and hot flashes and the like. But I still have 3 days left, so things could change. I did do some research though and found that a lot of the side effects have to do with your emotions. So, I am in this experiment with a good attitude about it. Hopefully my egg will plump up nice and big and the sperm can find it a little easier.. Here's to hoping!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

I haven't blogged in a while and i have to say, so this might be a long one.
December was a busy month for us. We went to Wisconsin to visit the family. It was nice and basically relaxing and fun. Lots and lots of snow. So much that one day we pulled out of the driveway and got stuck. hahahahaha it was fun. we dug our way out and then shoveled the street while my dad used the snow blower. Of course 30 minutes later the snow plows came through. oh well it was still fun and i supposed good exercise. Also, I fell down the stairs and have a nasty nasty sprained ankle. After almost 4 weeks it's still not back to being 100% I'd say I'm at 60%. It friggin hurts a lot. but I'm not limping so much anymore.. I can walk up stairs but down is still painful. I took the puppy for a walk yesterday, a short one, and I'm paying for it today.. ouch..

What else did we do? well there was Christmas. We didn't go anywhere or do anything special. Both of us don't have family around so we just hung out with my dh's mom and dad and had a quiet weekend. I of course got in a good 9 hours of Gilmore Girls. I got the whole series collection from J for Christmas, I'm admittedly obsessed, but i'm not having to watch it everyday like I used to.
We went to visit my dad and step mom also to share the love. I'm not a big fan of going to visit them. I mean not because of my dad, but other family members. I found out my uncles were giving him a hard time about not being a granpa yet and asked what was wrong with his girls that we can't have babies.. wow, that's a sensitive thing to say. My older sister is 34 and can barely hang on to a boyfriend for 5 minutes let alone long enough to get knocked up. And J and I are trying, trust me. But who actually says things like that! So that made me a little disappointed. Not because poor me i can't seem to have a baby, but i feel bad for my dad that his brothers are like teasing him about something like that. OK maybe it makes me feel like a failure a little bit that I'm causing disappointment because my woman bits cant' give my parents grandchildren.

Also, while I was down there I made the stop at Gramma's house. My aunt and her gave me a little "pep talk" about how it's OK I'm struggling with getting pregnant. My Gramma told me how she has a tilted uterus and so the dr's told her she'd have a hard time getting pregnant. After 5 pregnancies she had to ask him when it was gonna start getting hard! Gosh Gramma that cheered me right up! My aunt, who also has a tilted uterus, went on to tell me that she had to have 1 and 1/2 tubs removed. She was told that if she could get pregnant it would be a long hard road and would take a lot of patience and time. But she was pregnant the next month! WOW! well thanks Aunt Pat. I feel so much better now about trying for 15 months and getting no where. You just pepped me right up!
Also heard it from one of my dad and step moms friends. Yep she chimed in on the subject at dinner. Hers was the usual, don't worry it'll happen when you least expect it, and just stop trying, and be patient and all the other blah blah stuff. We already know to be patient, but thanks for your .02 cents.
Mean while, this is how much my family down that way really thinks of me. They live about 2 hours away. not too far but I'm going there all the time for drop in visits. My cousin got married in January of 2007. At our wedding we talked with them about when they're gonna start ttc. They said not for a couple years, they want to wait. Well guess what?! They got pregnant in Feb 2008. Things happen, I'm not mad about that. I didn't get invited to the baby shower. I got to hear all about while we were visiting and saw a picture of the little babe, but no invite. oh well i guess maybe they thought i wouldn't come or whatever. SO then while I was leaving Grammas house. I give her a hug and a kiss and say "I love you gramma!" and her response back?? "Thanks darlin." Now I've known for a very very long time, i am not this gramma's favorite. I'm at the bottom of the list right above me half brother who is probably in prison now and started a lot of family crap. yep I rank just a smidge above him, I think. I could be wrong, I might be below him. But at least lie to me and tell me you love me!!


So hopefully, 2009 is an awesome year with happy memories and filled with lots of good things. I'm gonna work more on getting healthy and being more happy, being a better friend and work on my relationships. I have neglected some family relationships and i think it's about time i start working on those more.

books....

well I ordered the Sookie Stackhouse novels. The books The tv show True Blood are based off of. I've had them just aabout 2 weeks and I've read all 7. So yesterday I went to the store and bought the 8th book. Finished that today.. Now I have to wait until May 2009 for the 9th book!!! I don't know what I'll do until then.. They are so good, I can't even explain my love for them.

so back from the dr's after reviewing my tests... Everything is normal... all my levels for whatever she checked came back "perfect".. so what does that mean???? it means we have to keep trying and working on our timing.. She offered a referral to an RE, so I'll talk it ove with the hubby and see what he wants to do. I think we'll just keep trying on our own for a while and see what happens.. we'll revisit the clomid and going to an RE at a later date..

It's good to know there's nothing wrong, but it's frustrating knowing that it's not working at the same time.. oh well..