MR SLISH

I’m tired of playing games, Why do I have to play these games, Men play too many games.These are all catch phrases I hear from various single women I know. They refuse to play all of them! The younger generation doesn’t know how and the older generation been through so much they’ve thrown in the towel.  Let me say this.  These games you think  are being played on YOU are not games at all. It’s called survival and it’s natural for us to be this way. It’s part of the process. If you don’t get with it YOU will be LEFT behind.

EVERY MAN has been through at least ONE BAAAD relationship that will dictate his dating style. The dude that’s been cheated on will most likely become the boyfriend that cheats or the boyfriend that smothers or worse  BOTH.  I think it’s a little different for women. Their dating style is somehow derived from their childhood. The little girls that watched their mothers use their cookie to get some goodies will eventually do the same thing. The ones that watched their daddy leave or have no daddy at all will usually date dudes waaaay older than them. 

I could go on with my analysis but that would require another 250 pages. Ladies start paying attention. Stop looking at your love life like it’s an outer body experience. If your new prospect does something that gives you pause you best believe it’s not a dream. Don’t stand their scratching your head thinking ” This nigga is playing games” NO he’s doing what his last couple of relationships allowed him to do. It’s not a game to him it’s survival. Counteracting his bullshit is not you participating its you surviving in this race for love. 

I know it’s  damn near impossible to find a black man of your own never mind a good black man cause the only one left is in the White House…lol  But if you’re gonna pursue JUST them you better develop some IRON MAN armor and treat every interaction as a learning experience and not like THIS COULD BE THE ONE!  Now I’m not saying be hard, mean, and controlling cause that’s what been pushing brothas to Becky, Josefina and Mai Ling.  If ole boy does something suspect don’t yell, don’t scream process what it is first then if you know its something you can’t live with ” POOF”  disappear, fade to black, in other words do what we do.

Remember a man’s actions especially a black man  are not STUPID  they’re DELIBERATE.

I waited a looooong time to have a child. Why? Who knows. Coulda been the right woman wrong time or the right time wrong woman. Either way I’m glad I had my son X at the age of 39 cause if I’d had him in my twenties I probably wouldn’t have been so attentive.

Folks lemme tell ya! I’m extremely protective of the Heir to my pennies. If I could put him in an impenetrable bubble I would, but they’re laws against that so I try to focus my energies on making his environment as safe as possible. Which usually means locking all the room doors when he roams free throughout our apt. Removing any objects that look yummy but are bad for his tummy. He also likes to eat, run, then fall FLAT ON his face. I had to curtail that shit by strapping his ass in the high chair and feeding him. Once he’s done the boy is too damn full to run up and down then fall flat on his face…lol

His mother my lovely wife has a more carefree approach to caring for X. Which is cool, but it sometimes leaves him bruised and battered. So far he’s gotten two busted lips, Flipped over and OUT of his crib, hit his head on the bathroom tub cause she insisted on bathing him in there. The other night when he popped his lip open for the second time because he wasn’t STRAPPED in while being fed by her. I made an observation ” This kinda shit never happens when I’m taking care of him ! So of course the slasher goes ” Ohh Ohh please let me tell her! before I knew it he’s spitting out what I’m thinking making Shawnla so mad she yelled DIVOOOOORCE!

Anyway I realized what a shit storm the Slasher put me in but didn’t really care. My mini me is all I got. He’s my everything. If something were to happen to him I would never be the same again. So I’ll continue to protect, defend, cover up any and everything he gets himself into….Why? Cause I’m his DAD and he’s fortunate enough to have me around ALLLLLLL the time.

I remember being somewhat shy back in the day. Couldn’t formulate those slick pick up lines my boys spit out by the dozen. I pretty much depended on my powers of persuasion and observation. Observe the gal from afar, find out her likes and dislikes, befriend then convince her I was the best thing since sliced bread…lol

As I got older my understanding of the opposite sex grew as did my confidence so I didn’t have to resort to those Jedi mind tricks too often. I also stayed in my lane. Pretty quiet gals that flew under the radar was my thing. Ya know the kind. Cute enough to try out for the cheer leading team but would rather hang out in the library reading books their parents told them not to read. Yo boy Slish did not waste time chasing chicks that were out of his league. Why? Cause I knew it would damage my ego and kill my confidence besides I wasn’t ready for that kind of pressure. You need a certain level of confidence/patience to deal with a beautiful woman.

Fast Forward to today and I’m still trying to explain this kind of logic to these Young Cats I mentor from time to time. The biggest offender of the “SHE GOTTA BE FINE FINE FINE” law is my boy Mr.Potential. He’s intelligent, articulate, but a little average looking. His style of dress can be a little extra, but he likes it so who am I to tell him otherwise. This dude has probably chased soooooo many BLACK women OUT of his league that it’s soured him against them. I read a text from Mr.Potential about two weeks ago stating “Black women don’t know what a good man is so I’m no longer gonna date them. The choices they make for themselves are fucked up” I contemplated what he said and yeah some black women do make dumb ass moves based on emotion instead of good common sense. They’re drawn to these thuggish ruggish types because it makes them feel safe and protected. For others it might be the excitement, but when feeling safe and protected turns into ” This nigga just tried to choke me!” and excitement turns into ” I’m in jail for transporting 10 kilos from NYC to Virginia” they realize a guy like Mr.Potential may not be such a bad idea.

What Mr.Potential fails to realize is that it takes time for Black women to get to this place. So if he continues to chase young video vixens chances are she’s not looking for a Mr.Potential. Now don’t get me wrong this doesn’t mean he still can’t try. He can but he’s gonna have to elevate his game just a little bit. Mr Potential will have to get into the psychology of dating and start doing things The THUG NATION population won’t do. Nice inexpensive restaurants, free live music in the park, and trips to the museum are great ways to convince a Pretty gal that you’re not the average joe. In my early 20’s I remember taking a beautiful Hampton Graduate to the Zoo. She loved it because it was something she hadn’t done with a guy before. Till this day she doesn’t know I was actually broke , didn’t want to break our date, but knew the Zoo was Free on Wednesdays so I took a chance with only 5.00 dollars in my pocket. Which I cashed in for some MAJOR COOCHIE COUPONS…lol

Mr.Potential. A little creativity and patience will go a loooooong way with that beautiful Nubian sista you have your eye on. Don’t let a few mishaps turn you away from them. Some black women have yet to find their way, but they will if YOU promise to lead them in the RIGHT DIRECTION.

So I’m at my gig sitting in the conference room conversing with various women about sex, lies, and video tape. They love when I eat lunch with them.Why? Cause the Slasher is UNCENSORED and mostly full of SHIT! As usual he’s trying to convince one of them to find herself a 60-year-old sugar daddy to help finance her a post-graduate degree.  She’s giving me all these excuses why she can’t. Before the Slasher opens his mouth to respond  ” Mr. Slish!!!  I was hoping you’d be down here!” I turn my head to the right and watch Sugashay speedily sit her cute self down at her usual table.

” What’s up youngin. What ya done did now” Sugashay smiles.

” No No No nothing like that. I wanted to get your opinion on what Erykah Badu did in Dallas. Have you seen the video?” I laugh a little.

” Nah. But I heard something about it on the radio. That chick just trying to boost her album sales.” Sugayshay puts her fork down in her plate and shifts her body towards me.

” I disagree. I think it’s the best video I’ve seen all year” WHOA! Let me find OUT Sugayshay got a little secret that I need to uncover…lol

” How you figure?” She shifts her body back towards her food.

” Mr.Slish watch the video first then tell me what you think.”  Now I hadn’t planned on watching the video cause when I tried to look for it earlier I kept coming up empty. So I figured it wasn’t meant for me to see since the last time I tried to look for sumthin like that! ( Vivica Fox supposedly sucking some dudes dick) Yo boy caught a MAAAAAAAAJOOOR virus.

The next morning I google that bad  boy and get lucky. As I’m watching it I realize the white folks in the background don’t even know who the fuck Erykah is. I continue to watch then my brother-in-law peaks his head out the bedroom. We both yell out at the same time DAAAAAAMN YOU SEE THAT as Ms Badu pulls her sweatpants down. Now we weren’t taken a back by the fact that she took her pants off, but WHO KNEW ERYKAH HAD SUCH A PHAT ASS!  A nice round jingle jangly ONE at that!  I get to the end, you hear a gunshot and she falls to the ground BUCK nekked!  Artistic expression? Hmmmm Maybe?  Genuis move? Heeeeellllll Yeah ! 

Lemme explain. The music game has changed a great deal since Erykah hit the scene in the late 90’s. Lots of asses wigglin in front of the camera now. So what’s a Grown ass woman like her supposed to do to compete.  Thats right! Take her clothes off and say to Rihanna, Beyonce, Nikki Minaj, and Lady Gaga ” Look her bitches!  I showed my ass just like y’all, did it for pennies and got the same results! 

My opinion. Erykah conformed to what the masses wanna see but she did it grown woman style. Nothing wrong with that cause at the end of the day her business is to entertain and she sure as HELL entertained us with that STUNT. Lucky for her someone with a slasher type personality didn’t walk by and  GRAB BOTH THOSE ASS CHEEKS.  

Just sayin cause I would have…..lol

http://www.thehypefactor.com/erykah-badu-window-seat-music-video/

Slish you’re not culturally aware when it comes to the plight of Black People” I sat on my friends couch and pondered her statement. Hmmm should I be offended? Is she calling me shallow? or even WORSE STUPID???? Hmph!!! Figured I’d give her an ignorant response. ” How am I supposed to know what’s goin on when you DAMN well know I can’t read ” and made my exit a few minutes later.

As I walked to my car I started to feel some kind a way about her comment. I opened the car door and a wave of images flashed across my mind and INSTANTLY I knew why my feelings had been compromised.

Let me tell you Blog Fam. I love me some black people. So much so that I’ve sometimes sacrificed my own needs,safety and peace of mind to make sure they were in a better place. I hear uppity negroes talk about reaching out to our people, but I wonder if they’d actually take action if something was to go down right in front of their eyes.

I say that cause Super Slish once talked an angry Ex-Convict out of shooting one of his closest friends even gave the dude some pocket-money to stay away.

Super Slish convinced a deranged and confused Black Man to exit the F train because the fucked up psychiatric hospital he’d been released from hadn’t given him his medication. Dude had those white folks on the edge of their seats with all his ranting and raving about The Crips and The Bloods.

Super Slish helped a once very popular Rapper down on his luck find a job just because he wasn’t too proud to ask.

Super Slish ran down, grabbed, and disarmed an 11-year-old boy chasing another 11-year-old boy with a broken beer bottle. His girlfriend Butterscotch thought he was crazy for doing it. I wonder how she would have felt if that little boy had caught up with his target and stabbed him right in front of her eyes.

Super Slish went out of his way to help a lost 8 month pregnant woman get to her pre-natal exam on time. Poor gal woulda been stuck on the east side of Manhattan ALL DAY LONG if he hadn’t taken the time to help her navigate through the city. Super Slish made sure she saw her doctor before he left her side and NO she wasn’t CUTE!…lol

Now I’m not writing this all down for recognition because this is probably the first time I’ve ever expressed any of this to anybody. My thing is this. Why can’t more black folks go into Super Slish Mode and help one another from time to time. I’m sure when that poor boy was getting beat to death in Chicago someone coulda dialed 911 sooner or even warned him to go in another direction. It pains me to know that black folks would rather watch a fight than stop one.

I’m ashamed to admit that when a crime or an injustice happens in our neighborhood it’ll go un-punished because doing the right thing is considered snitching. I know some black folks out there wishin someone woulda snitched when they hauled their innocent teenage son off to jail.

So yeah I may not Know every tid bit of African-American Culture or what goes on with black folks around the world. Maybe I’m that way because I’m way too busy paying attention to whats going on right in front of ME.

I’ve been away from the Blog World for a long time. Actually I think this is the longest I’ve ever been down. I usually take these breaks when I’m going through some kind of transition and need time to get used to my new surroundings. That being said YO BOY SLISH IS BACK!!!

Check this out!!! Slish and Slash had a discussion and decided it was time to make an honest woman out of Shawnla. We got married Dec 7th 2009. Am I in Marital Bliss? HELLL NO! I wanna shoot the muthafucka who created this institution!

Women get away with waaaaaay too much once you PUT A RING ON IT!!!! Since I’m part of the married men click now. The stories I tell my boys gets this kind of response ” That’s all she did! Shiiiit let me tell you what my wife did to me last week!” the stories they tell are equivalent or worse than mine!

It took a few months for me to adjust to the fact that SHIT was not gonna change just cause I gave Shawnla my last name. SO WHAT’S A NIGGA TO DO?????? Can’t punch her, can’t leave her, and sure as HELL can’t ignore her! Fuck this!! I did what WHITE FOLKS DO. Took BOTH our asses to therapy/marriage counseling!

I must say it’s nice having a mediator. I get to tell my wife she’s a BIG PAIN IN THE ASS and she gets to say I’m an EGOTISTICAL JERK without cutting each other off. Therapy is good! I think more black folks should do it. It can save you from JAIL TIME. Cause I’ve had a few TO THE MOON ALICE moments with Shawnla.

I didn’t believe it at first figured I could just BULLY my OWN way ALL THE TIME, but marriage is a GREAT deal of compromise. I find if I GIVE shawnla GIVES if I TAKE Shawnla TAKES. Let me give you an example. When we got married we got a couple of dollars from family and friends. Yo boy Slish decided to use most of that money without consulting with the MRS…lol..Payback is a bitch cause I didn’t see a PENNY of that TAX RETURN money! My Chocolate Bunny filed and spent it before I had a chance to greedily rub my hands together! SHIIIIIIIT if it wasn’t for THERAPY The Slasher probably woulda wrapped the telephone cord around her throat..Justkidding. No for real he would have.

I type all of this to say that this is sort of a re-birth of my blog I might drop a story from time to time, but will mostly write about Slish and Slasher coexisting in a world full of compromise. That right there is a Journey in itself. So stay tuned…