pictures

My neighbors asked me to go with them to the lake yesterday and take pictures of them as a family. I felt so honored and was glad to go along. I packed the camera bag and my swimming gear (the plan was to swim after the photo shoot). They came over and got me when they were ready and we headed to the lake. I pull out the camera and start shooting amazing shots of their oldest daughter. I take one particularly good shot and I ask her to come and take a look. It is then that I realize I made a horrible mistake upon packing the gear. I FORGOT MY MEMORY CARD!!! The camera has NO INTERNAL MEMORY all is lost!!!! The girl I was shooting is 11 and has all the teenage angst so me having gotten the shots that I thought I did was amazing. I then had to tell them I forgot the memory card. I was hopeful that since the mom brought her camera that she might have an extra card with her...nope she left it at home. She was nice enough to let me use her camera to do the remaining photos. I don't have copies of the photos though to play with and edit like I would like to or even to share with you :(
Lesson learn..ALWAYS CHECK YOUR MEMORY!!!!

jobs

I am LOVING my new job. I feel like I am learning again and enhancing myself. In my last job I felt stuck same people same conversations...there are only so many ways that you can instruct a client on how to preform hygiene tasks or to not eat whole watermelons due to the stomach upset side effects. Now I get to help in crisis but walk away at the end of the day knowing that I provided input to hopefully make a difference but someone else gets to do the education and leg work. But within that I get to have client contact and don't just have to sit in my office all day pushing paper.

Chef on the other hand isn't having such a great time at his job. Apparently he got "talked to" by his boss and the administrator and they told him to "think about if this is where he wants to be". He had no clue this meeting was coming. They told him his food quality was poor, residents were complaining about quality and portion size, they also "talked to" about several other things he isn't doing right. He told me that he asks the care attendants at every meal how the residents like the food and for the most part the reviews are good. He decreased portion size a while back due to residents stating that portions were to big, now apparently residents are saying portions are to small (but not to Chef). So of course Chef is upset and wants out of there ASAP. We went for a walk and talked about this the same day they talked to him. I understand where he is coming from but this has him so beat down that he doesn't have faith in himself that he can do anything else. I don't feel that being in a kitchen is right for him any longer and he totally agrees. Thing is he has NO IDEA what to do. He is in the I can't funk and can't seem to pull himself out. He is already on depression medication so maybe he needs that upped a bit to get him through this, I don't know. I just want him to get a job that makes him happy. I don't care to much about how much he makes since almost all his money goes to pay of his past debts.

older

I have noticed lately that I am getting older...not in the physical sense but in the type of men I find good looking sense. Don't get me wrong I love my husband but who says you can't find other men attractive.
Last week I attended a training. At this training was a director from a provider agency. I found him VERY good looking...grey hair and all. As I sat in class I came to the realization that I must be getting old. I am finding grey haired men attractive.
Then Chef and I went to see Cowboys and Aliens...Hello Daniel Craig.
Seriously Hello Hotness! When he played James Bond several years ago I didn't think him good looking at all but now, WOW. He is just under 10 years older then myself. Which really isn't that much older but heck I am now thinking that men in their 40's are attractive.

Don't get me wrong I still like guys my own age like let's say Ryan Reynolds...But really who in their right mind wouldn't find him HOT!

the boy

my crazy little sis, my sis-in-law, big bro

and of course the little man!
happy morning baby
Hiking out of the pack for a while
mad becuase I had sunglass on and I didn't like them.
I loves my aunties

I had a wonderful time in CO visiting with family. What a wonderful break and to be able to see this little guy even made it all the more better!

Busy

Sorry for not being around for a while. I have been super busy getting things done at the office since I get back from visiting my Bro, SIL, and nephew. I finally got the office conquered on Sunday. Today was the first day of my new job. I "think" I am going to really like it...I won't say love to give myself some wiggle room. There is a lot to learn but I think I can do this!!! I'm off to get some stuff accomplished at home, purchase some new more professional clothing items, cook dinner, and jump around with the excitement of change!!!

I'm hoping to be able to give you all additional updates later this week and next!!!

itch

I arrived back from Colorado late Monday night. Tuesday I woke up with itchy legs and now today I have full blown hives on both my legs. This happened last year too. Apparently I am very allergic to the pollen here. Given how my allergy test a couple years back came out the hives are likely due to tree pollen.

Thus I will be living in a allergy med fog for the next couple weeks! Did you know that you can take multiple allergy pills during the day? You can also take 24 hr meds more then once in 24hrs and even layer them with other allergy pills and nasal sprays! Oh and just for kicks you can add in a steroid pack, steroid cream, and acid reflux meds to help control the hives!

If nothing else I will be sleeping really well for the next few weeks!

I'm off

Yes, we all know that I am off mentally but that is not what this is about!!

I leave in the early AM hours tomorrow to go see my lovely Nephew for the first time. I only get to spend 4 days with him but they will be a great four days. To make it even more fun and exciting my sister and I planned this trip together so she will be there too!!! My bro and sis-in-law have no idea what they are in for.
Be prepared for lots of pictures of the little man when I get back!!!

timing and blogger dislike

First off I want to say I am disliking blogger right now. I have been trying to publish a post now for two days and this stupid thing will let me save it but not publish it. It also won't even let me schedule it to publish!!!

Okay that being said off to the real post here.

I got notice in the mail today that Chef's insurance premium will be going up by $50 at the end of June. This would really strap my budget, like it isn't already. I however feel so lucky and blessed that I got the new job. Unlike my current job the new one will enable me to insure my spouse and any dependents (if I had any). The timing of all this couldn't be more perfect. I will be able to put Chef on the policy. The new insurance will start my first day of work, no waiting period like a lot of jobs. Chef's new insurance will start the same day. We will have about 15days of overlapping coverage for him. More is always better especially in this case. There are NO PREEXISTING CONDITIONS (I've read the whole manual)! Our annual deductible will be the same.
Right now I am so thankful that I was able to get this job and even more thankful for the benefits.
EVERYTHING HAPPENS for a reason!!!!!

5.2

We have several 5k (3.1mi) races in my town. Many of which are fundraisers for different organizations.
This past weekend I ran a race it was a bit more than a 5k. The total mileage for the race was 5.2mi.
This race was brutal!!!! It was a trail race not the standard road race. The race is a fundraiser for an organization called Foys to Blacktail trail. Check them out they are doing an amazing thing preserving land in our valley for recreation and are even building a great trail system.
The race showcases some of their recent trail work. This year the first mile of the race was great slight gain in elevation nothing to bad. The second mile however was EVIL!! The second mile gained about 800feet in elevation. As they say though what goes up must come down so from mile 2.5 on the race was great! I love to run some down hill.
If it hadn't been for the uphill my time would have been decent (not good but decent).

GOT IT!

For the last two days I have been so nervous and anxious that I have wanted to PUKE! I haven't slept well.I've been ANNOYING the heck out of Chef with my babbling.

Today all that came to an end. I have officially been hired by the state of Montana to be a Quality Improvement Specialist for the developmental disabilities programs in my region!! I get to make sure that services being provided to persons with developmental disabilities met or exceed state standards as well as to insure that clients are ALWAYS being treated with the respect and dignity that they deserve!

I will start June 13th. I get my own office WITH A WINDOW(this in and of itself is huge I haven't had a window in my office in over four years nor can I see what is happening in our office building little alone the outside world!) My new boss is amazing! I've worked on things with her in the past, she is so caring and understanding. I am very excited to start this new chapter I have been searching for a way to grow in this field for a while now and have been blessed with this opportunity.

Chef is backing this change 110%. With our recent visit to the Midwest we realize that we can't do anything to change what is happening with his mom. We are good with staying here and letting ourselves grow here.

I am also still planning on attending grad school and shooting for even bigger and better things in the years to come!

hello world

WOW it's been a bit since I have updated!

There has been a lot going on in my world.

A few weeks ago we headed to the Midwest to check in on my mother-in-law. We spend nearly a week there. Things there aren't good but actually better than expected. She is in the nursing home and it appears that this is going to be her permanent residence unless something amazing happens. She is SOSOSOSO not happy about it. She would have loved it we could have busted her out of there but we just aren't able to provide her the care she needs. She has to have 24hr care and needs full assistance with transfers. Her house is in no way accessible to make living there possible for her.

I've applied for a new job and have an interview next week.

Chef's work has implemented a new drug policy and he may end up losing his job because of his medical marijuana treatment. He however will not stop using because he really feels like it is helping him. The stress that this has created though is causing him to experience some of his MS symptoms. He loves his job and the people that he works for and with. This just really sucks. I have told him to be proactive and tell the admin folks and see what happens.

We have also decided because of drug policy if I don't get the job I applied for that we are likely going to leave here. If I get it we stay and hopefully things work out for him.

Spring is being elusive here. We finally have tulips and daffodils but no leaves on the trees. We are still getting a bit of snow falling every week.

the run

I so don't want to talk bad about my silly new shoes but there is no way around it. I went for a 2 mile run in them. Becuase the shoes are supposed to be like running barefoot you are supposed to start out slow and work your way into greater distances. They say this because we wear shoes daily that utilize different muscles then going barefoot, thus you start to wear the barefoot shoes your body will need to adjust and you can actually hurt yourself if you do to much too soon in them.
I started off on my run it felt like I was wearing slippers it was truly a very interesting experience. After about a quarter mile my stride began to adjust and they felt really comfortable. My legs didn't feel heavy at all like the do when I wear my normal running shoes. I ran my 2 miles and at a little better pace then usual (they claim that running barefoot also helps bring down mile times). When I stopped though that is when the pain hit. I wanted to get the shoes of ASAP but still had about three quarters of a mile to walk home and it was cold out so there was no taking them off. My toes hurt and I had blisters on each heel.
The next day my legs were a bit more sore then usual but that was to be expected. I didn't have any foot pain which was nice. I am wondering if maybe the shoes were a bit small and I need to get a size larger or if these shoes aren't made for my foot type. I will be taking this pair back and getting the next size up and see how that goes.

five fingers for my ten toes

Check out my new kicks!

I just got these just over a week ago. I am super excited to be able to try them out. When I first put them on they felt really funky. It actually takes a little bit of effort to get them on since your toes aren't used to being separated from one another.
I plan on using them to run in, should be interesting! I will report back after my first run!

nice day = shaved dog

The weather is finally starting to look a little like spring here in Montana. It was actually partly sunny yesterday and almost 50degrees.
Chef had the day off yesterday and I stopped by home to pick something up and he was hanging out in his PJ's. I encouraged him to get out and do something. Huge mistake. He and the dog went for a car ride and then decided to go and explore a junk pile in the middle of a field. He took one step out of the car and his foot sank to the ankle in mud. He then decided that he was committed to making the trek since he was already muddy. He and the dog trekked to the junk pile which ended up just being a pile of rocks. He reported back to me called me when they got back to the car and informed me that he and the dog were both covered in mud. I promptly informed him that I was working late and he would be the one to bathe the dog. Once I got home I was greeted by a clean dog. However one stroke down his back indicated we had a much stickyer problem then a muddy dog. He was COVERED IN COCKLE BURRS. If you aren't familiar with cockle burrs the are little bitty burrs and they cling to EVERYTHING! Chef suggests that the only solution is to shave the dog. I suggest things like mineral oil or baby oil to get them out. However Zephyr hates to be brushed so that wasn't going to work. Thus we had to resort to shaving me poor Australian Shepard mix. The burrs must have been painful because he actually let us shave him.
Poor guys coat is now uneven and he looks goofy. I will be calling a real groomer soon to have them fix our mess.

I need a social worker

I just booked airline tickets for Chef and I to head to the Midwest!
We don't really want to make this trip but we NEED to make the trip.
Chef's mom has been bouncing between nursing facilities since last year sometime. We don't even know how long she has been in different facilities cause she doesn't always tell us. I will occasionally talked to one of Chef's aunts and ask what is going on but she tries to stay as removed from the situation as possible (it is really easy to get sucked in as I have noticed with others).
So we will head out in April for a few days to try to get things figured out. She wants to do some estate planning. We need to figure out what is really going on. We need to figure out if we do need to move out there and take over her home.
We are incredibly confused about what our role in all this is and what we should be doing to support and where we draw the boundaries.
For the last few months when I think about the situation I want to SCREAM! I don't know what to do!! I am very family focused and believe that family should always come first. This is a whole new world for me this is my husband's family. My husband who also has the disease that is crippling his mother. My husband who if we move there will have to see his future in his mother and what is happening to her. If it were my biological family I would talk with my brother and sister and WE would figure out what to do as a family. Chef is an only child it is just he and I that being called upon. I am so overwhelmed by this situation. I know if I am feeling overwhelmed Chef has got to be out-of-his-mind-stressed about it. WE need to figure this out but I can't seem to figure out the right solution where everyone is safe and supported.
I hate being a social worker especially in my own life...can someone assign me a social worker please!!!

MS=loving not judging

This week is national MS week. Please join the cause for a cure! If you have a facebook account go to www.nationalmssociety.org and download a banner on put it on your page! You can also donate you time, participate in an MS walk, Bike for MS, and of course you many to helping to find a cure.

One of the activities that the National MS Society is doing to raise awareness is having people say what MS means to them. For me MS=loving not judging. It has been so hard for me to try to separate the disease from who my husband is and be able to come to terms with the things he can't do now. I have begun to learn to live for the moment and really take in things that we can do together for I don't know how long we will be able to have those moments. Thus I take the time to love him and step back and not judge him or become angered by the things that aren't possible any longer.

I'm back

Finally got my computer back!! They were actually able to replace whatever it was that needed replaced and I was able to keep all my data!! I now have a love/hate relationship with HP. I hate them becuase my computer crashed. The only reason I was able to get it fixed was because I got it from Costco and they extend the warrenty for FREE! I love HP because they were able to salvage my pictures, work info, programs, all the stuff that make having a computer fun and personal!

It's official

It's official today I became and auntie for the first time.
Ciaran Patrick was born today at 1:56pm. He weighted in at 8lb 10oz and measured 21.5inches. Everyone is doing great!!

I wouldn't be able to make the trip to Colorado to visit him for several months. However, my sister and I are trying to plan a trip out in May after everyone settles into a routine and all the grandparents have made their rounds.

Computer issues

Sorry I didn't get a post up last weekend. My home laptop is dead and had to be sent off to see if it can be brought back to life. It is hard for me to post from work. I hope to be back to my weekly weekend posting in another week.
Keep your fingers crossed!

Water for Elephants

I just finished the book Water for Elephants and LOVED it.
Not only was it a story about the circus in the 1930's but it was really a story about how we should treat others. I saw Jacob, the main charater, as someone that I may interact with in my work with the disabled, and as well as my aging parents. I saw many of the charaters as staff that I interact with, as myself, and clients and/or their families.

Waterfowl preserve

I only worked half a day on Thursday since Chef had his six month review at the neurologist, which went REALLY well. The day was decent so we decided to play outside for a bit. We had intended on cross-country skiing but when we got to our location there wasn't as much snow as we had hoped for so we took a hike there instead.
Our location was a waterfowl preserve just south of us on the lake.

Looking out over the lake through the root mass of a fallen tree.


Cattails towards the lake.


My boys working their way back to the car.

snowflakes

When I went to leave for work today I noticed that the snowflakes were perfect. I couldn't pass up the chance to try to capture them!

Have Bike will Ride

I'm sooo sooo very excited! I got by cycling trainer in the mail this week! The trainer attaches to the rear wheel of any bike making it possible to turn ANY bike into a stationary bike. I can finally start training for the Bike for MS ride!!!
I have rode twice this week so far and plan on riding again today if my bum will let me. It has been a while since I have been on my bike so the bike seat and I are not currently friends. You also may have notice that shoe under the front tire! Well that's because I forgot to buy the tire riser. When you hook the bike into the trainer the back comes up but the front tire stays low making it really uncomfortable since your tilted forward while riding. I have checked with our local bike store twice this week to get the riser and he is all out, he hopes to have the riser tomorrow but for now a shoe will have to do!
150 miles here I come!!!

a year and a half

Next week Chef goes to the neurologist. I can't believe that it has already been a year and a half since he was diagnosed with MS. We have learned a lot during this time.
He has switched jobs MANY MANY times. It feels like now he might have found a good fit. He is working as a sous chef at a high end assisted living facility. He really likes the pace, he knows how many people he has to cook for every meal, he gets to do what he knows and what he loves, but most of all the stress is low!!! He ventured out into the world and played softball. He found that running was very difficult but that he could handle pitching really well and did a great job and enjoyed it. Our diets have changed dramatically and now are much healthier then they ever were. We even come together at least one night a week and cook a healthy meal together (who am I kidding I watch him cook and then I do the clean up). He has learned that MS shots and depression medication aren't evil they actually help you keep it all together.
I've learned that I can do things without him by my side. I thought I always needed him by my side in activities by I realize that I can find just as much enjoyment doing things by myself or exploring life with friends as well. His disease has helped me find my independence again. Heck I'm training to do the Bike for MS event by myself and am also thinking of training for a marathon.
Most of all though we have both come to realize that life truly is what you make it. If we sat back everyday and always worried about the next flare up or that one day he won't be able to walk we would fall down a tunnel of self despair and loathing. Instead we are embracing the life that we have right now, we are loving each other and what we have. Tomorrow will bring what tomorrow brings but today is today and we are going to live it!!!!!

Could I be a farmer?

Chef and I have recently begun talking about approaching my parents to either give us or let us purchase a section of my family's farmland back in the Midwest. I through out the idea the other day thinking it was sort of funny. Saying that we could start our own little organic farm and small orchard back there. We have NO skills in this but it would be a fun experiment. To a bit of my surprise Chef almost immediately embraced the idea. He has only been to my hometown ONCE and for just a few days.
Then today he talked to his mom and she is doing poorly. She had been in a rehab facility to work on getting strength and movement back. However they are kicking her out because she isn't doing the program because she says it hurts to much and she hasn't seen any benefits. She says that she has tried to contact caregivers to get back in her own but they refuse to serve her (in my experience caregiver agency will only say this if your a danger in your own home and they can provide you with enough assistance to keep you safe or if your been a complete none compliant jerk with them). They told her that she wants caregivers that she is on her own to find and hire people herself. She says that "I don't have enough time to do that" HELLO SHE HAS NOTHING BUT TIME!!!!
With things with his mom the way they are we need to be closer we know that. The question is how close? What can we even do for her if we are closer? How much would it cost to build a home? Will my family give me or sell me land? Can we sell our house here? Can we find jobs there? Could I be a farmer?

random acts of kindness

Yesterday I was the recipient of a random act of kindness. I pulled into the gas station on empty, I went to one that I normally don't go to. Wasn't really paying much attention stuck my credit card into the slot picked up the pump not thinking and began to pump. The pump then began scrolling $10 prepay. I though well crap I have done something wrong. I pumped the $10 went inside, stood in line, visited to the clerk for a moment who said "well someone must have paid and driven off"!! A bit perplexed and a bit confused I walked back out while everyone looked at me. I then pursued to fill the rest of my tank. It was only when I drove away that I realized what had happen. A RANDOM ACT OF KINDNESS!!! OK, it might have also been someones mistake but I like to think of it as a random act of kindness. All the way home I thought about how wonderful of a gesture that this was of someone...especially in this town where people really don't have a lot right now. (Our lumber mill and aluminum plant are shut down, a major car dealership announced it's closure yesterday and many other places are laying off or shutting their doors.) I then felt a bit guilty about being the person that received this random act, I have enough to get by and a bit left over at the end of the day. I have gas to get everywhere I need to go and places beyond. Other people don't have this luxury. Now I need to figure out how to pass along the random act. I have some thoughts but I want the act to go to someone who really needs it. I don't care if they don't have the ability to pay it forward I just want to give someone something that they may not have had or would have struggled greatly to afford.

relinquishment

I have a client who signed the papers last week to relinquish her rights to her child. She has been struggling for over a year now to do all the things that the court has ordered her to do. She has come a really long way but do to her disability she hasn't had the success that the system says that she needs to. I am very sad for her and wish that I could bring her and her child into my home and raise them both. That however isn't possible.
I have grown a lot over the last 6 months along with her. She has made me what to do more for young women like her. I haven't figure out yet how I will do it but my hope is once I get my masters I will begin with counseling young women like her. Then the grander much more complex endeavor will be to establish a group home of sorts or even a network or families that will not only foster the child but foster the mother as well. Thus keeping their families in tack and supporting them like the desperately need.
I have come to realize that the success of these women really depends on the family support that they have. I have two young women who have two children each and are able to raise their children quite well. The difference between them and the women that I'm working with that have wound-up "in the system" is family support. Those that have strong families are successful in parenting those that don't aren't successful. I really mirrors mainstream society in many ways but it is much more evident with these women.

fitness goal!

I have been thinking about goals for myself a lot lately. I really need some things to look forward to, to motivate myself. I've been trying to think of a fitness goal for a few days now. I thought half or full marathon. I would have to go to south a few hours to run either of these. The race(it's the same one they just do two distances) has been written up in several running magazines and is supposed to be great for beginners. I'm not sure though with the length of our summers here that this is really a feasible thing for me due to training needs. Though I do really like running and would some day like to at least run a half marathon.
Then today on Facebook the National MS Society had a post about Bike MS. I had heard about Bike MS before but never really looked into what it is. So today I took the time to educate myself. Bike MS is an annual fundraiser for the National MS Society. There are rides all over the US put on by the different chapters. It is a two day event with rides happening both days. You pay $40-$50 to enter and then fund raise as well. They like for all riders to raise at least $200. I'm pretty sure I can raise that. The kicker is the ride itself...drum roll please... 75 miles each day...yes that is a total of 150 miles in two days. There are breaks and check points every 10-20miles. It's a lot of ridding but I think that I might actually be able to do this! I have NEVER ridden that much before...actually I didn't even get on my bike last year but I think I could do this. I also feel strongly about the cause which would also be a huge motivator. This wouldn't be just about me reaching a personal goal this would be about me helping others and that makes the appeal so much greater. I told Chef about my thoughts to ride today and he isn't sure I can do it (this makes me want to prove him wrong). There is a cycling club in the valley that I could join and train with. It would also be fun to meet new people and maybe get others involved in the ride as well.
Anyway I'm going to put a lot of thought into this over the next couple of weeks. I have time the ride isn't till the end of Aug or beginning of Sept depending on the one I choose, but I need to decide so I can start training.
Here's to personal goals that make a difference!!!

guilty pleasure

I hate to admit it but I really like MTV's Teen Mom. I don't know why I like it I just do. When Chef is at work on the weekends I get consumed by it. I will watch several episodes back. I think we might need to get back the premium channels on cable again! Or maybe I just need to find a winter hobby!