Oh how time flies...

Wow, so I've been a terrible blogger this past year (well 2) haven't I? Sometimes I wonder, do people even blog anymore? Should I even bother? Facebook status posts, Instagram, and Tweeting have sort of taken over the social media habits of most of my family/friends so I  have to admit, this blog has pretty much been forgotten. I may or may not continue blogging, but today I just felt like it, so here I am! Cue the crickets.

Since March's update, my life has been... well, a big jumble of good and bad and lots of in-between. At the end of March and right before I started my new job at Children's, I made a trip to South Carolina to visit my family. My dad had been very ill for a long time and his condition was declining quickly. It was a blessing to be able to go and spend some time with him as well as be able to help coordinate and get things in place to help with his end-of- life care. It's not anything you can truly prepare 100%  for, but having worked in a hospital on a unit that saw lots of hospice patients helped me be better equipped for what was to come and what had to be put in place to make this as easy as possible for everyone involved.

  Spending time with my parents and my awesome nephews.

Work started when I returned home and it's been fun, scary, overwhelming, and generally just a big whirlwind of emotions! Taking care of wee little ones is such an amazing privilege, as well as a tremendous responsibility. The early days were very difficult and I oftentimes wondered if I was really cut out for it. I've been off orientation 3 months now and while I am still terrified most of the time, it's getting easier day by day... or rather, night by night since I work the night shift now. That in itself has been another huge adjustment, but I think my body is finally starting to settle into this new routine. I still have hard nights but the good ones are starting to outnumber the bad ones, and the support we have from our co-workers is amazing. Such a nurturing environment for a nurse fledgling, I love it.

With my history of infertility issues, I've been asked by several people if working with babies isn't hard on me emotionally. To be honest, I would have to say that yes, sometimes it is. Especially when I am dealing with little ones that are suffering due to their idiot mothers who used drugs during pregnancy or did not seek out prenatal care of any kind and now have a a baby with a pretty sucky beginning of life. Situations like that get to me, but they get under any nurse's skin as well, no one likes to watch a baby suffer and/or deal with worthless excuse for parents. Yes, it makes me angry, but I focus on my patients and pour all my energy into making their day the best it can be and try to let go of the rest.  

Something I've come to realize is that perhaps I will never be able to participate in the creation of life. That is the sad truth that I've had to come to grips with over the past oh... 8 years. However, as I've cared for these little ones, I know that I have been afforded the privilege of working in partnership with Heavenly Father to help grow and heal them. The NICU is a place of miracles, and I get to be part of that. How blessed am I?!?! No, it's no substitute for Motherhood, and yes I still yearn for a baby of my own, but in the meanwhile I get to care for others' little ones and witness God's hand and miracles on a daily basis. Just the other night I had one of my little BFF's (that's what I like to call them) try to go meet Jesus. No bueno!!! He was flipping me off while I bagged him back to us, bless him. Tense moments made a bit lighter by my little guy and he didn't even know it because he was too busy trying to leave us. We did this several times throughout my shift and by the time I got off I was exhausted, mentally and emotionally. Sometimes its the big scary moments like this one where I get to witness miracles, and sometimes its the quieter times, those precious firsts for these kiddos and their parents, that I am lucky enough to assist in and be a part of. Being a NICU nurse is hard and scary but it's amazing and rewarding and such a healing balm for me at this point in my life. 

"Sometimes", said Pooh, "the smallest things take up the most room in your heart."

In July, my Papi was mercifully called back home. We knew this was coming and as much as we miss him, it was time and his death was a tender mercy. I love my father so much, he is an amazing man and shaped me into who I am today. I look forward to the day when I get to see him again, and I am so grateful for the Gospel and the peace it brings in difficult moments as these. I'm so grateful his suffering is over and while it may be some time yet before we see him again, I know the day will come and that comforts me and makes me want to continue bettering myself because I know he is watching over me. 

My Papi's funeral service. 

Ben and I have been doing well. Both busy with work and trying to adjust our schedules and maximize our time together since our sleep schedules are flip-flopped. We sometimes will go days without seeing one another, I get home after he's left for work and then I leave before he gets back home. It's a bummer, but we are slowly settling into a routine. Our 10th anniversary is quickly approaching (December) and that just boggles my mind. 10 years?!?! Wow. Not sure what we'll be doing to celebrate but I'm sure it will be fun! We would like to take a big trip somewhere (vacations have always been during times of sickness [usually my dad] or for weddings, etc. We've never gone anywhere just us for fun!) but that will have to wait until next year and that's fine.

In the meanwhile we try to have little weekend getaways here and there to catch up and recharge. Recently, we went to a Toad the Wet Sprocket concert and had a blast! It's Ben's favorite band, and while I'm not into them, we got to meet the band and spent a little time with the lead singer Glen Phillips, bonding over our mutual love for Doctor Who. It was hilarious, and I'm now a fan of the guy simply because of that and his Tennant hair! 

Glen had me when he drew me a TARDIS! Ben was just in fanboy heaven!

I love my hubby, we have a blast geeking out together!

Last but not least, our pupalups! Mini has been fine but Sirius had a rough spell here a few months ago. When we got back from South Carolina (my dad's funeral) he mysteriously developed a HUGE lump in his throat. He had to have surgery to remove a mass that had entangled itself around his jugular. For days we waited hoping and praying it wasn't lymphoma. Our vet is usually very optimistic, but even he was grim and preparing us for the worst. Those days were quite possibly some of the worst in my life, I was losing my mind. I know that many people just see him as a dog, just a pet, but my Blubbers is so much more than that to me. He came into our lives when we were first dealing with my infertility and was at one point the only thing that could make me smile. I'm sure people think I'm crazy for being so attached to an animal, but he is my baby and the thought of losing him 2 weeks after losing my dad completely unhinged me. My anxiety was through the roof and I was still trying to process the grief of my dad's loss. If we would have lost him, I think I would have come completely unglued. Like meds and therapy unlglued, straight up, no shame.

Thankfully, yet another tender mercy, what everyone was sure was lymphoma ended up being a crazy localized infection that had encapsulated itself, thank goodness, and protected the rest of his body from the necrotic tissue that was trying to spread. Surgery and antibiotics took care of it.  It was a rough couple of weeks with his recovery, but he was alive and the outcome was so much better than what we could have hoped for!

My poor Blubbers, high on pain meds and cuddling with Momma.

Sooooo, there you have it! definitely a roller coaster of year for sure! Probably one of my hardest, but also filled with so many blessings and miracles. I have much to be grateful for!  And now for the silly/frivolous part... here is something else I'm super grateful for/excited about!!!

It's a GREAT year to be a Whovian!!! We have the 50th Anniversary coming in November and a new Doctor in December! I've had a blast this year sucking friends into my obsession and geeking out hardcore. It's been a little bit of fluff and silliness that has helped me unwind and de-stress to when things got hard, which was pretty often this year, ha!

November 23rd, it's party time!!! Ten and Rose are BACK!!! My geeky heart is going to implode!!!

Yep, when I obsess I do it hardcore. Sorry to everyone that just doesn't get it! To those of you that do, thanks for geeking out with me!!!

That's all, folks! Hopefully I will be better about updating! No promises, but I will try!

Holy Hiatus!

I can't believe it's been almost a year since my last post!!! Well, actually I can... it's been a very busy past 10 months! Time flies when you're having fun, yes? So what have I been up to?

Well, for starters I FINALLY finished Nursing School!

I also chopped my hair off!

(This is at my Pinning Ceremony which is a traditional Nursing School graduation.)

I also passed Boards and got a job here:

The Children's Hospital at OU Medical Center

What do I get to do now? This!

How lucky am I?!?! Straight out of school and working in the top NICU in our state!!! I am SO excited and overwhelmed and terrified but loving every minute! I will miss Baptist terribly, it was my home for the past 3 years and I will never forget all the wonderful people I met and worked with there, but I am excited to start this new chapter in my life.  

Oh and what better way to kick off my first day at work than with the birth of my dear friend Rachel's baby!!! It was an amazing experience and I was so honored to be there for it! 

(Isn't she just precious?!?!?!)

So that's it, I guess... I'm sure I'm forgetting something but I think got all the major events. Nursing School consumed my life for so long that now that I'm done it just feels so strange... It won't be long before I'm in school again but for now I will just have to enjoy all my new free time outside of work!!!

Still alive!!!

Contrary to popular belief, I didn't actually drop off the face of the planet never to be seen or heard from again... at least not technically! (That's happening next semester, mind you.) My third semester of nursing school did keep me ridiculously busy though, and I found it increasingly difficult to find any time for anything fun.

Even spring break was ridiculously busy with school related stuff. However I did get to do 1 fun thing (with my nursing school buddies) during spring break... can you guess what that was?

Rachel (aka Effie Trinket), Me (aka Katniss Everdeen), and Whitney (aka Capitol Citizen)

My "Girl on Fire" nails!

Ohhhhh yeah, we went to the midnight premier of The Hunger Games!!! It was GREAT! Rach and Whit were kind enough to humor me and dress up as well, what good sports! I'm kinda doomed next time around as I have been banned from "normal" people costumes and will probably end up as a crazy capitol citizen or worse yet... Katniss in her arena unitard? LOL I personally was hoping for her awesome smoking Mockingjay wedding gown, heck yeah! But we'll see...

Yes, I know I'm in my 30's now. No, I don't care. =)

Other than that, I've been pretty much dead to the world. But my hard work paid off and my 4.0 is still alive and kicking! Hooray! I have one more semester left before I graduate and am officially an RN!!! (Well, once I take and pass my boards, that is... small detail!) So time to live it up and enjoy my summer break, right??? Wooooohooooo????

NO :)

I am still 3 classes short for my RN to BSN program pre-reqs, so  guess what I get to do this summer? Yup... more school. Statistics, Sociology, and a random humanities class (Comparative World Religions) will consume my summer, but alas, it will be worth it. This time next year I will be working as an RN and about to start my RN to BSN program at OU, so yeah... studying will never end for me, but what else would you expect from this super-nerd? I don't know what I'm going to do myself when I run out of classes/degrees to pursue... seriously.

Also to look forward to this summer is my 6 week externship at work! I will have an assigned preceptor (an RN mentor) to train me and whom I will shadow so that I can polish my skills. Who wants a Fooooooleeeeeeeeeey/NG tube/lab drawn etc??? MUAHAHAHAHAAAAA! (Once I graduate I will basically do the same thing as a Nurse Resident but for about 3 months before they set me loose, so this is kind of like getting a jump on that) I've got an awesome preceptor and I'm looking forward to learning A LOT this summer!!!

Who gives injections like THAT?!?! They obviously needed a longer externship/residency. And so did the speller! (you're)

The Tale of Three Stones

Last Friday night we noticed Sirius was acting a bit odd as we were getting ready for bed. He was panting randomly and a bit restless. The next morning we noticed he was straining and crying when he tried to pee... and that nothing was coming out. Not one single drop. Uh-oh.

Off we went to the Vet and as we were waiting to be seen poor little Sirius started drip dropping urine everywhere, incontinence had set in. Our vet, Dr.Mauldin, wasn't seeing patients that day so Sirius was seen by their newest vet and she told us her hunch was that he might have stones and probably an obstructed urethra. X-rays confirmed 3 stones, 2 in his bladder and one stuck in his urethra. First order of business was to sedate the poor pup and insert a catheter to push the stone back into his bladder and then drain it. Once that was done he was brought back to us, high as a kite, and we were informed that the stones would have to be surgically removed because 1) they were the kind that don't dissolve and 2) they were entirely too big to pass, obviously. So we scheduled surgery for Monday with Dr.Mauldin and took our drugged up Blubbers home with antibiotics and pain meds.

Unfortunately,  by nightfall Sirius was back to straining and dribbling. We talked to the vet and she asked us to bring him back in the next morning where it was confirmed by a 2nd x-ray that he had become obstructed again. This time she said surgery couldn't wait any longer, so he stayed behind and had surgery that morning. The original plan was to have him back home by night, but due to the 2nd obstruction and the extra trauma it caused, she decided to keep him overnight. That was hard for me, I was a wreck all day and night. Dr.Mauldin called Ben on Monday after he'd looked him over and said that Sirius could come home that afternoon/evening. Hooray!!! I don't do very well when my buddy is sick/hurting... much less when he's away from me and I can't comfort him... so yeah, those were 2 rough days!

The next few days/nights were pretty bad too, especially the nights. Sirius has had some temporary incontinence and has had to empty his bladder about every hour or so. His urine for the first couple of days looked like straight blood, so we lay piddle pads alllllll over the house, especially upstairs in our room and bathroom. I have also been getting up with him every 1-2 hours every night so that his bladder won't get overly distended. Poor guy can't pee it all out in one go, so emptying completely takes him about 10 minutes. Throw in work and school every day this week and you've got one tired Alex. Ben's been working from home so he watches him during the day and I take the night shift... Lucky me =)

(This is what he has been doing most of the time this week. Thank goodness for pain meds!)

He's doing better every day though and his stitches should come out sometime next week.  His poor little belly is still swollen and bruised and his incision looks awful (not infected... just painful and ugly) but it will get better. The biggest challenges right now are his incontinence spells (we're seriously considering doggie diapers!) and keeping him from ripping his incision open by jumping on the couch...the bed...the stairs, etc.

 Oh and the stones? The vet saved them for us, so we'll get to see the suckers next week when we take him in for his post-op appointment! =)

Nursing School + Bad Back = FAT

I just completed my 2nd semester of Nursing School, so I'm 1/2 way done- WOOHOO!!! It was a much harder semester compared to our first (which was just Fundamentals.) We had MedSurg the first 8 weeks and OB the second 8 weeks which I enjoyed quite a bit, particularly my rotation in the NICU... love me some babies, and those teeny tiny miracles just tug at my heart strings even more. Gradewise I wasn't sure if I would manage to keep my 4.0 during the MedSurg half, but I did really well in OB and that did the trick! Phew! Most of the class is barely passing and I'm freaking out over keeping my A... Yeah, I know, I'm such a nerd.

Despite my success, Nursing School has been doing a number on my health/fitness. Ha! To say that I was "fit" when I began is a gross overstatement, but at least I wasn't technically overweight. However, the combination of a hectic schedule, bad eating habits (made worse by my hectic schedule), and no exercise because of my back problems has resulted in a significant weight gain this past year... particularly this past semester. So when my back specialist told me I needed to lose some weight, it was a big wake up call.

I grew up being the tall skinny girl, and was always underweight no matter what I ate or how hard I tried to gain weight! Even when Ben and I got married, I was about 10-15 lbs underweight. So to actually be OVERweight (and by 20 lbs!) is just ridiculous to me... completely bewildering, because I never thought that could actually happen. 4 years of fertility treatments and hormones definitely contributed, but it wasn't until this past year that my eating habits went completely haywires and my activity level dropped dramatically. So yeah, now I feel like this:

Say hello to my little friend called Adipose. Learn more about him here.

So what now? Torture, that's what! Being a tall string bean most of my life, I've never had to "watch what/how much I eat." Dieting was never part of my vocabulary. Of course I was a lot more active back then, not because I exercised on purpose, but because I grew up in NYC without a car, walking everywhere and taking public transportation (buses/subway) instead of driving all the time. One thing I absolutely LOATHE about not living in a more urban area is the lack of sidewalks and the fact that every store is miles and miles away. I hate having to walk on people's front lawns because I don't want to get run over by traffic. I hate walking on curbs trying not to fall off because I don't want to walk on people's front lawns. So yeah, I just haven't ever walked much here. That's changing... it has to because I HAVE to move more and walking is what my doc said I can safely do without aggravating my back. So I have been walking with Ben and the pups and hating every minute of it, but whatever... I'm doing it. 

I've also begun the South Beach diet again with Ben. He had great results with this last year before falling off the bandwagon, so I've decided to really give it a go this year. Like really truly try and not give up after 2 weeks. I loooooove my breads and pastas and sugar, so this is the real "torture" part of it. We've also joined myfitnesspal.com which is great for tracking calories, water intake (another weakness of mine- I hate water), and daily exercise. I'm hoping this will help keep me more accountable!!!

So yeah, that's my plan... eat smarter and get my butt in motion. I fear that my back will eventually get in the way and i will have to focus more on losing weight through dieting, but I've made a goal to at least walk every single day. I recently got Zumba Fitness 2 on the Wii and have been cautiously working out with that every other day, being careful to modify all the moves that stress my back. On the days my back is bothering me more I will just walk... but for someone who never walks, that's a small victory in itself.

My goal? Well, my doc wants me to lose 20-25 lbs but I would ideally like to return to pre-fertility treatment weight. Not quite as skinny as I was when we got married 8 years ago, but a healthy thin. That's about 46 lbs, yikes! Once school starts again in a week I know this will get soooo much harder (especially finding time to exercise and prepare meals to take with me!) but I am resolved to do this. So much so that I'm blogging about it so that I have more of a sense of urgency and accountability. See my little ticker up there? Yup, nice little reminder for me.

So as cliche as New Years Resolutions are... I'm going for the age-old "losing weight!" I can still hardly believe I've let myself get to this point, the younger version of me would be flabbergasted... oh well, it is what it is... now its time to change it up! How about YOU? What are you doing to be a better/healthier/happier you this year? =)