LOTS of adoption news!

Well, I think most of my followers currently are either related to me, or follow me on facebook, so I'm not too worried about this news not being already known yet!

WE WON THE APPEAL!! We get to finalize our adoption hopefully this month, all depending on the rate at which we can get our paperwork in and barring the exception of the bio-family showing back up out of nowhere to appeal the appeal (they would only have one more chance anyway, but most atty's won't even do that, because it's a waste of their time). They haven't been seen or heard from in several months, so hopefully that won't be an issue.

We also welcomed a 4th child into our home, a delightful 9 year old, we'll call her J for now. She is great, and we are so in love. She is a LOT better behaved than our first three were, so she is already easier than the others, but I am sure we will have our problems. More about her to come.

I am feeling SO overwhelmed and blessed right now I can't even explain it to you. I am truly feeling full right now. God is so awesome.
-Megan

Update. Nothing huge.

Just waiting over here. ;)

trying to pass the time by planning vacation time, trips out to GA for a wedding, and taking and editing photos.

I had an ultrasound on thursday that told me that I ovulated 2 of the three eggs, and my estrodiol was 613 (perfect. they want to see it at 300 per follicle ovulated). I started my support medications this past week, and so far the lovenox is going a LOT better. I have one bruise out of three injection sites, so not too bad. And even then the bruise is only about an inch high and wide.

Stay tuned.
-Megs

3??

WOO HOO!
U/S went great this morning. I was able to trigger about an hour and a half ago. (2 days earlier than I usually ovulate on my own, so the clomid worked FABULOUSLY) I had 3 lead follies, measuring 16, 26 and 28 (those are rounded up). So if you were praying for multiple follies as I asked (just not more than 4) God is listening. 3 is perfect, and raises our chances, but the chance of ALL of them fertilizing is next to nothing. Still a possibility, but not a probability. So pray for not too many babies for me to handle. I know things will be difficult, but we've really been feeling the pull for a large family, and I know that the only way I will be able to handle it is exactly the same way I am handling our 3 cute little monsters. ;) Though I think I need to be on my knees some more. Scratch that, I KNOW I need to be praying more. :)
-Megan

Cycle day 8

Hey folks.. for those of you still following along,
Things are going fine. Just finished my last clomid (the medicine that will hopefully make me produce more than one mature egg) yesterday, and I'm already feeling twinges and pains around my ovaries. Talk about fun. I've got several more days before trigger, and I know that it's just going to get worse progressively (pressure, pain, bloating, hot flashes, night sweats.. you get the point) and especially from the day of trigger till my ovaries finally pop is going to be hellish. I did get to hold a sweet little baby girl last night and it reminded me that it will all be worth it in the end.

I came across a post on a forum that I frequent talking about the rising cost of ART medication, and I was surprised to find that she was paying HALF of what I was paying for the Ovidrel (that's the trigger shot, it does the "final maturation" on my eggs and causes my ovaries to release whatever follies are over about 15mm or so within 39 hours of the injection which I have to give to myself. it's ok, I got used to it last month). So I called the pharmacy she was using and had my prescription transferred (most pharmacies don't carry this drug, though I've found it at several around town, it's just that it's nearly $100! This place is out of state, but they ship express for free, so my medication will be here tomorrow!

Follical monitoring ultrasounds start on monday, I'll be on cycle day 12 and go until I have at least one lead follicle (pray for more just not more than 4!) at 19mm. That means I should trigger around wednesday the 10th, which puts me at ovulating on thursday around midnight.. and the beta (the blood test for hcg and p4 levels that tells me if I'm pregnant or not) would be 16 days later, the 27th of this month.

Now, on the subject of my little monsters.. I have another post for that. I will try to write some tonight or tomorrow on how they're doing, what we're doing differently, and all that jazz. :)

hope everyone is having a fab day!
-Megan

CD1

Alright.. we're back at cycle day on.. the ole witch is here full force.. Thankfully I am fully equipped this month with plenty of my prescription meds.. but the pain is still kicking my butt. I HATE being a woman this time of month..

Got all my prescriptions ordered for this cycle..
We're going all out.
Clomid cd3-7,
follie monitoring u/s starting on cd 12 and until we reach 19mm
Ovidrel once lead follie (hopefully 2 or 3 follies!) reach 19mm.
IUI some odd hours later.. I am not sure if he does 24 hours or 36 hours
Progesterone supps and Lovenox again post Ovulation.

Prayers are appreciated. This month would put us at a due date of.. November 4th. Not too bad. The kids will have have been here for almost a year and a half.. so we should be able to get transition time over.. and hopefully the adoption finalized. :)
-Megan

blah!

scratch that. negative this morning.
must have been a bad test or still picking up some of the trigger shot.

In other news, ALL of my kids are sick.
Parker: Headache, throwing up, swollen lymph nodes
Emma: weird rash on face, swollen lymph nodes
Drea: strep throat.

Mommy=nurse today.
-Megs

I might have gotten a super faint positive on a test today. will be retesting tomorrow am. it's still SUPER early.. so I'm not too worried about the fact that it's faint.
continuing on with my progesterone and lovenox, baby aspirin and folate. :)
-Megs

privacy please!

A reminder to my readers, old and new:

Any kind of news (pregnancy/adoption) will be posted here first, a place where I can vent and gather support in a semi-private place w/o having to announce to (some) immediate family and the whole world what is going on until I am ready. Any adoption news can be talked about publicly as soon as I announce it here, as I will be posting the same on FB or making calls to those who I call for news like that (Elaine).

Pregnancy news has not been too well received in the past, mostly probably because I've had to announce shortly after giving such news that we lost the baby. Also others feel that it will be disruptive to our adoption, but this is mostly from people who do not understand the situation and have not themselves, adopted. (The topic has been discussed with social workers, therapists and other adoptive moms who have been pregnant while fostering so I am confident in our decision, especially since I would classify our "issues" to have progressed to normal kid "issues" and not adopted kid "issues")

We will also not be telling our children until we hear the heartbeat of any future pregnancies, so if you know our kids, don't even talk to them about it until I post the "OK". This is hopefully to spare them the heartache that comes with recurrent pregnancy loss (RPL), until they are old enough to handle the information, which they are not yet at such an early stage in a pregnancy (pre-heart beat) due to the abstract nature of early pregnancy to those who are not feeling it themselves.

SO, in summary, anything posted here about pregnancy stays HERE.. and nowhere else until I post a post that says that it is ok to talk about it in other forums. Adoption stuff is fair game and can be talked about in any forum unless otherwise specified. ;) If in doubt, ask privately first before you say anything publicly about any pregnancy or adoption related news. :)

-Megan

and hopefully I made it clear that I am not actually announcing anything yet. We still have about another week to wait for any news on the pregnancy front.

good news and bad news..

bad news is that it's not symmetrical after all.

good news is that it's because yesterday's barely bruised at all, and today's didn't bruise one bit. There's still a big-ish (compared to most injection sites) red dot, but no bruise. pretty good considering I decided not to ice it to test the pain factor.. GOODNESS gracious, I learned the hard way that it's worth the extra 10 min to ice before hand and after.. it may not mean much for the bruising, but man oh man, the pain! I've never had a shot hurt that bad in my life!

megan

MTHFR and APS and Lovenox fun

lovenox injection fun..

this is my abdomen after a few days on lovenox. I dread tomorrow's bruise, as they have steadily gotten bigger and blacker. I find myself obsessing about the fact that if they are going to be so big and bold, they should at least be symmetrical. I am going to aim for symmetry tomorrow and the next day. I'll post pictures again then. lol!

Also a few links to the reasons behind why I am taking the meds..
Hyperhomocysteinemia and homozygous for MTHFR genetic mutation

Elevated APA's and Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome

and one more clotting disorder that i have no idea what the name of is because my doctor keeps skimming over it because the treatment is the same as APS I guess..

-Megan

Letter to my kids

Dear Parker, Drea and Emma,

I am writing you this letter because I want you to know that I love you. I am not sure if I tell you enough, or maybe it's just because of your past, and maybe you don't truly understand what -real- love is yet. I want you to understand that all those times you think I'm being mean because I won't give you what you want, when you want it, it's actually me being nice, and showing my love for you.

I know you don't like to clean up your messes. I make you clean them up to help you learn to take responsibility for your actions. It's important not only to clean up what messes we make, but to also be able to say "yes, I made that mess. It's my fault, and it's ok, I'll clean it up." To own your mistakes instead of passing on the blame. Bad things start to happen when you make a habit of passing on the blame. It makes it easier and easier to make "mistakes" because you never have to take responsibility for it, but it will, at some point in time, bite you back. It doesn't matter if you don't own up to your bad choices, they are still yours, and the consequences are still yours too. I hope that eventually you learn that you must take responsibility for your bad choices, and that there are consequences for your bad choices. I am teaching you to make good choices and to take responsibility for your bad ones because I LOVE YOU.

I know you don't like to put your coat on. It's a hassle. It makes you a bit uncomfortable. It's bulky, heavy, and heck, it might even make you sweat. But when the wind chill in Texas is 3 degrees, I must see to it that you are warm so that you don't get sick or frostbitten. That's -my- responsibility. Yes, I am probably going to make you stand outside in your tank top and shorts for a min or two until you make the decision for yourself that I was right in the first place, and that it is frigidly cold outside, but at least you know for yourself that mommy isn't just being mean by making you wear -clothes- and a -coat-. We are trying hard to teach you modesty and weather appropriate clothing. This means that when I say you may not wear that tank top w/o a tshirt underneath it, when you come home from school wearing nothing but that tank top, it will get thrown away. Modeling modesty and weather appropriate clothing does not seem to be enough for you. I am teaching you modesty and weather appropriate clothing because I LOVE YOU.

As for the yelling on my part, when you don't respond to me when I ask you to do something 4 times, it is only fair that I assume you didn't hear me. This promise I make: that I will not yell mean things at you. I will not call you names or berate you. I will on the other hand, get louder and louder until you respond to me, because literally nothing else has worked. If you will just respond in a timely manner, (remember, with your polite words and attitude) yelling will no longer be necessary. Yelling is what people do to be heard, and it seems (after months of trying other things) that it's the only thing that works. I will promise to try to quiet down to a normal level just as soon as you respond to me, because once you're paying attention to me, it's no longer necessary to yell to be heard. Also, please remember that you guys are LOUD. You play loud, you talk loud, you sing loud, so sometimes, even when it's the first time I'm saying something, I have to be loud to be heard at all. I yell because I LOVE YOU. Sometimes, what I have to say, IS -JUST- that important. (like no running in the street, go put your coat on, don't touch/eat/play with that, etc) it ALMOST always has to do immediately with your safety. (like sit down on your bottom in the grocery cart, etc)

I know you like to scream. I have no earthly idea why this is a habit of yours. Completely unnecessary screaming like you're being murdered makes mommy's ears want to fall off. I have determined that it is not a need-meeting behavior, nor does it usually have anything to do with whatever game you are playing with your siblings at the time, it is purely impulsive noise making. Therefore, I will continue to discipline by putting you in time out until you learn that screaming like you're hurt is not allowed unless you are actually hurt enough to scream. Hopefully that will never happen, but if you're ever in the woods by yourself there's no doubt that somebody 3 miles away or more will be able to hear you scream! Just not appropriate behavior in the house or grocery store. We need to read The Boy who Cried Wolf, I guess. :) Please understand that I am teaching you good social skills because I LOVE YOU. I want you to have friends, and to know how to function in society, and screaming like that will not help.

I also understand that you get hungry sometimes. I want to remind you that there has never been a day in this house that you have been made to go without food. EVER. I feed you at least one yummy meal and snack each day, the school takes care of the other two meals. On weekends, I often -cook- three whole, homemade and balanced meals a day, which cannot be said for most of the children in this country. Please understand that I cook because I love you. I LOVE making you yummy food and knowing that it pleases your tummy and makes you full. Now, that being said, when I am in the middle of cooking, please stop demanding that food be given to you RIGHT NOW. There will be no temper tantrums, no throwing things, no stomping of feet just because you can't have food RIGHT THIS SECOND. Because you are likely to be handed a raw piece of onion (or whatever I'm cooking that's safe to eat raw) and it won't make you happy. Just wait the 20 min for the yummy finished product, and then remember to say thank you. Because I could have fed you bologne sandwiches. (GROSS) I cook yummy meals and make you wait to eat them until they're done because I LOVE YOU.

I want you to be able to hang out with me and/or help me in the kitchen, but when you can't follow simple instructions, I am going to continue to refuse to let you in the kitchen while I cook. It's dangerous. You grab things you shouldn't grab, touch things that could make you sick, and I can guarantee that you haven't washed your hands recently, and if you have you still walk right in to the kitchen and start messing and playing with the trashcan. Until we can learn to break those habits, NO.. you cannot help me in the kitchen. It's a funny thing, this love I have for you, I wish to see you neither hurt, nor sick. So learn to obey me outside of the kitchen, and I will start letting you help me cook. I teach you to obey and be safe because I LOVE YOU.

I think that about covers it for now.

Love,
your mommy.

update on cycles, and kiddos!

So, I went to the RE today, and got some good news. He thinks we should be able to conceive relatively naturally, considering all of our problems.
Here is the protocol for the next few months: continue the MASSIVE doses of folic acid and B vitamin cocktail, and continue baby aspirin. Natural cycles (no clomid, no injectibles). U/S on CD12, trigger shot (Ovidrel) on that day (hopefully) (no IUI, just timed fun) 5 days later I start heparin to keep my blood from clotting too fast, and prometrium just to cover our bases.

Hopefully this will result in a little brother or sister for our little munchkins in about 9-12 months. It will give them some more time to adjust, but our age difference between our youngest (now) and our new addition won't be too big. (I am not a fan of big age gaps and 5 years is a bit long for my liking). I think after having been here for well over a year, the kids will have had time enough to adjust to being here. I talked to a fellow foster mom (who has 10 bio kids too! wowie!) about how her kids deal with having a new baby in the family, and she had nothing but good stuff to say, like how much more they feel like they are part of the family when brought into the mix of prenatal appointments, the excitement of preparing the nursery, the talk of baby names, talk of them having a new brother or sister, etc. She said they have all adjusted just as typical children do, some with difficulty and some w/o but all in all, it had been a good experience for her and all her foster children once they came out of the post-baby jealousy phase. She said she felt like it had really brought them closer as a family each time. That really solidified my thoughts of brining a baby into the mix, hearing it first hand from some body who has done that before, and often at that! (10 bio kids, oh my!)

Hopefully this post finds everyone doing well and recovering from the holidays. The kids had SOOOOO much fun this Christmas. My family when a tad overboard, but it was great seeing their faces, and watching them stay busy with all their new toys since then is nice too. It's nice to have plenty of toys to play with especially since we don't do cable TV. They took quite a while to adjust after the holidays, but school starts tomorrow, and the routine will be back in full swing tomorrow come 6am, so I know things will get even better then! The kids have all picked new names, and those I can post here, so no more confusion of trying to distinguish them by their initials any more.

Their new names are: (oldest to youngest)
Parker
Emma
Drea

And yes, these names will be official once we finalize the adoption. Which, speaking of finalization, our new adoption worker seems to think that the appeal should be going through closer to a year, not two, so we're hoping to finalize this calendar year! WOOO! I am going to call the attorney sometime in the next month and get the paperwork ready for that so we can finalize as soon as the appeal goes through since the 6 month post placement visits have already ALL happened! woo hoo!

More later when I think to write a better update on the kiddos! They are just growing like weeds (well, all except for Emma, and we're going to have that checked out, but that's for another update..) and turning into sweet, loving kids. Today, when they found out Papa was sick at home, Emma wanted to bring him something that would make him feel better. I love seeing the fruits of my labor come through in the form of compassion for another. Such rewarding work this parenting business is. Also SUCH a tough road of sanctification on my part. The Holy Spirit is working in me each and every day, refining me, preparing me for the work that Christ has already called me to. Praise the Lord!

-Megan