1-I am so grateful that I read Desiree's blog before I got on here! She totally inspired me to write this post! :) I am so grateful that I have recently learned to simplify! In years past I have allowed my kids to make super ginormous Christmas lists and have practically gone crazy trying to fulfill every. last. request. (Which also left little room for surprises...so Christmas morning was super boring when everyone could guess every single present based on the size and shape of the box.) On top of that I was generally the first person to mail 50-75 Christmas cards and take around 100 neighbor gifts!
Seriously, I am not exaggerating! I mailed Christmas cards to every single McCann I could find an address for, every old friend and past neighbor I had an address for (even if it was a super old address and I wasn't even sure they would get it), every distant relative of mine (which isn't a whole lot compared to 50 McCann's!), and anyone I could possibly think of. Costco sells Christmas cards in groups of 25 (or at least they did back when I actually printed them) and I would order an extra set just in case. That's a lot of money in stamps and cards...and not that I was counting, but I would get about 15 in return.
Then there was the neighbor gifts. Every home teacher, visiting teacher (both that we taught or were supposed to teach us), every primary teacher, everyone we served in a calling with (even remotely), every member of the bishopric, every person I knew that lived within walking distance of my house...you get the idea...pretty much the entire ward list PLUS old neighbors that had moved away...I was spending so many hours making and delivering 100 neighbor gifts every year! AND I was so anxious to get them done and cross it off my list that I was doing it as early as possible...days, even weeks, before anyone else started passing theirs out. It was insane.
Luckily I am married to the most patient man in the world. He humors me even when he thinks my ideas are super lame. :) However, It got to the point where I just couldn't do it anymore. It was making me grumpy. I dreaded the whole holiday season because it was just so much pressure!! My kids didn't appreciate it, my husband didn't appreciate. The 5 people who brought me a neighbor gift in return probably just did it out of guilt. And then a lightbulb went on. Sort of like the Grinch. My heart grew 3 sizes that day. I realized that Christmas was supposed to mean a whole lot more. Since I have learned to say no, to stop over-acheiving, to sit back and relax, it has opened a whole new world for me. I have been able to look for ways to do something for someone instead. When you aren't super stressed and you don't have to-do lists a mile long it's amazing how your eyes can be opened. You can actually see a need and do something about it. When you aren't maxing out your credit card to make your already spoiled children even more spoiled, you can help someone who maybe isn't going to have a Christmas at all. When you aren't doing gift exchanges with family members (which ends up being a gift card exchange anyways), you can give that money to someone and actually make a difference. When you aren't focused on yourself and what YOU need to do, it's amazing how you see others and their needs. I have never been happier than I am now.
Perhaps I should do more. I should probably buy one of those creepy elves and stay up all night trying to convince my kids that the elf did something naughty (even though the whole point of the elf is to make sure the kids are behaving). I should probably at least send cards to the people who send them to me. I should probably give gifts to my good friends and favorite neighbors. I should probably drive my kids up the mountain to cut down a fresh tree. I should probably stop comparing myself to everyone else and just keep on being happy. :) The hardest part is knowing where to draw the line. I tend to over-do pretty much everything, so for me it's an all-or-nothing sort of deal. And I'm happier with nothing. So, after all that rambling...I'm grateful for that realization in my life. I am grateful that I learned how to enjoy the holidays...which is obviously different for everyone. If the creepy elf and a fresh cut tree helps you enjoy the holidays, then by all means...do it! If not, then stop caring about what everyone else is doing and just learn to be happy to be yourself. I promise, it feels amazing! :)
2-I am grateful that I have let go of guilt. I haven't blogged for an entire week. I haven't felt the least bit guilty! I am figuring out how to let go of so many things. Listening to people complain about every little thing has made me realize how annoying of a habit it is to be negative. If something is bothering you, change it. If you don't like something, don't do it. If you have to do something even though you don't like it, don't complain about it. If you want to lose weight, go on a diet and exercise. If you want to have money, stop over-spending it or learn how to make more. If you don't like where you live, move. If you don't like your job, do something else. Life is too short to be unhappy. If you are unhappy and you can't change your situation, learn how to make the best of it. I mean, I live with my parents for crying out loud and I'm making the best of it. :) These are things I'm really trying to work on. And most importantly: don't judge. Don't worry about what anyone else is doing. Don't compare yourself to anyone else. AND DON'T GOSSIP! Talking about other people is so 1995. :) It doesn't make anything better. It makes everything worse. I have really struggled with this one. In my high school yearbook I was voted "Senior most likely to become a National Enquirer columnist". For real. That hurt. I didn't even realize I was gossiping. That's how I was raised. You talked about people as soon as they left the room. You complained about people no matter how much you like them. I honestly didn't know that it was wrong. It has taken me a long time to change that habit. I am not 100% cured. It still gets the best of me. But, not caring about what other people do is the key. I have learned to let go of all of that and it made such a huge difference for me. I have become secure with myself. I have become content with my own life and my own family and I gave myself permission to just be happy and let everything else go. I didn't realize how negative I used to be and how much it weighed me down. In fact, 15 years ago or so I got called into my supervisor's office. She wasn't sure how to explain to me that I "radiated negativity" and it was causing problems. I'm not sure I even understood it at the time. I thought I was happy and positive. I didn't hate being there and I didn't hate the people I worked with, so I didn't realize I acted like I did. I honestly didn't know that being happy was a choice and that acting happy was just as easy as acting angry. Especially if you weren't really feeling angry. That probably doesn't even make sense. At the time it really didn't make sense...but now it does. I can't stand being around negative people. You know, the ones that have nothing to say so they find something to complain about. Wow, this has turned into quite the rant. I should quit. :)
3-I am grateful for so many things. I'm not sure what my last 98 posts have really been about. I hope I have covered everything important because when I write my 100th post tomorrow I might call it quits...or at least take a break...who knows. :) I am super grateful for the progress on my house. I am super grateful for the most amazing husband who is letting me build my dreamhouse (I would say "our" dreamhouse, but it's mostly my design and he's just tolerating a lot of it). :) I am grateful for 6 awesome kids. Seriously, I don't know what I did to deserve such great kids. They have been so good to each other all weekend. We left them home alone for a real date night (dinner AND a movie...can you believe it!?) and we were gone for several hours. We came home to find out that the big boys had played the wii with the girls and the little boys and that they all got along for the entire night. Today they all played together again and built a fort. Not that they don't fight and have drama, but they are just good kids and I am so proud of them. I love watching them excel at things. It is so fun to watch the boys play sports and to watch the girls dance. I was SO proud at the dance recital on Saturday! It was Sophey's first recital and she did so great! I was nervous that she would get up there and cry (or refuse to go up at all) but she did fabulous! I also am amazed at how much Katey improves every time she performs. She was AMAZING on Saturday! It was so much fun! I am grateful to be done Christmas shopping and to have our letter to Santa officially written (NO CHANGES at this point!!) and going in the mail tomorrow. I am grateful that it is simplified and still so exciting! I am grateful for my yard sale finds and for the new friends I have made because of it. It has been a great distraction for me AND I have furnished and decorated almost my entire house and have found amazing deals on amazing stuff! I can't wait to move in and decorate my house! The painter is finishing up and the flooring guys will be there tomorrow morning getting started! By the end of the week it should look like a real house! We'll just need cabinets and then the electrician and plumber can finish up! I am still hoping for the end of the year, but at least by the beginning of January we should be able to move in! It is an amazing house with everything I dreamed of. It will be such a blessing for our family (hopefully) forever! Sorry for all of my ramblings tonight. If you made it this far you deserve a prize. :)
