PCOS Strikes AGAIN!!!!

Well, Aunt Flo did not do me any favors by coming to visit, because she brought her dog Cyst with her. He peed on my carpet and ate my best shoes!!!!

Per the ultrasound, PCOS has made this month a no-go with a 3 cm cyst. I think I'm numb at this point... I keep feeling the need to cry about it, but I can't work up the energy to cry.

I have a full work day ahead of me today, including a huge senior management meeting, and I just want to go home instead. I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE RIGHT NOW!!!!

Oh, well, c'est la vie, eh?

So, the RE's office gave me 3 wks of birth control pills, and told me we COULD still do an IVF cycle if we wanted to start that this month. I would take the BCPs for 3 weeks and come in for a cyst check about day 18, then assuming the cyst was gone, I would start on Lu.pron on day 21.

They said the cyst should resolve quickly with the BCPs so there should be no issue with starting IVF.

Problem: Hubby doesn't really want to do IVF unless we really, really, really have to. He is certainly not prepared to start doing IVF this month. So, we are going to have a really uncomfortable conversation today.

I'm torn... Do I just wait for next cycle and stick to the IUI plan? Or, do I push to move to IVF because I REALLY need to get off the child-making ride ASAP?

I don't know... I really don't know... I will keep you all posted as the saga unfolds...

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Update: I gave hubby a 10 min update during the day today. He seemed open to moving forward with the IVF potentially. There was no crying involved, I am so proud of me! He wants to talk more tonight, but understands that the health risk of IUI is really high already (10-15% chance of another ectopic) and maybe this is Fate's way of directing us down the IVF path.

Not gone, just lurking...

I've been reading posts lately, and trying hardto wait my turn - for Aunt Flo's visit that is...

It seems a LOT of you must be cycling right now because Aunt Flo hasn't had time to come see me in 2 MONTHS! Yep, that's right, an unintened forced-break of sorts. I took a prog.esteron substitute, and it didn't seem to get me going, but just when I think I need to go back to Dr. it looks like the drought might be over. I've been feeling the tell-tale signs that she is on her way. Maybe tomorrow, huh?

This cycle is going to be difficult... Hubby and I have been at odds lately, and we are about a month behind schedule from where we thought we would be by now. It is gonna make doing all this IF stuff hard to go through... I don't like starting a cycle when I'm cranky!

So, we think we are gonna do another IUI, at least, and then maybe another IUI, then IVF. I think. Of course, if all goes well, we won't have to do the 2nd IUI or the IVF! :) Right? Thinking positive here!

Lately, I've been thinking more and more about adoption options. I want children. At this point I realize they do not have to be my own for me to be happy.

I don't want to give up on having my own child, but I am not set on it being a requirement. I just really want someone to love, hold, cuddle, and teach. We love to teach, and love to share. We are sure we want that part of having a child/children.

One problem is that I'm having trouble getting information together about how to get started. If we adopt, we want to adopt an older child, not an infant - possibly siblings. We realize we have the resources to raise siblings, and not every adoptive parent does. We would like to be able to give them a home together.

How do you get started with adoption??? All I can find online are ads! How do I choose/rate agencies? How do I know what level of costs we are looking at incurring? Where do I start?

Any help here would be greatly appreciated!

"Ouch" at pucker-factor 9 is not good...

Ladies, once again, thank you for all your kind words and support. You've done wonders to get me through the nerves and stress I've been feeling.

Surprisingly enough, I feel OK enough to write this email, even with all I've been through today...

Hubby rushed me to to the RE's office for an emergency US today, because I was in excruciating pain on my left side, lower abdomen. The pain was like a sharp object was lodged in my side. At the worst of it, the pain radiated from the one spot down my leg and up my torso. I was at work, and by about 11 AM this morning, I was unable to sit, stand, or concentrate on anything but pain.

The gentleman that sits one cube over from me is an MD. Convenient huh? I work for a healthcare software development company, so there are many RNs and MDs in the house.

Dr. S was a real sweetie, and discretely ran through what might be causing my pain. He narrowed it down to a couple of pretty bad things pretty fast, and said I should go to the Dr or emergency room ASAP.

I can truthfully say, that was the first time I've ever had a Dr's appointment at my desk!

The scan showed no pregnancies in my uterus - not a blip. It did suggest there might be one or more in my left fallopian tube. While the US with a wand was bad (read, ouch-ouch-ouch-yeouch) the manual pelvic exam (palpating my my girlie-parts by hand) sent me into orbit with pain. Those two things, along with the 4 hours of continuous pain, gave us a pretty good indication that it wasn't going to be a good or easy problem to fix.

Hubby was wonderful, kind, and loving during all the probing, and covered my eyes for the worst of the pain. I don't know why, but it makes me feel somewhat detached, and therefore a little better. :)

Diagnosis? Emergency laparoscopic surgery to remove what appeared to be an ectopic pregnancy that was about to rupture.

Results:
There were, in fact 2 pregnancies in my left tube. I don't have all the details because I've been woozy since the surgery, but I know that the tube had been badly damaged by the issues and had to be completely removed. My RE is pretty conservative in the area of removing things, but said it could not be saved as it was already in bad shape when he started the internal exam.

I am glad to say that I made it through it, and am only so-much worse for wear. I still have a very sore throat from being intubated for the surgery, and my belly feels like I've been shot a few times (no, never been shot before, just guessing since both methods cause holes).

I'm not really sad yet, but I am sure that will come.

Lots of support is on hand...

Hubby has been the patron saint of support to a spouse. He never left my side during the Pre-op gyrations. He kissed me lots, and wouldn't let me get sad about it. He is out right now, at 1 AM, getting my RX filled, buying my liquid diet needs, and some cat food I had planned to pickup on the way home from work tonight. :)

There's always a cat theme with me, isn't there!?! LOL

My friend D is coming over tomorrow to sit with me while Hubby works. My friends S&S have offered to run errands, provide shoulders, and be there fore me as needed. My Mom is jonesing to come, and I would love to have her here. I'm thinking she'll make it to about 11 AM before she gives up restraining herself and drives South. :)

Obviously, we have NO information on future tries, plans, or anything like that. We are going to get me back on my feet, give it a few months, and see where we end up. I'm totally OK with that plan.

Thanks again for all the support girlfriends!

Maybe I'll be back in the saddle in a while... Maybe I'll continue to post... Maybe I'll drop off the face of the IF earth for a bit... In the meantime however, I'm just gonna be me for a while...

* group hug*

Feel free to ask questions, etc. I don't mind sharing what I know, just don't want to bore you all to tears...

2WW Update...

Just an update on the 2 week wait...

This morning, as I was stumbling sleepily into the bathroom, hubby said the strangest thing, "When will we know?" I really had NO idea what he meant - I must have been sleep-walking. I mumbled, "wha?" and then caught his meaning... He was surprised I had forgotten that we were in the dreaded 2WW!

I assured him I hadn't forgotten, I was just dead tired...

I haven't noticed anything unusual this cycle, and I'm feeling about normal (other than being tired from travelling). So, nothing to report really. I'm hoping that with all the weirdness I usually have that this is a good sign! :)

I've been catching up on your blogs and crossing my fingers for you guys!

Hang in there!

Dawn

O - Ouch - Ouch - Ouch - Ouch - Oh Ouch!

Last night I decided this has to be the last round, 'cause that F'ing hurt! Tell me ladies, has this ever happened to you??

You're wondering what, right?

Well, either I ovulated or someone snuck in and ripped out my ovaries while I was napping.

I am one of those lucky people that can feel ovulation. If you can't, consider yourself pretty lucky. Typically it is just uncomfortable for a few hours, then it suddenly hurts in sharp pangs for about 30 mins, then I am fine. Sometimes I don't feel it at all...

Last night was the exception to beat all exceptions!!!

About 5 PM I started having the uncomfortable O feelings - sort-of felt bloated and such.

By 7 PM I was having very strong pangs and they kept getting stronger and more insistent.

I was watching the SuperBowl, so I was able to distract myself from some of the pain. However, when I got up for a bio break I found that I could barely walk because I was in such pain!

By 8:30 PM I was in such pain that I was wincing and moaning during the worst of it. A couple of times I thought I was going to burst into tears. Sweet hubby decided we needed to go to the emergency room... Instead I had him go upstairs and get my Tylenol for me, in the vain hope that it would help with the pain. NOT!

By the time we got into bed (about 10:30) I was starting to feel better - the pain was mostly gone, but the area around each of my ovaries was very tender.

I was dreading today... The good news is that I am only slightly uncomfortable, none of the real pain has remain. Whew!

On we go!

CD 10 News, UIU on CD 11, and a clown...

Yesterday I went in for a follow-up US and more blood work - Yay. Not.

I was even more of a star pupil today! I had a toal of 11 - count'em 11 eggs!!!!! Hubby asked if we were going to have an automatic baseball team... I laughed pretty hard at that, and if I hadn't had a talk with the RE nurse already I would have been just a little scared!

Nope, no baseball team - only 6 of the eggs are mature enough to be viable. So they have scheduled my IUI for tomorrow to ensure that no additional ones are able to get mature enough to use.

It was explained to me that anything over 6 eggs was a concern, because we REALLY aren't trying for triplets. There are too many complications to name when you hit that level. I am not saying I wouldn't welcome and want 3 children - No, but the health of the children and mother are at stake when you get above 2. Also, I would not look forward to a few months of bed rest - I am very fidgety when I'm bored. :)

As for the IUI, we did that today... Hubby and I have a now-standard IUI joke, wherein I say to Dr. Whoever, "Where are my clowns?", to which the Dr. usually looks surprised and unsure of how to respond. My hubby and I just laugh because he obviously doesn't know about the Clown study.

Try this out on your Dr. it is a lot of IUI fun to watch their reactions. :)

This time though, the joke was on us... It turns out this Dr. took the study results in stride, and he has a keen sense of humor. He was a COMPLETE HOOT! He told us a completely politically incorrect, yet true, story about his daughter and a "talking" car. He told it using his homeland Cuban accent (which was totally absent before the joke). He had us rolling - I think I shed tears I was laughing so hard.

We had such fun talking over his routine after he left... All it took was just a minute more of his time, but it set my mind at ease. :) He said, "There you go! If you get pregnant we will have completed our study of one!".

THANKS DOC FOR TAKING THE TIME TO MAKE ME LAUGH!!!!!!

We go in tomorrow for a follow-up IUI. Send In The Clowns!!!