Grumpy Rumblings (of the formerly untenured)

One of the podcasts I listen to is the Off Menu podcast with British comedians James Acaster and Ed Gamble.  Each week they ask a famous guest their “dream” water, bread, starter, main course, side, drink, and dessert, and use that as a way to learn about the guest and get interesting and entertaining stories.

Naturally, it gets me thinking about what my dream meal would be.

Still or sparkling:  Voss lime mint, Voss lemon cucumber.  These are just flavored fizzy waters, but they’re nicely flavored fizzy waters with really tiny bubbles.  They’re like champagne or locally made ginger beer bubbles.  I got hooked on these right before the pandemic and then they stopped being imported, and perhaps stopped being made.  Alas, all other fizzy waters available to me have harsh big bubbles.

Pappadams or bread:  German bread from a good hotel continental breakfast in Germany.  I’ve been to Germany once and I loved the bread more than anything.  I felt at home in ways I’d never felt before.  (Yes, I have some German ancestry.)  Also put out all the spreads they have– butter and cheeses and maybe even some bacon fat.  If possible, please reset my stomach after this course so I can enjoy the main meal.

I want the Starter, Main course, and Side all together instead of separately. My ideal dream meal is lots of delicious new-to-me items shared family style (I toyed with the idea of a buffet, but I actually prefer the plates on a table).  I want fusion things that I haven’t tried before but are reminiscent of things that I’ve tried– like various fusion tacos.  I also want Singaporean dishes and Burmese dishes because I’ve rarely gotten to have those cuisines but what I’ve had has been amazing and memorable (tea leaf salad!).  This puts me in the category of guests the hosts are a little annoyed with (like Robert De Niro and Jeff Goldblum) because I’m not describing exact things I’ve had that have stories attached, and it’s putting a lot of the work on them.  But basically I want a big round table that seats 8 with a lazy Susan in the middle filled completely with dishes I’ve never tried before but are all of the highest quality.  I want fusion tacos/burritos, some noodle dishes, some curry-like dishes, some crunchy-vinegary salad-like dishes, maybe some fried or steamed things with a dough on the outside and filling inside, and something new and surprising.  No anchovies.  Also not a fan of turnips, but they’re ok in moderation in things.

Drink:  Strawberry lemonade with real strawberries and real lemon.  The strawberry part should be naturally sweet and muddled enough so it goes through the straw.  The lemonade should only be lightly sweetened– just a hint of sugar, but mostly tart.  It should be cold but not so cold that it hurts my teeth if I sip from the glass.

Dessert:  42nd century butter- pie from Diana Wynne Jones Tale of Time City “Wonderful tastes filled her mouth, everything buttery and creamy she had ever tasted, with just a hint of toffee, and twenty other even better tastes she had never met before, all of it icy cold” also “molten on the inside.”  Doesn’t that sound amazing?

Company:  my immediate family, and also a couple of hungry guys who don’t mind finishing up less popular dishes (but do make sure everyone has had what they want from a plate before finishing it off)

What would your dream meal be?