I already talked here about how I’m estranged from my parents and at my sister’s wedding last year, my father tried to force a long-sleeved shirt he got free from a stock show (that we’d said we didn’t want 7 years prior and my mom said she’d use) on us and eventually my aunt (my mother’s sister who gave me a long “but faaaamily” lecture) mailed it to me from her home in Florida. I took it to goodwill.
–Btw, my father is still sending weird emails to DH about how I’m a narcissist. As he has done since 2016. This past month had two, one about my narcissism [I am not a narcissist– possibly too much in the other direction– I’ve looked into it] and one about how my oldest kid needs to see my parents (I do not know why only the oldest). If he actually wanted to see us, I would think he’d stop doing that.–
We were recently at my sister’s place and she had the most hideous large tchotchke on her mantle. It looks like a big shiny ceramic rooster holding three eggs. I should have taken a picture. (BIL suspects my parents got it at a Goodwill, though I suspect either a yard sale or dollar store– it has a definite dollar store look to it.)
My parents don’t have things like this on display. It’s not a family heirloom. My father hates being given tchotchkes and will complain about any non-consumable present. They have “too much stuff.” They “don’t want more stuff.” They’re “trying to get rid of the stuff they already have.”
And yet, he buys junk and tries to pass it off on us. Why?
For me this went to absurdity when I was in full-on nesting phase prior to DC2 being born and I DID NOT want anything new added to my temporarily immaculate house. I had been driven crazy by the little messes my father would leave when DC1 was born. So I very specifically told then both in no uncertain terms not to bring anything before they visited. We did not want anything. I was nesting and needed cleanliness. And yet, they filled up their Scion XB with junk and hand-trucked it in as soon as they got in. I was so ANGRY and made them put everything back in their car. And then my father had a temper tantrum about us not wanting their stuff. (Retaliation for this is probably why after them agreeing for years that they needed an air conditioner and never actually buying one with the gift card we gave them for that purpose, he refused to take our extra window unit from when DH forgot to turn the power back on, after they’d agreed to take it prior, and started screaming at me, thus sparking the estrangement.)
DH has commented in the past that one of the best things about never seeing my parents is that we no longer have to constantly get rid of their junk. I agree! The lack of temper tantrums is also a big bonus.
My sister says they have to keep the rooster at least for another year so my parents don’t feel bad if they don’t see it on their mantle the next time they visit.
I believe that gifts should be freely given because the giver believes the recipient will want them. If the recipient doesn’t want them, they should be free to dispose of them (unless the giver has noted that they’d appreciate getting it back if unwanted). My in-laws over-give but they’re also really chill about gifts not being used (and would prefer the receiver just regift or dispose of it rather than not accepting it). To be fair, my mom would get things that were wanted and asked for and was good at using Amazon wishlists. But she’ll always take my father’s side on his giving, “you know how he is.” (Not having to tiptoe around “just how he is” is probably the best thing of all.)
Sharing this because with distance this seems so WEIRD. But it is normal and just the way things are when you don’t have that distance. I am grateful for the distance.
This is weird? Is this weird?
Grumpy Rumblings (of the formerly untenured) 
