I'm Back!! (after many years)

Four kids later, many changes, lots of growing and I want to come back to blogging. It will mostly be for our family but it's a great way to keep journaling and I love looking back at our pictures. It makes my heart happy! I feel overwhlemed with all that I want to update but I am going to start today! No more excuses.
The last time I blogged we had just found out we were pregnant with twin boys!!! Life took many turns after that which I wish I could say was all good. I experienced so much anxiety about giving birth to twins. I thought I wouldn't be able to carry them full term and they would need to be hospitalized in the NICU. Through therepy, and medication, Nathan coming home from Afghanistan moving to Alabama it all worked out!
We currently are still living in Alabama after 5 1/2 years but in our third home since moving here. I hope I can update these last five years without feeling overwhelmed. I can do it! Happy to be back. :)

Gender's Revealed!

TWIN BOYS!!! We're so excited. I had a great feeling like it would be two boys, Nathan was not sure. We found out in the morning and did so good at not telling anyone until that night. We made a cake with two layers of blue and had a little party. We also skyped with Nathan's family. It was fun watching everyone try to guess but it's was really hard to not slip up. The babies are doing great! Active as can be and the second baby didn't want to unfold his legs for nothing, but I was not leaving my Dr.'s office until we knew. Now the name guessing begins and I think we have it figured out, we'll see. I am 16 weeks but measuring 21 weeks, I am trying not to let that scare me as I know I will get much bigger. It will be fun, right?! I can't stop thinking that we're giving Carter two best friends. Oh boy, three boys!

Second Deployment Down

He's home! Two deployments down and hopefully not anymore for a loooong time. It's so nice to be a family again and feel complete. It was our 7th anniversary the next day so we stayed at the Grand American Hotel in Salt Lake. We went to the Sunday brunch the next day and it was to die for. Very pricy but so worth it, and plus we were celebrating!

A few days later we went to ifly with my family and had so much fun. Of course I couldn't do any of it but it was fun to watch. I'm so glad Nate got to have some fun after almost a year of working hard. He deserved this night of fun!

 Nate did so good, the instructor didn't really have to help him. 

 Carter watching his dad fly. Since he's been home, Carter has followed Nate everywhere. He wants nothing to do with me much. But that's ok, he needs his dad time. 

 Not a great picture but they also did surfing in the same building. It was almost more fun to watch them fall down then watching them surf. They had some pretty nasty falls and they are all still sore from it. 

Watch Me Grow! 15 weeks

 Yesterday I reached my 15 week mark with twins! I really feel bigger then I look. I have felt the babies the last few days! It kind of scares me that there are two in there, but when I think it's just like two little Carter's then I am not as scared. I think pregnancy is amazing, what are bodies are capable of doing is really awesome. I just hope that it will hold these babies for as long as it can. I am for sure aware of pre-term labor, preclampsia, and everything that goes with a high risk pregnancy. But I am really trying hard not to think about that.

 I am not completely over morning sickness yet but I sure feel lots better than I used to. I love, love food. I've said earlier that cheeseburgers always sound so good at any given moment, I love salads with tons of italian dressing (I could drink it, gross huh?), and I always eat a bowl of cold cereal before bed. I read in my twin pregnancy book that having dairy before bed helps from your glucose levels from dropping because dairy dissolves slowly in your digestive tract so you don't wake up feeling nauseated. It actually works! It even suggests eating ice cream/shakes before bed. I am so for that too!

We find out next week what we are having! And Nathan will be here!!!! This will be the VERY FIRST ultrasound he has ever been to. He never got to come with me to any ultrasounds with Carter because he was in Iraq. So it will be so fun to have him see me pregnant (not over skype) and to be at one of the most exciting ultrasounds.

I had to put this picture below of Carter and his friend Huntley. We are watching her today and he has been so cute with her. Makes me excited to know he treats babies nice and loves them. So far no jealousy issues when I hold her. He will make a good big brother.

Another Blog Therapy Session

So...I wasn't going to blog about this because honestly it's really hard to think about and put my mind back to where I was. BUT, I have been seeing a therapist, and it's been really helping to understand why I have been experiencing a lot of anxiety and why our brains do the things they do. I mentioned today to the therapist that I keep a blog and he wanted to be write/journal my experiences that are hard for me to face. It should be a healing effect and also I thought that if I could help anyone then it would be worth it.

As I have written before, getting pregnant has been a trial in our lives. We have been so blessed with the medicine today that IVF has been how are family has grown. We are so blessed to have our Carter man (Jimmy Carter, he still calls himself that) and these two precious miracles. Getting these two babies was the hardest thing I think I have had to face so far in my short life. I am still young. :)

I started IVF with the same Dr. at the University of Utah and I just love him. We started the medications that consist of numerous shots, and pills. I responded very well to the medications, too well to say the least. My ovaries produced 25 eggs.  Three days later we transferred two embryos which the embryologist said looked beautiful. I was excited! I have PCOS (polycistic ovarian syndrome) which has made it the reason it's hard for us to get pregnant and resulting in producing lots of eggs and other problems. My ovaries were overstimulated and I paid the price. Because my ovaries produced so many eggs they grew to the size of softballs, maybe even bigger. They leaked free-fluid into my abdomen resulting in not being able to breathe and severe anxiety. I was "drained" three times with 2 liters of fluid, by being knocked out. By the third time they decided I better be admitted to the hospital, I was so sick. They placed a pig-tail catheter in my stomach so that it could drain instead of going in to get drained. I had that catheter in me for over two weeks, horrible experience. I found out I was pregnant through all of this and tried really hard to be excited. Because of being pregnant, the pregnancy hormone made this all worse.

I went home and continued to feel worse. They re-admitted me for severe dehydration. I looked awful. I felt awful. I wanted to die. I even told Nathan he could re-marry after I died. That's where I wanted to be at the time, in the ground in a cemetery. I wanted to give up living so I quit eating. My appetite was not there so I didn't fight it. My Dr. threatened to put a feeding tube in me if I didn't eat and somehow that woke me up. I already had a tube hanging from my stomach, I didn't want another. I wanted to still be Carter's mom. I still wanted to be Nathan's wife. So I fought. On the way home, I had my mom stop at Wendy's and I ordered the largest french fry and drank a whole 32 oz. of gatorade. ( I was only allowed to drink gatorade for over a month because of the electrolytes)

I continued to eat and drink until my levels improved and he thought I wouldn't need it. I lost about 20 pounds, and looked like a skeleton. My face was sunken in and my eyes too. I couldn't look in the mirror without crying. But I was determined to fight this. It was hard. On a Sunday my Dr. had me come in to take out my catheter. I was worried because if I wasn't seeing the drainage I thought it would build up in my abdomen again and get that bloated feeling again and freak out. He assured me it wouldn't happen, I was healing. He did an ultrasound to check on the baby and he said "this is interesting, I see another baby" I didn't want to hear that. I closed my eyes with my hands and said "no, no" I wasn't ready for that news because in my mind I could handle one baby, I did it before, I can do it again. But two? How was my skeleton body supposed to hold two bodies?! I wanted to cry, my mom was jumping up and down. I wouldn't let her talk about it the whole way home.

Fast forward to now, I am excited about these two babies. It took some time, and I feel bad for it, as if I wasn't grateful, but I needed to sort through those feelings to move on. I have talked to a lot of twin mom's and seeing them do it makes me think I can too. Since this whole experience I have developed a lot of anxiety. As my growing belly is getting bigger I am associating it with getting bloated and not breathing like when I needed to be drained. But I am teaching myself that it's my healthy babies growing. It's a good thing! Seeing a therapist could have been the best decision, I am learning how to breathe, re-direct my thoughts and how to overcome this. I am gaining weight!  I want to look healthy and hold these babies as long as I can. I am loving food again and cheeseburgers are always on my mind. Life is good again, and although typing this has made me anxious I know that getting it out will help. Like I said, I wasn't going to write this. All I wanted to say is "I'm pregnant, with twins, that's it" But I know that is not facing my fears. I have been through a traumatic experience and I lived through it!! I am now going to try and embrace what happened and not run from it.  I did not mention that prayer played a big role into this. I couldn't have done this without Heavenly Father's help. Also having Nathan far away was also really hard but I knew he was praying hard for me and our family.

I feel much better. Now I can move on and go eat a cheeseburger. And guess what? I get to see my husband this Saturday. I love my life! 

My Master

The last couple of years Nathan has been working on his Master's Degree when he was deployed in Iraq. He finished a couple of months ago in Afghanistan. I am one proud wife! I am now supposed to call him "Master" haha, we'll see. Good job Nathan, we are so proud of your accomplishments!

2012 Family Pictures

I realized I never posted these pictures. I am playing catch up. We took these family pictures while Nate was home for R&R. I had every good intention of blogging about his two week stay but I don't think that's going to happen. But we did have loads of fun, lots of eating at places Nate missed, and Carter getting lots of daddy time. I sure love this family of mine and can't wait until we're together again. VERY SOON!

Christmas 2012

 Christmas was spent with my family in Utah. We missed Nathan, it's always hard to be apart especially during the holidays. He said that he flew Santa around Afghanistan. It was a white Christmas from all the snow. Carter sure enjoyed opening presents and was a lot of fun to watch. Kids make holidays so fun and I can't wait until next year when he understand even more and we'll be with Nathan. Not to mention two more kids too!

 It was a lot of fun being with my family. My sister Melissa had strep throat, my mom had a cold and I was sick from morning sickness. So it was more of a laid back day but that's how I like it. My mom gave me the cutest pajamas for the twins, if they are a girl and boy, it was a pink and blue one. So cute. But the minute I held them up, nausea came full force and I had to run to the toilet as fast as I could. So weird how looking at baby things can do that. As for now they are hidden in a box in my closet until I can look at them. :)

I can't wait to teach my kids as they get older the true meaning of Christmas. I hope I can teach them to love Christ and to want to be like Him. I hope they will understand that it's not all about presents but being with those we love, serving others and being grateful for our blessings.

Double the Fun!

We're having TWINS! Couldn't have been more surprised but that is because we only saw one baby for 3 weeks. The second was hiding I guess. We did IVF with the University of Utah again and transferred two "beautiful" embryos. So I knew it was a chance of twins. We are excited, but it was a really tough road to get where I am today. All I can say is that I am truly blessed. I am almost 15 weeks and should find out the genders in a couple of weeks.  Life with twins is going to be busy, busy, busy. I hope I am up for the challenge but I know the love in our home will grow so much. I can't wait to love and snuggle these two miracles. Due date is July 25 with one baby, so two babies could be early July, late June? I never know what to say to people. I can't wait to see Carter as a big brother. Life is great, I continue to count my blessings daily!

Baby A

 Baby B

 Top of their heads. They were kicking each other during the ultrasound. Must be boys!

Jimmy Carter

This little man is just over 2 1/2 years old and growing up way too fast. I wanted to take the time to remember and savor this stage in his sweet life because he soon won't be my little guy anymore. Carter has brought so much joy to my family as we live here while Nathan is still away. He knows everyone by name and asks constantly where each one is.

When he hears any helicopter or airplane fly by, he's stops and listens then says "that's my daddy" so matter a factly. When you ask him where daddy is he says "Afghanistan" in his own cute way. There is a picture in the family room of us where Nate is kind of laying on the ground and whenever he sees that picture he says "daddy's tired" it's cute. I sure can't wait for those boys to be together again.

He is now referred to Jimmy Carter. This is all Carter's doing. One day someone asked what his name was and he said "Jimmy Carter" we all looked at each other like "what?!" And that is what he has been calling himself ever since. This Jimmy Carter is a crazy one, he thinks he's so funny when he says it. Every time we put Carter to bed and you shut the door he will yet "night" over and over. He loves nursery and cries when I take him to go change his diaper.

He still has a binky (I know, gasp!) but I don't have the heart to take it away just yet. He doesn't get it for most of the day but during naps and bedtime he's got it. He's still in a crib, but we are moving soon so that transition will happen then. He wears size 6 diapers (I guess I want to remember that?) I think that is the biggest size they have. Great. Looks like potty training is in our future. He loves to be naked. He will do anything, I mean anything if you say he can take his shirt off and run crazy. He loves puzzles and is pretty good at them. He doesn't have a favorite movie at the moment. Loves little toy cars, airplanes and helicopters. He is a master at the I-pad. He loves to watch tractor movies on it. When we're in the car he can spot a tractor a mile away. He loves them and I think my dad secretly hopes he wants to be a farmer.

We love this boy so so much! I count my blessings every day and thank Heavenly Father for him continuously. Love you Jimmy Carter!

He Came

 I can't believe I am already typing this now that he is gone. But he came and it

was an amazing two weeks. Carter for sure remembered his dad, and wouldn't

 let him out of his sight for the first two days. If he would leave for a second

Carter would say "where daddy go?"

I am so grateful the military allows the soldiers to come home for a little bit during

deployments. It's a much needed break for the soldier and much needed time to be with family.

We did a lot in two weeks, more to come.

Guilty Pleasures

I have a third love. First, of course is my husband. Second, my son and thirdly...food.
I don't know if it's the heat of the summer, enjoying restaurants that aren't in Germany,
 or just that I love it so much that I can't stop eating. So I thought I would remember
 these "guilty pleasures" in case I move on to better things, such as exercising. :) Now
 that would make some good pictures!! haha

              

 From Dairy Queen, Arctic Circle to store bought, I will never-ever refuse this stuff.

Recently I tried a recipe (the above picture) from Jamie Cooks it up and it was del-ish!

And it was made with no ice cream maker!

 

 My mouth is salivating as I look at this picture. If you have ever tried tres leche cake

from Cafe Rio and you loved it, well THIS IS BETTER THAN THAT!

I found it at The Sister's Cafe.

 Love, love love this popcorn mix from Costco. I first tried it at my in-laws.
It's really cheap and I don't feel too guilty about eating it since popcorn is like air, right? :)
It's the perfect ratio of sweet and salty. 
If Costco ever stopped selling this, I would have to take extreme measures by taking my
business elsewhere. :)

I love summer veggies! My sister works at a farmer's market and has

brought home lots of produce. I could eat a tomato like an apple with salt

 and pepper. Yum! With the zucchini I like to slice it up and dip it in egg and flour and

fry it in olive oil, then dip it in spaghetti sauce. So good!

 

Nathan comes home in less than a week for r&r!!! That means lots of eating because

I am sure he is missing all the American food. I don't think I will have any problems

helping him adjust!!

 

120 days

The last few days Carter and I have been sick with the good old summer cold. 

We have stayed home all weekend and with with no plans today, so we can recover.

 I am going crazy.

This is what this weekend consisted of:

-watching "Rio" a hundred times

-trying to shove medicine down Carter's throat and also tricking him by putting it in 

chocolate milk, popsicles and juice. Each one I think he knew and wouldn't take it. Stinker.

- kleenex all over the floor

-waking up all hours of the night from not being able to breath or to hold my little guy

Not such a fun weekend but at least I think we're both on the up-hill and getting better. 

The reason for this post. :) My handsome soldier man. I have been bugging him for 

days and days to send me pictures of him. I finally got them. 

I will freely admit that I love this man. :) I miss him. Carter misses him. 

But in a few short weeks we get to seem him for r&r!!!

It's been 120 days since we said goodbye.

Once we see him, it will be worth the wait.

P.S. The Olympics were so fun to watch, I am sad they are over. Good job USA for getting the most medals!!

Another Special Delivery

Remember in my last post I said I was getting this for my birthday but waiting until Nate get's home so we could get it together?! Well, I just got it in the mail today!! All wrapped up. I am one spoiled, lucky girl. Thank you Nathan, I love it! And I LOVE YOU!

28 is great

Today I turned 28.

Nathan says it's time to look for a

younger woman. :) In part of his last email he says "hopefully you wont have
a mid life crisis at 28, we should have ours together that way we can
buy something totally cool, like a ski boat or something"

I just love that man.

It was a really great day. Consuming lots of calories, relaxing at the spa, shopping 

and spending time with my family. Couldn't ask for a better birthday.

Thank you to all the sweet birthday wishes. You sure know how

to make a girl (or I should say, old woman) special.

        

I'm getting this for my birthday, just not yet. I want to wait for Nathan

to come home so we can get it together.

The sweetest picture I saw on my facebook yesterday.
Yep, I love this man.

Hoping this 28th year will be a great one!!

Cowboy In The Making

Have I mentioned lately how much I love being Carter's mom? Well I do! I love it, I love him, I love that he loves everything about being outside and what his dad and grandpa loves. When I was pregnant with him I was so worried that he would turn out "girly" because I only grew up with sisters and thought I would accidentaly raise him to like girl stuff. Well that is not the case.

My youngest sister McKenzie is home visiting from college for a few weeks and she wanted to take her horse Jessie for a ride. The poor horse doesn't get ridden unless she is home. Carter has never been on a horse. So before riding we needed to get all the gear on. Wranglers-check. Boots-check.

While McKenzie was sattling the horse Carter fed him hay.

While he waited he played with his tractors.

 He wasn't so sure about this at first. He didn't crack a smile one bit. I am pretty

 sure he liked it or he would have wanted to get off.

 I love watching Carter experience new things. He loves new adventures and is pretty

good at trying them out before he decides if he likes it or not.

I think we'll try bull riding next. :)