my inheritance

Yesterday wasn't exactly my dream birthday. But hey...at this age, my dream birthday would be to turn 25 again anyway. Just sayin! I woke up at something like 4:50 something a.m. and couldn't go back to sleep. This day is already shaping up nicely.

I really needed to help my dad get some of his 'affairs in order', as they say. We needed to see a lawyer, take care of some money matters and take care of a few odds and ends. Between him and me, we had put this off long enough. I needed to take my hubby with us, as my eyes glaze over about 5 minutes into these sorts of things and I needed another set of ears. He was already planning to be off yesterday anyway, so yesterday it was.

It took most of the day to take care of all that stuff, but I'm thankful to say that for now, it's taken care of. We went straight from the last leg of our journey to school to pick up Miss Boo. Yesterday was their first cooking day in Home Ec. She brought me a cupcake for my birthday that they had made in class. Chocolate. I ate it in the parking lot. Maybe this day isn't going to be so bad after all.

I had already told that in no uncertain terms mentioned I didn't want to cook yesterday since it was my birthday, so I knew I had 'dinner' to look forward to. But by early evening I was so exhausted. I couldn't of cared less, so we ordered Papa Johns. I was thrilled to not have to leave the house. On a Friday night. We aren't 'crowd' kinda people anyway. It worked out.

I didn't waste any time last night getting the day washed off me and getting into my jammies. I was beat. Or maybe just beaten down. I have a thing I made while Bub was sick that has expressions of Jesus on it. (but as Alton Brown would say, "that's another show"...er, post!) One of them is rain upon the mowed grass. I felt trampled and broken by the end of the day, so I just began thinking of Him raining down on my beaten heart last night. Nourishing. Refreshing. Healing. This is better than the cupcake!

Finally God began to draw my heart to the word inheritance. Hadn't most of the day been spent dealing with earthly inheritance? But what is my real inheritance? I began searching the Word last night and ended up in Ephesians 1.. my favorite book of the Bible. I always think of chocolate when I read Ephesians....it's rich and delicious and makes me think mmmmm every time I read it.

5 He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will,
6 to the praise of the glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved.
7 In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace
8 which He lavished on us. In all wisdom and insight
9 He made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His kind intention which He purposed in Him
10 with a view to an administration suitable to the fullness of the times, that is, the summing up of all things in Christ, things in the heavens and things on the earth. In Him
11 also we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to His purpose who works all things after the counsel of His will,
12 to the end that we who were the first to hope in Christ would be to the praise of His glory.
13 In Him, you also, after listening to the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation--having also believed, you were sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit of promise,
14 who is given as a pledge of our inheritance, with a view to the redemption of God's own possession, to the praise of His glory. (NASB)

My inheritance!

do you like it?

Do you like my new 'do'? I made it myself! I've been waiting for a good time to put it up. I asked my hubby to do it for me today since it's my birthday. I needed a little pick-me-up.

I hope y'all are having a good day. (don't forget my other post today with Mr Cuty-Pants' baby pic)

best present ever

Today is my birthday. Woop-T-doo to me! I guess I'm not excited to be a year older like I used to be when I was younger.

But take a look at that face. This is the best birthday present a girl could ever hope to receive. This is a pic of Bub at only a few days old. And no, we aren't this red in real life. We're more like very white.. since translucent isn't really a color. But there he is! All 8 pounds and 6 ounces of him. And y'all... I ain't all that big a girl. And yeah... my girly doctor wouldn't let me carry him as long as I carried Boo since I tend to make my babies on the porkier side. He was in the oven two weeks less than The Boo who weighed in at 8 pounds 3 ounces!


He came out 'backwards' and that set the tone for his whole little life, bless his heart. Um... yeah... he was breech. But he finally got here after an emergency C-section.

I remember seeing him when I finally 'came to' enough to care. (I had to be knocked out. My epidural.. the one that didn't do so hot during labor..well, it didn't do so hot during an awake C-section either!) He was so pink and beautiful and his skin was so soft and he had hair. We had done it again. We had made a beautiful, perfect baby.


Little did we know what his little short life would hold.

drooly julie and a side note

I took the kitty in to the vet today to get her teeth cleaned. This is not like when people go... this is an all day production that includes anesthesia. Of course, just a blood draw would be an all day production including anesthesia for our cat.

But today it was just the teeth.

I took them a perfectly cute, well manicured, fluffy haired baby. What I got back was a nasty haired, glassy-eyed drooly julie. One part of her leg is shaved for the IV. We had to unwrap that when we got her home lest her cute little partly bald leg blow up to the size of her head.

Groovy.

She's locked up in the bathroom because I don't want to step in her slobber. My poor kitty is a mess! Have I mentioned she's real drooly today??? And as a bonus... more pills! Groovy.

On a side note. I had a good day yesterday. I spent it with a friend I hadn't been able to catch up with in a while. She likes to keep me company around this time of year and is the only person that mentions/remembers these special dates actively. Like I said, it was a good day.

the candle and the talk

Around this time of year, I of course, think about Bub's last birthday with us. We had just gotten out from transplant. He had a stem cell transplant.

It's not what it sounds like. These are baby blood cells harvested from his own body. I know... amazing. Anyway, these little cells act like they have homing devices on them and they 'find' the area that needs repair. In his case, the bone marrow, and go there and set up household. Simplified explanation, but pretty much the way the doctors explained it to us.

Anyway, we had not been home from the hospital very long. I think we got out around the 17th or 18th and school started for Boo THE NEXT DAY. Yeah.. a crazy time. And we did TPN at home. TPN is IV nutrition. Yeah we did that. At home. Us. Crazy, huh?! His port was accessed when we left the unit, so we didn't have to stick any needles into him. We put the bag of lipids etc on the counter to warm up and after it warmed, we had to add six components to it. One of them required we break a glass vile and then draw the vitamins out with a filtering needle (in case glass got in it. at least that doesn't scare a mom to death!!) and then putting it into a regular needle to inject into the bag. One of them had to be kept in the dark. One of them this and one of them that. It was a production. But we did it. We hooked up the IV to the pump, did the flushes etc, got it going for the night and kissed him good night. He would sit up in bed every morning and we'd ask him if he 'ate' and he'd say "All froo!" and point to the little flattened bag on his night stand. Soo cute. Of course this required me to get up about once an hour through the night and change his diaper since well... all that liquid's gotta go somewhere. To say I was exhausted during that time would be putting it mildly.

By his birthday, things were beginning to settle down. It seems if I remember correctly, he was beginning to eat a little bit and we were seeing the light at the end of the tunnel as far as the TPN situation. We couldn't have a party since he was on social isolation, which means we couldn't have company because of germs. And he couldn't go anywhere.. because of germs. Soo... I remember making dinner and then we had cake. I bought a little "4" candle for it. It was very exciting. We didn't know if he'd make it to "4". Some of the kids we were in transplant with died before they got out or shortly thereafter. (I still have his "4" candle. I think a part of me knew I would want to keep it, no matter what his outcome.)

But we made it out. And we celebrated! I remember sitting at the table blessing dinner and just crying because we had made it 'this far' and he was feeling good and we hoped 'all of this was behind us'. (I think back on some of those thoughts and I know I still had a touch of naivete left in me at that point...or maybe it was HOPE.) But I was so overwhelmed at God's faithfulness and provision thus far. It was a sweet birthday.

We found out about two weeks later after they did a BMA (bone marrow aspirate) that his marrow was indeed still diseased. We don't know if he relapsed very quickly or was never 'clean'. It didn't matter. It was over. We ceased treatment. He would feel and act normally for another six months or so. In mid September we had 'the talk' with the doctors and he was feeling well enough by then that the doctors told us to "go and do". They offered us a wish, but we declined. He wasn't much of a 'go-er' and was happiest being at home and just doing his normal stuff, so that's what we did!

eleven

On the calendar for today is a small letter (Bub's initial) and a number "11". We try not to think about it and the day goes by without much mention. At some point today, the hubby and I will exhange glances and that will say it all.

Today is a day that would have been. Today Bub would have been eleven.

I could go on and on about the "he will nevers" in our lives.. he will never be an adolescent. He will never go to middle school. On and on. But there are other "he will nevers". He will never be teased on a playground because he might be slower or less coordinated than his classmates because of his treatment. He will never hurt again. He will never cry again. He will never be sad or scared or afraid of the dark.

A side story: We were talking to Boo one time not too long after Bub's passing and having a discussion on heaven. Remember, she was seven at the time, so it was pretty simplistic stuff. But that's ok, because Jesus wants us to come to Him like little children. Deeply dependant and wide eyed with anticipation. Anyway.. we mentioned that were was no night in heaven... only light. And her reaction... gee whiz.. he always gets to do the fun stuff! I think I was a little stunned by her reaction. I guess I expected more quiet reflection. But anybody that has small children and have experienced a loss can tell you... kids will totally surprise you with their responses at times.

But her words are correct. He does get to do the fun stuff. I saw a picture at the Christian bookstore not long after we lost him. It was a depiction of Jesus holding a little boy. I didn't buy it. I am not very crazy about 'pictures of Jesus' since we don't know what He looks like. But the mental image has stayed with me a long time. My baby, my little deposit in heaven, can sit in Jesus' lap and be loved and cared for with an eternal love that is beyond anything we can experience here. He is where I need to be today. Sitting at Jesus' feet.

Happy Birthday, sweet boy!

buying groceries

I guess you could call this post "an open letter to certain mom's at the grocery store this morning".. but I know that's kinda long for a title. So I kept it short with "buying groceries".

Anyhoo... I always buy groceries on Monday morning. I sit down, work out the menu for the week, make out my list and head out. It seemed like every time I turned around, another mom was on a cell phone. Laughing and really paying attention to what was happening on the other end of the line. All the while TOTALLY oblivious to the small children she had in tow.

To the lady in front of the spices: While the idea of pulling over out of everyone's way to have your phone conversation sounds good in theory... especially if you're in the car at the time.. it loses something when you're blocking the entire spice section. And oblivious to that fact as you chat away. I guess you're also oblivious to the fact that your little four year old darling almost pulled a TWENTY POUND bag of flour onto the floor in front of himself. You wouldn't know because I shoved it back and kindly said no... but you didn't even see it!

To the other lady chatting away: I know I am a very overprotective mother. Everybody who knows me, knows that fact. I also know what can happen if a child falls out of a basket. (not from personal experience.. you know...'cause I'm all overprotective and all.. but I DO know!) You didn't see me turn my back on the mayhem going on in your basket with junior climbing and moving around all over the place inside. You missed the look on my face as I winced at the thought of what could happen to your cute little boy... 'cause you were on your cell phone.

It breaks my heart to see moms of little kids totally disregard them. One day these moms will wake up... if God so desires it.... and their little four year old will be thirteen and they'll hang up from their cell phone conversation and wonder where all the time went.

I dunno. Ask your friend, maybe she can tell ya!

butter and hairballs

My kitty has been tossing her cookies every now and then. I finally decided she might need to go see the vet. Or as they call her at the clinic, the cat wrangler. She is the ONLY vet at the clinic that will venture to pick my evil nasty hissy sweet kitty up. She always laughs when she sees us coming. Our kitty cat has been known to take her on quite a ride.

First off, they weigh her in the crate. There is a sticker on top that tells how much the crate weighs. So all they have to do is subtract 3.9. And they never have to touch her. Perfect. But then the vet tries to 'palpate her abdomen' and she comments under her breathe that she's not sure she can even feel what's inside a cat 'this big'. I know she's big, but she's not ginormous or anything. Although she is tipping the scales at about 15 or 16 right now. She swings a little bit when she walks. She's supposed to do that, right???

The vet suspected a hair ball too far down to hack up. Nasty, I know! Anyhoo, she gave her antibiotics. Pills. But we have a pill popper. It's this little thing we can plunge the pill down her with. The hubby is an expert with the pill popper. I get everything 'ready', which really means putting butter on the capsules so they will slide down. sweet. He rubs her neck until she's in a little kitty trance and then down the hatch. A little more rubbing, one more pill and still a little more rubbing. And it's over in about 10 seconds. Ta-da!

She likes to lick the butter mustache off herself. I don't blame her.

The other nasty gooey medicine is something for hairballs. And I am so not kidding when I tell you what it is. It's a fish flavored 'vaseline' type product in a tube. She gets one inch per day. According to the vet, she's supposed to like this and even lick it up all by herself. Um...right. We have to put it on the tops of her front paws and she licks it off after we put her in the bathroom for the night. When we let her out in the mornings, her paws are clean as a whistle and she doesn't even smell fishy any more.

But to top it all off... something we're giving her causes her 'business' to smell like an actual skunk has visited the premises. The fun ever stops.

unfinished business

Today is the first day of school. I'm sort of rattling around the house in the quiet. Not too sure what to do with myself. Well, I did know what to do with myself....

...so I was standing there in Hobby Lobby blinking back tears. I think the weight of what I didn't get to take care of in April had been buried under the surface for months. Summer came and I attended to being Boo's mom and doing the normal stuff. And yet the thought of what I had not done yet was festering.

I missed putting flowers on Bub's grave in April at his death anniversary date. So there I was in Hobby Lobby.

Every time I pick, I pick something different. I walk in and begin this little conversation inside my head... what's it gonna be this time? What color? What kind? And so it goes. I always pick something different. I've chosen bluebonnets, red roses, yellow roses, spring mixes...you name it, it's been there. Today? I picked... well, I guess they would be called winter white roses. They're sort of cream colored. I loved them.

I almost didn't go. It rained yesterday. But the sun comes out periodically today. I was worried about mud. I hate going on messy days. But I knew it would be ok. When he died, it rained in the days before he was buried, but then it was pretty that day. Mud wasn't a problem. So I knew it would be ok. I have experience. Sad, isn't it?

I did my usual. I picked up the sticks and things that end up on his marker. I replaced the flowers. The old ones were waaaay sad. I felt bad. But life just kept happening in April and I kept getting sick and it just never happened and then school let out for the summer. I like to look at his marker. The butterflies on it are perfect. He loved those. I always stand there and read the words under his name.

August 27, 1997 - April 5, 2002

A beloved one, taken from us, but also from

life full of sicknesses and cancer to Life with God

in heaven that is too wonderful to imagine. The struggle

of the cocoon is over...he is free!

I smiled and walked away.

time

School starts tomorrow! My thoughts are so scrambled, I can't even figure out how to write a post these days. There is just so much on my mind. It's a new school for us. A new grade. New experiences all the way around for she and I both. My baby is growing up.

Time is moving way too fast!

*sniff sniff*

afternoon at the gardens

Saturday it wasn't near has hot as it's been lately. So we decided to head out to our city's public gardens. It's so easy to forget I'm right in the middle of town at the gardens. It really is an urban oasis.
Isn't it gorgeous? So lush and green. It was hard to believe it's been so hot lately when everything is so beautiful. This is my favorite pic of the day. I put it on my desktop!
And there was 'wildlife' too. This little guy wasn't a bit afraid of people. I was in arm's reach of him when I snapped this shot. He was sitting near a fish food dispenser and nibbling on the leftovers. I think I took more pics of the squirrel than I did the landscapes! But he was a cutie!
Boo enjoyed feeding the fish. They could really stir the waters when little pieces of fish food were tossed in. Wow! Survival of the fittest! But amazing... so pretty ... so diverse in color.
We saw this little guy too. Don't know what kind of turtle he is. But he wasn't tiny. We noticed while I was taking the water pics that there were little bitty baby fish swimming in the water too. TONS of them. Some little kids were leaning in trying to catch them. Too funny.

We had a really nice day. It was nice to get out and walk around. Of course, this entailed being 'in nature', which isn't exactly up Boo's alley! She did NOT catch any little baby fish.

Can you say City Girl? I knew you could! : )

germs and the lazy cook

You don't have to know me more than say.... one second.. to realize I'm a germaphobe! I carry sanitizer in my purse. I have wipes in the car for after I pump gas. I clean off the steering wheel after I get the oil changed and other hands have been at my wheel. I could go on and on.

But nowhere is my germaphobe-y-ness more obvious than in the kitchen. I've always been very conscious of cleaning up after the dreaded raw meat etc. But when my kitchen became a post bone marrow transplant kitchen, things went into overdrive. If I cleaned it good before... I had to be hyper vigilant at that time.

And I never stopped. "Why?" you ask. Because it makes good sense for my family to keep surfaces clean and free of contaminates.

But when mealtime rolls around, sometimes all I can think about it the fact that I'm tired. Does it change how I prepare or clean up after the meal? Not one bit. But some nights it's real hard to stay with it, especially when we have a 'late dinner' which we're prone to do since sometimes Daddyman doesn't get home until 6:30 or later! ugh.

By then, my thoughts are on getting done and sitting down like the lazy slob I am elsewhere. Which brings me to my big 'ah-ha' moment I had yesterday in regards to getting some things out of the way and done with before the end of the day bla's set in. We were having a chicken thing with tenders that needed to be cut in bite sized pieces before cooking in a pan etc. So I did the cutting and put my chicken in a plastic container... being very careful about germs and keeping all the nasties on the INside on the container etc. And then I could clean up all the mess and clean out the sink and be done with it.

Later last night, I opened my chicken container, dumped, sauted and "TA-DA!"... I didn't have to mess with the icky chicken stuff during crunch time. I was so happy with how it turned out when I did it yesterday, I did it again today. I was practically giggling under my breath at my own stupidity for being the last one on the planet to figure out something so obvious brilliance!

don't be mad

I've heard people talk about when they're mad at God. One thing they all say is God is big enough to handle it. That always makes me sad. Yes, I guess in some ways, He can. But it hurts Him. He grieves for them when they don't reach out to Him during their darkest hour. He is there. He wants to take their hand and hold them. But instead they turn their back and with a stuff upper lip declare their anger.

The very thing most of these people want is healing. A broken heart that needs repair. Anger is a secondary emotion. It comes from something else. Many times it comes after being "let down" by God. But by turning their back on Him, they turn away from the ONLY thing that can really heal a broken heart. And then get mad at Him all over again because they can't progress or feel better or whatever the resolution is. And then they blame Him for that too.

Yes, God is big enough to 'handle' their anger, but He's also big enough to take it away and replace it with joy and peace and more love for Him in the process.

I know this to be true. I had to decide if I was going to be mad at God for some things, or go ahead and have a relationship with Him and continue on even though my "story" wasn't coming together the way I had written it. I chose Him. I chose not to be angry. Sad sometimes, yes. But not angry.

In Matthew 5 it says that "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." Let Him! "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied." He wants to fill us and satisfy that gnawing hunger we have with Himself! "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." What a promise!

Be hungry. Be filled. Let Him do it. He will.

the usual

Hi. My name is Kay and I have a problem! A chapstick problem. Well.. to be more accurate... an Avon Care Deeply Lip Balm problem. If I had to find one simple thing I use on a daily basis that would really impact my life if it disappeared, it would be this. This stuff is amazing. It's light and smooth. Not overly scented. Very moisturizing.

Love. It. Keep it in my purse, by the computer, by the bed and in a drawer in the family room. Love. It.

My Avon lady knows when I call her that I need my usual dozen. It's just about the only thing I order. So I just give her a call and tell her I'll have 'the usual'. Here they are...all my little buddies lined up in a row! (and keeping them company...some little samples of lipstick)

finding rest today

I am beginning to feel the stress of the coming school year... and it hasn't even started yet. I pulled out the backpack I shoved into the back of the closet so we wouldn't have to look at it for three months. I also dragged out the lunch box, locker shelf and gym bag. I can't deny it any longer....

it's time!

And yet it's not. School hasn't started yet. And I've been walking around with the weight of the world on me like she's just been assigned a million page essay due tomorrow and we haven't even heard the first bell yet! Crazy, huh?!

Since I went away for the weekend, I've felt like I didn't have anything to blog. (like my normal nonsense is so wonderful. haha) So I was re-reading some of my entries. I guess I was trying to get back in the groove or something. But I'm glad I did. I heard the word from God I needed to hear....

and it came from my own "lips". Actually, I know it came from God because I knew He was truly writing through me that day. So I'm thankful to God for speaking to me today. Abide. Come to me and lay all your fuss and worry down and I will give rest to your soul. Abide. Thank you, thank you!

gone

I feel like I should be humming the John Denver song... (gee whiz... does that date me or what?!) My bags are packed and I'm ready to go....

I'm excited about a girly weekend starting early tomorrow morning. Well, part of a weekend. Out of town for 2 days. Woo hoo! It will be nice to get away and nice to return home. I'm always glad for both. I've packed my iPod (no, John Denver is NOT on my iPod. Does that redeem me after the John Denver reference?! lol), a book and my Bible since I tend to be the early riser. Looking forward to the girl thing AND the time I know I'll spend alone while my cousin is sleeping.

Have a good weekend, y'all!

random and abiding

I guess I'm sort of 'random' today. I have several things. Here goes:

• I learned how to edit Html to fix spacing problems. I finally decided I needed to learn to take care of it myself. And I did! I fixed the issues with yesterday's post. Yay!
• I learned how to do the strike thing last night, but don't ask me how today. I already forgot. I guess I need another lesson on that! LOL
• I also got brave enough to try out the bullet list. I don't take to new things, easily. Just so ya' know!

Also, as I wrote yesterday, God's been bringing abiding to my thoughts lately. God has been continually setting that before me. Boo and I went shopping yesterday with a friend and her daughters. It was fun. We had a nice day. But I recall many times while we were out, just longing for Life. Longing just to be still and pray. I didn't feel connected. I wasn't abiding. I was just going through my day. I was having thoughts of God, but I wasn't actively praying. One thing required of abiding is active praying... constantly. While driving... washing dishes... disciplining kids... talking to people. A constant connection with the Father. And it's something He's calling me back to. I've crawled out of His lap too often of late.

I read a little bitty book about abiding that is just wonderful. Written by Andrew Murray (of course!). He's one of my favorite authors. It's called The Secret of God's Love. This book takes the reader step by step, verse by verse through John 15. It's beautiful. For some reason, his books tend to get renamed or republished and the name of the book changes. I hope it's still out by that title now. I also have one of his called Abide in Christ. It is also good, although I haven't read the whole thing yet. If someone would like one, I have one extra of The Secret of God's Love. If you email me with your address, I'll mail it to you for freebies! How's that for fun?

another word

I listened to a Dennis Jernigan song last night that I hadn't heard in a while. But it just about brought me to tears. In some ways, it's a simple song, but in other ways, it speaks profoundly and deeply to the heart within me that yearns for more of the Father.

It's called If I Could Just Sit With You a While. I'm not sure who wrote it, but it was on DJ's cd. Some of the words are....

When I cannot feel, when my wounds don't heal

Lord I humbly kneel, hidden in You

Lord, You are my life so I don't mind to die Just as long as I am hidden in You

If I could just sit with You a while, if You could just hold me

Nothing could touch me though I'm wounded, though I die

If I could just sit with You a while, I need You to hold me Moment by moment, 'till forever passes by

One of the other words I underestimated when I began to walk with God in earnest was abide. It was a word I never considered very much. It was always a pretty word and I knew it had meaning, but I never could grasp exactly what it was. I'm still learning to grasp it.

When Bub was first diagnosed, I sat there at the hospital staring at his treatment plan. I was overwhelmed. When we finally returned home and a little bit of normalcy crept back into our lives, I'd look at my son and all I could hear were 'the odds' and how they were pretty slim that he'd survive. And yet he was a running around, giggling, child that still needed attention, love and discipline... just like a 'normal' child. I couldn't shake seeing him as 'dead'... that was all I could see in front of me for a time. Abide

I was scared. What were we gonna do? How was I going to go through this as a mother? The list of things we had to do to try to save him was very long... and terrifying. I'd never even heard of a stem cell transplant before.. .and we were standing in line for one. Surgery after surgery. Hospital stay after hospital stay. Drugs. Needles. Crying. Final diagnosis. Dying. Abide.

Now all these years later, I'm looking at my daughter going into her last year of middle school, but at a brand new school. New experience for all of us. We don't know anyone there yet. It's exciting yet scary at the same time. Abide.

When Jesus was facing his last days on earth before His crucifixion, He went about doing what He needed to do with each person He met along the way. He was not frozen or paralyzed with fear or anxiety. He wasn't focused on next week or six months from now. But in that moment, He prayed and sought His Father. I've learned, but at times need to be reminded, of that. To seek Him in the now. It's always now. To crawl up in my heavenly Father's lap like a little girl and sit with Him a while. Abide.

John 15:4 "Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me."

his quilt

When Bub was diagnosed, one of the first people to come in the room was a lady with this quilt. We were scared, confused, exhausted and had already been away from home for what felt like a week, having endured more than one surgery and several tests before we even got to the in-patient part. This became one of the things we always packed for hospital stays. He enjoyed covering up with it since it wasn't an institutional blanket. It was fun. It had "aminals" on it. For some reason, I was thinking it was Noah's Ark.. but duh... it's just "aminals". I guess my memory is fading some on the details. Kinda sad. I hate that.

It's bigger than I remembered! He was so tiny cuddled up under it.



Project Linus Tag

I had forgotten until I got ready to take these pictures that it was given under the Project Linus name. I remember now that we always called it his 'Linus Blanket'. Even though it's a quilt.

Another Project Linus Tag.

This one is custom made and satin.

Like I said, we carried this blanket to every hospital stay we had. I took it to transplant, but it only stayed on the bed for one day. I really had no idea what we were in for as far as that experience. wash. wash. wash. It might of made another appearance at the end of transplant, but I don't remember at this point. He rarely played with it at home. I guess it was a negative while he was home. But he loved it at the hospital.

It symbolizes so much. I had a small 'freak out time' today, as I couldn't find it! I can usually put my hands on things I really need. But I hunted and scrounged around and came up empty. I had a moment of panic, but reminded myself that The Hubster had recently rearranged in there and could surely put his hand on it fast. I met him in the garage when he came home from work today, peppering him with questions about it. He went to the closet and had his hand on it very quickly. Whew! I almost cried when I saw it.

I couldn't believe how people who've never met us could take the time to make something so sweet and wonderful for us. It was a warm gesture during a very dark time.

oh

Boo spent the night with some little friends of hers. They're a couple of years younger than she is, but they get along wonderfully. It was a slumber party of sorts. Lots of girls there. I hung around with my friend (the mom) as the other kids mom's came and went. I was introduced to all the moms and we laughed and had our small talk stuff.

But then I met one of the other mothers. My friend hesitantly told us we had something in common. We both said "oh" at the same time. We knew without saying a word. I think both our faces changed in an instant. We've both lost a child. I told her it's a club neither of us ever wanted to be in. We both talked of experiences 'taking us back' to when it happened for us. For me it was the death of a little girl we know recently. For her it was something else. But it took us back. Then and now. We both fanned our eyes to dry the tears. And we both moved on to other topics and had a nice time meeting each other.

'We' are out there walking among you. The ones who've lost a child. We look just like you. We smile. We laugh. We buy groceries. We do everything you do. But sometimes, out of nowhere, something can prick our hearts and take us back to a place that is only in most people's worst nightmares. And yet we lived it. And we relive it again a little bit. And then we move on.

Again.

gecko season

Now that it's getting ew dang hot outside, some little critters are finding their way inside our house. Lovely. I'm talkin' geckos. Lots of them! Well, to me it's lots of them. Day before yesterday we had one. Yesterday we had two. Today has been lizard free.

So far.


They'd be kinda cute if they weren't in my house. I.C.K. They can run fast too. I guess they "know" what's gonna happen when they hear me get out the vacuum cleaner. About the time I get all set up to suck the little guy away, he runs off.

How dare him!

The hubby's got a different approach, since the vacuum cleaner routine takes a while. He just grabs the little thing up in a tissue and tosses it. Double ick! The whole thing just grosses me out. I feel sorta bad for them, seein' how it's all hot outside and all, buuuuut!

G.R.O.S.S.

forward

I got one of those nasty forwards talking about what an awful person one of our presidential candidates is... how he snubbed troops on a recent visit etc. His last name starts with an "O" in case you couldn't figure it out or you wanted to know. This blog is not at all political... I feel like a fish out of water when I vote and have to remember how to do 'this' etc. It's just not my thing. Not where my focus lies. Having said all of that, "O" isn't my favorite person.. for lots of reasons. Nothing to do with the forward.

And that's a good thing, because the forward was a lie.

Which brings me to the broader topic at hand. Forwards. I hate them. I just hate them. Well, let me rephrase that. I hate most of them. The ones with cute kitties are OK. The ones with silly poems about getting older or needing bifocals are sometimes OK. But...and this is a big but here... NOT most of them. You know the ones. If you're American, forward this. If you care about people, forward this seven times. If you're a good Christian, forward this. This one bothers me because most of the time, a little discernment and listening to God, and the email wouldn't even get sent in the first place. And yet I've seen it played out over and over. I just get so sick of it.

My being an American is not dependant on my forwarding some dumb email. My being a friend or caring about people isn't dependant on it either. This one is a particular pet peeve! *IF* I really really care about someone.. guess what! I can write them an email. Or they can sit down and write me one. Or.. gasp... we could have a meaningful conversation! Not some dumb forward. What does a forward say, other than, "I can hit send". Woo hoo. What a talent. And as far as being a good Christian, read the Word, pray, listen for His still small voice and then do what He says. (Most forwards are pretty shakey theologically anyway!)

If we really want to be a friend, let's love each other deeply from the heart. Pass that ahead. So much better than a forward, don't you think?!