almost full time fashion accessory

I thought I’d update you all on the foobs (fake boobs). Things are going better, thankfully. Just about the time I thought wearing them for any length of time was a lost cause, I turned the corner.

For the most part, I am now finally (it seems to me) able to wear my foobs somewhat predictably. I’ve worn them ‘full time’ over the last couple of weeks. There are days that I take them off before I make dinner, but for the most part I’m making it the whole day. Sometimes I take most of Sunday off too, just to give my chest a rest. I think that has helped me a good bit too. 

I am also able to work out with them on. I am so thankful for this, because it means I don’t have to juggle putting them on then taking them off every time I turn around. I can just wear them.

One day though, I didn’t wear them because I was doing some heavy duty house cleaning and I just didn’t want to push it. And there wasn’t a reason why I had to wear them to clean house. So I didn’t.

But then it came time for me to go walk and I had to decide if I wanted to put them on to go walk, since I now can walk (hard) in them. But I decided not to do that. I rarely see anybody other than the sweet lady that checks me in, and she knows ‘the scoop’. So who am I trying to impress here, ya know?!

I am still struggling to find clothes to accommodate my new restrictions. The tank top I’m wearing in this post is a new purchase. It was on clearance from Lands End (score!) and I thought it would work so well. But since that top is technically a shell and not a true tank top, the fabric is thinner, and while that is great for the summer heat, it’s not so great for laying flat. So as the day wears on, the top rim of the top folds over and puckers in weird ways. While sitting in a restaurant booth, I’ve asked hubs to tell me what he can see, if anything. And a few times in the Lands End tops, he has reported that he could see what we call ‘dips’ which is where my anatomy sinks in rather than protrudes. I bought some more tank tops today…super cheap ones…but they are cut a slight bit higher, and they seem to be better at staying ‘put’.

But this whole thing has left me with many things to ponder. I know of women that wouldn’t wear a tank top at all since given just the exact wrong angle and circumstance, their bra and or foob would show, since it peaks out of the side edges of the bra. Do I try to keep that 100% covered, and struggle that much harder to find clothes that ‘work’. Or do I do the best I can, trying of course, to keep it to a bare minimum of incidences where something ‘weird’ might be seen. I can see points on both sides of the fence. For now, I am opting for the later. I am not going to be sooo obsessed that somebody might see in my arm hole or down my shirt at just the wrong time etc, that I end up in turtle necks all the time. Having said that, I am very conscious of any situation that could show something I don’t want to show…leaning down to pick things up, waiters being ‘over’ me and armholes being high enough…so that I am as modest as possible.

Of course, it would be easier if our summers weren’t so hot that it feels like the surface of the sun. : )

freaky Friday

I was doing fine this morning. Minding my own business and everything.
Just finished the second ‘leg’ of my twice weekly grocery store journey.
First Walmart, for the boring stuff…I think I had a bathroom rug on my list this week along with tortillas and assorted other odds and ends.
And then I headed to our local health food store to load up on all the goodies I can get there. The most ‘exotic’ thing on my list today was peppermint essential oil to make lip balm. Along with lots of veggies and a bottle of vitamins.
Easy peasy….I do this all the time. So I got everything loaded in and headed home and I all of the sudden noticed this buzzing sound coming from inside the van. It totally freaked me out! I couldn’t see it but I could hear it. Loud and clear.
And then I saw it…crawling on the dashboard. A giant bee! With a stinger and everything. OHMIGOSHOHMIGOSHOHMIGOSH!!!
I quickly pulled into a parking lot and flew hopped out of my van just as the silly thing landed on my leg. Thankfully I was able to brush him off before he ‘got’ me.
So I hopped back in my van, huffing and puffing from all the crazy. And made my way home.
This post could have alternately been titled unusual ways to get my cardio in. Cuz I totally did.
This counts, right?

bluebonnets and grace

The other day, the hubs and I went for a walk along the city’s walk and bike trails. And this is what we saw…

..bluebonnets. Lots and lots of bluebonnets! They are the state flower and very much beloved.  It’s very common to see them in state parks and along the highway.

And in city parks too.

I just had to take pics. I love them so much!

Just so pretty.

Which brings me to my little bloggy makeover. I have to give a big shout out to (Suz who talked to) Dawn at Beyond Grace who made the header (Using one of my pics) and all the little label pics. They are so cute. I love pink but even I was getting tired of the brightness with my old design. This is very fresh, crisp and clean. I hope you like it as much as I do.

Thanks Dawn! : )

the gardens

The weather this weekend was just about as perfect as it can get. It was sunny and in the 70’s on Saturday and I think it might have pushed up to 80 today, but very sunny and just light winds.

it was a perfect day yesterday to go to the city’s public gardens. We usually go a few times a year. It’s just so pretty out there…and there is a lot to see.

Plenty of life out there. We got a kick out of these turtles sunning themselves on a log.

We saw this beautiful (and very big) bird. I zoomed in to get a pic, so I didn’t get attacked disturb him.

A mommy duck and her babies swimming in the Japan area of the garden.

More to see in the Japanese area…

So pretty!

And then there’s my girl and I.

And just me. I am usually behind the camera.

Hiding.

But not this time. : )

We had a great time. Even though we’ve gone so often, we know just about everything we are going to see, there are always surprises. Like the turtles. So it’s always a new experience on some level and this trip was no different.

A beautiful day to be outside.

Don’t you think?

a reminder

Because sometimes I need to be reminded…

…of who I am.

where the wild things are

One day last week, I I was getting going on my day…and one of the things I do before time gets away from me is exercise.

I have one of these little dealies and it hooks on the door and I know the things I’m supposed to do every day. (I have a trainer) Anyway, I finished using it and opened the door so I could detach it and toss it in the corner. And then I plopped down on the floor to do some crunches and something else that I have no idea what they are called.

And while I was mid-crunch…I heard it.

And so did that cat.

We both zero’ed in on one spot on the wall right above the place I tossed my equipment when I took it off the door.

Scratching. In the wall.

So I did what any reasonable woman would do who is about to leave the house. I closed the door to the office so we couldn’t hear it.

But I was left with a little problem. I needed to tell the girl what was going on because I put a call in to the bug man to figure out what we needed to do (if anything). And he might call while I was gone. And I really didn’t think he wanted to be the one to tell her there might be something lurking in the walls.

And she might wonder why the door was shut. So I had to tell her. And the conversation with a little bit like this…

Me: So yeah…I heard this scratching a little bit ago inside the wall..INSIDE the wall..not ya know..inside the HOUSE…and um…I called the bug man to see what to do. But it’s not IN the house so don’t freak out {while I’m thinking…I’m freaking out… I hope it can’t get in the house}.

Her: A rodent? In the wall?

Me: Yeah…but it can’t get in. It’s in the wall. We’ve had this happen before and whatever it was figured out how to get back outside. {That sounds like a good story.}

Her: But what happens if it does?

Me: It won’t. I promise. {I really hope it doesn’t get in while I’m gone.}

Her: But what if it does?

Me: It won’t. {I don’t think it can..hm can it?}

Her: But what if it does?

Me: It won’t. {I hope it doesn’t, cuz it would freak us both out.}

Her: But what if it does?

Me: It won’t. I’m going to run my errand and it will be fine while I’m gone. I promise. {I hope nothing happens while I’m gone because I’ll feel like I dog if it does.}

And then I left.

And just so ya know…nothing happened.  And whatever-it-is seems to have figured out how to get out.  Disaster averted.

But maybe I should have just left well enough alone and let the bug man tell her about it. It would have been easier.

For me. ; )

a long {medical} week

Monday I went to my breast surgeon…and finally got released from her. Glad THAT was done.

Tuesday was my onc. I love him. I hate the drive, but I love him so much. I have decided that I will never wear my fake boobs when I go visit him because he can just pull up my shirt and do his thing and it’s a lot less drama than having to change into a gown. So there’s that. So Tuesday I was wearing a Christian tshirt (in my new size, since everything I own is too big) and he pulled it smooth so he could read what it said then asked where we go to church. I told him Bla Bla Baptist and he said “ah, Baptist, I love Baptist!” in his very thick Columbian accent. I wish I had asked him where HE goes to church. I really feel like he is a fellow Christian as well, but I failed to ask. {my bad} But anyway, the first question he asked me was how the meds he prescribed are doing. And so the first thing I had to tell him was that I wasn’t taking them. This…THIS was the moment that had me worried about my appointment for months. I didn’t take what he wanted me to take and I was dreading telling him so. When I read about the drug he wanted to put me on, it freaked me out, so I stayed on the supplement (natural alterative to tamoxifen) I started taking the first time I saw the integrative doctor (before I saw this onc..so I have been on it a long time now..relatively speaking). So I handed him my original blood work and my newest blood work from integrative dr guy and he was impressed. He asked me what I was taking and googled it and read about it while I sat there watching him, scared silly about what he was thinking or might say. Then he said he wishes the FDA would do clinical trials on things like this and that he can’t tell people to take something like that. But he was happy with my lowered estrone (the ‘bad part’ of estrogen) numbers. He was also very complimentary of everything integrative dr is doing and said he is a ‘good man’. Made me feel good that he is happy with the care I’m getting.

I think both my doctors for this are good men. My integrative doctor was very forward about his own faith at my first visit and he and his nurse prayed over me before I left. THAT’s unusual. So I do feel cared for and that’s a nice feeling. : )

I had blood work and then learned that I would find out the next day if something was amiss. So I guess this is how it will go from here on out..have appointment then wait on pins and needles for the following day to pass. Not fun. : /  But I don’t see my onc again for six months. Woot.

Yesterday I took my girl to the ortho…and our favorite girl, L has taken another job. We didn’t even get to say good-bye to her. It was very sad. The  other girls are sweet, but they’re just not ‘L’. I think I am going to try to find a way to contact her somehow.

And today I went to the dentist for a cleaning..and found out I have two tiny cavities. Bleh. 

And with that, my medical week has come to a close.

Hubs just called and he’s not working tomorrow. So the weekend is starting early…and I couldn’t be more ready. Happy weekend, y’all.

a new topper

I’ve mentioned before that I have had a lot of trouble sleeping in my bed since my first surgery. As a matter of fact, I had been sleeping in the recliner until recently.

We have had a sleep number bed for quite a few years. And I thought it was a dream come true until all of this happened. It just didn’t support me correctly. And it caused pressure points in weird places because of all my new stuff.

Enter the memory foam topper!

We bought a memory foam topper from the sleep number store and it has been a dream come true. I can finally sleep comfortably. It is soft, yet it supports my body without putting pressure anywhere. Love love love!

Yes, they smell. But we let it air out for about a week and then put it on the bed. I can’t even describe the difference this thing has made. I woke up this morning on my back…and nothing was hurting.

So! If you’re struggling with your bed…you might try adding a topper. It’s much less expensive than buying a whole new mattress etc. It does make the bed two inches higher and it makes a bigger difference than we thought it would. Thankfully I use Lands End sheets anyway, and they are generous. And my comforter is a bit large too..which is a miracle…they are usually cut so small.

So there you have it. Memory foam. <3

Disclaimer: I bought everything myself and sleep number and Lands End have no idea who I am..except for the other day when I was lamenting to a Lands End rep on the phone because they discontinued my favorite tank top. But other than that, no idea. : )

my radar is a little messed up these days

A friend of mine called me earlier this week to see if I would need distractions today. For a split second, I wasn't quite sure what she was talking about.

And then it hit me. She's talking about April. 5th.

THE day.

The day we lost our sweet boy.

And then I had a pang of guilt. Because even though I always know the date and time, my (radar) attention is focused elsewhere right now. Yes, I had thought of it and then quickly shoved it aside. I struggle with how to handle grief so it doesn't just take over my day...and my body (and mind and spirit). Because even though remembering him is a normal thing, going "down the tube" for a day...or several days...is not good. Or physically healthy for me right now.

Because I'm focused on winning my own battle and everything it takes to do so.

But my sweet one is still with me. Every blood draw, every stitch I nursed, every pill I pop, every shot I give myself (and I did that last night) reminds me of how he fought....and lost...and gained his heavenly home.

So happy anniversary in heaven, sweet boy. You are NOT forgotten. Ever.