JIALING
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MILISSA
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PEECEES!






Designer: !ferris.WHEEL².♥

The results of GE 2011 are out.
How nerve-wrecking it was.
In the end, we went to the PAP.
And it was by such a small margin. :/

Elections was exciting wasn't it?
To see how close the margins are.

Well, I'm here because I felt like dedicating this post to Mr Chiam.
He's someone my whole family looks up to.
Mr Chiam used to be a teacher at Cedar Girls. haha. I won't forget how excited I was when I saw his picture in the yearbook. That was almost 6 years ago. During the 2006 general elections, I remember grabbing my yearbook, running down the block to meet Mr Chiam downstairs, to get his signature while he was going around campaigning. He shook my hand and said, "Wow, you're a Cedarian." He smiled at me and that was enough to show, how proud he was of that school.

During Chinese New Year, Mr Chiam was walking around the estate. He visited my grandma house. We happened to be making love letters along the corridor. It was a disaster because we had no idea how to make them and we were just experimenting. haha. But sir stopped by to greet us. He encouraged us and applauded our enthusiasm for trying it out. He took a picture with us and it was published in the newsletter.
Yes, he was such a friendly person.

It has been 27 years. Thank you Mr Chiam. You made such a huge difference in our lives. You showed me the 3 qualities I see everyday during my time in Cedar. Honesty, Courtesy, Perseverance. How you managed to see through the different projects. The lift upgrading ones especially. It would be one that I won't forget. The covered linkways have proved to be of great use as well. The town council has also always been efficient. (:

Mr Chiam, you have to know that, you will stay in our hearts forever. We will always remember you. You have looked after potong pasir well(:

Hello World,

It's been pretty cruel these days hasn't it?
March has been such a depressing month thus far.
I watch the situation in Japan everyday. and I wish I can help :/ Sighs.

Thank you though, for the recovery of my brother.
He's well and healthy now(:
That's really awesome. haha. No more hospital stay for me (I dislike it)
That period was really awful.
Grateful to my colleagues who smsed me everyday to check on my brother and my welfare.

Haha. Sadly though, I disappointed everyone after my brother was discharged.
Sucks to feel like that now but no choice I guess.
Like qw says, it will go away.
It'd better be SOON. Haha.
I'm not so tolerant of it coz it's restricting a whole lot of stuff that I usually like. :/

Yups, that's march for me World.
My brain has worked a lot. My tears have depleted too.
I finally have the chance to start proper on my application to the universities.
I think I've grown pretty much in just 2weeks.

Thank you World, for allowing me to see reality.

Choice
You get to choose pretty much in life.
You get to choose what kinda life you wanna lead, what kind of friend you wanna be.
I guess I really need to reflect again.
But, not tonight.

Rest in peace mummy's friend.
I'll pray.

Oh wow, seems like I haven't posted for quite some time? HAHA.
Can't believe that I actually survived going to work this week.
With that crap fever. -.-
Think I SHOULD BE okay now?? :/ don't care though...I'm still gonna workout tmr. haha.
It's like I've been getting a fever every month since after A's? Normal?? :/
Sighs.

Pretty glad the weekend is here and I'm off this sat(:
This means that I get to sleep in. YAYS!! I NEED SLEEP!
Haha.

Been feeling kinda lonely these days.
Like there's no one to talk to ): sighs.
I have so much to say!
But at the end of the day, I'd just chuck them somewhere in my mind and try not to think about it again.

Yay! It's CNY(:
Haha.
All I wanna say is,
There's nothing better than YOU(:

There's nothing better than spending cny with the whole family.

And,

I really love living in the present(:
not the past, not the future. haha.

At least the nightmares are over(:
I hope they don't ever come back...
Now, it's just recovery.

I wish the hands would be less affected by the medicine though ):
It's getting really inconvenient...
and I cant really hide them ):

The heart.
It's probably the medicine as well then.
That explains it. Sighs.

I saw pain today.
It was trying to be friends with others. I hate it.
It shouldn't exist. It made her frown. It made others cry.
I wish I could hug her.

And lie.
Lie that everything would be okay when I know it probably won't be.
Lie that the pain is only temporary.

Do you see it?
Choose. Black or white?
Can it be grey? I have no idea...perhaps so. when you know it should be.

Sometimes they say you've got to stay strong.
and that it is all a mental challenge.
But I know how that feels. It isn't easy at all. You got to try though.
Give up and you lose.
I saw, in the booklet...don't tell them that they will be fine because you know that that isn't very possible. It would be giving false hope. It would be insulting to others because they know it themselves that it is impossible to be as good as before.
I guess I finally understood what kind of mental challenge we have now.
Haha. It just occurred to me! I've been too confused lately.
It isn't about the final outcome. It isn't about full recovery or not.
It is the process again. To live each day to the fullest because that means not giving up...
You have nonsensical thoughts occasionally. You frown at times. You get angry during certain periods. You feel upset. That's all part of life isn't it?
HAHA. You may not get what I'm saying coz you can't read my mind now.. lalala. but thats okay..coz I finally got it.
Yays. Okay. Let's compete then. We shall see how colourful our life can get!(: and I figured that everyone has different mind battles to fight.

I like this question!
What is happiness to you?
HAHA.

GOODNIGHT WORLD(:
Thank you! I accomplished another day(:
Today, I feel extremely grateful to be able to feel. It was OVERWHELMING!

Black & White

That's the difference.

qiwen, thank you for the past few days(: haha. It doesnt feel half as bad now... I just hope my term with it will end soon! It is seriously, the shittest thing ever (for now :/) experienced. Lucky there's you around...otherwise I will prolly go nuts or sth. boos. haha. THANK YOU!

This is it isnt it? :/
Sighs...
I'm tired.

Feels like a zillion years since I last smiled or laughed.

I hate myself.

Thank You For The Happy Memories
That's probably what I would like to tell everyone.

The week's been pretty eventful.
Screwed up quite a bit at work ): Blur and all. Sighs.
Work reminds me of RC a lot. Trainings in Cedar that is. haha. All the hectic trainings in the past. Dressings remind me of the First Aid Kit
All the equipment reminds me of the Recovery Room
Paperwork reminds me of my files and admin stuff
Keys remind me of my red cross room key
Patients remind me of the casualties
And then, I'll miss my squadmates :/

Well, the weekend came then.
Mum fell sick. ):
Still brought my siblings over to grandma house to stay.
It's for the family tradition. haha. Peanut Puffs. To be continued next week... (:
Then went out with grandma today.
Cramps pretty annoying this time round. I wanted to tell her to postpone it but...I didnt want to disappoint. haha. I think my grandma's so cute(:

Sighs...you know sometimes, your mind is saturated with so much thoughts that you do not know what to think about anymore?
That's prolly how I would describe my feelings now.
It's horrible. ):

It's pretty difficult to believe that I've worked for more than half a month already. haha.
I love the people there(:
They're super awesome!! HOHO.
It's time to challenge med onco now!!(:

Friday was EXCITING!! hahaha
"All I can think about is going down at 4 to get the free chopsticks!"
HAHAHA. and yup. that was what I did! Collected for the whole clinic. They said I was too honest coz I only collected for those who were there. hahahaha. then had to go back and queue again to get for those on leave too.
Friday clinic should remain slacky! Then I can do my favourite jobs! Loser stuff like shredding paper, chop the forms, write NASOENDOSCOPY and some other word that I got it wrong in the beginning...laughed like mad when nurse tan told me the correct word. HAHAHA.

Then we had New Year Party!!!!
It was damn fun! YAYS(:
The food was seriously the best ever! Although there werent seats, we were contented to just stand and eat!(: Usual buffet food. Roti Prata, Kebab (is that how you spell it?? nvm. my stomach alr digested it anyways), ice kachang, laksa, herbal soup (sister connie said good for our eyes?! HAHA) BLAH BLAH BLAH. and OMG ICE CREAM. HAHAHAHA. We just couldn't resist it.
Waipo and Aijia are such pigs luhs. They had THREE -.- hahahahaha. But we ate so much that all of us felt damn fat after that.
HAHA. WE LOVE WORK!! It's a different kind of fun I guess. You get to experience both the good stuff (like more new year parties please) and the bad stuff (that is, when you screw up at work and get into trouble :/)

Haha. Anyways, cousin's ROM today.
The food was damn good. OMG why do I seem to always talk about food here now -.-
Haha. Got arrowed again. sighs. I should get used to this but, I really just wanna be an ordinary guest for once ):
Ohwells...then some other stuff..haha.

Tmr's Sunday already! sheesh. I havent rested enough!
Heh...Looking forward to playing with the little girl tmr!(:

OH, it's 2011!
Time for new, exciting stuff!(:

Haha. Love hanging out with Del, Brenda and Huiyu((:
The night was super awesome with them around.
The only un-awesome thing was that delphine gan had to suffer from insomnia recently -.- so she woke up damn early and went around disturbing us -.- HAHA. We all wanted to sleep more del!!!
It feels really good to just slack and not think about anything else(: LOVE IT!

Aye...but there is this weird ominous feeling that I keep having - like sth that got to do with my pathetic health. :/
There is this empty feeling too.
Have no idea what's happening to me luhs.
I shall just survive by the day and be thankful that I get to live again(:

Haha. I got bored. So here I am(:
Christmas Hols are over. Why did it end so quickly? ): haha. But I enjoyed it loads(:
Well, christmas eve was the usual family party. It was at grandma house this time((: YAYS. hahaha. Was playing with Kaylee half the time. She's just so cute((: Anyways, the games...hmm jigsaw...trust aunts to come up with that. All of us felt like some OLD MAN/WOMAN halfway through...like imagine sitting on the floor, trying to fix that 300 pieces thingy -.- and it was pretty unfair (guess they didnt think about this) coz the puzzles were different. Thought ours was like the most difficult coz the colours were all almost the same while the others had like distinct colours so that would be easier to fix.. hahaha. but we still got second. HAHAHA. and coz of that, I got extra money. How awesome(: Love cash prizes. HAHA.

Second game was a bit retarded luhs. Wherever they got that weird ball from...hahaha. Timed games aren't my style afterall I guess. I get too nervous half the time. :/ We cheated a bit. oops. hahahaha. and got second again. HAHAHAHA.

Ahh then lucky draw. Too bad biao ge, I GOT THE HELLO PANDA. Perhaps if you said you wanted to treat me to sth nice, then I would have considered exchanged presents with you then. hahahaha. HELLO PANDA((:

Christmas party was fun(: I love it(:

Then came the weekends. hahahaha. Seriously, I love a life like this. Just stay home and watch an awesome show(: YAYS(: It made me super happy(:
So, the holidays came and went like that. haha. It's winter in a lot of countries now isn't it. I wish I get to experience it. :/

Ohwells, work tmr. :/ I'm pretty scared for tmr. sighs. )): okays. I must be brave!

Ha. It's Christmas eve today(:
and it's off day coz they re-scheduled my timings for this month(:

Pretty much to reflect on this week.
Work has been madness.
Everyday my legs feel as though they aren't a part of me...and I have to drag them all the way home... :/ lisa said I should soak them in hot water..will feel better that way...but knowing me, haha..half the time im too tired and lazy luhs. :/
I've learnt a lot. haha. Really wanna try doing a scope! Like what exactly will I see if I stick it up the nose as it is supposed to be done instead of just experimenting and checking using my hands. hahaha.
Right...then we go down the list. I've done trd and surgical onco already. haha. Left with med onco and palliative. Palliative is the one I'm interested in. Hmm...but I guess I would need to gather more experience first. med onco has loads of forms..and forms + paperwork drive me nuts half the time. )):

Anyways, went for facial yest. hahaha. Aunty Jasmine asked if I am too stressed or sth...pimples and all breaking out. :/ Told her I was working and she said I needed to be less ji dong. HAHAHA. That's gonna be a difficult task though. I worry everytime I'm working...zxzxzx...rmb to fill this up, rmb this rmb that... ): Guess it is a matter of getting used to the job. haha. at least, thats what everyone told me(:

Dinner with mollybu and mother last night was awesome(: Mollybu is maurice wong's new name. Cool right? yep, I came up with it. HAHAHA. I realised I ate very little last night but nvmmm...haha. The best part was dessert luhs. Super nice yogurt ice cream!(: Then silly mollybu kept laughing halfway coz he stepped on mum's toe by accident. The whole thing was damn hilarious. HAHAHA. coz mummy shot up from her seat suddenly. Then we started laughing like mad. We're not horrible kids luhs...we did ask if she was okay. hahahaha. but it was seriously too hilarious. The 3 of us ended up laughing TOO MUCH...that the other people started staring at us. (esp mollybu -.-) After that, we convinced mum to take a cab home. HAHAHA. YAYS. Saved my precious legs from the misery of walking to the mrt and taking the miserable public transport home coz we prolly wouldnt get a seat AGAIN and I have to stand all the way. :/

Stayed up late last night to help mum wrap all the presents. :/ My wrapping skills suck. We should hire a professional or sth. seriously. Or, someone nice enough to teach me next time?((:

Hmm ohwells...been thinking about some issues for quite some time. I don't really know what I should do at this point in time. :/ someone said, to have a little faith. Perhaps I really should. I need to sort out my thoughts on this ): My mind's gonna explode soon... Been receiving too much information at work and trying to rmb too many things at one go. ):

However, I'm glad the weekend is here. Now, I can do some research that I have been wanting to do since I started work(: and, I've got an idea about the future. Hope I get to see uncle norman soon. Really wanna discuss it with him. haha. ahhh, it's only the afternoon and I feel like sleeping already. Maybe I should nap. HAHA. Then wake up and go grandma house for christmas family party later((:

Till then,
MERRY CHIRSTMAS EVERYONE((:
(haha in advance luhs, highly doubt I will blog again this weekend)

P.S. Jane Lim! I LOVE YOU((: hahaha. dont miss me too much...we'll meet up soon! haha. actually, I'm usually almost always free for dinner, so...you can just arrange if you wanna meet((:

It suddenly struck me that the year is ending soon.
I've been allowed to live for another year(:

I'm starting to enjoy work now.
Guess there is something I can never really run away from...
Reality.
and working there.
It hits you every minute. I really mean every minute.

I'm really proud of them even though I don't know them.
They face life with such optimism.
A new battle. A new obstacle. A different kind of pain.
They would say...bring it on...
They smile at you. Say that it sucks. but yet, they continue smiling at you.
They're really the BEST. (:
We shall all hang in there together then(:

Away from work...
Dad's turning on the (my) tap.
Mum's TOO stressed.
Maurice doesn't seem to care about anything
Melinda - ignorant
Family - Conflicts
SIGHS.
Doesn't help that I'm sick. Seriously...has anyone coughed so much before?! :/ I just collapsed into one corner coz I felt so exhausted. After climbing the stairs, I couldn't breathe. What is this ):
I remembered I prayed for everyone but why isn't it happening? ): I said do whatever to me but let everyone else be happy, safe and healthy. But...why is the HAPPY word factored out? :/ was it because I wasn't sincere enough? Right. I should pray again.