He did it again

My Dad always had a way of giving me the gift I never knew I needed but would ultimately find useful. Such as the little red tool box filled to the brim with various tools that I would need when I got my first apartment.

A week ago I had a dream. I was driving along in the old mini van with the big kids in the back, when suddenly the road stopped and the van began falling. I remember feeling panicked; that hopeless type of panic when you can't do anything but wait for it to be over. The van continued to fall and as it did, it turned front end up. I remember thinking I didn't want to scare the kids by freaking out but inside I was freaking out. When suddenly this incredibly calm feeling came over me and I was no longer scared, but filled with peace. 

I woke up a little freaked out. What did this mean? We were going to crash. We wouldn't have survived. But that peaceful feeling that came over me...it was the most comforting feeling I've ever had. In such an awful situation, I was filled with the most peaceful sensation. 

I started to think about the dream and I kept coming back to my Dad. Is this what his dying felt like? Spinning out of control, unable to help yourself, unable to make yourself healthy again? And then ...acceptance, peace, knowing that what awaited you was better than anything here on Earth?

This morning I got a wild hair to clean my closet. In this process I did something I had been putting off forever. I opened my Dad's bible that my Mom gave me last Christmas.  I don't know what I expected to find. I do know what I hoped to find...a piece of my Dad. Something, anything to cling to. 

I stood in my closet, looking through old church bulletins - wondering what it was about those specific bulletins that made my Dad decide to save them. I tried to go back in time and retrace where I was on those Sundays, was he already sick, how sick was he? 

In the very back pocket of his bible case, I came across a note pad. I opened it to find my Dad's hand writing and a bible verse he had written. This bible verse is the only thing written in this notepad.

Psalm 73:26

My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,

but God remains the strength of my heart; 

he is mine forever

So this Christmas - I need to know he is okay. I need to know he is with me. I need to know he is at peace. I need to know, more than anything...and I've struggled with this part this last year - I need to know there is a Heaven and he's up there watching over me, always, even in my darker moments.

Thanks Dad, for always giving me what I never knew I needed. 

Wish you were here.

11 months

Is this really possible? 11 months? My tiny 5lb baby is going to be ONE???? I have so many mixed emotions about this. So.very.many.emotions.

Eating: We've started transitioning you to whole milk. My wallet thanks you! You LOVE sausage. Holy little piggy! Some other favorites are grapes, broccoli and cheese casserole, sweet potatoes, and you love to gnaw on apple chunks. 

Size: You are close to 18 1/2 lbs. To us you seem HUGE, but after spending a couple days with your cousins, Ethan (11 mo) and Joseph (5 mo), you're a tiny little thing. In fact you're the same size as Joseph. 

Eyes: Hazel'ish. They maybe getting darker.

Sleep: No complaints here! Most nights you sleep from 6:30pm-6:30/7am. You usually cry out around 4:50-5am still and then off an on until we get you up.  

Likes: I said it last month and I'll say it again, you LOVE taking baths at night with Caed and Sav. You can be in the worst mood ever, but as soon as you hear that water running you're shaking in delight. We've put out our Christmas decorations and you love the little Elves. You also love footballs, walks, chewing on anything you're not supposed to, and opening cabinets that are not meant to be opened. You love to play with Sav and she loves playing with you. On a few occasions, the two of you have been found in her room - just playing. You still really like to be held and walked. We can't just hold you and sit still. We have to be moving with you. Dropping stuff and watching us pick it up for the 100th time. Feeding the dog your dinner.

Dislikes: Being told No. Being put in the car seat; once you are in you are ok, but the process is dreadful.  Again, like last month...I know there are more things you don't like, but I can't really think of them.

Milestones: Your officially signing all done and more. You can wave bye-bye (when you want to).

10 months

Eating: Status quo here. You have about four 7oz bottles a day. I try to give you solids about 3 times a day. You've been on a bit of solid food strike the last couple weeks. The only thing you'll eat without fail is puffs, blueberry puffs. I'm thinking maybe you are teething (sure do hope so, Miss Attitude!) and so the solids aren't as appealing right now.

Size: You weigh right at 18 lbs. I don't feel like you've gotten heavier this month, just longer.  I'm buying 12 month clothes for you, but you can wear anything from 6-12mo.

Eyes: Hazel'ish

Sleep: Your bedtime gets earlier and earlier. Lately you are in bed (and asleep) by 6:30pm. Sometimes I hear you cry out during the night; we let you cry for a few minutes (usually 5 minutes) and that tends to work. You do wake each morning around 4:50-5:10, like clockwork. Some mornings, I let you cry it out for a few minutes and you'll cycle in and out of sleep until about 6:30. Sometimes I get you a bottle because I think you're hungry (you've been down for almost 11 hours by then). Every night/morning looks a little different, but the good news is you're sleeping from at least 6:30pm until 5:00am or so. I'll take this over the last nine months!

Likes: Baths are still the highlight of your day! You loving playing in your crib too. It's like your own personal trampoline. Walks. You are so content walking to get your big brother and sister every afternoon from school. You like playing peek a boo and This Little Piggy. And you LOVE Mickey Mouse Clubhouse...mainly the beginning, whenever they sing and the end.

Dislikes: Gosh, I'm sure there are a lot. You're very strong willed but I'm having a hard time coming up with something. 

Milestones:

Standing alone

Blowing kisses...sometimes you get confused and put your hand to my mouth instead of yours. It's cute!

Words: Mama, Dada, you mimic a lot of sounds and words 

Miscellaneous: You came down with an ear infection the week before Thanksgiving. Those were a miserable couple of days for you.  You've been going to the gym daycare since you were about 6-7 weeks old; man, you're a champ at being dropped off (gym, church nursery, etc) anywhere but your limit is about an hour before you're ready for us to come back for you.

 Your first 5k

 Oh so big! Look ma! No hands

For a few days she would constantly make this face

 Pumpkin picking

Pumpkin carving

Trick or Treat

Yeah, I'm only a month late. Back dating this to November 1.

9 Months

Oh baby! When did you get so big, so funny, so smart? I swear I can look at your sweet face and just seen the brain working. I assume it's because you are the third child, but you seem to be learning things at warp speed. 

Eating: You eat a lot of table foods, baby food and still get a 6oz bottle every 4 hours. You're a fan of oreos! You get that from me.

Size: 17lbs, 5oz (25th percentile for weight) and 25" long (3rd percentile for height). Still in size 3 diapers. I recently bought a few size 9m outfits and after putting one of them on you, I returned the others for 12 month outfits so you could wear them for longer than a few weeks. 

Eyes: Hazel

Sleep: Oh, the pediatrician and I had a nice talk about this today. Your night wakings continues; you were up on average twice a night this past month. There is no regularity to your waking either. The doctor thinks you need to learn to self soothe better and that you don't need the middle of the night feedings. I'll be honest, I just want to go back to sleep so I tend to just give you the bottle because I know it will work rather than encouraging you to go back to sleep on your own. Starting tonight though...well...there maybe very little sleep on my part because she recommended the Ferber method or the good, old fashioned turn the monitors off and let you cry it out. I don't think your Dad will let me just let you cry it out...so Ferber it is...for now. You're quite strong willed so in the end I think we may have to let you cry it out, but we'll give the Ferber method a shot first. 

Savannah picked out this pink bunny at Carter's and you love it. You snuggle into it every night. You've also learned to sleep on your belly, stand up in your crib, bounce around like a wild woman. You often stay in your crib for 30 minutes, quietly entertaining yourself before you start to fuss. 

Paci: Not really. Hardly ever. The last couple of days, I've noticed your thumb in your mouth. Maybe you're teething....I'm not sure what's up with that.

Likes: Baths! Me. I hate to brag, but I love that I'm "your person" and every time you come to me you do this purr/giggle thing and smile. Standing up. You pull up on everything. You get into everything and you love it. When I tell you no, you just smile and laugh. 

Dislikes: Being left alone. You don't like for someone to just put you down; you want someone to be next to you.  You don't like getting your PJs on after bath. 

Milestones:

Pulling up

Crawling. One knee down, one foot down. You get around though.

Pointing

Clapping

Sleeping on your belly

Saying Da-Da (appropriately even)

You moved out of the infant carrier into a Diono Radian**

** I wish I had moved you sooner. You were in a Chicco Keyfit carrier and would cry and scream during any car ride longer than 30 minutes. We drove 3 hours round trip the other day and you didn't make a peep other than to babble and laugh. You napped both ways too. You are so much happier in this seat. I highly recommend it. 

Miscellaneous: Your big brother and sister spent a few days with Gigi. While they were gone we sent them this video. Listen to this video, close to the 19 second mark. What do you hear? I hear "I love you." You've really started to mimic a lot of sounds. I swear one morning you said "Hi Caed" when you saw Caedmon. 

You woke up sneezing two weeks ago with a side of runny nose. By that evening, you had a cough and low grade fever. Saturday was more of the same. After waking multiple times Saturday night, I was up with you at 5:30am. I put you back down, only to wake again at 6:30. When I got to you, your breathing had completely changed.  I sent a video to Matt at work telling him I didn't like the sound of your breathing. His response "Jesus. That sounds terrible." Cue the panic!

I called the on call Pediatrician who basically told me to get you a breathing treatment STAT or take you to the ER. Luckily by this time, Matt was home from work and called a friend who is a medic. We managed to avoid an ER visit and followed up with the doctor once the office opened Sunday. Diagnosis...the Enterovirus that is going around. Scary stuff. 5:30 you were fine. 6:30 in respiratory distress. We're also the proud owners of a Nebulizer, should we ever need it again. I'm pretty sure you didn't leave the house for the next week. I wanted to make sure you got better so we became shut ins.

Man...month 8 was a busy one! 

 (I know she's crying in this picture after I just said she has yet to fuss once in it...but this was the day I installed the carseat. She was over my putting her in and taking her out of the seat. And...I removed the black pads, near the clips. Once those were removed, she was much more comfortable)

As I am finishing up this post, I'm watching you wiggle and fuss in your crib; it's almost 10pm. Here we go with the sleep training. Wish us luck!

8 Months

Eating: Boy, do you like to eat! You have pretty much written off baby food and eat mainly table food. As for bottles, you're eating 6 ounces every 4 hours. You're still on the Zantac and it's amazing the difference it makes. You've been using a sippy cup in your high chair for a couple months now.

Size: 15lbs, 14oz ...much to my surprise. I would have put you closer to 17 lbs but nope...still on the small end of the spectrum. It's funny...people either comment on how small you are or how big you are. There is never a middle. I would describe you as compact. You are small, fast and strong! Oh and those thigh!!!

Diapers: Size 3

Clothing: I'm now buying 9m sized clothes. 

Eyes: Hazel

Sleep: You're down by 7pm and up between 6:30 and 7am w/ one waking in the middle, usually between 1:30 and 4:30.

When you are home, you nap beautifully and predictably. You're taking two naps a day, the first one around 9:30-11 and then again from 1:30-2:30 or 3. 

Paci: Only in your crib and not very often.

Likes: Climbing, eating, baths with your brother and sister, walks, someone to play with you, dancing, clapping, peek a boo.

Dislikes: Being left alone. You don't like to be put down and then left; you prefer someone sit next to you while you play. Peaches...you gag.  Getting stuck on your belly. A couple times you've rolled to your belly while you're sleeping and you wake up pissed!

Milestones: You're moving but we're not sure how. You get around; you're a stealthy scooter.  Eating table foods, obviously. Clapping...it's not an open palm clap; you're clapping with your fists. You've started making more consonant sounds and you love the sound of your voice!

You blossomed this month. You're so much fun and I think you're quite funny even when you are screaming at me.  You want so badly to be mobile and big like your siblings. You have no words yet, but you definitely get your point across based on the pitch of your squeal or grunt.  

I giant smile I get when I pick you up out of your crib that makes everything in the world right.  You also give pretty awesome hugs. You pull your knees up (as if you're climbing up me) and bury your head in my neck. It is seriously the best! 

 One day I caught Savannah in Emory's crib during Emory's nap time.

 Sweet sweater my Aunt Jennie sent Emory.

 Emory trying hummus for the first time.

 On the way to pick the big kids up, she turned her self side ways and

rode the whole way like this.

Turkey bacon, eggs, biscuits...she eats it all.  

 Cucumber!

 One night I went to check on Emory and found all this in her crib; Savannah's bun bun included. Sav is always watching out for her.

 Peekaboo!

 Showing off!!

She loves taking baths with the big kids. Loves it!!