I'm wide awake even though I had only 1.5 hours of sleep last night. Shall... Go study later.
Oh & I suspect my teacher's found my blog? He was saying things like: "Blogging... useless (No it is a place for expression ya know!) " ... "Don't sleep till 12 on weekends (read my previous post)". Maybe not. Hope not. Hahaha.
I realised that everyday there would be at least 1 person who will go... "You ok or not?" (or something to that effect). Hahaha then I would reply "Do I look like I am?"
Ok maybe I ain't moody. Thinking back, I've been like this since secondary school. Like... Can don't talk for the whole day if nobody talks to me. And I will look very sad. :/
Am reverting back to the study-non-stop-just-to-keep-self-occupied-mood, its 3 weeks to Mids and I can't imagine not being prepared for the paper, although I think there is a high chance things would turn out this way.
Brought Miffy to school today in attempts to cheer self up. Worked a little. Haha I am childish. Lala.
Off to study, can't waste time. My post's boring. My darling (camera) died on me and I'm very, very sad )':. I'm staring at Friendster photos & crying. )': I miss everything so much. Bye world, bye.
Edited\ Oh my gosh I have something to be happy about. I scored an A for my Math lecture test. First time in eon-months. So touched. Ok. Thats all. Thanks friend for studying with me, I could have just slacked at home.
I'm just praying hard that I'll do the same for the subsequent tougher quiz.
I can’t fathom human character. Is this the person I used to know?
What if to agree is to go against your own set of principles? What if to disagree carries a big risk of losing everything? What if to ignore does not mean that everything will just go away?
And in this race, everyone’s so ahead of me I am trying so hard to catch up Yet those obstacles, no longer a motivation But stones which cut and make you bleed
I wished I were emotionless, emotionaless. I wished I were a studying machine.
The security isn’t there; At this rate, I’m gonna lose everything.
Even friends, my actions hurt them I hate myself I can't stop to think, mind's filled with me, myself, failure
This is a race against self And for me, Its DO or DIE.
_________________
I'm real glad Publicity's in good hands I can't take the guilt
I can't do well in anything, I can't even find something that I'm good at. I was never good at anything.
Anyway had dinner with Clr, Cvn, DJ & Leslie @ HK Cafe, food was good. However, whole mind was thinking of studies and partially filled with negativity with how I am going to fail at this rate (& partially listening to Chinese songs played there, they sounded almost ancient).
How come they don't seem to worry as much? Does that spell that I am too anxious about exams? I hate to give up, but circumstances aren't helping. I feel lousy after every test and when we get them back. Encouragements sound like distant echos How come they can do so well? Please, I am so sick & tired of failure Its like a total pitch-black I keep falling in I can't get out I hate myself Help.
I woke up at 1200 today. & put my mind down to doing homework. & I finished my G.P & Chem equilibrium revision worksheet! Well its not a lot because I had to do some online stuff in between (which took up alot of my time due to SUPER laggy computer). (And up till now I still can't get 'em done, argh.) But at least I had the mood to do! And I didn't waste my day away! :DDDDD Although I wasted half of it by sleeping it away already -_-. I'm gna study, study, study. ADD OIL!
Oh & I've uploaded a nice pic to my Friendster. HAHAHA. Here it is: Nice hor. Put big big for everyone to see lei! LOLOL.
-_-. OFF TO STUDY! SCHOOL TOMORROW! the joy. give up & appreciate.
Marks the end of duties & trainings, though not official. I just found a new J1 contact list in my email. Which translates to I have been contacting the wrong people all these while, since 190408. Gosh, the consequences of not being able to use the computer.
Passed down, do a good job ok Junqiang! (: Definitely has the potential in him, already taking pictures/videos yesterday. :D
Chem lecture Back to school on a Saturday. Woke up late in the morning to find my face buried in yesterday's newspapers. Washed up, thought Dad was fetching me to school but he left for work. Had to board a bus to school, luckily I made it on time. Lessons were alright, came to the sudden realisation that I could actually do some of the questions which I didn't know how to (for the test that is). Sigh.
I gotta work real hard...
Anyway... Saw this on Chem attendance file! I love Clr's camera can! Hahaha the macro focal length is ~1cm! Mine is 15 O.O
Sorry Clr! I will return you your camera on Mon... Treat you to stuff ok :X
After class, guys decided to pose for a picture outside school (which caused some traffic jam and a lil bit of comedy there).
So Riyanti, guys & I went to Kovan to makan. Mac was packed so we had cup noodles from 7-11. Then joined Gersh the bowler at his training. Well not really, we just ate there and played pool :D. Julius attempted to teach me how to play, but the stick (what do you call it?) was so heavy. Hmm he taught me last year too, but up to now I still can't get it right, sigh. ): Cvn was good! He said it was his first time playing but played quite well. Woody too, who claims to have not played for 8 years. Or did he say months? Hehe I forgot. :X
Snaps with phone. Cvn hoho (:
Woody haha (:
-_-
Cvn & Woody left after that (I thought they were saying bye jokingly so I didn't reply, oops. :X). Julius, Gersh & I had lunch at QiJi (Hmm. Miracle food? Will it make me smarter? LOL), then walked back to our favorite 'college BBT shop' to get drinks.
We went to Julius' house, then went home while Julius went to his church for service.
Taken @ Pasir Ris, somewhere, fitness corner. Sorry Clr again ): I am a photo addict.
& there're so many things that I want you to know; Of subtleties & hypocrisies, I don't care, no more.
OH. MY. I am gna waste my whole Sunday away, just because I can't concentrate, argh! Should have gone out with Kelly to study. Initially I had to go develop some ODAC photos, but Branson did it in the end. I should have gone out, man! Now I'm stuck at home(where can you go to study at this time of the day? & the library nearest to my house has no tables).
Ahh I needa study, I can't catch up already. I feel so useless sitting in front of the computer. Ok I shall go download stuffs from Ass, if it ever gets updated. Except the GP articles, which I never have time and patience to download to read. I prefer reading things on paper.
Blabbers aside, something to share. From TalkingCock. :D _________________ A Tale of Two Cows
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM. You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION. You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION. You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION. You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called 'Cowkimon' and market them worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION. You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION. You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION. You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A SWISS CORPORATION. You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION. You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment and high bovine productivity. You have the newsman who reported on the numbers arrested.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION. You have two cows. You worship them.
A MALAYSIAN CORPORATION. You have two cows. You signed a 40-year contract to supply milk at 0.06 per lit. Then midway you raised the price to 0.60 or you cut supply. When the buyer agrees to the new price, you change your mind again and now want 1.20. The buyer decided you can keep the milk and they go look for milk that comes from recycled cows. Your two cows retire together with the PM.
A SINGAPOREAN CORPORATION. You have two cows: One "cow-peh" and one "cow-bu". Both are owned by a government linked corporation.
________
Waka. Go read if you have the time. Gotta go think of where I can go to study. SIGH.
& she's got everything that I have to live without
This is just a picture that makes senseless meaning whatsoever.
Went back to college to study today. WF came to accompany me in between her breaks from her guitar camp. Sigh mood swings; got kinda depressed and made WF felt bad. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to ):. Maybe thats why sometimes I'm better left alone sigh.
Walked home shortly after she left. Went to the optician's to check my eyes. Things' been rather blurry esp words on the L.T screens. The nice lady helped me do a free eye check. Gosh & I am 300 degrees- half-blind now. Ah! Got my new contacts and left, had instant noodles (my first dinner in 3 days!), then rooted myself to the computer chair.
Currently selecting & resizing photos, may be putting up some shots I took while loitering around Punggol Park.
I'm beginning to hate myself, all thanks to self-imposed negativity which I can't seem to change. Argh! I hate all this. Cheer up cheer up cheer up cheer up
Ok I think I shall be nice. (: You heard of the myopia ad that says every 30 mins at the computer you are supposed to look at greens to protect your eyes? Look at these!
I love the symmetry.
Journeys.
This bush of a plant(?) was infested with bees, but I like the furry thing so I walked into it to take a shot anyway.
Ok here is a last pic... with me, somewhere... Strain your eyes O.O.
Alright go rest your eyes!
With expectations come disappointment, I give up on hope. Blah blah blah. E(X)= np.
TalkingCock.com I used to visit this website, but it was only till today that I got reminded of it. Hilarious powderful Singlish! May help in G.P too. Helps you remember SG's current affairs eh. But of course, remember the correct version. (: & there's this Coxford dictionary of Singlish. Hahaha.
NEH'MINE A contraction of "never mind". Can be used aggressively, as a threat. 1."If you're too busy to help me, neh'mine. Its alright if you're too busy to help me." 2."I always help you and now you sabo me like that? Neh'mine"
School was alright today. Was late for school for the first time in 2 years(I woke up at 0706)! There was a rainbow which made the college looked like a beautiful picture, but I didn't bring my camera with me so I couldn't take a picture, aww! ):
Couldn't do P.E, argh! I like physical training. Giddy for the entire day.
After lessons, went to Yoshi with Wei2, Julius, Woody, DY, Henry & Cvn to have lunch. The guys 'disappeared' while Wei2 & I went to Popular. Boarded a bus home- missed C.C.A 'cause was real drowsy due to cough medicine. Dozed off on the bus, luckily I woke up in time :X.
I'm so happy I forced myself to do Nitrogen compounds tutorial even though I was ill yesterday, at least I understood what's going on during tutorial! :D
Weird. I shifted all of my retrieved pics to somewhere on my com but I couldn't find it. ):
Off to do homework & revision, I have no time left to catch up.
Updates, Thursday[100408] to Today(Sunday)[120408] Thursday, studied at friend's. Quite conducive, I wished my house was like that(my room faces the main road, together with noise from the black box in the living room & my little sister talking, oh my, how to study?). Felt quite bad though, like an intruder/outsider. :/ But nonetheless, thanks 'cause I always don't wna go home & then I will get company to study yay.
Oh & Henry gave me this website which I can get games for my phone. Hurray!
& so... Friday. P.E was bad! We were supposed to do our 15-rounds endurance run, but due to bad weather we ended up doing jigsaw puzzles. To exercise our brain maybe? Well but it was fun anyway, I've always enjoyed doing puzzles! (:
Well we took quite a few pictures too :D!
Our prized masterpiece! Gosh I need a haircut.:X
SY, SM, Phoebe, me-_-, Wei2, Riyanti
Wei2 & I did this M.P prize presentation thing but I look fat in there! So I'm not posting it here hehehe. :X
_________________ In between break of waiting for PW results, Study study! So this is a teacher's point of view... Shhhh.
PW results Sigh. I can never speak/write well. Thanks Riy/DJ/Gersh/DY for consoling/helping me carry the uber-big camp haversack on my way to the bus stop.
ODAC Camp- Day 1 With moody mood(lol), reached home, dumped everything into backpack, bought insect repellent, rushed down to college. Day 1 wasn't good, my ailment acted up again. Whole body ached like it was crumbling, coupled with dizziness & nausea, wished I was in hugging my darling pillow. ):
WK had to take the trouble to take care of & help me carry my stuff(which weighed a ton) to the classroom. & thanks to DY who helped me carry it to 3rd level(there was a change of location of the girls' 'dorm' from 1st to 3rd floor).
So while the rest played games & had fun, I spent my night on resting.
Humongous ant in the girls' washroom. Taken with phone, bad focus.
Wanted to study at night, but some said we had to sleep. Was pretty tired, so slept again.
Speak, but please be reminded of your audience.
How ironical.
Day 2- Punggol Park! While the rest played games(again), I was walking around the whole park going snap-snapping. Aching legs after at least 3 rounds of walking around the perimeter of the lake. Was resting at JW's station when Branson came across some message-in-a-bottle buried by a group of friends in the sand. So he added a note to it. Haha. How cool.
Self-potrait @ Senior Citizens Fitness Corner(hey the equipment there's quite fun hahaha).
Back in school just in time before the thunderstorm started. Had lunch with DY & Susu's group. Dolphins are quite a nice bunch! :D
Set off to Pulau Ubin! Some J3s came along too.
So we pitched the tents, etc, etc, ate, ate, ate, campfire, songs, dance, cheers(Estacy cheer*10!)!
Nostalgia.
Stupid me pressed the wrong button on JW's camera & all my 500+++ pics on my memory card were gone. My first reaction was oh sh*t, then the screen said 'no image' when I tried to view what's in my memory card, & I couldn't stop crying T_T.
Am trying to recover everything now, luckily Branson, Clr & Cvn told me that it can be done so. Phew thanks Clr for helping me find the software!
So meanwhile, this's gna be a no-picture blog until I recover my whole memory card, which, at this point in time is only 23%.
Its first of joy then disappointment, to know the reason, reflect on attitude & purpose. Try blaming it on human nature of reciprocality. & behind all the silence is the secret yet common understanding of these occurences, which we accepted due to forced circumstances.
Day 3- Back to college for cleaning of tents. What the J1s did... Reminded me of what I was doing last year. At times I really miss those moments.
Chatted a bit with MW from Dolphins on way to bus stop. Then a loooonng wait for the bus, & yay home, reunited with darling pillow. LOL.
Slept a lot+ ate a lot, then stuck in front of the computer. My Chemistry test tomorrow! I think I'm hopeless. ): Am still feeling drained, aftermath of camp.
Still waiting for my pictures to be recovered, 28%!
Nice song! My daily dose everyday now. Apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur~
I think I'm tired, am talking nonsense already. Breaktime's over, I really gta get back on track. I'm real tired, take my hand & run with me.
Training officially ended at 2045. Before that, we went shop-a-shopping for our upcoming camp! Stuffs for J2s.
Although didn't join the J1s for trial in the afternoon(I badly need a run!), was totally drained by the end of the day. Am dozing off in front of the computer now.
I wasn't emo-ing, I was stoning :D.
I wish that there's 56 hours a day! I wish the school had dorms!(yea lazy to travel home) I wish there's a drug that can keep me awake & happy & un-stressed(now is there such a word?) for weeks days on end. I wish there's better food in the college! :X
& when one tries to impose unreasonables, the effect is often opposite of that intended, he who knows of the harm done? Can't help it, face it, let it go, & I'm looking forward to that day, that Someday where all will be freed, focussed, gone.
PW results in 2 days, 123(my group number!)- A for PW! :D
I'm so tired, so tired, so tired. Now I wish my brain is tuned such that for every 1 hour I sleep, my body will feel recharged as if it has rested for 3 hours.
Off to Dreamland, goodnight world.
P.S. Gosh thanks WF for the sweets today! >< P.P.S. Its 29 WEEKS TO A LEVELS!
Personal section on public desktop. Check out my addition of a sticky :D
I can't find my camera cable so I guess my camera's gonna be dead for the time being. Oh man! Camp's on Friday & if I can't borrow a camera from the school I won't have any.
Gosh I was so tired I slept till 1315 today, wasted half of my day away. ):
Anyone knows how to go about applying for the study table thing at neighborhood C.Cs? I think Cvn & Wei2 told me about this before. But no details... ):
Argh com's giving me problems, now my whole Windows Media Player is gone & I can't do up the ODAC video. My Window's not genuine I think. So I can't validate. ):
I'm really in the mood of putting everything aside & immersing myself into studies. Regrets?
Boredom; from studying in college just now. I miss my camera! It died on me, I'll try to charge it again later(in hope to revive it...). T_T Full concentration for around 6 hours, but completed revision on SPA only. Gosh so inefficient! ___________
Back track...
Well I went out of school for lunch yesterday with Wei2 & Riyanti & they were talking about this countdown timer thing... So Wei2 sent the link to me, thanks! (:
Notice the taskbar on the above image! Super Mario! Yea I installed that in my computer last year.
& so it was the college's Meet-The-Parents session yesterday. Stayed back to do work, went to sit-in to listen to what Mr Lim has to say to the parents. Hmm was shocked when some of my classmates' parents actually recognise me.
& Mt Tan asked me about the Math I was doing, on cross product, why did the 'i, j & k' disappear. LOL!
& C for GP.. possible? I doubt so, for my case...
Some told me I need faith. In myself, in terms of studies, etc. I'm trying so hard to.
Well for me, I didn't want my parents to come because I was such a disappointment. But then again, I wanted them to know about my 'A' level curriculum. Thought, thought, thought, oh well its better for them not to come anyway. ___________ Looking at shots taken by others @ About.com, the part on Urban Legends. Some look so fake, I think they are photoshopped? Hmm. Never been to this website before anyway. Recommended by Wei2. Haha. Or maybe they are meant to be?
Regarding an issue, I know apologies won't help at all, but I'm real sorry about the accusations brought upon all, afterall it was a grave mistake on my part, I oughta be punished. Job undone, can't cope, other things to handle, I've brought upon such misery to others, so guilty, so guilty, SIGH.
Ramblings aside, Do you know... That the whale is the BIGGESY mammal in the world? LOL. Definitely not photoshopped. :D
