Boredom

Tis better to be bored than being lonely. For being lonely makes you feel like commiting suicide. Feels like playing with fire.

Paranoia starts to kick in. Everything turns hazy. Your mind starts to wander, your movement becomes sluggish and everything that you do becomes meaningless.

So what's the cure for loneliness. What's the cure for suffering in silence. What's the bloody damn cure for feeling like shit.

Why do you still keep me here? Why do you need me to be alive? Why do you make my senses so accute?

I ask you everyday but you never answer. I ask you to take it all but you give it back. Tenfold.

Forgive me...but i might not be able to handle it anymore.

2011 Whats up??

You'll have to cry me out
You'll have to cry me out
The tears that will fall mean nothing at all
It's time to get over yourself

Baby, you ain't all that
Baby, there's no way back
You can keep talkin'
But baby, I'm walkin' away

When I found out
You messed me about, I was broken
Back then I believed you
Now I don't need ya no more

Part of Pixie Lott Cry me out lyrics. I guess time does heal and mend (slightly) a broken heart and what they say if it doesn't kill you it will make you stronger. Oh hell yea...I can gulp down stronger type liquor, I can punch and kick much stronger than before, I can hold my tears way longer than before and I sure know how to close my heart with a much much stronger Door. Yea what doesn't kill you ... will turn you into a cyborg.

The end of 2010

I have stopped being human the day my heart was shattered into a million pieces.

Now I'm just a fucking robot .

New Languages to learn.

Click here to hear this beautiful song. I've included the english translation. :)

Empezaron los problemas
The problems have started
se engancho a la pena
and she fall in pain
se aferro a la soledad
she furl to solitude
ya no mira las estrellas
she doesn't look at the stars anymore
mira sus ojeras
look at her eyecups
cansada de pelear.
she's tired of fighting

Olvidandose de todo
Forgeting everything,
busca algun modo
she is looking for the way
de encontrar su libertad
to find her fredoom.
el cerrojo que le aprieta
the bolt that tightens her
le pone cadenas
put her chains
y nunca descansa en paz
and never rest in peace
y tu dignidad se a quedado esperando a que vuelvas
and your dignity was waiting for you to come back

Estribillo

Que nadie calle tu verdad
No one must silent your truth,
que nadie te ahogue el corazon
no one must drown your heart,
que nadie te haga mas llorar
no one must make you cry
hundiendote en silencio
sinking you in the silence.
que nadie te obligue a morir
No body must force you to die
cortando tu alas al volar
by cutting your wings when you fly
que vuelvan tus ganas de vivir
your will of leaving should come back

En el tunel del espanto
In the tunner of horror,
todo se hace largo
everything got long.
cuando se iluminara
when it will get illuminated
amarrado a su destino
tied to your fate,
va sin ser testigo
Now without being a witness
de tu lento caminar
of you slow walking

Tienen hambre sus latidos
Her beats are hungry
pero son sumisos
but they are submissive,
y suenan a su compas
and they ring at her compas.
la alegria traicionera
the traitorous happiness
le cierra la puerta
closes her door
o se sienta en su sofa
or she sits in her sofa
y tu dignidad se a quedado esperando a que vuelva
and your dignity was waiting for you to come back

Found This at Facebook

I've wasted so much precious time
Been skating along these fine lines
Now these weeds have grown where the sun once shone
And my life has passed me by

And my life has passed me by
And I don't know why
I keep searching for something that I never found
While these weeds get deeper as I turn around
And time grows older and I've grown colder
So long has passed that I forgot to count

These weeds have grown where the sun once shone
And I can feel it

Today I cut off all the ties
Been led blind for all this time
But somewhere in between the lies
Are the hearts and minds of those who tried

And although I've heard your lies
And I don't know why
I keep searching for something that I never found
While these weeds get deeper as I turn around
And time grows older and I've grown colder
So long has passed that I forgot to count

These weeds have grown where the sun once shone
And I can feel it

This space between us...

*its getting harder to smile. . .*

Hello blog I'm back

I thought that after i found happiness i wouldn't have to come back here and rant. Guess happily ever after only happens in fairy land.

(i wonder if i can find it in Google map?)

The crossroads are fast approaching again, maybe this time i would just sit there at its base and let some hurricane blow me in whatever directions its headed.

Don't think i can handle anymore decisions on my own. Every roads that i choose to thread on, always ended up with broken hearts anyway. This time it broke more than several hearts. Stole a bit of my soul away too.

So I'm walking again. . . where are you damn crossroads???

2009

The countdown to the New Year, begins with having *Rudolph the red nose reindeer . . . come sing with me . . . he he* for lunch at uncle Ah Vui's place at Kiansom on Christmas day. Yes i know the irony of it. Having reindeer on Christmas day, I know!! I know!!

The house is at the top of the hill, the driveway is so darn steep you get goose bump just looking at the slope to go up. But the view is so fantastic its well worth the goose bumps and shivers and panic attacks. hehe

See all these antlers??? The meat is so good you would want third and fourth helpings. Serious!! i think i tapau some meat home too. haha

Payau meat and warm beer mix with coke. Not a good combination for beer i think but we had no choice cause we forgot to chill the beer and we ran out of sprite. hahaha

Boxing day!! Dinner at Hana Jap Restaurant, City Mall. No sake but we adjourned to R2 D2 for a whole lot of cocktail mix. It was also a belated bday celebration for rach.

Instead of doing vodka shots, we opted for a more daring approach. The Viking kind of way. Mix Everything in a BIG (and i really mean BIG) mug and pass it around. NO ICE!!

The taste is so terrible . . .yuck!!! *shudders* I'll take the shots next time thanks.

On the 27th . . . went to a 43rd wedding anniversary (43!!!!! RESPECT!!) at Jinu's place. Still a whole lot of drinking and food bingeing. This family knows how to drink, if you follow at their pace i can guarantee you'll be crawling to your bed if not the toilet sink. ha ha

I didn't manage to take picture of the food but i can tell you it was fantastic. There's Lamb!! Lamb is good, lamb is always good. One bottle of vodka + several shots of Cowgirl Smoothies. If you have no idea what kind of drink cowgirl smoothies is go and google it. ha ha

Luckily Ruth had to pick up Tierney hence we manage to escape (barely) from further destroying our liver.

28th . . . makan makan at Rach's house at Tmn Penampang. (another rach . . he he). Home cooked meal. I was banned from the kitchen cause i'm of no help to them. haha. Lihing chicken with Vege.
Then proceed on to have wine and junk food after that . . . and you thought my liver was taking a break now didn't you??

Suppose to be wine and cheese but we got these instead. ha ha ha

Ok you can take it easy my liver did take a break for two days . . . . haha

New Year Eve . . . Masquerade party at Rumba, Le Meridien. Before that we had a lovely dinner at Moon Bell restaurant. We ordered . . . Peking Duck, Storm Sand Chicken, Aubergine, and Soft shell crab. Great food, this restaurant haven't let me down yet with their food and the owner food suggestions.

Sometime in the middle of the night i think i forgot that masque meant to be weared in front and not at the back. ha ha

Phillipine new year tradition, that when the countdown begins you have to place coin in the palm of your hands. Cool isn't it? of coz we were scrambling to find coins in our pockets that night. ha ha

One bottle of Johnny Walker Black Label (we finished it). Not to worry, i was sober that night, manage to go home without any incident. Had to follow the back road home cause of roadblocks and accidents. Tomorrow i'm gonna go find air kelapa and give my liver a well deserved break.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!

Loft 4th Anniversary

We started drinking at 6pm plus and continued until 2am. Free food and booze. This time i had 12 glasses of whisky and vodka. Somewhere in between theres 6 Tequilla shots. All curtesy of Loft. hahaha

This time i went with the girls from my belly dancing studio. Drinkers and Dancer. Should be the right combination to have alot of fun. ha ha the bulk of this picture is in my facebook. So if you're in my friends list go and check it out. If you're not . . then too bad.

*Happy Birthday DeeDee*

See your face is not that red after all. ha ha