14 December, 2010 <3
Eventually we have nothing to say to each other. Silence. But this kind of silence isn't peaceful. There's a sense of awkwardness here. You're at the driver's seat, driving - an excuse to be silent. I'm here, typing all these, avoiding you.
What a drastic change. You never asked about my day anymore. We speak less and less each day. Your answers to my questions never go more than 3 syllables. "I'm tired" you always say. I'll just smile and listen. "I'm tired" I say, you said "who's not!?"
You know what? I'm tired. - because of you.
The break of the silence will be another series of quarrels. I can only confide into this quietness.
Let this silence continue. Let this awkwardness seep into the night and end there. For tomorrow we will run the same sequence of fights and exchange of spites. Are you happy? With this lifestyle? I can't wait to leave.
I enjoy the silence of a good company. Not that of a cold war.
Our Endless Love<3
1:20 AM
23 August, 2010 <3
How am I supposed to handle a deteriorating relationship?
How am I supposed to let you know just how I feel?
We can't even hold a proper conversation anymore.
And I just want you to love me more.
I can't take this anymore.
I suppose it's time for me to leave afterall.
It's gonna hurt so bad.
Our Endless Love<3
12:58 AM
07 July, 2010 <3
It's been two years. Looking back, I feel that I've been giving in too much.
My freedom. My friends. My favourite hobbies. My books. My time. My space.
Has it been worthwhile? I wonder.
I'm feeling weary of this relationship. Is it right to carry on?
Starting to lose sight of my ultimate goals. I feel like I'm walking aimlessly day after day.
I'm not doing what I really want to. Deep inside, I know that I'm not giving my best in whatever I'm doing.
Concert is only a few days away and I don't feel motivated. Tickets aren't selling too well, but I can't find the motivation. I don't see the point of putting in my best effort (though it's MY concert).
What should I do.
Two years gone by. Nothing achieved.
I need to find my motivation. Else I'd be a walking zombie SOON.
Two years. What should I expect next?
Our Endless Love<3
12:07 AM
20 May, 2010 <3
It's hurting me inside. Why can't you be there. Why can't you give in to me? Not even once..? I keep telling myself, I have to be reasonable. But the way you are treating me tells me how little you actually care. How can I tell you how I feel inside me? My thoughts are slowly eating me up, little by little, I'm losing myself.
I can't even regconize myself anymore. Can't you tell? I'm beginning to be less myself. I feel the restraints from you. I feel the strings attached that stops me from flying. Can't you see? I'm suffocating. And you're the cause of it.
I'm just a girl.
Please love me like one.
Our Endless Love<3
12:18 AM
19 May, 2010 <3
Sometimes I wish you could love me more. Shower me with care and concern. Tall to me about something else other than work.
I wish you'd take a good look at me and realize how much you've been neglecting. How much you didn't notice.
Before I decide to leave.
Our Endless Love<3
9:30 PM
29 April, 2010 <3
Blogging in the studio right now. Feeling tired and sick. Drowsy with the medicine kicking in, but still gotta keep myself awake for recording.
Uncle Mel is taking over me for the time being as the singer is doing a Cantonese number. So tired. Slightly feverish, burning throat and bad bad headache.
I need silence. :(Our Endless Love<3
6:51 PM
27 April, 2010 <3
My schedule is full of recording sessions this week! It's only Monday and I feel so tired.
How am I going to record 5 days consecutively!? Wish me luck! :(
Over the weekend, brought Chujun to buy a new netbook, her desktop died on her. LOL. While shopping for her new lappy, I saw OVENS! I so want an oven for birthday! It's been a while since I last baked! *hint hint ;)
After Chujun got home after receiving her new lappy, I helped her with her blog. Did her blog layout and stuffs, then I realised it's time for me to change my blog layout. I spent more effort on hers than mine! Haha. But I'm glad that princess is happy with it.
It's been raining lately, and asthma have been acting up. Feeling terrible, but work still have to go on. The weather is so nice to snooze in the couch, with a novel and a cup of hot chocolate..... I remember I used to love getting drenched when it's raining cats and dogs, walking in the rain with Jasmine... Get home dripping wet and get scolded by Mom. Then, wash up and snooze on the couch with a novel in hand, a mug of hot chocolate on the table... Miss those times!
Have been spending too much time with Zen, discussing work, doing work, rushing proposals, meeting clients and planning upcoming concerts. Even on weekend nights. "No time for romance" he says. Career is our priority, but still...... I rather spend weekend alone, reading and listening to some good music instead of discussing work with my lover. No more hugs and kisses, cuddles and laughters. They are all replaced by burning midnight oil, serious discussions and burrowing our heads in the computers.
Sometimes I wonder.. When can I have some space for myself...?
Need someone to love me.Our Endless Love<3
3:14 AM
20 April, 2010 <3
Our Endless Love<3
2:46 AM
28 March, 2010 <3
It's time to slowly let go.. It doesn't seem to matter that much anymore. Maybe because I've grown up. Maybe because I know I won't be happy going on like this. Even if we hold on, the ending doesn't excite me anymore. In fact I know it'll be different from what we once expected.
It may be a better choice.
Give me some time to enjoy the process and end it with a smile.
I love you. But I'm unhappy loving you.
If you want the rainbow, you must to put up with the rain. D. Parton
Our Endless Love<3
6:39 PM
23 March, 2010 <3
Our Endless Love<3
12:49 PM
