Tuesday, June 26, 2007
A picture of our girl!
Today we got a photo of Nora from a family who recently traveled to Chongqing! It's very grainy, but it's definitely her. She's getting so big and she looks so, so sweet. We've been waiting 22 days for our LOA/SC. I was okay for the first three weeks--now I'm just anxious to go get our little girl!
Saturday, June 9, 2007
The Acronyms of Chinese Adoption
These were posted on our agency Yahoo group, by Holly, one of the moms whose LOA just arrived! Thanks Holly!
LOI
Letter of Intent
This is a letter sent to the Chinese adoption authorities (CCAA) by the prospective adoptive parents (PAP), stating they intend to complete the steps necessary to adopt a given child. It also spells out a basic medical plan for any health concern that the child has. It tells a little about the family, respect for Chinese birth culture
of the child, and gives sort of a convincing plea to the CCAA on the part of the PAP. The LOI is sent to China along with basic financial information about the PAP.
PA
Preliminary Approval
Letter given to the prospective adoptive parents from the Chinese adoption authorities, saying that they have approval to go ahead and complete the steps to adopt a given child (for whome they have filed a LOI).
DTC
Dossier to China
All the paperwork from the prospective adoptive parents has gone to China to be reviewed by the CCAA.
LID
Log In Date
The dossier has been logged in at the Chinese adoptive governing office. The PAPs are officially in the process for adopting the child.
CCAA
Chinese Center for Adoptive Affairs
The Chinese adoption governing body, located in Beijing.
PAP
Prospective Adoptive Parent
LOA (or SC)
Letter of Acceptance
Seeking Confirmation
The letter that the CCAA sends to the PAP to confirm that they want to adopt the child for whom they have filed a LOI. This same letter is also sent to PAPs who are adopting in the NSN (Non Special Needs) program, where a child is matched/referred to the PAP after the CCAA reviews the dossier (paperwork). In that case, the PAPs
review the child's info and sign the LOA/SC if they do accept the referral/match.
TA
Travel Approval
This is a letter sent by the CCAA to the PAP inviting them to travel to get their child. (The PAP then has 90 days in which to travel).
CA
Consulate Appointment
This is the LAST step in China before you can board the plane for home! You go to the American Consulate in Guangzhou and present the plastic envelope full of documents. You get one back that is sealed and NOT to be opened. You give it to the Immigration officer when you enter the United States. (Really - don't open it!) You also take an Oath at the CA. Don't take your guns, knives, cell phone, PDA, etc. etc. etc. to the CA. (OK - don't travel with guns and knives. It will just be easier that way.) Leave your camera behind, too. No photos allowed. Your CA date is the date from which you plan your entire trip -- backwards!! Once the CA is confirmed by your agency, you can plan your travel!
LOI
Letter of Intent
This is a letter sent to the Chinese adoption authorities (CCAA) by the prospective adoptive parents (PAP), stating they intend to complete the steps necessary to adopt a given child. It also spells out a basic medical plan for any health concern that the child has. It tells a little about the family, respect for Chinese birth culture
of the child, and gives sort of a convincing plea to the CCAA on the part of the PAP. The LOI is sent to China along with basic financial information about the PAP.
PA
Preliminary Approval
Letter given to the prospective adoptive parents from the Chinese adoption authorities, saying that they have approval to go ahead and complete the steps to adopt a given child (for whome they have filed a LOI).
DTC
Dossier to China
All the paperwork from the prospective adoptive parents has gone to China to be reviewed by the CCAA.
LID
Log In Date
The dossier has been logged in at the Chinese adoptive governing office. The PAPs are officially in the process for adopting the child.
CCAA
Chinese Center for Adoptive Affairs
The Chinese adoption governing body, located in Beijing.
PAP
Prospective Adoptive Parent
LOA (or SC)
Letter of Acceptance
Seeking Confirmation
The letter that the CCAA sends to the PAP to confirm that they want to adopt the child for whom they have filed a LOI. This same letter is also sent to PAPs who are adopting in the NSN (Non Special Needs) program, where a child is matched/referred to the PAP after the CCAA reviews the dossier (paperwork). In that case, the PAPs
review the child's info and sign the LOA/SC if they do accept the referral/match.
TA
Travel Approval
This is a letter sent by the CCAA to the PAP inviting them to travel to get their child. (The PAP then has 90 days in which to travel).
CA
Consulate Appointment
This is the LAST step in China before you can board the plane for home! You go to the American Consulate in Guangzhou and present the plastic envelope full of documents. You get one back that is sealed and NOT to be opened. You give it to the Immigration officer when you enter the United States. (Really - don't open it!) You also take an Oath at the CA. Don't take your guns, knives, cell phone, PDA, etc. etc. etc. to the CA. (OK - don't travel with guns and knives. It will just be easier that way.) Leave your camera behind, too. No photos allowed. Your CA date is the date from which you plan your entire trip -- backwards!! Once the CA is confirmed by your agency, you can plan your travel!
Thursday, June 7, 2007
The new and improved timeline
Things have changed for us dramatically, now that we are adopting a baby with special needs. To begin, we are out of the loooooong line and in a much shorter line. Unfortunately, it seems to be a much less predictable line. In the non-special-needs line, you send in your dossier and the CCAA stamps it with a date. It's called the "login date", or LID. All the families that share your LID will basically get their referrals on the same day. Referrals are sent out typically at the beginning of each month. Right now, the CCAA is working on matching babies to families with November, 2005 LIDs. This month--just two days ago in fact--the CCAA matched babies with all the families who have LIDs from November 2nd and up to and including November 7th, 2005. That's correct: They got through six days in one month and they are only working now on November, 2005. At exactly this pace, if we had stayed in the NSN program, we could expect to see a referral in...68 months. That's 5 1/2 years, for those of you who can't divide in your head.
As I said earlier, we aren't in that line anymore. We're on the fast track now--it's like in the game "Cranium", when you are smart enough to skip a whole bunch of those colored brains. We were smart enough to get out of the slow lane in China. The non-board-game types aren't going to get that reference, but I know some of you will.
We had to do a few things first, to jump tracks. We had to update our homestudy to reflect Nora's special need. We had to write a new letter to the CCAA, vowing to take care of our little girl. And we had to submit our "Letter of Intent" (LOI), otherwise known as a "care and nurture plan", explaining in detail our plan for addressing Nora's medical issues. All of these documents, naturally, had to be authenticated with stamps and seals and every other imaginable signature. But it's all done now and our LOI is in China--probably sitting in some huge pile on someone's desk who has 500 other folders to process before ours.
Now, we are counting again, from the date of our LOI. I need to make a new ticker, down at the bottom of the blog.
In probably 90 or so days (that is my prediction and it could be much shorter or much longer), we will get a "Letter of Approval, seeking the consent of the adopter" or the LOA/SC. We will need to sign this document, ASAP, and send it back to China. Then about one month later, China will give us authorization to travel (TA) and a consulate appointment (CA).
There are consequences to choosing this little girl and forsaking all others. We now cannot go back into the NSN program. This is a new rule in Chinese international adoption and we all have to live with it. No flip-flopping. Fortunately, we are head over heels for miss Nora, so that's not a big deal. We're in it now, with her. For life.
As I said earlier, we aren't in that line anymore. We're on the fast track now--it's like in the game "Cranium", when you are smart enough to skip a whole bunch of those colored brains. We were smart enough to get out of the slow lane in China. The non-board-game types aren't going to get that reference, but I know some of you will.
We had to do a few things first, to jump tracks. We had to update our homestudy to reflect Nora's special need. We had to write a new letter to the CCAA, vowing to take care of our little girl. And we had to submit our "Letter of Intent" (LOI), otherwise known as a "care and nurture plan", explaining in detail our plan for addressing Nora's medical issues. All of these documents, naturally, had to be authenticated with stamps and seals and every other imaginable signature. But it's all done now and our LOI is in China--probably sitting in some huge pile on someone's desk who has 500 other folders to process before ours.
Now, we are counting again, from the date of our LOI. I need to make a new ticker, down at the bottom of the blog.
In probably 90 or so days (that is my prediction and it could be much shorter or much longer), we will get a "Letter of Approval, seeking the consent of the adopter" or the LOA/SC. We will need to sign this document, ASAP, and send it back to China. Then about one month later, China will give us authorization to travel (TA) and a consulate appointment (CA).
There are consequences to choosing this little girl and forsaking all others. We now cannot go back into the NSN program. This is a new rule in Chinese international adoption and we all have to live with it. No flip-flopping. Fortunately, we are head over heels for miss Nora, so that's not a big deal. We're in it now, with her. For life.
Nora Chun Lian
So here is what we know about her.
We know she was abandoned outside the orhanage in Chongqing in April of 2006 and that they inferred her birthday to be February 4, 2006. That means she is just 16 months old. We know she has a unilateral, incomplete cleft lip. We know she is alert, a deep sleeper and that she is outgoing. She is walking. She imitates words and recognizes familiar sounds. She likes sweets and she has a good appetite. She likes to play with her peers and her dolls, and she likes to be held by the nannies. She is reported to be obstinate, but also has a "ready smile"--a girl after my own heart.
We know she belongs with us.
There are many things we don't know about her.
We don't know if her palate is cleft as well, although the medical reports from China state both cleft lip and cleft palate. We assume these reports are correct, but we have no idea about the severity of her cleft palate. We don't know how many surgeries she will need. We don't know if she has siblings. We don't even really know exactly how old she is. We don't know if she was born full-term or early. We don't know if her mother had good, or any, pre-natal care. We don't know if she has other disabilities (although it seems unlikely based on her reports). We don't know when we will travel to China to get her. We hope to travel in October or November at the latest.
International adoption is a leap of faith, made all the scarier when your baby has special needs.
We know she was abandoned outside the orhanage in Chongqing in April of 2006 and that they inferred her birthday to be February 4, 2006. That means she is just 16 months old. We know she has a unilateral, incomplete cleft lip. We know she is alert, a deep sleeper and that she is outgoing. She is walking. She imitates words and recognizes familiar sounds. She likes sweets and she has a good appetite. She likes to play with her peers and her dolls, and she likes to be held by the nannies. She is reported to be obstinate, but also has a "ready smile"--a girl after my own heart.
We know she belongs with us.
There are many things we don't know about her.
We don't know if her palate is cleft as well, although the medical reports from China state both cleft lip and cleft palate. We assume these reports are correct, but we have no idea about the severity of her cleft palate. We don't know how many surgeries she will need. We don't know if she has siblings. We don't even really know exactly how old she is. We don't know if she was born full-term or early. We don't know if her mother had good, or any, pre-natal care. We don't know if she has other disabilities (although it seems unlikely based on her reports). We don't know when we will travel to China to get her. We hope to travel in October or November at the latest.
International adoption is a leap of faith, made all the scarier when your baby has special needs.
How we found our daughter
I'm not going to share the details of the sweet girl with the hearing loss, because she is not our daughter. She has been matched with a wonderful family, HER family, and so her details are not mine to share.
I can share, though, that when I realized she would not be a part of our family, I cried for two solid days. Still, even when I look at her picture now, I ache a little bit for her and I wonder what will the rest of her life be like? What will she look like? Where will she live? Who will get to put her to bed?
John said to me, after we had made the decision that we could not move forward with her adoption, "If we adopt a baby who is deaf, you'll always be right about everything, and I'll always be wrong." I know that seems really insightful (and to give him some credit, it is pretty astute), but it wouldn't take a degree in rocket science to figure that one out. You'd just need to live with me for about...a day. I would be everyone's worst nightmare if I had a baby with hearing loss, including my own. So we let her go; I let her go, really, because John said right away, "she isn't my daughter..."
"...she is."
I can share, though, that when I realized she would not be a part of our family, I cried for two solid days. Still, even when I look at her picture now, I ache a little bit for her and I wonder what will the rest of her life be like? What will she look like? Where will she live? Who will get to put her to bed?
John said to me, after we had made the decision that we could not move forward with her adoption, "If we adopt a baby who is deaf, you'll always be right about everything, and I'll always be wrong." I know that seems really insightful (and to give him some credit, it is pretty astute), but it wouldn't take a degree in rocket science to figure that one out. You'd just need to live with me for about...a day. I would be everyone's worst nightmare if I had a baby with hearing loss, including my own. So we let her go; I let her go, really, because John said right away, "she isn't my daughter..."
"...she is."
Miss "A"
The end of April/beginning of May was a little crazy for me at work. I had to spend a few days in Portland at a clinic, working with some new clinicians. I got a paper accepted with revisions and felt simultaneously relieved but overwhelmed by that. On the 5-hour drive down to Portland, our agency called three or four times (they never call me. ever.) to talk to me about the waiting children. John and I needed to have one last conversation with our social worker, together. They needed to hear John say the words "we will adopt a baby with special needs. These are the needs we can accept."
In Portland I saw for the first time, my best friend's/SIL's new house--acquired after her divorce. She was married for 15 years to a man to whom she was simply not very well-matched, but my husband and I loved him. They divorced about one month after we got married. It was a hard transition, and this was the first time I would be with my SIL in her new environs. It was a nice, but kind of intense weekend. I learned she was dating a new man. I spent the day at the hospital for no reason. I had a lovely afternoon with a colleague talking about research. But all I could think and talk about was the baby...what was her degree of hearing loss? How old? Where was she? In my mind, she was my daughter already. I wasn't going to be detached; I wasn't going to be objective; I wasn't going to be reasonable.
When I got back home, we had our phone consult with our social worker. John was perfect; he said all the right things. He was ready.
Our SW told us, "There is a little girl with hearing loss. She is just beautiful." I immediately said "It's a girl?" I honestly don't remember the rest of that conversation. We wouldn't learn anything about her for at least another week. Files weren't translated, people were going on vacation. We had a lot to think about.
In Portland I saw for the first time, my best friend's/SIL's new house--acquired after her divorce. She was married for 15 years to a man to whom she was simply not very well-matched, but my husband and I loved him. They divorced about one month after we got married. It was a hard transition, and this was the first time I would be with my SIL in her new environs. It was a nice, but kind of intense weekend. I learned she was dating a new man. I spent the day at the hospital for no reason. I had a lovely afternoon with a colleague talking about research. But all I could think and talk about was the baby...what was her degree of hearing loss? How old? Where was she? In my mind, she was my daughter already. I wasn't going to be detached; I wasn't going to be objective; I wasn't going to be reasonable.
When I got back home, we had our phone consult with our social worker. John was perfect; he said all the right things. He was ready.
Our SW told us, "There is a little girl with hearing loss. She is just beautiful." I immediately said "It's a girl?" I honestly don't remember the rest of that conversation. We wouldn't learn anything about her for at least another week. Files weren't translated, people were going on vacation. We had a lot to think about.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
The crazy month of April
In mid-April, we contacted our agency about wanting to consider a baby with special needs. They proceeded with caution. They didn't want John to be strong-armed into adopting a baby--they didn't tell me this explicitly, but I knew this to be true. Here is a man who has agreed to adopt a small stranger from another country...how much of a leap is it to ask him to adopt a stranger who needs a few minor surgeries, right? Right. Just what I thought.
They asked us to make a list. We had to make a list of needs we thought we'd be able to manage. Well, hearing loss was an easy one (or so I thought. More on that later). Cleft lip/cleft palate. Digit anomalies. Clubbed feet. Really, once you're making the list, you realize there isn't much you can't handle. If you feel like you can manage cleft palate, how much different is that than heart disease? Kids go to the doctor all the time--it becomes just a matter of degrees and type of need. But we made our list. John was less comfortable with heart disease and hep b than with cleft lip/palate. I was more comfortable with hearing loss than CL/CP.
We heard towards the end of the month that there was at least one child with hearing loss on the next list. It seemed like fate! It seemed like changing to special needs was just a necessary step in the process to find our daughter, or for our daughter to find us. I couldn't wait. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat--really, I lost about 7 pounds just waiting to see her picture. John, I could tell, was nervous about adopting a baby with hearing loss--this was a case of knowing too much. How old would she be when she got her hearing aids? What would that mean for her language development? What would that mean for school? What if she needs more than hearing aids? What if she needs surgery that isn't covered by our insurance? What if there are other needs? I didn't care. I would be the perfect mother for this baby! I would fight with the school; I would work with her every single day; I would teach her to read. I would have a ready-made group of moms to hang out with who would understand me and who I would understand. I waited for her picture and I prayed that John would love her.
They asked us to make a list. We had to make a list of needs we thought we'd be able to manage. Well, hearing loss was an easy one (or so I thought. More on that later). Cleft lip/cleft palate. Digit anomalies. Clubbed feet. Really, once you're making the list, you realize there isn't much you can't handle. If you feel like you can manage cleft palate, how much different is that than heart disease? Kids go to the doctor all the time--it becomes just a matter of degrees and type of need. But we made our list. John was less comfortable with heart disease and hep b than with cleft lip/palate. I was more comfortable with hearing loss than CL/CP.
We heard towards the end of the month that there was at least one child with hearing loss on the next list. It seemed like fate! It seemed like changing to special needs was just a necessary step in the process to find our daughter, or for our daughter to find us. I couldn't wait. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat--really, I lost about 7 pounds just waiting to see her picture. John, I could tell, was nervous about adopting a baby with hearing loss--this was a case of knowing too much. How old would she be when she got her hearing aids? What would that mean for her language development? What would that mean for school? What if she needs more than hearing aids? What if she needs surgery that isn't covered by our insurance? What if there are other needs? I didn't care. I would be the perfect mother for this baby! I would fight with the school; I would work with her every single day; I would teach her to read. I would have a ready-made group of moms to hang out with who would understand me and who I would understand. I waited for her picture and I prayed that John would love her.
What happened to our blog?!
My dear friend, Amy, visited our blog today (in so much as one could even call it that anymore) and suggested that I update it. Especially since now...we have a daughter!!!! So I have a really good excuse for not keeping up with things. I've been obsessed about our little girl!
I'll try to remember what has happened since the beginning of March. It's been a rollercoaster.
In March, we assume that our dossier was logged-in at the CCAA to the non-special-needs (NSN) program. Oh, and by the way, March came in and went out like a lion. March was nasty, cold, windy, and rainy in Washington. It maybe even snowed once, I can't even remember now.
By April, the wait for our baby was looking...gruesome. There is just no other word for it. In April, the CCAA matched 2 days worth of logged-in dossiers. They matched families whose dossiers had been logged in on the 25th and 26th of October, 2005. Agencies were saying (everyone was saying) the wait for families who had applied in early 2007 (i.e. us) would exceed 24 months, possibly extending to 2 1/2-3 years.
I was feeling depressed, desperate, incredibly frustrated and sad. I was talking to fertility specialists. This was true desperation. I told my doctor, "I'm going to have to try to have a biological child. This adoption thing isn't going to work out for us."
At the end of April, we talked to our agency about the next list of waiting children, due to be received by our agency in early May. John was apprehensive. I was ready, had been ready from the beginning. With 25,000 dossiers ahead of ours, I was getting more and more ready every day.
I'll try to remember what has happened since the beginning of March. It's been a rollercoaster.
In March, we assume that our dossier was logged-in at the CCAA to the non-special-needs (NSN) program. Oh, and by the way, March came in and went out like a lion. March was nasty, cold, windy, and rainy in Washington. It maybe even snowed once, I can't even remember now.
By April, the wait for our baby was looking...gruesome. There is just no other word for it. In April, the CCAA matched 2 days worth of logged-in dossiers. They matched families whose dossiers had been logged in on the 25th and 26th of October, 2005. Agencies were saying (everyone was saying) the wait for families who had applied in early 2007 (i.e. us) would exceed 24 months, possibly extending to 2 1/2-3 years.
I was feeling depressed, desperate, incredibly frustrated and sad. I was talking to fertility specialists. This was true desperation. I told my doctor, "I'm going to have to try to have a biological child. This adoption thing isn't going to work out for us."
At the end of April, we talked to our agency about the next list of waiting children, due to be received by our agency in early May. John was apprehensive. I was ready, had been ready from the beginning. With 25,000 dossiers ahead of ours, I was getting more and more ready every day.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
