Or, "gotcha day" as it is often referred to in the adoption world. I have never felt entirely comfortable with that term, for a variety of reasons upon which I will not elaborate. We use "family day" to denote the day on which we first met Nora and we became a family. December 24th. It's perfect because it gives us a great excuse to open a few presents early (which is a tradition in my family anyway) and it's a day I'm not likely to forgot (unlike birthdays, which I always forget, as evidenced by my putting the wrong date for Nora's birthday in this year's photo album).
Family day for us this year was spent in Hawaii, with extended family, which made it especially nice. This was also the first year that Nora really "got" the meaning of family day. We gave her a little Hawaiian bracelet as a gift, and talked about the day we met her in China and how little she was, but still so brave. We told her how much fun we had on that first day together (some may recall that, when adopting a child from China, the adoptive parents are given a 24 hour "harmonious period", during which time they have to decide for sure if they will finalize the adoption. This harmonious period is made official through the signing of a badly photocopied "document" that essentially states 'we promise to keep this child safe for the next 24 hours and return to either finalize the adoption or back out'). We told her how we loved her right away. We told her how lucky we were to be her parents.
This day also makes me aware of how relatively unique we are as a family. I think about what exactly it means for Nora to be adopted and how that will change all of the conversations we and others have with her about the meaning of "family."
I am one of those fortunate people who rarely is asked stupid questions about adoption. I live in a community that is pretty aware and sensitive (okay, it's just ridiculously politically correct) to adopted kids and adoptive parents. Probably the worst, and most frequent, question I have been asked is "are you going to have your own kids too?" I hate that one. And it stupefies me--especially because, most of the time this question comes from a person who has children. I can't see how anyone with children (biological or non-biological) could think for a moment that biology has anything to do with parenting. I know that sounds cliche, but now that I have parented Nora for two years (she has officially been my daughter for longer than she was not my daughter), I understand that the process of giving birth is such a minor component of the process. In fact, I often have to remind myself that I did not give birth to Nora. I don't mean to say that "nature" is irrelevant. It's clearly not. I'm just saying that when you spend day in and day out with a child for days, weeks, months, years...how he or she came to you is, in fact, irrelevant. It really, really is. I have another post brewing about the sheer "coolness" of adoption and the incorporation of a child's history into one's family, but that's for another day.
The other thing that comes up on occasion is "why China?" This is usually followed by "but there are so many children in the United States who need families" (in some form or another). Or a comment insinuating that we adopted from China because "that's what all Americans do." As though we followed the latest trend rather than considered carefully our future and the future of our child. To be honest, I don't have a good answer to that particular "why" question (and, believe me, I'm getting really good at answering "why" questions...more on that later). I have friends who have adopted infants domestically (not through the foster system) and friends who have adopted through the foster system; friends who have adopted internationally, and friends who have done all three. I have friends who have undergone years of fertility treatments to have families. I have friends who have only adopted children without special needs and those who have adopted only children with special needs. I have one friend who decided she did not want to adopt (after years of IVF) and then adopted the daughter of her cousin. We started on the path to adoption with all options on the table, and this is where we ended up. The circumstances at the time made China the best fit, and we were lucky that we were matched very quickly with a child who is perfect for our family. I don't know if I would adopt from China again (okay, that's a lie; it we were eligible to adopt from China again, I would do it in a heartbeat. As it stands we are not). But I know that there are many ways that people build and add to their families (or not) and those choices are...well...complicated.
After we gave Nora her bracelet, she asked me "is it yours and daddy's family day too? or just mine?" and I said "it's all of ours. Daddy's, mine, and yours." She said "I want to give you a pine cone for a present. You can decorate it and put it on the Christmas tree."
Happy Holidays and Happy New Year to everyone! Especially to miss Nora, who has made our lives perfectly complete.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Savant?
For those of you who have commented on Nora's long fingers (i.e. everyone), we finally are putting them to good use.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Thankful
I will admit, there are days. Right now, for example, Nora has piled about two dozen books, ten stuffed animals, a stroller, probably 50 pens, a box of pictures, a backpack, some kitchen utensils, two blankets and a pillow on the couch. I have been instructed not to touch anything. From here I can also see a crown. And a pair of scissors. One thing I am grateful for (to remain in the spirit of things) is that she has not--yet--overturned her basket of shoes onto the couch.
It is the rare morning that I don't find some oddity crammed in a corner on her bed. A rock. A necklace. A playing card. A pair of toilet paper roll binoculars. A framed photograph. A Kentucky Fried Chicken space helmet (admittedly, that is a tough one to sneak into bed).
My kid is a pack rat.
On the other hand, she knows where everything is. She's a finder. For instance, yesterday I was looking for my card reader. I said "Nora, have you seen that silver thing with the cord that I put this [memory card] into to look at the pictures?" "Hmmmm," she said. "Does it plugs into your computer?" She then checked to make sure it was not in the computer (already, she knows). "Yes!" I answered (double-checking myself). "Move the couch" she said. At that moment I became doubtful, but I humored her. After all, on Thanksgiving, when someone's sock went missing, Nora procured TWO PAIRS of socks out from between the cushions of the couch. None belonged to our guest...but one pair did belong to me. So I moved the couch. Low and behold there was my card reader!
So I'm thankful for a child who is, albeit a mess-maker, highly entertaining. And great at finding lost items.
Her favorite passtime is still reading. She sleeps with about ten books every night and is usually up for about an hour past her bedtime reading to herself. I tuck her in, kiss her goodnight, and come downstairs to work, and I can hear her through the baby monitor, walking back and forth between her bookshelf and her bed. She is also very intersted in Geography. She drew a "map" on a small piece of paper last week and pointed out "Oregon", "China" and "Autie Lori's house" on it.
I wish I were better about writing down every little thing--she is talking so much, I can't keep up. Yesterday, she was dancing while John was playing the ukulele and she said "I'm the goodest dancer in the whole life." A few weeks ago, I was lamenting the leaves in the yard and I asked for a leaf-blower and Nora said "You can rake them, and then put them in the compost." When I asked her how she knew about compost she said "I learned it from Handy Manny." So there. I guess you can learn new words from television!
Some other cute things:
Mom: "Is Erica Chinese"
Nora: "yes"
Mom: "What about Ami? Is she Chinese?"
Nora: "No. She's differentest"
Mom: "You mean 'Japanese'"
Nora: "Oh. Sorry! I made a steak. I meant 'Japanese'"
And perhaps my favorite quote of late, when I asked Nora if she had brushed her teeth, she said "I brushed them so fast, you didn't even see me."
See what I mean? Highly entertaining.
PICTURES
Paiting (obviously)
Getting ready for the first day of skiing (she did great, BTW--and you should see her "Dora" ski helmet. Holy cuteness).
Riding her bike at school
This series is from our field trip to the fine arts department on campus. One of the moms helped the kids make felt out of wool. It was very fun. We walked through the woods and gathered lichen to "weave" into the felt. We also sat in on the end of an art class on Persian art (taught by Blake's mom). In case you are wondering, that is a gigantic scrape on Nora's right cheek. She tripped over my foot while we were walking Maia and slid (on her cheek) a few inches on the sidewalk. It broke my heart!
Here are the attempted Christmas card pictures. Attempt aborted due to lack of interest on the part of the subject...and her extreme displeasure with having to wear fancy clothes.
It is the rare morning that I don't find some oddity crammed in a corner on her bed. A rock. A necklace. A playing card. A pair of toilet paper roll binoculars. A framed photograph. A Kentucky Fried Chicken space helmet (admittedly, that is a tough one to sneak into bed).
My kid is a pack rat.
On the other hand, she knows where everything is. She's a finder. For instance, yesterday I was looking for my card reader. I said "Nora, have you seen that silver thing with the cord that I put this [memory card] into to look at the pictures?" "Hmmmm," she said. "Does it plugs into your computer?" She then checked to make sure it was not in the computer (already, she knows). "Yes!" I answered (double-checking myself). "Move the couch" she said. At that moment I became doubtful, but I humored her. After all, on Thanksgiving, when someone's sock went missing, Nora procured TWO PAIRS of socks out from between the cushions of the couch. None belonged to our guest...but one pair did belong to me. So I moved the couch. Low and behold there was my card reader!
So I'm thankful for a child who is, albeit a mess-maker, highly entertaining. And great at finding lost items.
Her favorite passtime is still reading. She sleeps with about ten books every night and is usually up for about an hour past her bedtime reading to herself. I tuck her in, kiss her goodnight, and come downstairs to work, and I can hear her through the baby monitor, walking back and forth between her bookshelf and her bed. She is also very intersted in Geography. She drew a "map" on a small piece of paper last week and pointed out "Oregon", "China" and "Autie Lori's house" on it.
I wish I were better about writing down every little thing--she is talking so much, I can't keep up. Yesterday, she was dancing while John was playing the ukulele and she said "I'm the goodest dancer in the whole life." A few weeks ago, I was lamenting the leaves in the yard and I asked for a leaf-blower and Nora said "You can rake them, and then put them in the compost." When I asked her how she knew about compost she said "I learned it from Handy Manny." So there. I guess you can learn new words from television!
Some other cute things:
Mom: "Is Erica Chinese"
Nora: "yes"
Mom: "What about Ami? Is she Chinese?"
Nora: "No. She's differentest"
Mom: "You mean 'Japanese'"
Nora: "Oh. Sorry! I made a steak. I meant 'Japanese'"
And perhaps my favorite quote of late, when I asked Nora if she had brushed her teeth, she said "I brushed them so fast, you didn't even see me."
See what I mean? Highly entertaining.
PICTURES
Paiting (obviously)
Getting ready for the first day of skiing (she did great, BTW--and you should see her "Dora" ski helmet. Holy cuteness).
Riding her bike at school
This series is from our field trip to the fine arts department on campus. One of the moms helped the kids make felt out of wool. It was very fun. We walked through the woods and gathered lichen to "weave" into the felt. We also sat in on the end of an art class on Persian art (taught by Blake's mom). In case you are wondering, that is a gigantic scrape on Nora's right cheek. She tripped over my foot while we were walking Maia and slid (on her cheek) a few inches on the sidewalk. It broke my heart!
Here are the attempted Christmas card pictures. Attempt aborted due to lack of interest on the part of the subject...and her extreme displeasure with having to wear fancy clothes.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
No Halloween Pictures! Sorry!
I had an unfortunate injury which prevented me from going trick-or-treating (it actually prevented me from standing up at all for an entire week)! So...no pictures this year. Nora did go, and she had a great time, but there was no documentation. But here are some other cute pictures, because I know it's been forever.
John carrying Nora up the hill towards our house. I don't know why I really like this picture.
These pictures are from our "sculpture walk" on campus. We walked across campus with Nora's preschool class and then took the city bus back to school. So fun! We do love taking the city bus.
Let's see...what else is our little cutie pie up to? She went skiing today, up at Mount Baker. I wasn't able to go, but John said she was amazing and loved it. She even went down once by herself! And she told me all about riding the lift. She said "I didn't fall down, mom. But someone falled down and the chair lift stopped. Everyone stopped because someone falled." When she got home, she asked John "Are we going skiing again nexterday?" For "yesterday" she says "lasterday" and for "next week" she says "nexterday." :-)
John carrying Nora up the hill towards our house. I don't know why I really like this picture.
These pictures are from our "sculpture walk" on campus. We walked across campus with Nora's preschool class and then took the city bus back to school. So fun! We do love taking the city bus.
Let's see...what else is our little cutie pie up to? She went skiing today, up at Mount Baker. I wasn't able to go, but John said she was amazing and loved it. She even went down once by herself! And she told me all about riding the lift. She said "I didn't fall down, mom. But someone falled down and the chair lift stopped. Everyone stopped because someone falled." When she got home, she asked John "Are we going skiing again nexterday?" For "yesterday" she says "lasterday" and for "next week" she says "nexterday." :-)
Sunday, October 4, 2009
She is officially smarter than I am
Saturday:
I am enjoying a lovely, sunny afternoon in the garden, weeding with Nora. John pulls into the driveway, doesn't speak, doesn't make eye contact, just briskly walks into the house and shuts the door. Nora says "I'm tired of weeding." I say "Daddy is home; maybe you can play with daddy." Nora goes into the house and I enjoy five minutes of glorious peace and quiet, save for the sound of bearded irises being wrenched from the earth (I've decided that I am done with bearded irises).
Nora returns. "Mommy, Daddy says mistake won."
"What?" I ask.
"Daddy want me tell you MISTAKE WON!" She is emphatic.
"Who is 'mistake'?"
"His team!"
"Oh! Michigan State won! That is very exciting for daddy." (and now I understand why he rushed into the house without so much as a wave in our direction).
Later in the day, she says to John "What did your team won?" John replies, "fame, glory, the respect of their entire state!"
"That's all?" She says. "They didn't win any flouride for their babies?" (Don't ask me where she gets this stuff. We hardly ever talk about flouride, and certainly not as a prize for people's babies).
Today:
On our way out of a birthday party, I ask her to please use the bathroom before leaving. She asks "why?" (if I had a dime...). And I say, "because I know you're going to fall asleep on the way home." To which she replies, "I'm still going to fall asleep in the car if I peep." Touche.
Pictures:
Here she is in a really cute outfit (courtesy of Sophie Zhu Zhu) on the way to Hannah's third birthday party. Suddenly, the girl who wanted her head shaved now wants pony tails and lots of clips!
Here she is making a hat at Laoise's birthday party. Again, note the pony tails. We had a whole conversation this morning that went something like this:
"babies wiggle. babies don't be still, right mom? Babies pull out their pony tails, right mom? Big girls stay still. Big girls don't pull their pony tails out. I be so beautiful ("bootiful"), right mom?"
And finally, today she told me that "only Chinese people can go to the Moon party. You're not Chinese. You can't go." (The Moon Festival hosted by the Northwest Chinese Cultural Association was today). Then Nora must have decided that I could get in as her guest because she is Chinese, and she said "if you are someone else's mommy you can't go to the moon party." !!!!! She is a hoot!
I am enjoying a lovely, sunny afternoon in the garden, weeding with Nora. John pulls into the driveway, doesn't speak, doesn't make eye contact, just briskly walks into the house and shuts the door. Nora says "I'm tired of weeding." I say "Daddy is home; maybe you can play with daddy." Nora goes into the house and I enjoy five minutes of glorious peace and quiet, save for the sound of bearded irises being wrenched from the earth (I've decided that I am done with bearded irises).
Nora returns. "Mommy, Daddy says mistake won."
"What?" I ask.
"Daddy want me tell you MISTAKE WON!" She is emphatic.
"Who is 'mistake'?"
"His team!"
"Oh! Michigan State won! That is very exciting for daddy." (and now I understand why he rushed into the house without so much as a wave in our direction).
Later in the day, she says to John "What did your team won?" John replies, "fame, glory, the respect of their entire state!"
"That's all?" She says. "They didn't win any flouride for their babies?" (Don't ask me where she gets this stuff. We hardly ever talk about flouride, and certainly not as a prize for people's babies).
Today:
On our way out of a birthday party, I ask her to please use the bathroom before leaving. She asks "why?" (if I had a dime...). And I say, "because I know you're going to fall asleep on the way home." To which she replies, "I'm still going to fall asleep in the car if I peep." Touche.
Pictures:
Here she is in a really cute outfit (courtesy of Sophie Zhu Zhu) on the way to Hannah's third birthday party. Suddenly, the girl who wanted her head shaved now wants pony tails and lots of clips!
Here she is making a hat at Laoise's birthday party. Again, note the pony tails. We had a whole conversation this morning that went something like this:
"babies wiggle. babies don't be still, right mom? Babies pull out their pony tails, right mom? Big girls stay still. Big girls don't pull their pony tails out. I be so beautiful ("bootiful"), right mom?"
And finally, today she told me that "only Chinese people can go to the Moon party. You're not Chinese. You can't go." (The Moon Festival hosted by the Northwest Chinese Cultural Association was today). Then Nora must have decided that I could get in as her guest because she is Chinese, and she said "if you are someone else's mommy you can't go to the moon party." !!!!! She is a hoot!
Monday, September 21, 2009
Toddlers Rule
We are in the middle of what I refer to as "Love Fest 2009" at our house. Nora has gotten to this amazing and fabulous age; she thinks we are the most wonderful people in the world (not that we aren't). Every once in a while, she says "I love you mom. Very much." For no reason at all. Or she calls me her "best girl." So adorable. The other day, we were going to daycare and she said "Did you remember my slippers?" and I said, "I'm sorry! I forgot", and she said "That's okay, mommy. I still love you. I'll love you no matter what." [clearly I am writing these things down for when she is a teenager]. She says she never wants to move--because she loves her office (the sunroom). She doesn't want to go to college, because she is "already smart." She wants to help with EVERYTHING--setting the table, putting away the dishes, sweeping the front walk (she loves long-handled things), picking strawberries, getting my shoes. She is always saying "let me know if you need any help."
Today I brought home two pieces of baklava, made by a friend at work (HEAVENLY). John ate a piece and Nora ate about half of hers. I went to the gym :-) Anyway, Nora wanted to save hers for later, but was very afraid I might eat it, so John said, "you can write your name on the bag so mom won't eat it."
Here's what she wrote first:
John said "that is not going to work."
So she wrote this:
Impressive, right?
And here she is, just being cute.
Today I brought home two pieces of baklava, made by a friend at work (HEAVENLY). John ate a piece and Nora ate about half of hers. I went to the gym :-) Anyway, Nora wanted to save hers for later, but was very afraid I might eat it, so John said, "you can write your name on the bag so mom won't eat it."
Here's what she wrote first:
John said "that is not going to work."
So she wrote this:
Impressive, right?
And here she is, just being cute.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Welcoming Fall
We've been slowly getting back into the swing of things here. We've been enjoying perfect fall weather and trying to take advantage as much as we can before classes start on Wednesday (gulp).
We went to a great apple farm last week with some friends and Nora was able to live out her dream of riding in a golf cart! She was so delighted, she barely slept the night before.
Nora got another hair cut. She wanted it really short "just like daddy's" but we decided to go for a cute bob instead.
Here she is, in our incredibly overgrown garden, helping daddy pick vegetables. We had so many cucumbers and tomatoes, that we were giving them away in front of our house...until some annoying kids stole the chair we were using as a vegatable stand. Since then we have been less generous with our produce.
Nora had her preschool orientation on Friday. She was so, so excited to see all of her friends and be in the "big kid" room with teacher Carolyn. She is not a baby anymore, as she frequently reminds us. She spends a lot of time telling us what she can do that babies can't ("babies can't do that mommy, right?"). Despite her new found maturity, she never wants to move out of our house. She said she doesn't want to go to college because she's "already smart." She says she loves her office in the back hallway and wants to stay here forever. So sweet.
Here is a sweet picture of her on the boat, trying to be serious.
Big milestones:
She can just about write her name.
She gets herself dressed and undressed now (and she's very proud of herself, because "babies can't do that.")
She's almost gotten her pronouns straightened out. There is still the occassional mix-up with "he" and "she" though.
She is drawing "scenes" now, rather than just people. She drew a great picture of herself surfing with Vicki walking on the beach in the backgroun. Vicki looks like a halibut.
She says really terrific things that just make me giggle. She told me I was "medium pretty" the other day (and when her uncle Mark asked "do you think I'm medium handsome?" Nora said "I don't know. I can't see your hands"). On our way in to Fred Meyer the other day she said "I'm guessing the blue cart is in the store." And before school last week, after I commented on how much I loved a picture she had made for her teacher, she said "I be happy to make you one too, mommy."
We went to a great apple farm last week with some friends and Nora was able to live out her dream of riding in a golf cart! She was so delighted, she barely slept the night before.
Nora got another hair cut. She wanted it really short "just like daddy's" but we decided to go for a cute bob instead.
Here she is, in our incredibly overgrown garden, helping daddy pick vegetables. We had so many cucumbers and tomatoes, that we were giving them away in front of our house...until some annoying kids stole the chair we were using as a vegatable stand. Since then we have been less generous with our produce.
Nora had her preschool orientation on Friday. She was so, so excited to see all of her friends and be in the "big kid" room with teacher Carolyn. She is not a baby anymore, as she frequently reminds us. She spends a lot of time telling us what she can do that babies can't ("babies can't do that mommy, right?"). Despite her new found maturity, she never wants to move out of our house. She said she doesn't want to go to college because she's "already smart." She says she loves her office in the back hallway and wants to stay here forever. So sweet.
Here is a sweet picture of her on the boat, trying to be serious.
Big milestones:
She can just about write her name.
She gets herself dressed and undressed now (and she's very proud of herself, because "babies can't do that.")
She's almost gotten her pronouns straightened out. There is still the occassional mix-up with "he" and "she" though.
She is drawing "scenes" now, rather than just people. She drew a great picture of herself surfing with Vicki walking on the beach in the backgroun. Vicki looks like a halibut.
She says really terrific things that just make me giggle. She told me I was "medium pretty" the other day (and when her uncle Mark asked "do you think I'm medium handsome?" Nora said "I don't know. I can't see your hands"). On our way in to Fred Meyer the other day she said "I'm guessing the blue cart is in the store." And before school last week, after I commented on how much I loved a picture she had made for her teacher, she said "I be happy to make you one too, mommy."
Friday, August 21, 2009
Summer Fun
We've been taking full advantage of summer this year. It's been go-go-go since the beginning of August!
Summer began with a haircut. Nora wanted her head shaved (really), but we settled for just bangs.
We had a great vacation out east with the aunties and cousin Eldon! It started with a rather early flight. We all think she looks like her dad in this picture :-)
We spent two days on Guemes Island, with friends:
And, finally, we had a wonderful weekend on Shaw Island, kayaking and playing on the beach:
Lucky for us, summer is not yet over! We are headed to Tofino, Canada for more beach time, more kayaking, and surfing lessons for mom. It's just one adventure after another, with no end in sight.
Life is good.
Summer began with a haircut. Nora wanted her head shaved (really), but we settled for just bangs.
We had a great vacation out east with the aunties and cousin Eldon! It started with a rather early flight. We all think she looks like her dad in this picture :-)
We spent two days on Guemes Island, with friends:
And, finally, we had a wonderful weekend on Shaw Island, kayaking and playing on the beach:
Lucky for us, summer is not yet over! We are headed to Tofino, Canada for more beach time, more kayaking, and surfing lessons for mom. It's just one adventure after another, with no end in sight.
Life is good.
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