a new vacuum

 Well, the new vacuum does seem to work better than the old one.  It does pull forward with too much force but hopefully I'll adjust.  While it's mostly dog fur, it also sucks up a lot of dust, so my dust allergies and I are grateful for the suction.  

Office done, most things organized and filing all put away, and some retirement information checked and confirmed.  It appears that I broke the paper shredder with my impatience, so that's annoying.  I can put paper into confidential shred bins at work, but I use the shredded paper for carbon for the composter.   While organizing I even started up my work computer and ran updates, so I should hopefully be good to roll tomorrow morning without hassle.  I may try to go to the main office in the afternoon to get my in office days credit, since it's supposed to not be raining tomorrow, but I will be very annoyed with people asking me what I did on my vacation.  Nunya.

OK, think I'll put a little time into the garage and shop organizing.  It shouldn't actually be that bad, just superficial clutter.  Then shower, launder sheets, turn back to the kitchen to finish up the couple of food preparation things for today, and then I think I'll turn to the quilt.  Or a book.  Or both.  And that is how I'll transition out of vacation painlessly, at least in theory.   

**

Everything on my list that needs to be done today is finished, yay.  The squash/greens dish turned out great, so I'll save leftovers for two days and put the rest in the freezer.  I need to start thinking of my next squash dish.  The "problem" is that the squash is so sweet - so it's wonderful cooked many ways, but not all ways.  Also, I've realized that when I don't peel it, my digestive system is unhappy.  So, ok, fine.  Peeled it is.  But I still have over a dozen squash to use up sooner than later.

Got the quilt out and need to mark the quilting pattern.  I probably can't do much quilting as my eyes aren't working well, but maybe a bit.  i'm sure the markers are dead or near dead so I started to think about where i can get more fabric marker.  I've tried the chalk and it just doesn't work well for me.  The nearby quilt store closed awhile ago, so I was thinking I might have to drive awhile or *gasp* order from Amazon.  BUT NO.  There's a new quilt store that opened a few months ago and it's less than a mile away, a very pleasant bike ride away!  I definitely need to support them and I'm sure they have what I need.  I don't really want to make more quilts, I just want to finish what I already have started.  But, we'll see.  I do have a bunch of fabric that's New Orleans themed, which would make a nice throw especially when I'm homesick.   

**

I quilted six lines, which is pretty exciting.  My stitches aren't perfect but they are better than I expected after all this time.  I have maybe 150 more lines to go, I'm guessing.  A lot of it is done already.  I remember going to a quilters' retreat in maybe 2007 or 08, sitting at a cabin on the beach curled up in a chair quilting like I am now.  That was a fun trip, a nice group of people.  I really enjoyed that quilting group.  I don't remember what we did when we met, maybe shared what we were working on?  Some of them are my FB friends, I quite enjoy them.  I remember one funeral of the group, and one wedding, and quite a few holiday parties.  It was fun, another side of New Orleans.  An old Cajun man was in our group and he's the one that taught me to eat potato salad in gumbo, which is a great combination.  

I miss parties, I realized.  I'm socially awkward and don't enjoy much about them, but I miss having things to do and places to go and people to see.

Anyway, my eyes were ok with the quilting but my hands not so much, the pinching of the needle is especially difficult.  I wish I knew how to reduce or stop the progression of my arthritis, it's really a bitch.  

Now I'm curled up with some Bengal Spice tea (currently my favorite) and a book on eating more plants, as I move towards bed and sleep and return to work.  I'm really glad I paced myself to not be stressed out about last minute things to do today.   

**

Ooo wee I was grumpy today, my first day back to work.  The job is intense.  I got through 300 emails in an hour and a half because that's the kind of pace I have - I mean, most got glanced at and put in different boxes to deal with later, but still.  Had to touch on them.  It's that pace all the fucking time. 

unexpected sunshine

 The weather forecast for today was heavy rain, so imagine my surprise that there is some sunshine showing.  It's in the 40s, which is great, too.  But I stacked a lot of indoor tasks for today, so, bummer.  Oh well.  

There are tomatoes simmering on the stove now which smells nice.  I will mill them and steam can the sauce, reusing jars and filling up the pantry which emptying the freezer of bags of frozen tomatoes, yay.  There are still a few more ripening in the window sill, but I can't wait any longer to finish this task.  Then while the canner is out, can more beans to have them at the ready.  Prep the squash/greens casserole to bake tomorrow.  Make fava bean pesto to freeze.  Pick up some art given away on the Buy Nothing group, which looks very lovely in the photos and fits with my nature/green theme.

Fuck it, I just signed up for the ski trip.  I can spend $100 doing something fun and seeing if it's a good thing for me.  I might still have old long underwear, I need to dig through the bins to see.  That's probably all I'd need to get, if not.  I think.  We'll see. While looking for that, I pulled out the quilt I'd meant to pull out two weeks ago, along with some cross-stitch I started many many years ago.  Maybe I can get back into doing those.  Not sure how my hands will hold up, though.  They cramped up pretty bad just chopping a bunch of garlic.  Man, I sure go through a ton of garlic.  I should have planted more.  Oh well.  If I run out and have to buy it at the store that's ok, but mine sure tastes better.  

What the fuck with invading Venezuela?  Fucking trash plan.  

Oh dang, I forgot that I bought magnesium to help me sleep.  I got it like a month ago and didn't need it, but seems like now I need it.  

No sign of the long underwear.  Hm.  Not with my camping gear or swim suits.  Not good.  I will be bummed if I need to buy something new, but pretty much all my clothes are cotton.  

**

Wow, I am in SUCH a bad mood.  Guess that's what too little sleep and the end of a vacation brings.  

I did manage to get most of the kitchen things done, yay.  I made chickpea coconut kale stew that was very good, from the NY Times.  Very tasty, as fat often is.  

I'm trying to get through the pantry and freezer foods, and one thing I have a lot of in the freezer is cornbread.  I keep making a pan and freezing most of it, and I need to figure out a way to use the leftovers.  There must be a good casserole or something such.  Maybe something southwestern themed - I do like things with chilies and cheese.  

**

I woke up at 6:45 am which is great in terms of work schedule, so that's good.  

Scale says I gained 1.8 pounds which is much less good, but I'm not that concerned about it as I definitely indulged and it's catching up.  Last week's weigh-in was artificially low.  I would like to nudge down again as I've been hovering around this weight for about a month.   

Need to get out to walk the dog, then stop by the store for pecorino and milk.  Make fava bean pesto and freeze it, bake the squash/greens casserole and freeze most of it for later meals, possibly make millet cake with berries and freeze much of it.  Clean the office and check some files and start to organize for taxes.  Vacuum.  If feeling motivated, clean the garage and shop, where I was just piling a bunch of crap the past couple of weeks when it was cold.  Maybe get the unfinished quilt set up to do some work on it.  Maybe read, though I got turned off by the book I started (The Dovekeepers).  Maybe watch a movie - I didn't watch one single movie the whole two weeks off.  Plug my work computer back in, set my alarm clock to get up early enough to start running the updates, etc. so I can start work right at 8 am tomorrow as I have a lot of time sensitive things to do.

A pretty chill last day of vacation.   

or maybe tofu isn't my friend

 Had another night of some stomach upset making sleep hard.  It seems that tofu for dinner might be the cause.  Am going to have to track that, because if so, damn.  Maybe I could try sprouted or other types, locally made, we'll see.  I hope it's not what I'm fearing.  

So apparently my brilliant plan of hitting the stores early on January 2 was a universal plan, and that kind of sucked.  I physically ran into people because it was too crowded.  I wasn't trying to run into people, but come on, don't block the aisle or sneak around the corner.  That was unpleasant.  I went ahead and bought a vacuum on sale, even though I spent a lot of time and effort cleaning Friend's old vacuum.  Oh well.  I did stick to the shopping lists overall with no impulse purchases save one cookie.  It was a big cookie.  Including that, I spent $69, which is a week's budget, and that's ok.  There was some nice smelling coffee on sale, as the largest purchase.  I will surely drink that.  Next most expensive is a big jar of bouillon and I use that A LOT.  I make a lot of soup.  Then sweet potatoes, which I've not been eating a lot of because I've had so many other vegetables available, but i surely do like them.  And so on.  All things I'll use up, though the tempeh is always a bit of a challenge for me to sort out.    

**

Oh, I found a skiing opportunity in a few weeks ... $100 seems a pretty good price to be for everything (gear rental, transportation, facility fee, etc.).  My concern is that would be three days in a row of events and I don't have a lot of stamina.  But, I want to give it a go, so ... maybe I'll think about it until Monday.  See how a day of work feels.  If I were retired or self-employed with less work, I'd sign up right now.  But I know how ill I can get when I push myself too hard. 

Got some yard work done, put in a barrier with my neighbors' yard and chatted up a neighbor, did a little weeding, pruned the grape to fill the yard waste container.  

I got four more books at the library so that's what I have planned this afternoon/evening, though also need to make vegan burritos to freeze.  The Dovekeepers by Alice Hoffman and James by Percival Everett were both recommended by friends.  Then on the way out there was a display with books I grabbed as they are things I've been pondering - How to Eat More PLants and Social Justice for the Sensitive Soul.  I will probably just skim through them and return them, as I just got notice of yet another book ready for pickup soon.  I shouldn't be surprised, I did request about 20 books on recommendation of friends and Best of 2025 lists.  

So now the question is what to read first.  

**

The chipotle sweet potato burrito filling is simmering and looking at the can made me remember a ridiculous moment as a teacher.  I taught 8th grade and a majority of my students were 1st or 2nd generation immigrants from Mexico and Central America.  We not infrequently had class potlucks, usually the kids asked for it.  "Miss, I make a really good flan, let's have a party so you can try it!" said a delightful young man, and the next thing I knew, lists and plans were made, and I pretty much just had to show up to my own classroom and eat really well.  The kids were really something.  One particularly silly time, a boy who was the size of a man was talking about how many jalapenos he could eat no problem, and for some reason there was a jar of jalapenos there in my classroom.  "Want to put money on it?" I asked.  Wallets and purses came out, a pool was made, and he started to rethink his life choices but we egged him on.  There was likely some side betting going on and various other activities - flirtation, chisme, all the things 8th graders tended to do.  My classes usually had the limit of 35 students so there was a lot going on, as a core group of us chanted and roared as the young man consumed an ungodly amount of jalapenos.  The door opened and it was the principal.  I was not backing down, we were having a damn good time, so I asked if he wanted in on the action.  He was too astounded and just shut the door and left.  I looked over at a student new to my class, one that I had agreed to transition out of special ed to mainstream into my classroom and he was also doubting his life choices to have agreed to this.  (He became my favorite student, he was very bright and turned out to write so well - the best in the school district, I argued - but he was also in trouble.  Like all the men in his family.  the first time he was caught with a weapon at school, I was able to argue for him.  He had to protect himself along the walking path to school, after all.  It was a mistake, he learned, I said.  But he did it again, he had to.  He was crossing adversarial gang territory and he was marked.  And then all i could do was drive through the barrio to his house, as all the men in white tank tops standing around the lowriders in their front yards watched me go past, and his grandmother and I sat on the couch covered in plastic and cried together.)  (And it looks like he never learned.  When I google him, I see him arrested in 2021 for seven different crimes including having a weapon.  At least I assume it is him, based on his age and height, though he's gained some pounds.  It's not an unusual name.  But it looks like he's not in prison, so maybe those charges were dropped.)  

I had some good times back then.  I've had some good times throughout most of my life.  Fun just seems to be in pretty short supply lately.  

But that job was also hard.  Teaching middle school is hard.  When it started to get boring, I left.  If I had stayed, I'd already be retired, my house would have been long ago paid off, etc. etc.  But I can't look back.  I had good friends and a good life, but staying is not something I do.  As one friend there said, "You can't even commit to a head of lettuce!"  Truth.  

**

OK, nine chipotle sweet potato burritos are done, ready to freeze and then get wrapped up and in a bag, for quick meal.  One was dinner.  All the fava beans are out of the freezer to thaw and I will whip up pesto tomorrow which I will freeze in small jars.  It's very tasty, has good nutrients.  All the tomatoes are out of the freezer, which I will cook down, sauce, and can.  I'll can some more beans as well, should have done two batches before, oh well.  Good to have those on the ready.  Mostly I do cannellini, garbanzo, and black beans.  Also tomorrow I'll pull together a number of ingredients in my fridge and pantry to make "squash cake" again, but I won't bake it until Sunday.  I also plan to make a chickpea coconut curry tomorrow.  and that will just about take me through my cooking to-dos, so yay for me.  I have a well-stocked freezer for a busy five weeks ahead.  

Sometimes I watch random clips on Facebook, and they had one with Mila Kunis talking about how she likes to eat sardines - on dark bread with some butter, onion, sardines, and lemon juice.  I may have to try that since the last bread I made was quite dark (with rye).  

I might, if I get some more eggs and milk, make up some millet cake as well.  That is so tasty with berries, a nice way to treat myself to go back to work.  

When I woke up this morning, I thought, "OK, I think I can go back to work."  I would still prefer four plus months off like all the people having babies and whatever else they have going on, but I'll take what I can get.  I need the money, even if the system really sucks.   In just over two years, I get to reevaluate if I'm moving to something else.  I need to keep my head down and just keep doing what I have to do to survive.  

While I was out pruning back the grape vines, I kept thinking about the grapes.  They've very tasty, a Concord type.  Lots of seeds and skin, but still nice flavor.  I'd like to figure out a way to use them and then I came upon the idea of making essentially grape molasses - juice them and simmer them down to a thick consistency, which I could use like pomegranate molasses (it adds a wonderful flavor to lentils) or maybe even like date paste or honey, as a sweetener.  Of course I'm not the first person to come up with this idea, and it appears prevalent in places like Turkey. I don't recall seeing it when I've been in Turkey, but maybe a Turkish friend had it or I saw it in a shop someplace, or maybe the idea just came to me as I snipped away.  I think it would be nice to try in baked goods and see how it goes.  It just pains me to have all those nice grapes go to waste.  So, yet another project.  This is why I need to retire, so I can do things like boil grapes all day. 

So, I turned on my work phone, and I do not have a meeting on Monday scheduled until 10 am, thanks to my favorite coworker stepping up and handling some things for me in my absence.  Just a lot of meeting requests, but those will have to wait.  So now my work brain is turned on but hopefully it turns back off because I don't want to turn on my computer until Monday morning and start dealing with all the nonsense then.  There are some egregious problems that I could have averted had I been working, but I wasn't, and so they will have to be dealt with later.  I think I'm going to work on responding to people less.  That seems rude to me, but it's less hassle.  

And now it's 10:42 pm and I'm WIDE awake.  Like, if I go to bed, I will be up all night.  Grrr.  Well, once I finish this herbal tea, I'll brush my teeth so I'm ready whenever I can go.  Funny, thinking about work made me want to watch TV.  Something mindless to push it away.  This is going to be very hard to go back to work when I can't sleep.  Sigh. 

the seed company I want to order from has just posted all their seeds for the year - they are very local, all open-pollinated.  I already have a lot of seeds, but I always want more.  This year I want some shelling peas as I like them more than snowpeas, and I want to try some things they say are good for dry farming, a melon and a paste tomato.  a nice melon would be nice.  Some herbs and flowers, maybe.  

And great, now I have hiccups.  

 

everybody is sick

The news has had numerous stories lately about how many people are getting the flu.  I've been holed up in my fortress of solitude so hadn't really noticed until today.  The friend who was supposed to come to lunch was up all night with sick kids, and I don't want those germs.  So then I asked Friend to stop by to pick up food but she's out sick from work today at the toilet.  Yeah, don't want those germs either.  She ALWAYS gets sick after spending time with her family.  Another reason I don't care for children.  

So, here I am with extra food and that's ok.  If it's too much I can always share with the little free refrigerator.  I'm actual grateful for the time to do other things today, and especially grateful for not getting exposed to illness.  I'll probably need to mask up when I get back to work on Monday.  

It is interesting to me that I am much more interested in reading when I am not working full-time.  I quite enjoyed The Searcher by Tana French and now I'll move on to another book.  I want to keep a list of books I read - I always like the reading recaps from my friends on Facebook, and I get good ideas and am interested to see what's out there.  So, maybe that's a resolution to make and possibly keep, to list books.  No big deal if I don't.  I haven't watched much TV, and I've already canceled Apple since Pluribus season is over, which leaves more time for reading.  

It may make sense for me to eat more dinner for breakfast.  It's more vegetables than most breakfast fare.  I usually have toast or pita with cheese, and it would not hurt me to consume less cheese.  If there's something just ready to reheat, that would be helpful.  

It's raining outside, which didn't stop me from taking out the compost but didn't make it fun.  The dog escorted me as she always does, and now she's very sweetly curled up on the couch directly beside the heating unit.  

Maybe I'll do some food prep with this unexpected free time, get the sweet potato burritos and broccoli tofu ready to roll.  It makes more dishes to wash, since the prepped food gets refrigerated until used, but it sure is nice to have things on the ready like that.  I need to check the onions and possibly chop and freeze some, as a couple seemed to start turning.  

I'm totally tired, and I'm trying to stay awake, no nap.  Hopefully I go to bed early and sleep well.  Unfortunately I know this game and how I can go sleep deprived for extended time.  But, fingers crossed.  Just made a cup of hot chocolate and am curling up with Doug Tallamy's latest about saving nature with our own backyards.  This is a rest day, though I WILL make that tofu broccoli later.  

Tomorrow I plan some errands, including a big food run at Costco and Trader Joe's.  Way to blow my budget for the year right out the gate.  But if I avoid the snacks and junkfood, I'll be fine.  I didn't plan it this way but it's just how the schedule worked out.   

I was reading about the recommendation to eat 30 different plant foods per week and maybe my refusal to eat the same thing on repeat is a good thing.  I count 26 different plants eaten today, and depending on the scoring system some wouldn't count for a whole "point" but that seems to be pretty healthily feeding my gut.  From spiced lentils and squash and spinach to tofu broccoli, I eat a lot of plant foods.  My bread is whole wheat and I add oats and flax seeds.  I heavily season everything so I've eaten cumin and cinnamon and garlic and ginger and cayenne and various other things today.  It takes longer to cook this way, but again, maybe that's a good thing.  And I did quite like that tofu broccoli that I've been trying to get myself to make for a minute.  I'm so happy to be eating soy again.  I stopped for many years; I had a fibroid the size of a football that the doctors thought was cancerous so they cut me open (and took photos for me, and yes, it was massive).  One risk factor maybe was eating soy, so I went cold turkey.  A little sauce here and there, but absolutely no tofu or soybeans - things I'd eaten for years.  I told myself it wasn't forever, only until menopause.  And now that I'm here, I'm really enjoying it again.  Menopause in general has been kind to me, I think.  I mean, maybe it has caused negative effects that I'm not noticing, but the obvious ones passed me by.  No real hot flash issues, that kind of thing.  It has drastically declined my libido and I am perfectly fine with that.  I remember the last time I had sex, thinking, well, if this is the last time I have sex I'm ok with that.  It's a relief really, to have less libido.  I got myself into some really stupid situations because of my sex drive.  Very, very stupid.  

thinking more about this house and how it could well be the first house I've owned that I'll lose money on.  It was expensive and I had to put a lot of money into it, and I just don't see me recouping those costs.  Plus just moving is fucking expensive.  So when I think about moving to lower cost of living places, I'm not sure it'll wash out that way.  I may be living in this house for a long damn time, just to break even on it.  Yeah, taxes and shit are high here, but the city runs ok.  It's not like fucking New Orleans with the insanity of the sewerage and water board and other lack of services.  I trust things will get better there under Helena Moreno, but the city is just pretty fucked up on a fundamental level.  It's a wonderful place i miss a lot, but it's fucked up.  This place is cold and sterile and unkind, but my roads are cleaned and all the other things.  Yeah, my utilities are increasing 2.5%, but I'm not getting a $15,000 bill I have to fight like in New Orleans, and the road in front of my house isn't a sinkhole (that was a crazy time).  

So yeah, I need to make more friends, do more things, but maybe I just need to make this place work.  Stop looking for the next new thing.  Maybe I live in this house for another 25 years, like my neighbor down the way.  She's lived in it longer than that, but she's in her 80s.  What would it be like here in 25 years?  Boggles the mind, to think of the landscaping all being grown in and not such a state of change.  Just pulled up Google maps which goes back to 2008 - it looks quite different.  There used to be a huge conifer where the fence is now, various bushes in various places.  

a productive morning!

Things got handled, not just moved around.  And I leaned into "perfect is the enemy of good."  For instance I had blackout curtain panels sitting in boxes.  I was thinking I'd trade out the weird ugly curtain rods like I did in my bedroom and so they've been sitting there for ages.  I just hunt them on the weird ugly curtain rods and they are fine - but I wish I would have done it when I bought them because I really need another panel to not let in light.  I have streetlights and other ambient light that disturbs sleep so blackout panels are the way to go.  I can no longer find the curtains though hopefully Costco brings them back someday. 

Minestrone is simmering, nearly done.  It features from my garden: tomatoes, green beans, cabbage, and squash.  Normally a lot of garlic in there too but i was in a bit of a rush.  Not a lot of daylight at an above-freezing temperature today, and a fair amount to do.   I forgot the pasta so that's cooking now.  I do like a bit of pasta in with the beans and vegetables.  It's very thickly tomatoey today. Nice and warm.  Yesterday when I dropped off posole at the little free refrigerator, it was overstuffed full.  So many things, I didn't see what it all was - I think maybe sandwiches and/or cake slices in clamshells from somewhere?  People were carefully sorting it through for what they want, which was quite nice (rather than having to take whatever was there).  I've never more enjoyed being unnecessary with my reused containers of turkey soup, though when I asked to pass through to set them in the fridge, the people were welcoming and thankful.  People seem to like when things are freshly made, which definitely makes sense to me!  

Got the sourdough started to bake tomorrow.  It'll be a long sloooooow ferment because it's so chilly.  

OK, now soup is cooling a bit.  I'm in a hurry with this limited daylight but don't want to spill hot soup all over me.  It's good in this chilly weather.   

My house now looks really clean overall, like the entropy of the past however long has been addressed.  Well, parts of it - there is still work to be done in some other parts. 

**

Finished emptying the truck bed of garden soil, and phew, that was hard work.  Probably because it was wet, so a lot heavier than when dry.  That built up the four beds in the side yard, and I think I'll need maybe two more yards to fill and build everything else.  This is another good reason to go load by load instead of ordering delivery - I thought I'd need more like 7.5 cubic yards.  Definitely overguessed on that.  That gives me like eight beds in the side yard of varying widths and lengths.  I know where I want to put the tomatoes and beans and some of the cucumbers, and I'll have space to figure out the rest.  I have a ton of a local collard grex seed that I promised to help grow to save seeds from so I think I know where I want that to go.  I also will grow winter squash to seed save and a couple types of dried beans to trial, and I need to check what else I committed to.  The backyard now has three large beds that I will fill with soil, and there will definitely be carrots and potatoes and possibly beets if I can sort out the fucking leaf miners.  I want to focus on root crops there because I haven't been able to really grow them before here.  Maybe onions, though those didn't do so hot last time I tried.  But I use a ton of onions in cooking so that would be quite nice.  I've got my garlic in of course, two rows worth.  I thought when I harvested that I had grown way too much so I cut back, but honestly I could run out.  I used up all the hard neck and now on to the soft neck.  It is so tasty, the garlic from my garden. 

Now I'm hungry AF, maybe because it's 4 pm and all I've eaten today is a bowl of minestrone.  Time to shower this dirt off and move to the next project.  

**

Looks like I'm having cocoa for dinner.  There are worse things.  There's protein in the milk, antioxidants in the cacao.  

Reading NPR articles, this one caught my eye.  Yup, done all of these.  Got an induction stove, heat pump for heating and cooling, and a heat pump water heater.  And whenever possible, I ride my bicycle instead of my car.  Fairly certain my clothesdryer is energy star - it would be strange of me not to have gotten that.  And for half the year, I hang my clothes outside to dry.  (Just checked: yep, it's energy star)

The dog is asleep beside me on the couch right now.  Last night as usual she was asleep in my bed, so I said fuck it and slept in the guest bed.  I had laundered all the bedding and hung blinds to block the light.  Most nights, I tell her she needs to move, and while I feel bad for rousting her from deep sleep and comfort, it's my bed.  

My favorite part of extended time off is being able to just choose what I want to do.  The curtains in the dining room are too damn long and it drives me crazy, so I just pulled them down, I'll wash and dry them tomorrow, and then I'll hem them up.  If that goes well, I'll do it with others that have similarly been bothering me.  

It's down to freezing again and it's ok because it will be warming up.   

**

Hit the 31st running uphill.  Biggest task has been tackling cleaning Friend's vacuum cleaner.  She got rid of it "because there's no filters."  Dude, there are filters, you just didn't clean them.  Plus the roller was all wrapped up with her hairs.  So, cutting away a dog's worth of her hair has been a task.  I've got the filters drying and then I'll give it a go when they're try to make sure it works well now, and then I'll return my vacuum to Costco.  It had broken and I was approved to return it, but I've been limping along with it.  Yes, I can also just buy a vacuum, and that's what I'll have to do at some point, but it'll be nice to have one that works ready and not drop $200 right now.  I was researching good vacuums and the best are way too expensive for me, but I would like one not broken. 

In the middle of the kitchen cabinet filler strip ordeal and it's a trip.  Cannot wait to finish and clean up my garage.  Hopefully today.  I can always redo thing later if something is making me crazy with them.  Bread is VERY slowly rising to go into the oven.  It's stickier than usual so I'm interested to see how it bakes.  

I'm on a mailing list from a person who teaches like homesteading classes and I'm surprised to see her asking $100 for a four-hour class.  Yes of course her knowledge is valuable, but I assume there will be numerous people in each class so that seems really high.  That is not in the budget for me.  I'll continue to engage with her with free things while volunteering.  

I was looking back at past years' spending and I've definitely decreased expenditures, and I don't feel like I'm really sacrificing, I'm just more conscious of how i'm spending money.  I also have never had such an expensive mortgage payment before, and so it really pushes me to spend less to get that paid down.  Yes, I know that inflation is real, but I've found significant room to cut my expenses even with exorbitant housing costs, which will decrease drastically once I pay off the mortgage.  They won't of course completely disappear - there are taxes and insurance and repairs.  I'm going to make a list of things I expect to have to repair/replace and the timing.  Like, the roof in probably five years, and the patio maybe then too.  Appliances hopefully have another 12 years since I got them when I bought the house.  Got a new hot water heater and heat pump heat/AC; with maintenance hopefully they'll go 13 years.  Windows were upgraded not long ago so I may have 20 years with them.  The siding is old and we'll see how it goes once I've scrubbed it down well next summer.  I'd like to fix some spots, and hopefully it can limp along awhile longer, but it will eventually need replacement.  Anyway, then I can better plan those expenses - I was thinking I'd just pull from my 401k as needed, but I'm liking the "bucket" strategy and pulling sufficient funds to have accessible even during a downturn. 

**

Done.  Fillers are in.  Very badly, but they're in.  I cleaned that mess up so fast, so happy to have it in the rear view.  NOw catching my breath before heading to the grocery store.  The sun has come out and so I really really want to bicycle, even though my baskets won't hold all I plan to get (mostly sparkling water on sale).  I'll just get less.  Need to gear up and need to go in the about the next 15 minutes before the sun passes.  

**

OK, I biked.  And for future reference for myself, I can fit four 8packs of water in the milk carton tied to the back of my bike.  I only got four, but the sun was going down by the time I was out of the store.  

I was getting really good about drinking just regular tap water (through my filter).  I have a glass water bottle that I was drinking from and reusing in the fridge, but the last time I pulled it out to wash it, the gasket came loose and was covered in black mold.  YUCK.  I've run it through the dishwasher a couple of times, but it has icked me out.  I didn't know the gasket was removable, and I was running it all through the dishwasher so it SHOULD have been clean even without separation, and I only ever have water in it.  Anyway, yuck.

The dog was very cute last night, waiting on the couch with me until I headed to bed, and then walking me to bed.  This dog knows how to heel perfectly, but don't ask her to do if ever on a leash.  Once she saw I was sleeping in the guest bed, she sighed discontentedly.  It's only a full size bed and she's a princess that takes a lot of space.  Then I was awake way too late, well after 1 last I looked.  I was reading but not getting tired, and even when I put it away I just could not sleep.  I'd like to get back to sleep by 11 or so, to get up at a good time.  

I accidentally read my work emails.  I plugged in my phone because I don't know how long the battery lasts when turned off, and then it turned itself back on which I noticed when ironing in my office.  I checked my work calendar because I need to know where I need to be 8 am on Monday and then started emails, read an interesting thread, and then turned it back off.  Nope.  I'm perfectly happy without the work.  I only have about 300 emails so far, which is a lot fewer than I expected.  

OK, last day of month analysis.

for food, I spent $255 total.  Largest category was dairy at 27%.  That's cheese, cottage cheese, milk (mostly used to make yogurt), half and half, sour cream, etc.  Prepared foods at 17% - higher than usual, but a splurgy month, eating out a couple of times. Speaking of splurge, desserts (including chocolate), at 7%.  8% on nuts and seeds (and their products, such as tahini), 6% on produce (because I mostly eat what I grow), and 6% on herbs and spices.  5% each on bread (tortillas, pitas) and beverages (mostly sparkling water and tea), and 4% on protein (tofu and eggs).  The rest is de minimus at 2% or less - a gift, snacks (corn chips), pasta, oil, chipotles in adobo (guess that could go in produce or spice section), lentils (legumes category), and cornmeal (baking category).  If I were vegan and quit dairy, that would significantly decrease, except then I'd be getting other things to substitute.  And I am not ready to be vegan, though I'm close to vegetarian again, didn't buy any meat this month.  I could give up slurges of eating out and desserts, but they add a nice verve ... and, again, I spent $255/month total.  That is damn good.  

OK, and now for end of year analysis, yay!  I love this nerdy stuff.  OK, if I were not paying for housing or utilities, I'm living on less than $1,000/month, all inclusive.  That's food, dog, garden, miscellaneous, automobiles, etc. etc.   It's not healthcare, since I get insurance through work and am under no medical treatment.  Healthcare + house repairs will be my biggest expenses when I leave my job and have mortgage paid off. 

**

The dog slept with me last night, which is unusual and quite sweet as she curled up against me.  I also didn't fall asleep until well after 1 am.  I would love to get on a better sleep schedule but the tricks don't seem to work now.  I was in bed by 11 and reading, but I kept reading to finish.  It was The Searcher by Tana French, recommended by a friend, and I quite enjoyed it.  I have more books to read and more available for pickup at the library, so I need to swing by soon.    

The deep cleaning is mostly done, yay, just need to do some last minute company pickup.  I'm making a simple lunch for my guest, lentils and squash, which seems fancier because of the pomegranate molasses, feta, and pepitas.  Hope she likes it.  The sourdough I baked yesterday is rather gummy, I think I didn't let the starter activate enough before using.  Guessing.  I have a lot more things to cook, for reasons such as having the perishable ingredients needing to be used.  I haven't been doing as much cooking as I expected lately.  Oh well.  Time to start getting back into the habit.  The other habit to get back into is drinking green tea - I do that maybe half the time usually, but haven't had it at all on vacation.  So, while the idea of returning to work is filling me with dread, there are some good aspects to the structure of my time, perhaps.   

chilly

 This sunny weather has disrupted my scheduled activities, and that is ok.  There was no sign of any other customer at the yard where I buy my soil and compost and mulch, and the worker was very bundled up, and may have looked a bit askance at me.  That's fine.  

Now I have turkey posole simmering.  It's a quick to make soup from a Publix recipe from Ms. Moon, and it is so good.  Always satisfies.  However, the turkey is from someone for free and it was factory farmed, and while I'd like to overcome that resistance, it doesn't feel right to me.  It's like when I thought I'd use Costco rotisserie chickens in a variety of foods to share, but I bought one and the factory farm ick would not go away.  So, I will eat one bowl of this posole and the rest will be given away.  Already have the containers labeled ready to go.  And a piece of quince cake is thawing for a treat to sustain me for more labor.  It would be nice to empty the truck bed today before dark and cold, but that may not happen as first I'd like to cut the kitchen pieces.  Though that can perhaps wait until tomorrow. 

While clearing the old garden bed areas and raking semi-smooth to lay new beds, I cleared numerous plants.  The favas, replete with nodes on roots indicating nitrogen fixing, will be worked into the soil.  I also harvested cabbage, some red leaf lettuce, arugula.  It's all very very dirty and needs a lot of cleaning so that will wait.  I'd like to use up some in minestrone tomorrow.  

**

OK, half the truck unloaded and half the side yard beds "built."  I may only need to get 2-3 more loads of soil, which is about half what I'd expected.  Sweet.  

Nearly every time I do this sort of thing, I start to think: "Why am I doing this?  I'm putting all this work and some money into growing my own food when I can buy anything i want.  This seems unnecessary."  And then very quickly I remind myself that if i weren't hauling heavy wheelbarrows and shoveling dirt, I would have to start to "exercise."  And I HATE exercise.  I love activity, moving my body, lifting heavy things, but I hate the futile movement of "exercise."  Why would i prefer to ride a bicycle inside going NOWHERE over biking on the streets to my job?  So I shovel more dirt at $52/cubic yard and recognize that would get me less than a month at a gym and I would have to interact with people in public.  Get their germs and all that.  No thank you, I'm good.  I'm channeling the grandmothers of Okinawa and Mykonos and everywhere else they live to 100.  Not that i think that I'll live to 100.  

Though I should probably plan for living that old, financially speaking.

Finished up the book about the five years before retirement and it definitely got me anxious about a number of the details, some important.  

Related, I've been reading the news about the shrinking the job market, and it's got me cautious.  I have always landed on my feet when job hopping, but things feel different now.  And, I'm older, which is a strike against me.  I just searched for jobs in my area (what I do in the geographic region) and I found nothing listed.  I do always have backup plans but I'm less inclined to go that direction than I was when younger.  LIke I can go back north in remote areas, but I would sell my house as a loss and it would be so hard with the dog.  And I'm tired, and no longer have the wonderful pickup that moved me across continents so many times over the past 23 years.  (I have it, but it barely runs and is not trustworthy at all.)  

So, does it help me to be grateful to just have a job in this economy, much less one that pays well?  Not really.  But maybe I could try to figure out how to lean into that.  Ideally I would stay for 3.5 more years.  In that time, if I can stay super frugal and have no big expensive emergencies and the market doesn't crash, I could be in a good position financially to retire.  Even more solid would be if I aim for 62 years old, which is still early and very reasonable.  But I have been trying to feel grateful for this job and I can't make that work for me.  I feel very grateful for the life that it provides, but the job itself is a struggle for me for many reasons, primarily administrative over which I have no control but which directly affects me negatively.  And yes, I know, that's life.  That's how this goes.  Nothing is perfect.  But I hate the stress so much.  

***

It's another bright sunny day but fucking cold so I'll be waiting a beat before venturing outside or even to my unheated garage.  A friend is coming over for lunch on Thursday which is a motivation for me to have the house in company shape at a particular time.  That event gives a skeleton to other things, like when I'll bake bread and make different foods, and what must be done by a certain time.  I cleared some things out of my living room such as the rowing machine I rarely use and it's nice and spacious.  I'm putting off cleaning my office until Sunday, when I will have to turn my attention back to work.   

I'm trying to gear myself up to better manage my time.  Why can't I complete more projects without a vacation?  I usually have two full days off per week and free evenings.  Because of course they're not really free - there are always things to be done.  Cooking healthy meals takes quite a lot of time, cleaning this house that is too big for me alone, etc. etc.  Yes, I can watch less TV and spend less time here and on Facebook and looking up every thought that comes to me, but I shouldn't have to live as a paragon of efficiency.  That makes me more likely to rebel, such as with my annoying revenge bedtime procrastination.  I guess I actually do get a lot of things done, but it just seems like there's always more to be done.  

Speaking of that, it's still cold but I'll put on some warm clothes and start moving about.   

 

almost done

 The cover panels are attached.  They do not look great, and it can be hard to tell if that's my critical eye as the homeowner, or if objectively it is problematic.  At this point, I don't really care.  Tomorrow when light again I'll fuss with the filler strips.  Still not certain how to attach them, but I'll try screws and see how that goes.  The panel was pretty beat up when I got it and I'd forgotten that, as I'm using up scraps.  I could reorder parts if I need to, things are still in stock, but Ill take what I got at least for right now.  

There's still some day left even if not daylight, so I can get some more things done.  Ill focus tomorrow on inside to wrap things up, and then on Tuesday I can focus back outside.  Get the divider in, weed, start the garden soil runs.   

I'm also looking ahead to recreation; with the new year there is a bus that runs between here (not far from my house, actually) to some ski destinations.  I liked cross country skiing a lot.  I happened upon it because my friend insisted I fetch her skis - I was living where she used to live, and I remember her telling me on the phone where to go.  it was a barn where she'd lived, she knew exactly where they were.  And sure, why not, I picked them up.  The boots were at least a size and a half too big but it was almost 30 years ago so my feet were much less problematic then.  Where I lived, I could just step outside, strap on the skis, and go for miles.  It was pretty awesome.  That shush shush shush when the air is so cold and it echoes differently.   I think I moved with them when I went to a very rural place and skied in showmachine trails.  Mostly I snow shoes there, though.  Which I also like, but there's something about the glide of skis.  Anyway, I never had anyone teach me how to ski, I never waxed them or anything - it was just fate that put me out there.  I had to put booties on my dog or the snow balls would hurt her feet, and she did not like that, but she liked what happened once the booties were on.

That friend, whom I visited (it was quite an adventure to get to where she was), was really good people.  She'd moved to our town when in high school and she worked hard at friendship.  We had fun, I have happy memories of slumber parties at her house, the sauna in the basement and her very entertaining mother.  A few years after I'd taken her skis and visited with her, she died suddenly.  I flew to be at her funeral, which wasn't easy but I'm glad I went.  Several of her close friends were there from other places, and I stayed with a local friend who was with her when she died.  They'd been at a barn and she said she wasn't feeling well and she got in her friend's backseat, and by the time they got to the hospital she was dead.  Encephalitis, I think was the diagnosis.  She was young, it was so quick.  She had a young son.  It was so sad.  I wish she were still in the world.

Anyway, she would definitely approve of me going out skiing.  I could take a bus and not have to drive myself (I hate driving in winter conditions - I don't have snow tires and hate chaining up, though will do it when I have to), and I could rent gear and take a lesson and learn the ropes.  It's a 12 hour trip so I'd need Friend to let the dog out midday.  I think I should try to do it at least once this year.  We'll see how I like it when there are other people around and I have to spend money.  I've never paid a cent for skiing so it's a different experience for sure.  It isn't super convenient - seems like all the best skiing snow is usually a couple of hours away.  Definitely something better to do when the dog is no longer around.  There are chapters for cross country skiing around the state but nothing close to me, which is a pity as that seems the  best way for me to pick it up - with a helpful group of aficionados.  I would though like to try it once this year if I can find the time, in part because I'd like to see how my feet can take it.  Being on my feet hurts a lot because of the arthritis; it seems a lot worse when I'm putting force on them such as up and down stairs, so could the sliding motion be a good movement with less pain?  I'd like to find out.  And I think I have all the gear I need - a warm coat, hat, gloves, rain pants.  Definitely not fancy ski gear at all, but I can cobble together something weather appropriate most likely.  Yesterday I wore a puffy jacket I'd gotten at Costco and it was quite warm.  It's cold out, been staying in the 30s.  which means the garage is cold, where I cut the pieces for the kitchen remodel, so I'm dragging out getting out there.  But, I've finally gotten motivated to cook again, so that's good.  I plan to make posole today and some oat pancakes, eating some leftover lentil loaf.  OK, that lentil loaf was really good - one slice heated up, on a whole wheat pita with some cheddar cheese.  Yum.  Way better than when I first made it and was trying to eat a big slice as a meal.  That's some nice fiber to start the day, and it's got some walnuts in it.  (Note: walnuts give me canker sores, but NOT if I soak them overnight and rinse them.  I then freeze the soaked/rinsed walnuts and can pull them out to add to various things.  I have bought the "heart healthy" nuts mix from Costco and it's heavy on the walnuts.)  

It's really sunny out.  It's cold but it's still inspiring to get outside, so as soon as my pressure canner is ready I'll probably go outside for a stretch.  I'm canning beans, as I'm using up the last of what I have in recipes soon (chipotle bean sweet potato burritos will take two jars of white beans, and spicy chickpea stew will take two jars of garbanzos).  I started canning beans a few years ago when I was living in a remote area where food shipping was really expensive, so canned beans were a lot but dried beans a bargain.  But I had a glass top stove and didn't want to damage it, so I learned about these cute little electric canners.  I've now bought about four of them, a new one each time I move because they take up quite a bit of space when everything I own needs to fit in the back of my pickup, and I can usually get one on sale for around $100.  I used it for awhile for "meals in a jar" but I don't like the taste of canned meat or mushy vegetables, so instead I use it for proper canning quite regularly.  It also water baths so is good for jams, tomatoes, etc.  It only does 4-5 jars at a time, so canning a lot (such as a ton of salmon) takes longer than one big pressure canner would, but it's honestly a good size for me to not get overwhelmed.  I don't have to can all my tomatoes at the same time, I can do a bit at a time as they ripen. I can get a flat of peaches at a time to process, etc.  So, it works out pretty well, and it's only maybe once a year that I wish I had a bigger canner, and I just work through it.  My pantry is quite full and I share a lot, so I am fine.  Maybe if I had a dozen members of my family I was preparing for it would be different, but then I would need a lot of help because canning can be hard work and a full day of it is beyond draining.  

HOping the sun keeps moving to warm the air where I want to work.  I want to convert three rows to four, to give me more growing space.  I'd made them when I first moved in with unnecessarily wide paths between.  They're just woodchips and mounded garden soil, so I can just rake them flat and start again, and then go get a load of soil to start "building" them again.  It'll add about 25 row feet for planting, which definitely seems worth it.   I could wait a few months and do it right before planting, but it's one of those things I think about every time I look in my side yard, which is about 50 times a day, so it'll be nice to have it done and ready when planting time comes, as I'm sure I'll be busy with other things then.  I need to cover them once built to keep cats out of them.  Fortunately I got a lot of garden wire panels from the Buy Nothing group a couple of years ago, and that works great.  I noticed yesterday that I have turnips growing.  I shoudln't be surprised, as I planted them - but i planted them many months ago and they didn't grow at all until recently; same with the arugula.  The seeds just hung out while it was warm and then as soon as it cooled they sprouted.  Trying to remember what I planted then gave up on has been challenging.  

OK, the dog REALLY wants me to go outside with her.  I just looked out and she's standing by the chair in the patio where I sit and she leans against me.  It's too cold for sitting, but not too cold for raking with hat and gloves on, so out we go.