Late night gratitude

When my house is quiet and everyone else is sleeping, is the time when the thoughts that tumble around in my brain are the most loud. It has been a rough winter for my family health-wise, our unexpected move in the summer is something that I still have not fully adjusted to (or finished unpacking from) and spring was scary trying to get my potassium level balanced after having it suddenly drop to life threatening levels. I still feel tired most of the time but tonight I am just thankful. I'm thankful for my husband that loves me and serves my family so tirelessly. I'm thankful for my children. They have been fighting over my lap all through the four day weekend and while I am tired, it is nice to be loved and nice to be needed. I'm thankful that we have a place to live and enjoy being together, even if it isn't always as clean as I wish it was. If I am going to choose between vacuuming the floor or reading to my kids at night, books will win every time. Reading through old blog posts tonight has my heart so full of gratitude to my Heavenly Father that it is overflowing and spilling down my cheeks. Every thing I am thankful for has been an answer to prayers that I have prayed. Each of my children a miracle that was prayed for, yearned for, pleaded for. My husband David...where do I even start? He has been my anchor through the storms that have shaken me to my core. He has been strong when I am weak, told me I'm beautiful when I feel most ugly, kissed me and told me I am loved each and every morning when he leaves for work. I never could have imagined when we met over ten years ago in a bar that we would be going to church and be sealed in the temple to three beautiful children we would have. Or that we would read scriptures every morning at breakfast. It is only reading my posts during some of the most painful times of my life that I fully comprehend the blessings of today. So I write this post. After five years without one. So I know when I read it later that right now, life is good. There is not a day that I don't get to read with my kids...or dance with them around the kitchen to their favorite songs. There is not a day that I don't get to laugh with David. Life is not perfect but today I focus on the joy that it affords me and I am thankful for it. IMG_8939.JPG

Coming in September

i miss blogging. maybe that is dorky, but it is true. i have fallen out of the habit of both reading blogs and updating my own. Since i have not been feeling well the last several weeks, i have been reading a lot more and miss keeping my own record of my life. although i update my status on facebook, i don't feel like that is a very good record for our family...so many posts i have missed, so many pictures, so many memories...i have news that i do not want to keep to myself any longer. i am pregnant! it is hard not to cry with joy as i say this. i am torn between trying to keep my emotions in just in case things don't work out and shouting it from the rooftops. after going through hormone treatments last year (including progesterone shots and clomid, yuck) and having it not be productive (or reproductive, haha) i think i had an emotional block against it. i didn't feel up to doing it all again. the plan was to start on fertility drugs again in january so we could enjoy the holidays and not feel pressure or crazy hormonal emotional swings. i think we just got the best Christmas present ever by my body doing what it is actually supposed to do and conceiving naturally.

dave has felt a lot of peace about this pregnancy and i am trying to relax and trust his thoughts. i have been pretty emotional from the beginning. since i had an ultrasound and they cancelled my bloodwork since they could not tell if it was a viable pregnancy or not...

...okay, started this post a month and a half ago and since then i have had an ultrasound and found out that we are having a baby boy! i'm so excited! i still have a lot of nausea and feel dizzy most of the time even though i am in my second trimester but no longer feel worried about this pregnancy. i feel a lot of peace that this baby boy is okay and is excited to join our family.

we found out i was pregnant on new years day. best new years ever! our kids have a knack for making holidays special with the news that they are coming. we found out we were pregnant with audrey the day before thanksgiving.

we are feeling very blessed and very happy and a little emotional, or a lot, depending on the day. haha!

my sweet little lovely

Dear Audrey,

It has been a long time since I have blogged about your sweet smile and sense of humor and the beautiful girl you are inside and out and so I am taking full advantage of the still silence to write you a little note.

Oh, sweetheart, how you make my heart happy...You are so kind and outgoing and funny and I love being your mom so much. You are very sensitive to the needs of others and extremely smart and funny. You have been getting up several times a night for the last month or so...this is not typically your schedule and I have been worried about you. You do not wake up crying though and you don't ever ask for milk or food or more blankets or anything...no, you always want to play. Two nights ago, you woke your father and your mother up at two in the morning. Your dad went to get a drink of water and I came in to put you back in bed and as soon as i opened the door I saw your eyes twinkle and you giggle because you had pinned your blanket with your chin so you could bang on the door and hold up your blanket over your body at the same time and you said, "dress" and walked a few steps and said it again. I called your dad into the hallway and of course you repeated your "show" for dad. It made us laugh so hard and you laughed and laughed. This is vintage Audrey. You are always doing things for a reaction. You love to make people laugh.

You love music and always grab our hands and want us to dance with you when you hear it. I know when you like a song because as soon as it ends you ask to hear it again.

We had such a fun Christmas with you. You love your car and sit and spin and each day rediscover a new toy from Christmas. You love putting your new purse (complete with lip gloss, cell phone, keys and debit card) into the trunk, turning to us waving and saying "bye bye" as you drive off. You also like to put sippy cups and dollies there. You had a hard time going to bed on Christmas Eve because "sansa" paid you an early visit with a toodles (this is your word for minnie mouse) pajamas, a christmas pillow case and a princess snuggie. You knew he was coming and thought you would miss his visit by falling asleep. You loved the Chinese food on Christmas Eve. Your favorite was the hot and sour soup. You also loved to say "spicy" and take big spoonfuls.

You got Beauty and the Beast for Christmas on DVD and you LOVE it. You love to watch it over and over. You wake up in the morning and ask for "beast" as you come running out of your room. You are very sensitive and after the beast yells at bell to get out and she leaves, when beast looks down at the ground in regret, you point to the TV and say, "sad, sad" and you visibly look sad. You are so aware of emotions of other people and are always happy to give hugs or make people smile and laugh.

Your daddy and I were deciding what to do for dinner. I asked you, "do you want soup?" and you said, "yesth" but you often get in a yes mode (and sometimes, though not nearly as often, thank heaven get into a no mode too) and will say yes to whatever someone is asking and so your daddy asked you if you wanted ham and potatoes and you said, "no" and it kind of surprised daddy so he asked again, "do you want ham and potatoes?" and you said, "no, STHOUP" hahaha.

We love you so much, sweetheart. Your vocabulary is growing every day. I was not feeling so hot today so I was laying on the couch watching "pillow talk" and after the song "roly, poly" ended you looked at me and asked, "more poly?" and we watched it four more times in a row and when it was done you brought me the punky brewster dvd and opened it and were trying to put it in the player.

You understand that breakfast is breakfast but both lunch and dinner are "nunch" and you love to have oranges cut up with your lunch every day. You love your little people nativity set from nana (ana) and grandpa and a dolly that you got from your grandma for Christmas and because of these two toys, you have started to understand the concept of batteries. When your dolly was turned off (it is motion activated and we have it on for a few hours a day, tops, haha) you brought me a pack of batteries and your doll, saying, "dolly...batteries" because you knew that we had to buy batteries to turn it on the first time. Nana and Grandpa got you a little people noah's ark set that you have truly enjoyed. You found a pack of batteries, opened it and stuffed it in the top of the ark and pressed the button on top to make the song play. Now it just so happens that this little people set doesn't play a song but it has the same buttons on the top for the characters to sit that the angel sits on in the nativity set and that one lights up and plays a song when it is pressed. i watched you (and tried to explain that this one doesn't play music) as you placed each and every animal figure on top trying to make it sing.

You create chaos at every turn. you love to empty drawers and unroll toilet paper rolls and curl your eyelashes with mommy's eyelash curler and you love elmo and are very good about brushing your teeth and learning how to use the potty (thank heavens for elmo stickers) and hate when we take naps...haha! if we are resting (or sometimes reading) you will take a throw pillow and throw it at us while screaming, "bake up, bake up" and then you will giggle. Even though you make a lot of messes, you don't really like them. if you spill something, you will say, "oh, MESS!" and come and ask for help to get it cleaned up. You also love to have your diapers changed. Pampers have elmo and Huggies have toodles and you will often say you are "ninky" just so you can be changed, even though you aren't. You also love to wash your hands and ask for your hands to be washed several times a day. You have started to wash your own hands at your play kitchen you just got from the Wards several times a day as well. You love to use your hot pads to bring out a pot of whatever you have been making (since I have been sick with a cold since christmas it is often tea, you like to "bake tea" haha) and you will say, "hot, hot" just like i do when i am opening the oven.

your new favorite drink is strawberry milk and that is what you rang the new year in with. you always ask for a straw and i think it is your favorite part of the little half pints we buy you...not the milk, but the drinking it with a straw and of course, that it is pink.

i love you more than i can express and this is just a few stories of hundreds that show us how smart you are and keep us laughing. You are the best!

Love,
Mommy

p.s. at night, i always kiss you (so does Daddy) and tell you that i love you and as i close the door I always say, "you're the best" and you always repeat the word best before you close your eyes for a night of slumber. the other night after i told you i loved you I was just looking at your beautiful face, enamored. you said, "best? best?" and I knew that you hear me and and feel it when I tell you how much I love you and that you are the best daughter in the world and that made me so happy. I hope with all my heart that you will always know and feel that.

I can't believe how long it has been since I blogged. I don't really know how people find the time for it. I am taking a little break from wrapping presents on one of the rare occasions that Audrey actually asked for a nap. I have been wanting to write in a journal and just never get around to it so I am writing this down so that I don't forget. Yesterday Audrey and I went to the library and then to get an ice cream cone. She calls ice cream "i-fream" it is so cute. Yesterday when I asked her what kind of "i-fream" she wanted, she said, "pink" and smiled. She got a bubble gum ice cream cone and we sat baskin robbins while she ate and then of course she HAD to clean the table. Today when we were out and about I could hear her in her carseat singing to herself, "pink i-fream, pink i-fream" haha! She was not too happy when we got to a store that only sold mom clothes and whined and whined while I tried on clothes only to have everyone gush over what a doll she is. I do agree, she is a sweetheart. Her favorite thing to do right now is to get windex and spray the coffee table. She loves it. It always reminds Dave of "my big fat greek wedding" but I think it just goes to show how often she sees me clean the same surfaces over and over after she gets them sticky/grimy or licks them. She is such a clown. We bought pink ornaments to add to the tree today since it is her favorite. Our tree is decorated in muted colors. Cranberry round ornaments, gold bells, cranberry pics, baby breath, wicker balls, wooden raffia-type stars, cream colored "believe" pillows, etc. it is fun to have a brighter color added and now I want to get a few more pink things. We'll see how Dave feels about it when he gets home. Audrey loves chocolate milk and ranch right now. If i pour ketchup on her plate to dip nuggets in she will tell me no and then ask for "wanch" and smile or whine, depending on her mood. She also loves oranges. I give her cuties all cut up and she asks for them several times a day. She likes to drink through a straw and also likes to pull out the stool, put it together and get things she wants herself. It makes me feel sad though to think of my baby being a little girl. She knows that "sansa" says, "ho, ho, ho" and is going to bring her candy and toys but refuses to sit on his lap. Every morning, first thing, she and i take a walking tour of our house and turn on ALL the Christmas lights (ceramic tree, Christmas tree, forests of lit trees and last but NOT least, her little tree) and she points to all the "sansas" in our house. At least once a day I find our annalee santa mouse moved from the coffee table to her room, usually on her bed with her dolls. It is fun to see her get so excited each night when we read a Christmas book and have candy from the advent calendar. She calls the princess tent that Eliot and Angie gave to her a house and always points out all the "mwenthesses" on it. She loves to give hugs and play with her cousins and I feel so lucky to be her mom. I need to write more so that I don't forget where she is right now. I am trying to soak up as much fun with her as possible because she is growing way too fast.

if you were expecting a more clever post, I am sorry. I spend my free time (the little i have) on different Christmas craft projects and devouring new books but I am going to try to blog a little every week, even if it is just to be able to look back and remember all the memories we are making every day.

hope everyone (even though i am sure not many read this anymore, but in case anyone does) is having a happy holiday season.

fun for a sunday afternoon

overdue update

wow, it has been a busy month...much busier than i had anticipated. thanksgiving went off without a hitch. it was my first year hosting and much more work than i was prepared for, haha. it was fun though. it gave me a good excuse to practice my apple pie baking and it was fun to brine a turkey with dave. the food was delicious and setting the table was my favorite part. i found these perfect leaf place mats and gold chargers and it was very fancy and formal and fun. i have been too busy to blog about everything i have wanted to blog about since i started working. i am cutting back to one day a week.

we did so many fun things while my family was in town. we went to see the elves and gardner village, we toured mrs. cavanaughs chocolates, we went to see new moon, my sisters and i took our kids (except audrey, she is still too young for the movies) to a dollar show.

dave and i have been busy getting the house ready for christmas. we put up the tree and other holiday decorations, we put candy in the advent calendar, we took audrey to go see santa, we decorated a gingerbread house with audrey, went to annual christmas lunch with some friends from high school, and today i tried out a new cookie recipe i found in yesterday's paper. this week's project is gathering addresses to try to get my christmas cards out. i have a few other christmas projects up my sleeve if i can find time to get them started and then time to get them finished, haha.

audrey is growing up so fast. she is repeating most of what we say and can climb stairs and up onto furniture with great speed. she is not very skilled though at going down the stairs or down from furniture so she keeps me on my toes. she doesn't like to hold still even for a moment. she is so busy exploring and discovering the world around her. she brings us so much joy. her favorite thing right now (besides climbing the stairs) is the christmas tree. she will kneel and reach up as high as she can and pull the ornaments and berries off and then turn to us and tell us things (we don't understand much of what she says but she says "pretty" a lot, haha) while using grand hand gestures, haha. i love watching her and am happy that she already feels the wonder of the season while tearing apart the tree several times a day. she cruises around furniture so fast that i don't think walking is too far off. she loves to be chased and squeals with delight when dave and i are "chasing" her around her playroom.

hope you all are having a happy holiday season.

thirty days of thanks #10, #11, #12, #13, #14, #15 and #16

i have not been blogging each day like i had planned on. It is much more difficult to balance my time with my family and my "me" time since I have started working. Most of the time I don't really want to spend my time on the computer when I am at home with my family.

10. I am thankful for my schedule at work that allows for my family to eat dinner together at night even on the nights that dave or I have to go to work.

11. I am thankful for music. I have always loved music. It has always been such a powerful influence in my life.

12. I am thankful for books. I love reading to my daughter and I hope that I am able to instill in her a great love of books and learning. I love how books can take you to another place and give you a new perspective on something already familiar to you.

13. I am thankful for my body. I struggle with my weight and often with my health but I am so thankful that I have the use of my limbs and that when the house is dirty, I can scrub it. I can pick up my daughter and run and play with her. I know that I am prone to be negative about my body but I am so thankful for all that it enables me to do.

14. I am thankful for family traditions that create strong loving bonds and memories that last forever.

15. I am thankful for holiday (and other home) decor. I love the permanence of it. As a mom most of what I do is temporary or gets undone: cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, picking things up, putting things away, setting the table, etc. I know that when I buy (or make) something for the house that it will not get undone (most of the time, with a fifteen month old all bets are off, haha) and will become part of our home or part of our holiday not just this year but each year and that is something I love. I feel like it is something I do for my family that it permanent and adds to our home.

16. I am thankful for clean water. This is also something I take for granted too much of the time.