PLUMP

This is a slightly edited version of something I wrote when I was incoherent and exhausted yesterday. It mightn’t make much sense but it’s certainly reflective of the stress and pressure we were under…this all happened between 8am on Thursday and 12pm on Friday.

Still here though with much more patience than previously. I’ve had a hell of a 24hours –
I was risked out of the birth centre by the consulting obstetrician yesterday morning. Just before I left she decided to do an internal where she discovered I was 6cm dilated and 100% effaced. Her conclusion was that I was in labour. She decided that I could go back to the birth centre straight away and they could break my water. Of course, it’s against bc policy to intervene in any way, including breaking water. They, however, were happy to let me labour naturally there..YAY! I was back in.
I still wasn’t convinced I was actually in labour but foetal monitoring  showed that i was having contractions 2 mins apart, I just wasn’t feeling them! Everyone was in awe. I was feeling very fortunate.

I called my doula and explained the situation and she came up to the BC for a few hours. Nothing was happening and I was bouncing around happily, still with minimal pain so we decided it would be fine to let her go off to her daughters Christmas concert. By 9.30 last night, still nothing was happening so we asked to come home. The consulting obstetrician said no – that if we left now, there was no coming back to the BC. So, against better judgement, we stayed the night and had a fairly peaceful nights sleep.

When we woke up this morning, I had still not really progressed so it made sense to come home and wait for my water to break. It all seemed very uncontroversial and the midwives were happy for us to go home home. The most superior ob however, not only said I couldn’t come home but that I had to be admitted immediately to the HOSPITAL for induction. They wanted to break my water and syntocinin and constant fetal monitoring. EVERYTHING I’ve been working to avoid. This despite perfect blood pressure and endless perfect results from monitoring. I got very scared and very shaky. I felt bruised and blackmailed and bullied.

Anyway, after lots of tears and long conversations with our doula and the BC midwives, we made the decision to ‘act against medical advice’ and come home. The BC midwives were wonderful and have committed to do all they can to keep me with them when I do go into natural labour.

I feel completely traumatised but I’m also thrilled to be home and thrilled to have yet another opportunity to birth naturally. I cannot believe that despite all my knowledge and preparation, I have been trapped in the web of intervention. Sure, thus far I’ve avoided it but I had to fight every.step.of.the.way. I can’t imagine how it is for women who haven’t had the opportunity to learn as much as me.

So, I’m actually hoping this boy stays in for a day or 2 longer because I need the time to recover and find some strength.

Postscript: It’s Saturday morning now. We’ve been home for almost 24hours and I had a pretty good sleep last night. I’m definitely feeling stronger but very happy to wait it out a bit longer. I’ve got another induction acupuncture at lunchtime and Ducks is convinced we’ll be going straight from there to the BC to have the baby. I’m happy for her to be right or wrong.

One thing we feel pretty confident of is that when he does decide to make an entrance it’ll probably be quick. At 6cm dilated, 100% effaced and with waters bulging, it’d be a surprise if it weren’t. The other thing is that his head is right there. The midwife had a hard time working out my dilation because his head was is the way. Clearly this boy knows what he wants and he’s waiting for the perfect time to tell us.

I’m struggling here folks. The story is getting old now but this time, I really am hanging by a thread at the birth centre. Essentially, I’ve got ’til Thursday to have this baby or I’m out. The hospital wants me to transfer to them and they’re keen to induce. I had to do some serious negotiating to get the extra 48hours.

The thing is, there is nothing wrong with me and there is nothing wrong with the baby.  My blood pressure is borderline (120/80 – I started at 130/60) but I’ve done a billion repeated tests and there is still no indication of preeclampsia. I’ve sat attached to monitors for hours. Squeak is happily bouncing around in there with a strong, healthy heartbeat. I’ve done my research and even the most conservative medical viewpoints aren’t telling me that it’s time to panic.

I’m not stupid and I wouldn’t do anything to put Squeak or I at risk. If it looks like preeclampsia is developing, I’ll be the first to conceed to a transfer and induction if necessary but I’m not prepared to submit to the pressure and bullying just because it’s more convenient.

So today, it’s back for more acupuncture – this time with a pregnancy/birth specialist and if that doesn’t work, then I’m gonna bite the bullet and drink me some castor oil. This babe has to come out, and frankly, the ickiness of castor oil is a much more tolerable thought than a continued fight with hospitals and obstetricians.

Has anyone ever told those ‘professionals’ that all this stress is not good for a pregnant womans blood pressure???

The Birth Centre just called. They’re unhappy with some test results. Ducks now has to miss a dentist appointment she’s been waiting 6 months for, drive an hour home to collect me and take me in there for more tests. I so wish I could get myself there on public transport but I might have overdone it on the exercise front yesterday. My pelvis/pubic bone is unbearable today.  Oops. Anyway, I know that caution is good but this is becoming a boring pattern – every second lot of test results come up abnormal, so they give me more tests and they come up fine.

It all seems so bizarre for something so impermanent. If Squeak would just hurry up and arrive, there’d be no need for all this fuss.

No news today. I’m officially overdue. I’ve been bouncing on the birth ball, tilting my pelvis in all kinds of ways, vigorously vacuuming, walking, acupressuring, taking all kinds of supplements, herbs and homeopathics and more. All to no avail. This baby is just not ready yet. I’m ok with that. Really, I am…most of the time.

So, instead, I focus on the beautiful Christmas Tree that we bought yesterday. Our house smells amazing and when I do finally go into labour, the beautiful lights will offer me mucho soothing and something pretty to fixate on.  I pity the souls who keep checking in on me today. To the question “any news?” I’ve been joyfully answering “yes!!! – we have a Christmas Tree and I love it.” (Because if I’d had the baby, don’t you think I’d have let you know?)

Well the full moon didn’t bring on the babe but perhaps that’s because it was pouring and so cloudy that he couldn’t see just how exquisite it was. Apparently, last nights full moon looked 12% bigger and was beautiful hues of gold and silver. Unfortunately, it’s been raining, without halt, for over 24hours so no one got to see it! So much for being in the middle of our worst ever drought.

I’ve always felt that it would be raining when Squeak was born. Sadly, I can’t look to the weather as a sign of imminent arrival because a quick glance of the 7day forecast tells me to expect rain every day this week.

It’s ok though. I’m doing better at this patience thing. Now that my blood pressure is all ok, I’m feeling more zen about Squeak arriving in his own sweet time…just as long as it’s before Tiff pops!

My blood pressure is fine! No one’s worried and there’s no talk of transfers or inductions.

I guess we just wait until this boy is good and ready.

At the risk of alienating everyone, I’d like to remind you all of the nothing song. Did you sing it as kids? It’s almost as annoying as ‘the song that never ends.’

“Nothing nothing nothing nothing,
we sing absolutely nothing,
nothing, nothing, all day long,
listen to our nothing song.

Same song,
second verse,
could be better –
but it’s gonna be worse.

Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing…”

And so on, and so forth.

It’s 5.50am on Friday here. I’ve not slept much but it’s certainly NOT because I have contractions keeping me awake. Mostly, I think, it’s because I have that stupid song stuck in my head, reminding me constantly of the status of my supposedly impending labour.

Midwife appt this afternoon. Hopefully the nothingness about which I’m singing is all related to my blood pressure – which, of course, will be low and result in nothing!

Meanwhile, why did I listen to all those people who thought I’d go early? Waiting for labour is something like purgatory!

No baby. Not that I expected one right away but a few contractions overnight would have been reassuring. 24 hours I’m told is the time period to allow. Thus, at 10am on Thursday morning (now), Squeak has about 6 hours to start wiggling down the birth canal or we can safely say the acupuncture didn’t work.  We could be philosophical here and summise that he’s just not ready yet but I don’t feel as though we have that luxury. If I turn up at that birth centre, not in labour, tomorrow morning then I could be in trouble. I don’t mean to pressure the little critter but this is serious!!!

I don’t understand why he doesn’t want to come out. He is fully engaged, very low down, and has been for weeks. Isn’t it a little claustrophobic deep in my pelvis?

Not more than an hour after my last post (the one where I said there was no news…) the proverbial shit hit the fan.  I went to get my blood pressure checked and came up with the highest reading so far.  To say I was shocked is an understatement. I’ve been doing NOTHING and feeling really good.  In the time between getting the reading and arriving at the birth centre (as per midwifes instruction) I’d convinced myself that I was going to be risked out, transferred to hospital, induced and have a c-section… clearly that’s not quite what happened because I’m here, now, to tell the tale.  Impatience and histrionics – that’s what us Aries are good at!

The short version of the story is that upon arriving at the BC, my blood pressure was ever higher. I panicked and cried. And then, miraculously, it dropped right back down to normal and the midwife smiled and so did I. No guarantees that it’s going to stay down so I’ve been given the go ahead to start on induction acupuncture and whatever else we can come up with.

So, today we’re going full steam ahead. First, Ducks is finally taking the carseat to be fitted and once that’s safely in, my doula is giving me an induction massage. Then I’m heading straight from her to get induction acupuncture. I really feel like this is going to work too – last night I gave myself some very amateurish, half assed acupressure that resulted in pretty intense cramps and a few painful contractions. Imagine what might happen with someone who knows what they’re doing!!?

There’s a lot riding on this. If my blood pressure shoots up again, I don’t think there’ll be any more chances with the birth centre, so please send me all the strong, productive labour vibes you can muster!

And the real upshot of this story – no matter what happens, whether via natural or chemical induction, we will have a baby boy in our arms in a matter of days!

We wait. And wait. And take some cute pictures. And wait some more.

Ducks took the day off today – she said she wasn’t well but secretly I think she was really hoping Squeak would arrive today. I have no doubt that he WILL NOT be making an appearance in the next 24hours. In fact, given that Saturday would be really inconvenient for us, I’m sure he’ll be here then.

39 weeks, 2 days – pics below.