PLUMP

I wanted to make this a seperate post because it’s momentus and deserves to stand alone. Other local bloggers have already made a big deal of it and it’s my turn now!

As of last Thursday evening, Ducks and non-bio mothers across the state are entitled to rightful legal recognition as our childrens mother’s. The full article is available here! From all acounts, Parliament was full of dykes and their babes on Thursday and I’m terribly sad that I couldn’t have been there too. It sounds like it was something truly extraordinary.

So anyway, I count this as another sign – a reason for Squeaks imminent arrival…not only is my house clean, my hair cut, my toenails painted, my will and power of attorney complete, my cramps frequent, my moods crappy, my baby engaged, but Squeak’s Mummy is now legally and rightfully, his Mummy!

My thanks and love go out to everyone involved but particularly to the amazing women who spearheaded this long and arduous campaign (and somehow birthed and parented twins and a singleton in the process) and made legal protection (and a host of other progressive changes) for our families a reality.

It’s funny – for the first 30 odd weeks of pregnancy you spend a lot of extra time staring at the toilet paper, desperately hoping not to see blood. Somewhere around 30 weeks, you finally start to relax and trips to the toilet because quicker, easier affairs, if not a bit more frequent because of all the excess peeing that goes with being knocked up. The respite from toilet paper inspections however, is short lived because by the time you get to about 36 weeks, you start desperately hoping to see blood! Thus making trips to the toilet long, arduous and very very regular! A day off 39 weeks and I’ve not seen blood on the toilet paper once in this whole pregnancy. This atheist is praying again – please, a bloody show, please?

There are lots of pointers to the fact that this babe will be earthside soon. I have been crampy for weeks. I have been losing chunks of mucus plug for weeks. BH contrax abound. I even had a real and very painful contraction yesterday. Squeak is fully engaged – the midwife says she couldn’t move him if she wanted to. He’s in a great position. The thing is, soon could be 3 days or 3 weeks. Yesterday though, the midwife confidently assured me that I’m not likely to go anywhere near 42 weeks and in fact, she’s pretty sure he’ll be here in the next week, but this waiting game is killing me.

Too add to this impaitent Aries torture, I’m supposed to be on bedrest because my stupid blood pressure is playing funny buggers again. Again, it’s not particularly high but it is fluctuating strangely and no one is prepared to take any risks. It is simply not possible for me to be waiting for this unknown birth day and do so while confined to my bed or the couch. Daytime TV is simply not that engaging and honestly, I’m too tired to concentrate on reading anything other than fluff.

I guess I’ve just got to suck it up. My babe will be here soon and it’ll all be worthwhile 🙂

Have I mentioned that this nesting thing just isn’t really happening for me? I want to nest. I have lists. I have lists for Ducks. I want my house clean. I just don’t want to do it. I am, thus, very proud of myself for having just spent the better part of 3 hours cleaning the fridge, inside and out, to gleaming point. It could have just come off the showroom floor it’s so sparkly. The pantry next to it got a fairly good outside wipe down too but I’m just not brave enough to open that door! I cooked today too – a huge stockpot of chicken bolognese to freeze. I am so excited by the prospect of eating it…tomato anything has not been my friend while in pregnant reflux world…I sure hope after weeks of the stuff I feel the same way!

I’m not feeling crazy driven but I may have the motivation to do one decent job a day for the next little while. The knowledge that my Ma and her cleaner are coming tomorrow to really shake things up certainly helps too…

It’s uncanny. I logged on this morning to write a wee post about the delights of boobs and colostrum but somehow got distracted. A quick browse of my bloglines and what do I find? Two other lovelies – vee & ohchicken have already been pontificating about their own boobage. My pontification really isn’t nearly as deep nor meaningful as the other girls but is exciting to me nonetheless.

Yesterday morning, post shower, I was standing naked in the bathroom making a vague attempt to moisturise or something. Ducks was up the other end of the house in her study. Inspired by Tiff’s boob story a day earlier I thought it might be fun to see about manually pumping a bit of colostrum. How excited was I when the first drops emerged!?? I called out to Ducks in high pitched excitement and I swear, with one long stride she was in the room with me. BIG OOPS! She thought my water had broken and strangely, didn’t share in my excitement about a few drops of boobjuice.  Since then, there have been promises of no sudden moves and clear announcements about the onset of labour!

Meanwhile, I really seem to have started something (TMI alert!) and am now constantly leaking watery, yellowy goodness. I’m thrilled and am taking it as a good sign toward the first steps of a successful breastfeeding journey.

That’s it, boob story over. Will be interesting to see what traffic comes my way now!

I made it! Today is 37 weeks, 2 days. Full term. Since I last posted, there’s been a few noteworthy happenings…

• I finished work! And promptly had a freakout. Apparently I placed more emphasis on my identity as defined by my career than I realised! It’s a strange concept to think of myself as a stay at home mum and although it’s not my long term plan, it’s where I’ll be for at least 12 months. Strange.

• We went to see the beautiful Martha Wainwright. It was tough to drag myself there. I was exhausted and in a lot of pelvic/pubic pain and not looking forward to the reality of standing room only. It was only when Ducks said she wouldn’t go if I didn’t that I decided to pull myself out of the rut. And I’m so glad I did! Somehow Ducks and I managed to sweet talk the security guys and we found ourselves happily seated, with our friends, in the VIP section of the venue – we had a perfect view and enjoyed a gorgeous night in total comfort. It was awesome.

• We took ourselves on a romantic beachside getaway…at least, that was the plan. The reality was that I was heavily pregnant, super teary and somewhat in premature mourning for the loss of ‘just Ducks and I.’ All I wanted was to be at home. Ducks was completely exhausted and wanted the same. Nonetheless, we’d paid $350 for 2 nights accom and couldn’t abide losing our money. It took us all day to actually get in the car and drive there and about 3 hours after arriving to decide that we’d be hotfooting it home first thing in the morning. $350 wasn’t worth the misery. So we came home and watched DVDs for 2 days – it was perfect!

• I had cuddles with McBean and lunch with his lovely parents on Thursday. He’s beautiful and really helped me get super excited again about the impending arrival of little Squeak. (The mourning period really spooked me!)

• On Friday at my regular midwife check up we ended up in a spiral of panic and possibility. I had slightly raised blood pressure (raised but NOT high) and high end of normal protein in my urine. Eek! Preeclampsia alert! Before I knew it, I was in the hospital having fetal monitoring and 1/2 hourly blood pressure checks and more blood taken than you can imagine. It all felt like serious overkill and instinctively, I knew I was fine.  That’s not to say that the scary possibilities of induction and caesarian weren’t taunting us both. 6 hours later, we’d missed Duck’s Nanna’s 90th birthday party and all results came back fine. For some reason however, the Dr’s weren’t convinced so required a 24 hour pee collection (that’s right – every pee for 24 hours in a bottle!) and a complete retest and monitoring on Monday. I spent the weekend freaking out but knowing intuitively that I was fine and feeling annoyed at myself for allowing myself to get sucked into a potential web of interventions. Still, the fact that my hands and face were periodically puffy didn’t help our panic tendencies. Nonetheless, we trekked back to the hospital yesterday with my bottle full of pee ( I fondly refer to it as ‘my dignity in a bottle’) and I re-sat all the tests and monitoring. The results: I’m absolutely normal! The baby is perfect and I’m clear to birth in the birth centre! And I’m GBS negative which is awesome ‘cos the decision to have the abx during labour was really challenging me.

So all is looking up! I’m feeling pretty positive and looking forward to the experience of labour. I’ve been having lots and lots of cramping and a fair amount of BH contrax too. I’ve been swinging the pendulum between total surity that Squeak will arrive in a couple of days, to him being a big tease and arriving just in time for xmas. Either scenario is possible. All I know for sure is that Tiff and I are officially racing!

I don’t love this pic but I’m too tired and lazy to take another right now…

37 weeks!

Like all good lesbian stereotypes, our relationship was heavy on the Ani D music in the early days. We’ve since broadened our musical scope and even been brave enough to criticise Ms DiFranco for the last few albums but deep in our hearts, she still holds court.  It’s been 5 years since Ani has toured Australia and to be honest, I thought that she’d never come back. Imagine my surprise then, when I happened across an ad for her upcoming Australian tour – 6 weeks after Squeaks due date!!! It’s like we’re being tested – as intent on having adult lives and adult relationships as we both are, 6 weeks is a bit early to be leaving our newborn. We’re buying tickets anyway and will plan to leave the babe with my sister who lives 5 minutes from the venue – that way, if there’s any disasters, we’re close by. We’re also prepared for the possibility that we won’t make it at all. Oh the sacrifices!

I fear our bill is on the same road as Prop 8.  This article confirms some of my fears.

First off, congrats and thank you to the US for seeing some sense and rejoining the world community. It’ll be nice to have you back! Commiserations though to those personally affected by the passing of prop 8. As I’ve said to others, marriage ain’t my thing but to strip away such hard fought for civil rights is devastating and represents such hate and homophobia – I’m still shocked that California, of all places, holds such values in majority. That said, I’m not convinced that there wasn’t a margin of error – surely some people voted ‘yes’ thinking they were in favour of same-sex marriage??

Now we in Victoria sit with baited breath awaiting the upper house vote so that all women can access reproductive assistance and non bio mums can have complete parental recognition under the law.  Nov 11 is, allegedly, d-day. Where once I was positive it would pass, I’m not so sure anymore.

Anyway, the end is nigh. One more week of work and I am surprisingly organised and ready to do handover next week. I guess the motivation of getting the hell out of there was enough to get my butt into gear. Though, while there won’t be any manic efforts to get all my work done there may be just a small panic attack around clearing out my desk. At the moment it looks like the epi-centre of a small earthquake.

I had a great midwife appt today too. I’ve been stressing about Squeaks apparent preference for lying horizontally across my belly – but it turns out I’m wrong. His head is deep in my pelvis  – he’s just big and his limbs seem to flail around a lot.  I was also worried about the  possibility of being GBS+ because I heard a rumour that it would risk me out of the birth centre. Not only was I wrong about it risking me out, but the midwife was really reassuring about the options and alternatives to IV anti-biotics if we so choose. Of course, the test isn’t for another couple of weeks and I’m not planning on being positive but it’s nice to know we have options and choices that will be supported!

The midwife was also really sweet and encouraging when I told her I was really starting to feel over it. Instead of trying to psych me into the possibility of going to 42weeks (which is probably what I would have done, were I in her shoes), she just kept saying ‘just hold on for 2 more weeks – just get to 37 weeks..’ Of course, I want to make it to 37 weeks – I wouldn’t be allowed to birth in the BC any earlier.  In fact, I really would like to make it to 39 weeks because I want some time off between work and birth. Anyway, the point is, the midwife was lovely and knew all the right things to say, just when I really needed it. And wouldn’t it be great if the end really was nigh?!!!

(and thanks to all you lovely people who loyally read and comment despite my complete lack of commitment or continuity. even though I’m not commenting much at the moment, know that I am keenly reading and wishing everyone the best.)

Busy doesn’t adequately describe what’s been going on for me lately though it does provide me with a feeble excuse for having ignored the blog world for far too long. To those of you who have checked in on me without response, thank you and sorry. It’s so lovely to know that there are people all across this big planet who genuinely think and care for me.

So yes, I’ve been very, very busy. And when I haven’t been busy, I’ve been exhausted, unmotivated and a bit bored. Last weekend I spent 3 days on the couch – bored but unable to do a single thing, including, obviously, blog. This weekend gone has been another busy one. For most of us, it’s been a 4 day weekend all culminating in a horse race. I kid you not. We have a public holiday for a horse race and because it always falls on a Tuesday (today) most of us find a way to manouver a day off on Monday.

Anyways, I may have mentioned before, but we’ve never had a fuller social diary than since I’ve been pregnant. People really want to spend time with us. We’ve almost achieved VIP status in some circles. As the first of our close friends to reproduce, I really hope the desire to hang out with us extends beyond birth and cute newborn land. I’m certainly starting to get nervous about being at home, alone, all day, every day with Squeak.

As far as this pregnant thing goes…well it goes. I don’t think I’m at the end of my tether yet, but it’s coming. I’ve had some pretty intense issues with my pubis synthesis and my pelvis more generally in the last couple of weeks. It’s nice to know that it’s loosening up and preparing for birth but does it have to be so loose and so painful?? Ouch. Still, not long to go now. Less than 6 weeks until my EDD and I really feel like I’m going to be a ‘lil bit early.

Only 5 more days of work too, which is sooo exciting. All I have left to do now is a bit more succession planning and then spend a couple of days next week with my replacement to do handover. I can’t believe it’s really and happening. So my last day is next Thurs 13th of November and we’re celebrating by going to see the beautiful Martha Wainwright. Then, we’re going down to the beach for a few days and then it’ll be home to nest. I’m so excited. We’re going to meet this little critter so soon. Eeek!

34 week belly shot…

Oh, and before I sign off, I need to acknowledge that I sit here, holding my breath, hoping and wishing that the US makes the right decision as they go to the polls in the next 24hours.  I can’t say that I place all my faith and hope in Ob.ama for the kind of change that I think is really needed, but another term of Re.publicans in office will be a disaster for the whole world…all the Tina Fey skits in the universe aren’t worth that.

Ducks and I attended the first of our independent birth education classes last night. Last night was all about ‘normal’ birth and to be honest, I thought that I wouldn’t learn anything new. I was wrong. Though pretty familiar with most of the information presented, I learnt an awful lot through watching the videos and imagining myself in that situation. Transition looks terrifying and though completely freaked out straight after watching, I think I’ve now developed a healthy level of fear. Before now, I’ve not had any real concerns or fears about birth. I had even boasted about my lack of fear, but I think I was probably a bit deluded or at the very least, in denial. Now that this has presented itself, I have 10 weeks to process it properly and hopefully go into birth less arrogant, better prepared and with my feet a little more grounded in reality.

The class was also a really interesting experiment in gender studies. I will note that we chose this class because we knew that it was dedicated to normalising birth and focused strongly on natural, low/no intervention birth. We also chose it because the woman who runs it has a good rapport with lesbian parents and works hard at keeping the classes inclusive and non-heterosexist…but boy did she have a lot to contend with. There were fathers-to-be in that class who complained that they thought the birth would be too hard for them to sit through and some of them couldn’t help but drag the discussion off into the ‘poor men’ realm. Breastfeeding discussions were interesting too. Now I’m not unsympathetic to how terrifying birth and girly bits are to some men – I get that – It is a pretty odd and terrifying concept, but the idea of classes like this is to think and learn and grow, and unfortunately for the partners of these men, there didn’t really seem to be a willingness to do so. I guess I’m naive and I thought we might have evolved just a little bit more than it seems we actually have. I’m so grateful to have the complete love and support of Ducks. I will never take it for granted but I sure am lucky that this is my ‘normal.’