eeney meeney miney mommy

Goodbye sweet BG. You will never know how many lives you touched or how much sorrow we all share without you in our world. You will always be in my thoughts, as will your incredible moms, and I will remember you whenever I look into the faces of my children. May the rest of your journey be filled with peace and happiness.

I decided to write about this because I think there is a lot of interest and a lot of other moms as confused and anxious about it as I was. I decided to try the Potty Training Boot Camp method by Suzanne Riffel and I purchased the, thankfully, very short how-to guide on amazon. It only takes an hour or so to read. Yay! Keep in mind that you are probably going to need a week at home with your kids if you go this route but I think it is absolutely worth it. I’ve had instant results and I predict my kids will be entirely daytime trained within a week. Previous to this we were just using the potty sporadically at home which was getting us nowhere fast. I do think that those 4 months of half hearted training were really great for getting the kids acquainted with using the potty but we were never going to make the switch from diapers that way.

Let me talk a little about the method. I don’t ever follow anything to the letter because I don’t think there is a one size fits all solution for anything. I used the book as a guideline and starting point and adjusted as needed. And adjust I did simply because training twins does not allow time enough for all of the rituals described in the book. A lot of the suggestions, like the timer method, where you set a timer and have them go at preset intervals, didn’t really work out well. I think it is probably a great idea for a singleton but we only managed to work it in a few times during day one. We didn’t do it at all on day two, they either went on their own or I told them it was time to go before and after things like breakfast and lunch. I also didn’t give an extravagant self initiation prize (self initiation is when they use the potty on their own without being prompted) for the first self initiation. I actually gave the extravagant prize for their first poop on the potty because we have never been able to get them to give up a poop on the potty before. Our extravagant prize wasn’t really all that extravagant either – a giant dump truck, which I got on sale at Target, for Bug and a pair of boots for Button that she saw in a catalog and fell in love with.

The name of the book and some of the methods they use sound a little hard core, but they aren’t when actually put into practice, and they work. If anyone out there is going to use this method and has concerns about the potty drills like I did, let me say that, for us, they weren’t as traumatic as I thought they would be, for me or for the kids. We had some whining, and toward the end of the day when everyone was tired, a crying episode but for the most part it was fine. They even thought it was fun at a few points.

Now on to our experience. I have been telling them for weeks that were were going to stop using diapers and start wearing panties only. I stockpiled some panties for them (which I could only find online, for those who are getting ready to train smaller kids. The stores I went to didn’t have a good selection of size 2-3, only size 4 so I had to order them and wait until they arrived to start training) and I let the kids play with them and look at all the cool patterns and colors. I also bought the book Once Upon a Potty which they love and we started reading it a couple of weeks in advance. Over the weekend I told them that we were going to stop wearing diapers on Tuesday and only go pee and poop in the potty. Monday night I told them that starting in the morning they would never wear diapers again, only wear panties and do all their peeing and pooping in the potty. I’ll admit here and now that I was far more scared and anxious about this than they were.

I chose to do boot camp when Cat was out of town because, as awesome as she is, she’s just not good with enforcing rules and being consistent. My kids know this and they will work her over so I decided we’d have better results without her. Each time the kids have had a major success like self initiation or pooping we call mommy so they can tell her about it and she cheers them and tells them how proud she is of them. They get really excited to call her and tell her about their accomplishments.

Tuesday morning we woke up and did our usual routine of diapers and breakfast but I told them excitedly that after breakfast we would put on panties and say bye-bye to all of their diapers. After breakfast we took all of the non overnight diapers out of the baskets in their room and put them away in a closet. I explained that they would only have diapers for sleeping now and I let them pick out the pair of panties they wanted to start the day in. Then the fun began! We put on panties and a tshirt and went upstairs because our one and only bathroom is there and because the upstairs has no carpet. I had previuosly rolled up all the rugs and put them away and I also covered the chair and sofa seats with a layer of plastic (cut open garbage bags) and then a towel. I had a supply of treats for the kids, things they don’t usually get – M&M’s, fruit chews, stickers and small toys. I also had watered down juice for them which is a big treat in our house. The book suggests giving them lots to drink so that they will need the toilet often but I think I gave them too much as they couldn’t make it longer than 8 minutes without peeing. Ooops.

We did the drills, the kids cleaned up their own messes, they taught a doll how to use the potty, we had many conversations about where poop and pee goes, we did a load of peed on laundry and they got treats and encouragement. The first day wasn’t easy but it wasn’t really that bad either. We had as many accidents as we did successes and we had about 5 – 6 wet panties for each kid at the end of the day. Thankfully both of them pooped in the potty that day, for the first time ever, and they got cheers, hugs, kisses and their big gift (the truck and boots which they loved). It was chaotic, kind of fun and really exhausting for all. I think we were all happy to put on the overnight diapers and sit down to play and read without worries at the end of the night.

Day two has, so far, been great. After the kids woke up we took off the diapers and headed upstairs with no bottoms on as directed by the book. As of 5:00 PM there have been no accidents, lots of self initiation and a potty poop from each kid. Like all new things it feels so chaotic and foreign but they seemed to digest it last night and woke up this morning totally tuned into the new routine. I put each of them on the potty right when we got upstairs and didn’t let them off until they had peed, after that they used the potty on their own while I was downstairs getting them clean shirts and letting the dog out! Amazing! I think that having the panties on yesterday actually added to the accidents they had. I’m not sure if it was because they still have a hard time getting them up and down without help or if its because the feel of the fabric against them reminds them of having on a diaper but they have done great today. Its actually been a very pleasant and relaxing day.

They will be bottomless for the rest of the week and putting panties back on this weekend unless I feel like they are ready for panties sooner. We have nowhere to go and no one to see, its all about getting the potty training done. I have a feeling that there are still some big challenges ahead, like being able to leave the house and getting them to use our portable potty in public restrooms, but I’m pleasantly surprised with how well this has gone. I’m hopeful that the new practice will turn into a hardwired ritual sooner rather than later. I’m also hopeful that they will start having dry post-sleep diapers over the next few months and we can just phase the sleep diapers out without much effort.

So, the kids have done great and its gone really well. It hasn’t been as scary as I had built it up to be and I think it was easier for them than for me. It seems that the key to success on things like this might have a lot to do with how you approach it. I didn’t go into this with a “let’s see if this works” mentality, I went in with a “we are doing this” mentality and I knew it might really suck. I felt pretty strongly that the kids were ready but more importantly, I was ready. I had made up my mind that we were doing this, that we would not use diapers ever again after Tuesday. Kids can smell fear and they will follow your lead so if you go into a new endeavor unsure and nervous your chances of success are diminished. If you go into it matter of fact and determined it stands to reason that you have a better chance of succeeding. I’ll keep you posted on the rest of the week but as of today I say if you are thinking about doing it, do it!

Since I haven’t posted here since… well, its been so long I’m not sure when the last time was, let me catch you up on life. I got laid off, basically I look at it as fired with a good severance package. Here’s the thing though, I can’t seem to find any negatives in this arrangement. There are so many things that were wrong with the way things have been running since the kids were born. One of them being that Cat was at home all day with the kids when she didn’t want to be and I was at the office all day away from them when I didn’t want to be. The kids are her everything but she never wanted to be a stay at home mom and that is essentially what she has been for the past year and a half. There’s so much to get into on this subject, so much back story that I will probably never have the time to get into here, but let’s just say that she ended up working from home as the main bread winner while still doing most of the household upkeep because I was never home and, despite the fact that we had a full time nanny, she also did an unreasonable amount of daily child care. It has been hard on her.

I on the other hand was out of the house all day working, something that has been crushing my heart for the past year and a half. I never envisioned myself as a stay at home mom pre-kids but once they came, there was nothing natural for me about leaving them in someone else’s care day in and day out. I know it sounds hyper dramatic but I have never cried as many tears as I have over the last year. I missed so much of my kids lives, things I will never get back. My kids didn’t see me as any more than that one lady who came to hang out for a few hours each night and that was heartbreaking for me. I can’t really articulate the gravity of my seperation from them properly but I can tell you that I felt trapped – panicked – like I was in a life or death situation. Talking about it now, I feel self conscience about how crazy I sound but it doesn’t change the fact that I felt that way. It was a daily battle for me to get up and leave them in the morning but we weren’t in a place financially were I could quit my job, we needed my income.

So now, here I am, at home with my kids every day and happy as the proverbial pig in shit. I will of course be looking for something new but finding a job in my field at the salary that I require could take some time, time that I will happily spend at home raising and enjoying by kids, my amazing, funny, smart, beautiful kids. It’s pretty awesome.

Possibilities abound here at EMMM as of late… so do some fantasies. The possibilities, although unconfirmed at this point, include job growth for Cat which, in turn, would lead to the possibility of relocation for our family. There is also the possibility of me being a stay at home mom! All of these unconfirmed opportunities have me excited and restless, wishing for answers that can’t come soon enough. 

The relocation, we at first thought, would be to Denver although, that seems to have been taken off the table. While I wouldn’t mind living in Denver it’s not my ideal. I grew up in a Rocky Mountain state and, while it would be comfortable and familiar to live there (pro), it would also be comfortable and familiar to live there (con). I moved to the coast because I love it here, and given a choice, I’d prefer to stay. 

The next possibility is that we would move to the Portland area – an idea I can get behind with my whole heart. The cost of living inPortland is significantly less than Seattle, it’s a really cool city, the weather is sunnier and it’s closer to some of my favorite places (Northern California and the Oregon coast). And, one of the top reasons it would be great to move to  Portland is that the lower cost of living would allow me to be a stay at home mom for a couple of years while the kids are small. I’d love to get a piece of my children’s young lives for myself, to grab hold of this special time with them and really enjoy it. Right now, because I work out of the home, all of that belongs to the nanny and Cat and I just get a couple of hours with them at night. It’s hard on me and its time I will never get back. Once it is gone, it’s gone, you know? 

I mentioned a fantasy too didn’t I? Ok, here it is. 

While window shopping homes in Portland I stumbled upon this amazing home in Oregon’s wine country. It is as great on the inside as it is on the outside, well designed, with a lot of character but all shiny and custom and new.  And it has tons of space for us to spread out so the kids could even have their own rooms! It is on a working vineyard located about an hour from Portland. The second I saw it I started having “Under the Tuscan Sun” style fantasies about picking up and moving to the country, about my kids running free in the fields, about me bottling fruit from our trees and growing all our own veggies, about our kids picking pumpkins from our own pumpkin patch in the fall. In my mind its idyllic, me in a sundress and a large brimmed hat pulling weeds in the garden while the kids scamper around barefoot after baby chicks… in wine country no less. Perfect fantasy right? People pick up and leave their city lives for simpler lives all the time and love it right?

When I take off the rose colored glasses there is, of course, a lot of reality to consider. Cat would have a 1hr commute to the airport (for work travel) or to Portland (on days when she needed to be in the field instead of working at home). The closest town only has a population of 750 and the next larger area is 20 min away. While I am a down to earth person, not afraid of hard work and getting dirty, I do enjoy all the things that major metropolitan areas have to offer. I love coffee shops, good restaurants, urban living, art galleries, boutique shopping and Target. Can I live without all those things? If I move to the country will I quickly forget why I need all those things? What about people? How do you make friends when you live in the middle of nowhere? Can a couple of lesbian moms from the city find friendships and community in a small rural area? One would hope so given the fact that we are talking about living among vineyards and not corn fields but the thought of being isolated and not accepted frightens me. I have the same fear for my kids. In the city we can find tons of warm and open people for play dates and socializing but will my kids end up being those kids with the two moms who never fit in? I guess since we have plans to move back to the city when they are in grade school they wouldn’t really be affected but it would still be painful to know that my kids were ostracized because of me. It’s a lot to think about but I thrive in change and I am drawn to the challenge of trying something new, of throwing caution to the wind and following my heart. 

Thoughts? I’m interested in input from all of you but especially from those of you who have experience with this region of Oregon or who live in a similar setting.

Having two babies means that my attention is always divided and although I try my best to be attentive to both and keep my eyes on two little people at once, I can’t be in two places at the same time. Cat and I make a great team, you know, us against them, but when she is traveling and I am home alone with them, they often get the best of me.

Tonight after the kiddos had their bath I wrangled them down the stairs naked (them naked, not me) and gave them their pre-bed milk while I diapered them. I’m only one person and one set of hands so while one baby is getting a diaper the other is running through the family room bare ass naked squealing with delight at their panty-less freedom. They love it and really, I love it too. What’s not to love about a happy naked baby?

My system for deciding who gets diapered first is pretty basic – the first to come close enough for me to grab is the winner. Tonight that honor went to Bug and Button was left to streak through the family room while my attention was devoted to Bug’s bottom.

Half way through Bug’s panty application I took note in the back of my distracted mind that Button was being very quiet as she played in the toy shelves behind the sofa. “Hmmm, odd” I thought. She’s recently started seeking out solitude when she potties &I briefly thought to myself “I hope she’s not peeing.” I called out her name and she shrieked and ran out from behind the sofa. I grabbed her as she tried to run by and wrestled her to the ground to start her diaper change while her brother ran around gleeful to only be wearing his diaper and a pair of socks. They love being naked. They always act as if they are getting away with something really exciting and it thrills them.

As I was diapering baby number two I kept getting a whiff of number two. I sniffed each of their butts trying to decide which of them had just messed up their fresh pants but they both passed the butt sniff test. For about half a second I thought one of them must have passed gas but my brain quickly caught up with the reality of the situation. I finished up with Button’s diaper, set her free, and followed my nose behind the sofa. There, waiting for me on the carpet, right next to a pile of blocks, was a pile of poo. I had to laugh, because really, what else can you do?