It's so weird, sitting here in the dark living room waiting for Paisley to settle down, knowing that the last time I was a blogger she wasn't even born.  I need to write a new All About Me...it'll definitely say something about how much easier it was when my kids only loved me and we weren't so out numbered. 

I still lay with Paisley most nights to go to bed.  She always asks "mom, what do you want to talk about to night?" I usually say something about being too tired, but she always insists we talk about at least one thing.  Then when it's too late or I can't think of anything I tell her it's time to be quiet. And then she asks if she can sing.  And then I say yes.  Her songs range from what's on the radio to completely made up songs about whatever pops into her head. The other night she was singing about how she still loves me even when she's mad at me.

Tonight she's not singing and she's definitely mad at me.  I've been trying to work on my follow through, especially now when I'm trying to get her into a better schedule...she wouldn't quit messing around so I gave her a couple warnings and when she didn't settle down I got up and left.  She's been crying, and gagging, and coughing for at least 10 minutes now. When she asks, begs even for me to come lay with her it actually hurts my heart to say no.  We'll see how long I last before I go in there.  It takes a special person to raise codependent children, and I just happen to be special. Like really, super special.  

Earlier today the girls and I were supposed to go to Spokane to check out Ryan and Steph's new house. My dad started texting me just after 7:00a.m. about a crazy wind warning...dust, low visibility...at first I struggled with the idea that I shouldn't go out of town because it was windy...but I checked the reports he was looking at, listened to his advice and stayed home.  And I'm so glad I did.  The smoke, dust, fires...it was crazy.  There were a ton of accidents and even road closures between here and Spokane.  I always joke about missing the talent branch as I fell from the tree, but I think I hit a pretty freaking huge dad branch.  There were several moments through out the day that I thought about how grateful I was he took the time to check and text me this morning.  Basically every time I looked out the window or checked Facebook and saw another sad/scary update.

I guess it's time I go check on my munchkin...she found her Lowes tool set the other day.

Her favorite thing to play with was the retractable measuring tape.

I'm Back!

 I've debated blogging again off an on for years.  So many factors to consider...would I still be able to write stuff worth reading, would I have the time, and lately the biggest debate has been would my kids hate me writing about them, and just how honest could I really be now that they can read...I looked into project life for the computer, I thought it'd offer a way for me to write but not necessarily publish and share.  As soon as I saw you had to buy a $60-$100 program just to use it, I decided my kids would just have to get over it.

With such a long hiatus I'm not even sure where to start...I guess I could start with turning 40 yesterday. It doesn't even feel write to type it out, let alone say it out loud.  Aubs and I recently watched Sixteen Candles and I can totally relate to Molly Ringwald standing in front of the mirror willing herself to look different.  She ends up walking away disappointed wishing for 3 more inches of bod...I was wishing for 3 inches less...or at the very least 3 inches higher. It's weird how even though I've known 40 was coming, it feels so very different to say "I'm 40" instead of "I'll be 40!"

I had a pretty great birthday despite the life decade change.  Lunch with Denice, Vik, Amy, Lisa, and my mom at Fiesta...at separate tables-stupid covid...Amy, Lisa, and I stopped at the Dollar Store after lunch and as I walked around I told Lisa how much I wished my family would decorate for me. And much to my overwhelming surprise, Aubs, Graycie, Travis, and Addy decorated for me while I was gone! It totally made my day. I got to use my new river floating tubes in Denice's pool for a little afternoon relaxation, then dinner at my favorite Casa Mia.  Again at separate tables.  Which made Graycie and Travis coming with us that much better.  Josh and Lydia came by especially to see me, and my parents, and my siblings. It was a little impromptu party of sorts, and it was perfect.  Oh, and Vik made me noodles!!  And then, at the very end, I got my Mac Book. I told Aubrey that I'd really like one, but figured Kent would be like "that's cute" But he wasn't like that! At least not out loud. Which is why I'm sitting here now, typing on my long neglected blog. It was really such a great day.  It was the kind of day that affirms, in a deep meaningful way, that life is good and I am blessed.  I just have the coolest people in my life.

lunch at Fiesta

floating at Denice's...

Kent trying to cover up...

waiting for Travis and Graycie...

All the Casa Mia pics...

I am being invaded by fruit flies.  I think I will quite literally lose my mind if they don't go away.  Stupid bananas.  I had no idea when I picked them up to throw them away I was opening the gates of hell.

Today was kind of amazing.  I wasn't sick and I wasn't tired, afternoon tired doesn't count.  I took a shower, put on clean sweats, and actually wore a little make-up today.  I didn't even recognize the face staring back from the mirror...but with all good things of late, there is a catch.  In the form of a constant headache.  The bottle of  meds that Danielle so generously shared, says MAY CAUSE HEADACHES...and it did not disappoint.  For today, I was like, hands down, I'll take it....but how will I feel a few days in...not so sure....but I'm hopeful...

The funny thing is, I spend my time praying and wishing to feel better, and as soon as I do, I have to make a conscious effort to not worry and stress.  When I had my miscarriage, one day I just started feeling better, and a few days later I saw the tiniest bit of blood...and then my whole everything was turned upside down...the doctor said it had been at least a few days...I feel like everything I'm hoping for can be gone in a second, and I won't even know it...so the sickness, and the medicine can kinda feel bitter sweet at times...and when I lost that baby, I was about 11 weeks, now I'm only 7, and trying my best to be optimistic.  I wish I could channel some of Kent's ability to not think about it, he's way better at not worrying about things he has no control over and that aren't a problem yet...

My due date is May 30th.  With c-sections, they usually deliver about a week early...which means I'll be like 3 weeks post baby heading to the beach!  I think my parents are leery of my ability, but I am dead set on proving my superman abilities...I will be there, one way or another...

So a fun thing happened at dinner tonight.  Aubrey totally thought she could throw away her taco and then head straight to the pantry for a pop-tart.  She's cute, if nothing else.  Needless to say, it didn't end well for her...

Amy, Lisa, and I ate lunch at Five Guys today.  I literally ate my weight in french fries.  And it felt so good to eat something that actually tasted good.  I was stuffing my face because I wanted to be, and not because I had to...the small things in life...

I feel like my house smells weird...I can't put my finger on it, but it's driving me nuts...

Tonight after dinner I drove Payson home, it was completely dark by like 6:45.  So annoying to have such short days...anyway, I just want to say to the black boy riding his skateboard in the street in the complete dark, you are super lucky you were riding next to the blonde haired white boy on the bike....is that so mean?  I don't mean it to be at all, but I literally could not see him...and the other kid was so white he was practically reflective...

Ok, I'm done, I think my shows are finally on.  Parenthood, I'm coming!!

Picture...

'mom!  loot what I made!'...these blocks are always everywhere.  She has recently started sliding them across the tile floor.  It's the loudest, most horrible noise ever...

I am forcing myself to blog tonight, no promises of quality of content, but I have to get back in the swing of things...

Right now my life consists of peeing, eating, sleeping, and laying on one piece of furniture or another.  Pregnancy rocks.  It is the best of times and the worst of times....

No joke, I had no idea I could sleep this much.  Or feel this terrible so many days in a row...or be required to eat so much.  Eating has been the one constant joy in my life, and I feel totally robbed.
Eating feels like such a tortured chore...

But on to brighter news, the kids were ecstatic when we told them.  Addy asks like every ten minutes when the baby is coming out.  The best was when I actually stood up the other day and she was all "look mom, the baby is dwowing!  Your stomach is bigger!"  Thanks a heap, I don't thing the grain of rice sized baby did that...

The news with Colton is....he had a fundraiser for basketball and him and Kent managed to sell 104 items!  If that doesn't get my kid more playing time, I might run his coach over in the parking lot.  He brought his progress report home and he is meeting expectations in everything!  I'm always super proud of him in school.   He is hoping for a boy, but watching him with his little cousins, I know he'll be an awesome big brother to this baby no matter what...

Aubrey has to get reading glasses, which is totally what she was hoping for.  Funny how it's such a cool thing now...she loved all the thicker frame glasses, and of course looked cute in every single pair.  Her progress report showed she needs some help in reading and writing, but I'm hoping her glasses will make a big difference.  When I would be reading with her, it was like I could tell her eyes were getting tired...the longer we read, the closer the book gets to her face and the more words she says wrong...she's sassy as ever, and actually had to get soap in her mouth the other day.  That was fun.  Why does she challenge me so??

Colton and Aubrey were both asked to unload the dishwasher and I even offered to pay them to load it.  But within a 5 minute period they had been fighting and tattling on each other so much, I sent them to their rooms and did it all myself.  I made them stay in there for about 2 hours.  I am literally at my wits end with them.  They are mean and bossy and terrible to each other all the time!! It's all I can do to get them off to school in the morning without ruining the whole day.

Addy is awesome as always.  Yesterday we were laying on the couch together, me on my side, her kinda down by my legs with her head on my bum.  I shifted my weight and she said "mom, don't move!  I need something big and fluffy to lay on"...she is loving preschool and is always talking about all the rules...I posted this on Miss Molly's facebook page the other day...Addy said "miss Molly's rules are no scribbling, no painting on people's hands, and no touching your poop. And her last rule is no coloring on the table"...never a dull moment with that one.  Her name suggestions for the baby have been Brownie, Golden Diamond, and I forget the other one right now...

Ok, this is as much as I can muster tonight...I almost forgot, I need to give a huge shout out to Linda for bringing us dinner tonight, and Danielle, for bringing me cookies AND medicine!!!  I felt so spoiled!

Fingers crossed the medicine will cure my motion sickness without making me a tired mess...

Picture...

the adorable fighting thorn in my side....

and they're trusty sidekick....

I so don't feel like blogging, but I'm afraid if I wait much longer, I'll stop all together. 

Tonight I had no dinner planned so I baked a cake instead.  Then I microwaved Colton bagel bites, made the girls top ramen and made myself an over cooked, dry chicken breast.  Chicken is literally my kryptonite.  I hate making it with all my heart...and then we ate cake.  And my chicken jerky dinner was a thing of the past...it totally hit the spot...twice...

I had to call my mom tonight to talk me through a mothering melt down.  I am the queen of threats, and tonight after one too many chances, I sent the girls to bed early for not cleaning up.  Aubrey had actually taken care of a lot of it, but then she started messing around, and at least 2 times I told her to get out of the kitchen and finish up...and when she didn't take me serious, I finally called it quits.  It all would have been fine, but then I heard her yelling at Addy how it was all her fault, and she never does anything, and on and on...so then I started yelling, obviously.  And then I started threatening again, this time spankings with a spoon if I heard from them at all....and wouldn't you know, a few minutes later Aubrey comes out to tell on Addy.  And I lost it.  I yelled.  I chased her to her room.  Yelled some more.  Cue stomach ache and guilt.  And Aubrey crying.  So I resisted the urge to hug her and crawl in bed with her and I called my mom.  Was I mean for leaving her there like that?  I hate sending them to bed that way.  I hate the feeling after yelling at them, but sometimes it seems like the only way to get them to listen.  But if I hugged her, and laid with her, wouldn't I just be feeding in to her...ugh!!  I felt better by the end of the conversation, and I even have a plan, a plan that does not involve yelling...I was grateful for the advice...but even now that she's sleeping, I want to go curl up next to her...because when she's sleeping she can't back talk...and that's my favorite...I love her with my whole heart...and I'm always afraid she won't know...

I finally washed all my sweats, so I could actually wear them for my clothes today.  I wish sweats were acceptable to wear everywhere, everyday.  It's a wonder I ever  wear jeans...have you seen those pajama jeans at Walmart?  Who comes up with this stuff?

A few of my favorite Addy moments...

Kent told Addy to clean up, and then I told her, and then he told her again and left the room.  Finally I got up and told her I would help her so it would actually get done.  She always starts, but then ends up playing with the things she meant to clean up...anyway, she says to me "mom, how about you help me pit up but I tell dad I did it."  Hard to find fault in a good idea...

Last night I was reading with Aubrey, and Colton and I were helping her with the words she didn't know.  Addy comes over and starts sing songing 'Aubwey tan't wead, Aubwey tan't wead'  I told her to stop, and she proceeds to whisper the same thing...I finally have to tap her in the mouth to get her to stop.  It was so mean!!  And out of no where!  Why are my kids so mean to each other?!

My parents came and babysat for me the other night, and when I got home they were all watching Leave it to Beaver.  Ward gets kinda fresh with June!  And I forgot how cute the Beave was...

I had a chance to talk with Nat for a few minutes today...I really miss them...I hope we talk tomorrow, we didn't end up having much time today...

Colton was super proud to show me he got a 4 on his reading log.  He said that means above average.  He has to log how much time we read, and then everyday there is question he has to answer.  I read through some of them, and I'm impressed by how thorough he is with his answers..he really is a smart kid...

I swear the weather went from hot to freezing. 

I want some new boots.

Pictures....

there was something so hilarious about this little tiny body in these huge scary masks...made my day..

licking the bowl, really is the very best part...

The girls were so proud of their tea party this afternoon...

I set a goal for myself today.  I would not get back in my bed.  For the whole day.  And I actually accomplished my goal...I was however, back in sweats by 3:30...I didn't want to get too carried away...and maybe my love for food and sweets is making my jeans less appealing...

I'm trying so hard to fight my inner beast, the one that says I hate everything and the entire world is annoying...I have brief moments of reprieve, a battle won, but I fear I am losing the war...

I was asking the kids what they want for Christmas...tablets, iPods, and phones were their answers.  I couldn't even sell the girls on a doll house.  Addison brought up Santa, and I reminded her that she needed to be good because Santa knows when kids are naughty...her response was so very her..."do you want to know why I keep being naughty?  Tause my body keeps doing it and I tan't stop!" then she whimpered, and whined, and fake cried and fell to the couch...

I made spaghetti tonight.  And it was delish.  Steve and Lisa came by, and they ate some, Josh stopped by, and he had some too, my parents were here...and it was so nice having everyone over for a bit, feeding them some good food...

I totally forgot to blog about my little birthday trip with Denice, Michelle, and Vik.  Last Friday we headed to Prosser for some shopping and lunch.  I really had the best time.  Denice got me a super cute sweater, and I got some antiques and some cookies.  The lady at the sweater store tried selling me some leggings for $37!  Can you imagine, $37 for glorified footless tights...we stopped at a super cute shop in Richland, and I picked some up for $9.  I'm no mathematician, but...oh my gosh, I'm too tired from all the stuff I got done because I didn't lay in my bed today, I can't even be witty and finish that statement...I might set my goals lower tomorrow...

Why can't I love to exercise...

I can't wait to be reunited with my bed...

Pictures...

this was me, about two minutes after Denice told them it was my birthday...I'm not sure why I look so cross eyed...

the end of a fun day....Thank you so much Denice!!

This is my newly painted yellow door...I love the color...

I am so premenstrual, it's like I have mood swing whiplash.  My poor, poor family...

Church was good today, it's a miracle I even made it with the hate in my heart this morning...

After church Addy said before I was even all the way in the car "mom, you didn't ask me about my class"  She was pretty excited to tell me about the book she made and all the things she learned about food, and cows, and pigs, and chickens, but not ducks...they didn't talk about ducks...Aubs came home with a cool little baptismal font she made in class...she was pretty excited about it...

After church I went straight to my sweats, put them on, and made the two step trek to my bed.  And I pretty much stayed there until about 5:00pm...Colton came in to bring me some cheese and crackers and started an interesting conversation with me...he told me he had noticed this dog, that had a sack thing right by his private.  I told him it was the dogs balls.  He kinda laughed and thought for a second and said, "well Jett doesn't have any"  I told him it was because Jett was fixed.  Obviously the next question was 'what does that mean?'  I said, "Well, you know how it takes a boy and a girl dog to make puppies?"  He nodded..."well, the stuff the boy needs to help make the puppy are inside his balls, so they cut them off, that way he can't make puppies"  Needless to say, him and Aubrey were both sicked out by the end of the conversation...Aubrey went out to the kitchen and told Kent we were talking about dog balls...never a dull moment...

A little later, still in my bed, Addy comes in and sees the crackers..

Addy: Oh mom, I want some cheese and twattahs
Me: There isn't any more cheese in here, you have to go ask dad, and he might say no because it's almost dinner time...just ask him if you can please have one little square cheese..
Addy(out in the kitchen): dad, mom wants a cheese
Kent: well, then tell mom to come get one
Addy: mom has a headache and she said she tan't det up

She didn't skip a beat.  Those lies slid right off her tongue, no hesitation...heaven help us...the funny thing with stuff like that is, I'm torn between being worried about her being such a good liar, and being proud of her for being so quick on her feet...

Tonight Kent invited Taryn and Vik and his dad over for the football game.  It was super fun hanging out and eating.  I ran to Josh and Sara's to borrow some eggs to make cupcakes...Aubrey stayed there, and in the ten minutes I was gone, a huge storm was brewing.  I got out of the car back at my house, and this huge, crazy, brown cloud was across the park in Kennewick.  I told everyone to come out and look, and as we were all standing there thinking holy crap, you could literally see the visibiltiy diminishing...we ran inside just as the wind, and dust, and rain hit...it was full on crazy, to watch it all happen...and the thunder and lightning lasted for forever...

A little while later I went to pick Aubrey up, and Danielle and Dennis were there.  Emery yelled "Chaycher!" when she saw me...after a few minutes I headed home and was struck with such a love for the blessing of family in my life.  I had one set of family at my house, just hanging out, and I just left my cousins house, who I grew up with, and his sister, and their kids, and I was thinking about how close we all live to each other...I never would have guessed in a million years Josh and I would end up living in the same neighborhood, just a few blocks apart...and that I would be going to his house to borrow eggs, and we would have daughters the same age, at the same school, and Danielle would live right here, and I love Emery like she is my niece...I was feeling full of gratitude for my family, and how very blessed I am...

In Addy's Red Riding Hood book, the one we have read a million times, it mostly says 'the wolf said...' and 'Red Riding Hood said', but there is this one part that says something about the door being 'open wide, Red Riding hood, don't go inside!' and every single time I read that part she asks "mom, who said that?" I always tell her we did, but she never seems satisfied with that answer...but I'm not sure how to explain what a narrator is...

BH & G Baby Book

Intercourse

Medical authorities usually advise that couples abstain from intercourse during the second and third months of pregnancy at the time when the wife usually has her period, for there's a greater tendency to miscarry then.  Intercourse shouldn't be indulged in at all during the last two or three months of pregnancy.  At other times it's quite alright in moderation...  

-too bad one of the inconsistencies this book would have with a book from 2013,would be referring to the pregnant women as 'wife'

Picture...

We spent our Friday night watching Mrs. Doubtfire, with Kent stripping the door in the kitchen...

 

This was from the storm tonight...about 5 minutes after I took this, we were in the middle of it.  It was crazy how it sucked up all the light...