Follow Up Bullets
April 8, 2009 at 5:58 pm 4 comments
- I know that the MAs weren’t being malicious or deliberately dumb on Monday. They were temporarily lacking leadership and guidance.
- In retrospect, I understand why they got flustered when That-One-Weird-Patient-Who’s-a-BFP-Fucktard-and-May-Have-an-Alien-Lifeform-In-THERE crossed their paths.
- Yesterday I decided not to wait for permission and just schedule the sonohysterogram (they refer to it as an SIS… fancy). It’s set for Monday afternoon.
- While I was scheduling, I got a voicemail telling me that my RE was reached and I have permission to schedule the procedure.
So that’s scheduled, we have a big day in kitchen world tomorrow (cabinet purchase/pickup/inspection at IK.EA), and I have a little time to prepare for the Invasion of the In-Laws.
Maybe I’ll even take a few days off from Riteous Indignation Mode, although as I’ve written before, if I stop being angry I might just have to be sad. I’m doing everything I can to save off the sad, as I can sense depression lurking, a huge ugly depression that will swirl around my choice* to walk away from treatments.
—–
* It’s interesting that I still see this as a choice, like I ever had control over this fertility failure. Stopping treatments, especially with 2-7 years left in my fertile window, is a tough and potentially-regrettable decision. It’s hard to walk away knowing that I haven’t exhausted all avenues… not just IVF, but also not switching donors. (I especially wish I had pursued using a known donor, but don’t even have prospects in that area. Literally none. The one guy I could ask is adopted and has big issues around donor conception on account of that, which is a big red flag for problems with termination of parental rights.)
All those What Ifs aside, though, I really can’t wait to be done. The positives of getting my life back from the vise-grips of this obsession will likely outweigh the regret.
If that doesn’t work, at least I have the boo.b job to look forward to. I promised myself that if I have to be Forever Barren, I’m going to be One Hot Barren. With awesome boo.bs. And yes, I’m aware that boo.b jobs aren’t cheap and will be hard to justify when one chooses not to pursue further treatment for financial reasons. Just let a Barren dream, mkay?
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Project Kjetil 
1. poppycat | April 8, 2009 at 7:29 pm
Omg your second bullet makes me laugh! Totally something I would say. Just one of the many reasons I love you!
Enjoy your kitchen fun and boob job dreaming. I dream of a job one day too. Not to make them bigger, to make them smaller and perky. I am way to young for these streched out saggy tube socks!
2. wishinghopingpraying | April 8, 2009 at 9:18 pm
I wish this were easier. I firmly believe that you will be a bio-mom and have great boobs to boot. You deserve to have it all! You,me and Poppycat can get our boobs done together at a group rate 🙂
3. L.babypants | April 8, 2009 at 10:20 pm
I hope the SIS goes well. I say stay rigtous and dream of great boobs.
4. shinejil | April 9, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Huh, it’s like you can make friends with your body all over again, with the boob job, and love it.
The SIS will be cake. But I’ll still be thinking of you. Maybe they’ll actually find something that will wind up helping you achieve your goal (the other one, not the boobs).