Too good to be true?

Well, after this somewhat long journey of finding a decent part-time job in Memphis, I think I will have my dream job. I am quite timid as I write that because I don't want to be disappointed. But after spending much time in prayer about this, I began to pray for a few specific things. And, by golly, the Lord has provided every request! I am still amazed and somewhat stunned that this particular job has been offered. First, it is a part-time job in Memphis City Schools, which has been my first choice for a job the whole time. Even as I've interviewed with other schools and even worked for two different schools, Memphis City has stayed my favorite possibility. This is surprising because two months ago, I was told that they would not hire any part-time Orff teachers, (thus why I took another job). Second, the job I've been offered is at one school with a regular size music classroom. When I interviewed, I basically said I'd be willing to start at the bottom of the totem pole, teaching from a cart that traveled from class to class, even school to school. Third, my partner teacher, Deanna, is a Master Orff teacher who taught my Level II class this summer. She is a riot and will be fun to work with. Plus, I will learn so much from her. She has already been through the Masters program at U of M and even has her PhD in music history. The fourth reason this may be too good to be true, is that it pays really well, and I just found out today that even though I will only teach 2.5 days a week, it comes with full benefits! What?!! God can be so good.

Every night as I rock my baby to sleep, Robert and I sing a song and then say a prayer for Adam. Most nights the song we sing is "God is so good," which is the song my parents sang to me every night as a child. The song's second verse is "He answers prayers." The third verse is "He has done great things." Indeed, he is so good, he answers prayers, and he has done great things.

Orff

I get to act like a buffoon for two weeks this summer. I've had this opportunity many summers over the past few years. I imagine that I'll get to do this for many summers to come. Getting a Master's in Orff Schulwerk is much like getting a Master's in being a kid again. Today, I've banged on instruments, pranced around like dozens of animals, imitated the sounds of dozens of animals, sung silly songs (even one about Vodka!), and joked around with my classmates. It has to be the most fun any person could have while in graduate school! I thought I would have a tough time leaving Adam, but he is having a good time with my mom while I'm gone during the day.

I miss teaching. I've loved having most of this year off to be a mommy, but I really enjoy teaching and am ready to get back. As I'm learning so many things in this class, I want to visualize how I'll apply it. But I only imagine my Hillside kids and classroom. I don't know what situation I'll be in next, so I can't imagine it yet. This makes me miss Hillside.

Remembering the first and last time

I have had the incredible experience of breastfeeding my dear son for nearly 13 months. Yesterday was our last time. I never thought I was emotional about nursing. But weaning has proven difficult for me emotionally. I guess it's the end of his time as a baby. He's toddling around now. No longer needing mommy to provide for his every need. I loved that I could comfort him when he was sad, or send him off to dreamland, or calm him down when we was angry. I know that he will still need me for some of that, but with nursing, I was the only one who could comfort him like that.

I remember the first time I nursed him. Right after my c-section, I was wheeled to the recovery room where friends and family were waiting. I held Adam and just admired his little face. I was surprised that he was so human! That this little person had just thirty minutes earlier been inside of me. He looked at me as if to say, "hi mom, let's eat!" And he opened his mouth as if I had a big bite of ice cream on a spoon ready to feed him. I was like "woah, how does he know what to do? Can I really do this?!" And so began our 13 month journey!

For those first few weeks, he nursed about every 2 hours, day and night! He often looked like a little drunk man when he finished. Like he was in total euphoria! Then he gradually went to sleeping most of the night, and nursing every 3 hours during the day. Then he started eating solid meals twice a day when he was about 7 months old, nursing the other times. When he was ten months, he was nursing about 4 times a day, then three. When he turned one, he was only nursing when he woke up and when he went to bed. These were the last to go.

I once told a friend that I had not counted the cost of breastfeeding. I took the decision very lightly. "Of course I'll nurse him." But I didn't realize how much of a commitment that it was. But I am so grateful that I had the time and the ability to. I know that so many women can't. I feel so blessed to have done this for Adam and for me.

Refreshed

We are home from our week long beach vacation with my parents, sister, and Robert's parents. I feel more rested than I have in two years. It was so nice to have other people taking care of Adam. I devoured several magazines from cover to cover. I journaled. I listened to Gilmore Girls podcasts that Robert found for me. I played with my son. Robert and I talked about our goals for the next year, and we even had a few dates. I desperately needed this time away from home. It took me several days to unwind though. I don't think I fully relaxed until Thursday. My life has definately had a different pace as a mom. I don't know that it's harder than teaching, but definately a job that never stops. The best part of the trip was watching Adam discover how fun it is to crawl in the sand! The most memorable part was parasailing twice!

The sun is not my friend

A lot is going on related to some of my previous posts, but at the moment, I don't feel like writing about it. So, soon I'll try to write an update.

For now, I just have to vent that the sun, who has always been a delightful friend, has turned on me. I am suffering from a severe sunburn all over the tops of my legs. Yesterday, Adam and I met a college friend and her children at the YMCA waterpark in Millington. I lathered my fair-skinned boy in 50 block sunscreen. However, I only put sunscreen on my arms and shoulders, thinking I would be in the water most of the time, and my legs wouldn't see the sun much.

Adam really hated the waterpark and clung to me for dear life, so we spent most of our time snuggling on the lawn chair, with my legs completely exposed to the sun. We did spend some time in the indoor pool, where the water was warm, and I assume Adam felt like he was swimming in a wet diaper. He got pretty comfortable in his inflatable seat and nearly dosed off a few times had it not been for some children splashing him.

The good news: I've learned this painful lesson early enough that I will do anything to not repeat it throughout the summer, especially during our vacation in a few weeks.

It's hard out here for a church-planter's wife

I've been a church planter's wife for seven years to the date. One of the hardest things for me has been belonging to a strong community and making deep relationships with other women. Today I realized that the only adult interaction I have during the week since we've lived in Memphis is with my husband and his mother. Occassionally, I interact with my mother or sister via phone calls. Other than that, it's just the mail man, the construction workers across the street, and sometimes a neighbor or two. I am lonely.

Last weekend, I went to St. Louis to visit my best friend from high school. She now lives in Boston with her husband. It was the first time in 5 years that I had seen her. But our friendship picked up right where it left off. I loved spending time with her. We didn't have to try. Even when we became friends in 8th grade, we could just hang out and be with each other. It seems that the older I get, the harder it is to have this type of friendship. There has to be purpose for getting together. But sometimes, I just need a friend to be with.

I love being a church-planter's wife. I love being a church-planter. But sometimes during the transitions (which we have had a lot of in 7 years), it gets lonely. Today, we are going to Adela's birthday party. She turns one tomorrow, a day before Adam turns one. I met her and her parents at Otherlands last week. Maybe they will be new friends. Maybe I will find a new friend at my job that I start tomorrow.

God provides

Well, the interview at the Jewish preschool went remarkably well today. I went in with hands open asking God to clearly show me if I should take this job if it was offered. The job was offered, and I think I'm going to accept... I walked into this building and felt all confusion go away. I smiled through the entire tour of the facility. Each classroom I saw, each child I watched, each teacher I met made me feel more and more like I should be here. More importantly, as a parent, it is a place that I would happily send Adam. During the interview, I had the opportunity to describe our ministry and church planting. It was a strange concept for the director to understand, but knowing I was a Christian, she quickly brought in her Assistant Director to talk with me about working in a Jewish setting. At first, I assumed this woman was Jewish also, but come to find out, she's Christian and her husband is a Methodist minister. She has worked at the preschool for 17 years and sees it as her ministry. She began to share with me how she has prayed for her Jewish co-workers for many years and then she pointed out which teachers were also Christian. She also shared that she has been praying that another Christian would join the faculty, so she was excited that I was considering it.

My concern about what they could pay me was dispelled when she said I would probably start at $28/hour. For Tennessee, that's really good, and it is definately competitive with Memphis City Schools. As you can see from yesterday's post, this isn't what I planned, but it seems that God has directed my steps. I see now, that this will be a wonderful experience for our family--the right hours, the right place for Adam, a new experience for me--it just seems to be all good!

After I came home from the interview, I checked my e-mail to see that the University of Memphis had awarded me a $1000 scholarship for my summer classes! This completely shocked me because I had no idea I could even qualify for any kind of scholarship! God is taking care of us, and that feels really great! Praise God from whom all blessing flow!

Job Quest

Tonight I attended an informational meeting for prospective arts teachers for Memphis City Schools. I felt good about going mainly because I wanted to meet the Orff supervisor. I was shocked to see nearly 200 people there. I sat through the meeting, which was mainly about things I've already done: application, interview, credential, etc... I finally had the chance to meet this woman. We talked for a few minutes about Orff then I as I was filling out a form for her, I asked if she knew of any part-time openings for the fall. She said that they rarely have part-time positions, and when they do, they are taken by current MCS teachers.

I should have prepared for this more, but it really shocked me. I want to teach in this district so much. I feel like I've been sucker-punched.

Again...how big is my plate? I just can't see myself working full time right now. I don't think my plate is that big. This isn't as bad as it may sound, considering I have an interview in 12 hours for a part-time Orff job at a Jewish pre-school. I haven't been too excited about this job because I really wanted to teach in the city schools. But--maybe something's there that I can't see.

One positive is that Adam may be able to attend while I'm teaching. A negative - I imagine that the pay would be drastically less than what MCS would pay. I may be wrong though.

So--again--Lord, show me what to do...Help me discern your will. I want my profession to compliment our ministry as church planters. I thought I knew best, but I'm back to giving you control...

e-race

I've been attending a discussion group called "e-race" that is sponsored by a Memphis church that I've admired for their efforts in racial reconciliation. It's been a struggle for me, which I'm grateful for. I want the Lord to teach me things about race through this. So far, I've been challenged by the stories and stereotypes that have been shared. I think I'm realizing how differently our lenses are. The way I view things is very different from how others may view the same things. I think I'm also learning that the only way to resolve racial conflict and prejudice is through unconditional love. I want to study this more. But it makes sense to me on the surface. If we truly love one another as Christ loved us, we wouldn't see color. I'm seeing more and more how this issue is so major here in Memphis. I am so ashamed of the attitudes and thoughts I've heard about coming from so-called believers. If we really want to impact this city as a church, we've got to get this thing right. We've got to love one another as Christ loved us. And this has to be a continual prayer for all of us. I'm reminded of Heather and Bill Petree's wedding vows. Something to the effect that when our human love runs out, God has to fill us with His unconditional love for one another. My heart breaks for this. I'm ready to see the Church worship together in unity. I don't think that has happened much in the South.

To change the subject, I found out this weekend that I've been accepted to Univ. of Memphis for my Master's and I've been accepted into the teacher pool with Memphis City Schools!! I also have gotten a lead on a job teaching music part-time this fall at a Jewish preschool. As sad as I was during my last post, these are the things that remind me I'm in a great place here in Memphis!

Missing You

To all my friends who I left in California,

I am really missing you today. I don't know why it is hitting me so hard today, but I'm really sad. I came across some cards today that you gave me when we moved, so I'm reminded of the sweet friendships we had. I 've also been thinking about all the great times we had at Hillside School. I'm sad that Adam has left all of his baby friends. I know there are so many things to look forward to here in Memphis, but today, I'm sad. I want to know how the other babies are doing. Is Lillian signing yet? Are Ania, Alice, and Noora crawling and moving as fast as Adam? Is Suzanne still in a bad mood? When is the next school barbeque? How's Angela's pregnancy? I know these questions can be answered by e-mail, but life is really busy, and people don't have time to maintain close friendships through a computer. I don't think I've really grieved yet. Maybe I'm starting now. I'm so overwhelmed with emotions now. I don't want to close the door on that chapter of my life, as much as I want to read what the next chapter holds. I really loved my friends, and that love doesn't just disappear when I move on.

Lord, please comfort me today. Thank you for such rich experiences and friendships. Bless my dear friends whom I miss so dearly.

The Miracle Diet

I know it's been a while since I've blogged, but with good reason. I've been so busy with the move, that I've actually lost about 4 pounds--with no exercising and a lot of junk food and sweet tea! All in all, I've lost about 15 pounds since we left California. I had no idea I had lost it, because we had accidentally packed our scale away in storage for the last three months. So, I have a plan for a new diet where you can eat all you want and not exercise--move twice in three months (with a toddler!), and lose 15 pounds!!

This week

A busy week has gone by, but next week will be even busieras we move to our new house. We experienced our first tornado warnings this week. Sadly, many people died in the storms. Last Sunday evening, we drove home from Collierville where we had been hanging out with Robert's family. The weather was overcast, warm, and a little windy. It actually felt very relaxing. Driving home, we could see the enormous storm high overhead, but on land, it was pleasant. About 10 minutes after I put Adam down in his crib, we heard sirens. It took us a minute to realize it was the tornado siren meaning one had touched down. I went upstairs to get Adam and brought him and Jack into the downstairs bathroom for the remainder of the storm. It was strange to be back in tornado weather just wondering where it was and when it would get near our home. We had another one on Friday morning. It did more damage in Middle Tennessee than it did here. I think Robert's mom is doing Disaster Relief work this weekend in one of the towns struck by last weekend's tornado.

On a happy note, we are getting excited about our move to the new house. We had our final walkthrough today and are very happy with all of the work they have done. The house was appraised this week at a much higher price than we paid, which is something we specifically had been praying for. It will allow us to keep some of our money we originally had set aside for the down payment to float us for the next few months and to buy needed things for the new place.

We walked around our new neighborhood again this week while my mom was visiting (she babysat Adam) and we met a guy named Ray who has lived on our street for 60 years. He seemed to know everything about everybody. A good neighbor to have! It is going to be so good to get settled there.

Well, Adam is telling me it is time for me to get off the computer and play with him before bedtime. More later...

My neighborhood

I really love my neighborhood. Today, we went to several yard sales in Midtown. It was so beautiful. We met a man, named Warren, who goes to Fellowship Memphis. When he found out we were church planters, he gave us a trash can that we were eyeing at his yard sale. He is about to move "out east" with his wife and three year old. He's lived in his house in Midtown since 1981. He seemed really reluctant to be moving, but his wife wanted to move.

After going to the yard sale, we walked around Cooper-Young for a while. It was a gorgeous day, so a lot of people were out working in their yards. I saw many young couples with a baby stroller (and a baby). I can't wait to live there and get to know my neighbors and for Adam to make friends. As we walked, we saw many "for sale" signs in front of houses. We kept saying, maybe that will be Barb and Jason's house...maybe Terrance and Mishonette will live there...won't it be cool to live so close to our friends!

After walking, we went to Peabody park. It has a great playground with bucket-seat swings that Adam can swing in. While he was swinging, he was eyeing the little girl who was swinging next to him. She just turned one. We chatted some with her parents. I overheard her mom and dad talking about how one of the public schools, Downtown Elementary, was just given a prestigious award of some kind. Then the mom said, "not like I would consider sending my kids to public school." I'm still waiting to form my opinion on the schools, but I thought the comment was interesting, and it echoes what many people have said to us.

It looks like we will be closing on our house on April 12, my 28th birthday! I'm finally allowing myself to get excited about this. We've been somewhat holding our breaths about the house from the moment we made an offer on it. But, so far, all is going well. I feel like we've gotten a really good deal. We bought a dresser for $20 today at one of the yard sales. I'm hoping to sand it, paint it black, distress it, replace the knobs, and then use it as a buffet in the dining room, or as an entertainment center in the family room. I also spent some time today editing some pictures that I'm hoping to frame and make a cool collage for the new house. It seems that everything is going to be painted either black or silver and all my photos will be black and white. I can't wait to see how it all fits together in the new place.

A special gift

I have a little more clarification about my two paths. Tonight, I attended the Memphis City Schools Orff Concert. It was awesome, in the most true definition of the word. I have never been more impressed. I sat there by myself at this concert, waiting to create my opinion. The minute it started, I began to cry. I cried for at least 30 minutes. But I was smiling the whole time. I'm sure I looked a little nutty.

I can't believe that I have the opportunity to teach in this district. There were 133 Orff teachers listed in the concert program. I felt so small, which is how I should feel at 27. This district gives me so much room to grow. Their expectation is high.

Right now, I feel so confident in continuing my career as an Orff teacher. It is no accident that God has brought me here. We never would have moved from the Bay Area for me to go to grad school or teach in a better district. I'm amazed that God brought us here for other reasons, and this is just a perk! I feel like God really loves me and wants the best for me. He wants to give me the opportunities to learn and grow and be the best teacher I can be. I feel like He has blessed my obedience. Tonight, He has shown me a picture of things to come.

Lord, thank you for such a beautiful evening. Thank you for your love and care. You have given me such an incredible gift in bringing me to this city. I am so blessed. Help me to know how big my plate is. As I interview, help me know how much to work, and how many classes to take. Help me balance between motherhood and Orffhood.

Culture Shock

I've finally experienced it. I'm realizing that what we feel called to is completely foreign to the subculture that I come from. It is somewhat painful for me to see that the people who raised me and influenced me the most really have no understanding of what we feel called to. In some ways the world view of that subculture is so narrow that they cannot see beyond their own experiences. I guess I would be the same way had I not experienced other cultures and world views.

I think we have to understand other cultures and world views in order to share Christ with them. How do we share Jesus if we do not understand where they come from. In my experiences of other world views, I have seen some of the flaws of my own world view. I guess this is where I have changed, and am now seeing conflict.

I have heard a lot of generalizations and stereotypes lately related to race and religion, specifically, Muslims, Mexicans and Democrats. I guarantee that the people making these statements will never see the movie "Crash." What would Jesus think about these statements? Would he have confronted them and embarrassed them for their judgment? Would he have stayed quiet and prayed that they would see all people as his children? I want to act as Jesus would, but I also want to be respectful--and avoid conflict! This may be a hard road ahead.

Two paths

I feel like I'm at a crossroads of two paths. In front of me, I see one path that is the stay at home mommy, who gets pregnant again soon, and births another wonderful one or two more kids. She keeps the home tidy, nurses each kid their first year of life, and teaches them wonderful silly songs while visiting the zoo. Then, the other path is the graduate student who has taken a short break from teaching full time to get re-educated with the ways of her profession. She is on her way to becoming the best she can be in her field, maybe even teaching at the college level one day. Both of these desires are pulling very strongly on my heart. I know that it is possible to complete all of these things, but I'm questioning if I can do it all at the same time--and do them well. I've always wanted to have my children close in age, but lately, I'm beginning to think that we should wait until I've finished school before we have another one. I've heard from many parents that two is much harder than one. I just want to be sure that I'm not thinking too practically that I'm leaving God out of this decision. I know that he has given me the skills to think through issues like this, but I really need his direction. If I shouldn't go to school, I need a clear answer, because I am moving towards this very quickly, and it will cost us a pretty penny that we could use elsewhere right now! At the same time, I know that this is probably the best time for me to do this, because as we have more kids, it will only get harder. I don't want to be 40 years old before I go back for my masters.

I also need to know how big my plate is. One of the Acts 29 messages we listened to this weekend mentioned that we all have different size plates. We need to know how big our plate is, and fill it. Some people have small plates, some have big. I need to know how big my plate is. Can I be a mommy, a wife, a grad. student, and a teacher--oh, and a church planter? And where does having baby #2 come in? I want to think my plate is big enough for all of this. Who am I kidding--I'm no superwoman. What's gotta give?

Update

I'm interviewing for the parent's day out program on Tuesday. Just taking the next step...we'll see. Ideally, I don't want to work more than two days a week. But I think this is a good opportunity for some good relationships. Plus, it will give me a glimpse of what private school is like since I've never experienced it before. I should be hearing from Memphis City Schools in the next few weeks about having a preliminary interview. I'm going to the city-wide Orff concert this week. I've never been to anything like this. I have a feeling that I will be blown away.

To work or not to work...

Robert found an ad in the paper yesterday for a mother's day out program that is looking for teachers and substitutes. I've been doing a little of my own research about mother's day out programs that Adam may attend starting this fall when I go back to work part-time. I've narrowed it down to two schools, Second Pres and Grace St. Luke's. The ad that Robert found was for GSL's mothers day out. I called about the job yesterday and Sia called me back. She said that Adam could come with me on the days that I work, for $7.00 an hour. I made about $40 an hour at my last job. That's kind of depressing. So, I felt like saying no thanks. But, I said I'd wait to talk it over with Robert. Then, I began thinking how God may be giving me this opportunity for Adam to be in a good school for free. That God may want me there to meet other Midtown mommies. That down the road, we may want to have a relationship with Grace St. Luke's and this may begin the relationship. I'm praying about it.

A Day Off

It wasn't really a day off--but I had a day to myself for the first time in nine months yesterday. Robert took Adam to Mississippi for the day to visit family. It was also the first time in nine months that I had been separated from Adam for a lengthy period of time. But it was a good day for everyone. I got all of my applications done--City Schools, Grad School, and Tennessee Dept. of Ed...Now it is all out of my hands, which feels great! It took most of the day to finish those, but now it's not hanging over my head. I slept great last night knowing that I had completed my "to do" list. It's getting cooler in Memphis, so maybe we will experience a true spring before the heat comes.

We are heading to Munford for the weekend. It will be good to get out of the city for a few days. We are singing/speaking in two churches tomorrow about Project Mustard Seed. Adam will get to play with a lot of kids in the nurseries at these churches. Some of our college friends, Jenny and Kevin, have a son, Owen, who is Adam's age. Owen will be the first friend Adam has met that is close to his age. I hope they have fun together. Jenny and Kevin were newlyweds when Robert and I met in college. They are fun people. They always said that they would name their children after the places where they were conceived. I'll have to ask them about that.

You've got to fight...for your right...

It has been a crazy week. My gut is unsettled about some things regarding our ministry and our funding sources. Yesterday, I was really okay about everything, but today I can't stop replaying the hour and half long conversation in my head and saying all of the things I wish I had said then. I didn't hold it all in though. Much was let out. I hope I was in line. I think I'm struggling with being dependent on others for our livelihood. I'm okay trusting God with our finances, but I'm having a hard time trusting God's people sometimes. The ordeal with the insurance and Hillside has come to the forefront of my mind. People, well-meaning people, say the "right" things at the right time, but can they follow through with it. In the business world, things like this may happen, but I would choose not to work for a company who did business that way. Or, I would at least confront the boss and share my thoughts. Why is that so hard to do in a Christian culture? My friends Matt and Emily recently said the same thing. While Matt worked in the secular world, he handled conflict by standing up for himself and what he thought was right. Eventually, it was resolved. But, in the church world, he has never felt the freedom to defend himself or his right when in conflict with church leadership. We were told that funding would start in April, now, we are told we have to have the business plan-type proposal written (including a five year plan) before the process can begin. We are not nearly ready for that. Not until B and J get here. Anyway, I don't want to list a lot of details, but I have a lot of frustration with how we've been handled. I'm not sure I want to be attached to strings. I think I'd get whiplash way too often. There's got to be another way.
On the upside, maybe we need a five year plan. Maybe we need to discuss the long term plans more specifically. In the marriage analogy, we're engaged, a few months away from the wedding, but have we talked about when to have kids? Or if mama's gonna stay home with the kids? Have we talked about the desire to move across the country in six months to attend seminary--oh wait that was my real marriage story! Lord, please show us what step to take next. And please give us the minimal income to qualify for our loan so we can buy the house.

mommyhood

It's been busy in Memphis the last few weeks. I'm applying to the Univ. of Memphis which is occupying the majority of my spare time. My next project is to apply to teach in the Memphis City schools, then apply for my Tennessee teaching credential. Considering that it has taken me about three weeks to complete this grad school application, I'm anticipating that I'll be working on these other applications until Jesus comes. I feel that I have no time to do anything I want to do. I only have time to do the things I have to do. I guess that's the life of a mom. I do watch the occassional Gilmore Girls (okay, everyday I watch that show) and movies (last night I watched the new Pride and Prejudice--didn't care for it). I would love to spend a day shopping with my sister--and actually have some money to spend! I would love to scrapbook the last six months of Adam's life--yes, I'm already six months behind! I guess that's not too much to complain about. Pretty trivial. I would love to sleep eight hours a night at least once a week. That happened once this week. I felt like a new woman. I think I got 4 hours of sleep last night, but that was interrupted by a two hour cry from my little man who stubbornly refused to go back to sleep. I've spoiled him. And last night, at 2 am, I resolved to stop feeding him during the middle of the night. That is a hard lesson for both of us to learn. He's so cute that I want to give him everything he asks for, but we all know what would come of that. So, I'm learning to be a parent and make the tough decisions. I love my life as a mom though. It may sound like I'm complaining, but overall, this is the best job ever. Adam is learning so much right now. He is so eager to take in life. I want to give him every opportunity to learn. Speaking of learning, we became members of the Memphis Zoo yesterday. We saw many of God's creations that are rare finds today. Adam didn't quite understand how cool it was, but one day he will. I can't wait for him to ask questions like "why is that monkeys bottom pink?" and for us to find the answers together. I can't wait to see what his favorite animal will be. Will he like the monkeys like Robert, or the panda bears like me? I'm so excited for his future. Memphis is going to be a great place for him to grow up. I'm falling in love with this city. I'm so happy we are here.

Iced In

We have begun our fourth week in Memphis. We woke up this morning to freezing rain and sleet. The last few days have been rather warm and comfortable. In the 60's and 70's. I think I like the weather like this. It's very unpredictable. We had to cancel our weekend plans though. We were supposed to visit Robert's family in Mississippi today and speak at a church tomorrow. But, everything has shut down. I didn't watch movies all day like I did last weekend when it snowed. We worked all day writing and editing the Project Mustard Seed proposal. It pretty much consumed the whole day--when I wasn't being mom to Adam. He has his first cold. But, he's in great spirits. I think he learned how to wave bye-bye today. We'll see if he remembers how to do it tomorrow.

We made an offer on a house yesterday. I love the house, but my hands are open. I'll be sad if we don't get it, but I know that the Lord has a place for us. I like this house the most, because I can see us living there for a very long time. We will have room to grow into it. Adam likes it best because it is fully carpeted. Hardwood floors are nice, but carpet is more practical for us during this phase of life! We'll see what happens!

The ride

Today is Valentine's Day. 9 years ago today, Robert and I had one of our first real dates--walking around downtown Memphis. We live just a few minutes away from the place where we had that date. What a journey the last nine years have been. Some would say we've come full circle. I think our journey is like a roller coaster at LibertyLand. We've just made the first loop-de-loop. It's a little scary to me. I love the thrill of roller coasters, but I hang on for dear life the entire ride. Robert likes to ride with his hands high in the air. I remember discovering this analogy six years ago when we moved to the Bay area. It was a scary time for me. It ended up being a great ride. Now, I think we're on the ride where we move slowly into complete darkness, where you can't even see your hand in front of your face. You know that your hand is there, and that your friend is next to you, but you can't see anything. I know that the Lord knows my steps and is wanting me to have the faith to trust Him for each step. So that's what I'm praying for.

Hibernating

The snow has melted and only kept us in hibernation for one night. It was nice to settle down by the fire and watch movies all night with my sissy, Megan. Actually, we watched movies all day today too. I haven't done that in a very long time. This is probably the first weekend in two months that I have not touched a cardboard box. So, I don't really feel guilty for being a bum. It was a great way to spend the weekend.

In case you're interested, these are the movies we watched:

Mona Lisa Smiles
Miss Congeniality 2
Without a Paddle
Wimbledon
The Terminal
The Olympics Opening Ceremony

Not much food for the brain, but good veg time! Megan said "I'm so glad my sissy lives in Tennessee!" about fifteen times while she was here. I'm glad too.

White Valentine?

Well, we didn't get a white Christmas, but maybe we'll get a white valentine. It began snowing around 1:00 today. It was so magical to see these big golf ball size snow flakes fall from the sky and begin to make a blanket on the ground. Megan had already gotten here before the snow came, but mom and dad weren't able to make it. That made me a little sad. I was looking forward to spending time with my whole family.

I'm trying to make a big decision about starting grad school this summer. A few years ago, I researched University of Memphis' Graduate Music programs. I found the degree I wanted to pursue: Masters of Music with emphasis in Orff-Schulwerk. Orff is a funny name, but in short, it is a specific philosophy of teaching music through movement. I've been turned on the Orff philosophy for several years. Anyway, I've recently discovered that U of M is the only school in the country that offers this degree. I'm really feeling that I need to pursue this. The application deadline is March 1, so I don't have a lot of time to make this decision. It's complicated though because I don't want to be in school when I have another baby (hopefully that will happen in the next year or two), and with buying a house soon, we are really tight in the financial department. It looks like I can complete the program in three summers, but they may accept several classes I've already taken. So I may be able to complete it sooner.

With this as a possibility for this summer, I had to turn down the job Robert's dad offered me, to watch his kids (Evan and Kelsey) after school and during the summer. So, now we are trying to find a way for me to make a few bucks. God has been good to provide for us, and I know that He wants me to be with Adam, so I'm trusting that He will provide an opportunity.

I have so much more to say, but it's getting late...

Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!

90% chance of snow tomorrow! I can't believe it. The last time I wished it would snow I was hoping school would be canceled. The only bad thing about it is mom, dad, and Megan are planning to come here for the weekend. If it snows, they will probably not come, which will make me sad. I still have not seen my dad since being in Tennessee. I look forward to seeing what Memphis will look like in the snow, especially Overton Park.

Memphis

We've been in Memphis for a full week now. Our little townhouse is finally unpacked and organized. I really like it. I can get used to the walk-in closets and the two bathrooms. Not quite used to the 24 degree weather though. I have to bundle little Adam up like the abominable snowman everytime we leave the house.

I feel like I'm catching my breath. It has been a whirlwind--more like a tornado--the last two months. I feel like a mom again. I'm no longer the moving coordinator. Adam and I have had some really sweet times together. He is beginning to like reading books together. He is finally sleeping through the night, which may also contribute to my feeling human again. Robert is finally able to have some time to research jobs and get things going with project mustard seed. He is so good at this phase of the project. I'm amazed at his ability to network and make connections.

I met a neighbor yesterday. Her name is Heather. We mistakenly forwarded all of our mail to her address instead of ours. So we have had to get our mail from her several times. She and her boyfriend live across the parking lot from us. Adam and I may get a yearly pass to the Memphis Zoo. It is less than a mile from our house. I think it will be a great place to go walking, and Adam will love seeing the animals. I wish I knew some other moms who would like to do this with me. Annie and Peter (our Marina walking partners in San Leandro) would love it! I've found a few Memphis mom's websites, but it seems that most moms I've seen live in the suburbs. At the coffee shop the other day I did meet a lesbian couple who have two grade school children. They gave me recommendations on the best parks and schools in the area. I also saw a young mom with a baby girl who looked to be about Adam's age, but I didn't have the nerve to talk to her. I'm working on that. It's hard for me to initiate conversation with people I don't know.

Adam just woke up from his morning nap, so I'm trying to type one-handed. Must go for now.