"Someday I will dance on the sun."

 I'm always going to wonder... did you ever actual like me? Or did you just want to see if you could get some? Whatever it was... that is gone. And I am happy to be your friend. Even though I just wish I could punch you for hurting my feelings... I still enjoy being your friend.

But, like I said. Your loss. Yes I am no model like girl... but I will make a great girlfriend to some lucky guy someday. Because like you said... I AM a nice, awesome, and cool person. And A VERY trust worthy person. A girl that will only ever be your friend now because I'm not what you want apparently... but that is your thing. Go ahead go date sluts and hoes. They'll never be me. I'm not trying to sound vain or whatever. But, my dear friend... this is your loss not my mind.

Because I swear when a guy will want me as his girlfriend... that I will be the best girlfriend ever. Just as I am the coolest friend.

:) I will be fine.  Haha. Because everything is okay.

I fell for you. You had me. You dropped me. Now we barely talk. You know... I wish we had never even started dating because then maybe we'd still be good friends now and you'd talk to me everyday like you did before. I know you don't know what you want... but what I really want to tell you is... GROW UP. I'm not waiting. You hurt me. But, I need to move on.

I do want to thank you. My first REAL kiss <3 
I loved the way you asked permission before holding my hand.
I LOVE how you held my hand.
Thanks for showing me what it was like to have someone like me.

But... guess that is that.

 

 It doesn't feel like Christmas. It hasn't for a long time... I just can't get cheerful for holidays.  I really need to start applying for the college but when I was going to do a live chat with the people of the school I got so nervous and scared. Oh fuck... I better not chicken out or anything. I need something for anxiety problems. NOW. I need to go to the Doctor after Jan and see if I can get something to help me from shaking and fearing everything.

Going to be applying to the Art institute soon for film. I am very happy and nervous to do so. I've never been out on my own and the thought scares me. However, I look forward to it so badly! I am really ready to start making short films! I really want to make a series for youtube! I just need the right things camera/actors/money... etc. You get the picture.