It’s not easy being green (and pink)

The Australian Labor Party held its annual conference in Sydney not long ago. One of the topics on the agenda was same sex marriage rights.

There was apparently a lot of behind-the-scenes jousting but the outcome was a large pile of nothing.

The party agreed to remove the reference to ‘one man and one woman’ from its platform but didn’t make any plans to alter the Marriage Act itself.

In the end the agreed position was support for a system to allow same-sex relationships to be recognised, but continued opposition to gay marriage. As I understand it, the PM wants the states to administer consistent schemes that do not allow for either gay marriage or civil union but rather some kind of registered partnership.

There’s been no talk of when or if this scheme will actually be introduced in the states that don’t already have it. And really, I am not sure what the point of it is anyway.

Mind you, we will sign up if it happens, because I don’t want lack of participation in this pathetic scheme to be the excuse for not making further progress.

But it really shits me that we’ll have to accept this pissy second-rate second-class option.

This is not equality. Less is not equal.

Tonight is the first in a several-month-long series of evening classes for leigh. She’s repeating a 4-unit maths professional development course because the fabulous and incredibly organised Teachers’ Institute didn’t get around to accrediting it last year so none of the hours she devoted to it count towards her mandatory PD total. This year it is accredited, but even though the course is *identical*, they won’t backdate.

Leigh could have chosen to make up the hours doing something new, but she found the course so useful last year that she was sure she’d get something out of it again, so we’re back to solo Tuesdays for a while.

So, anyway, I was already kind of dreading today because it meant I’d be on my own for breakfast, lunch, dinner and bedtime. It’s un-fun, but the kids are of course a year older than the last time we did this, so it shouldn’t be so bad.

But, alas, today has so far managed to be even more craptacular than anticipated, right from the get-go.

At about 6.30 am Hunter came into my bed for a snuggle. I opened my eyes and the room spun. So I closed them and tried again. More spinning. Hunter wanted to come out to the loungeroom so I went to open the door for her and was so dizzy I could barely stay upright.

I left her watching TV for half an hour while I went back to bed. I thought the dizzy might have been a woken-suddenly or not-enough-sleep thing, but when Hugo woke me the next time it was still there.

I was also starting to feel clammy and vaguely nauseous and thought maybe I should see if leigh would pull a sickie and stay home. Then I remembered she’d gone swimming and had already left the house.

I managed to get the kids breakfast and let them feed themselves while I flopped on the couch. After a while I told them we might not be able to go to playgroup because mummy didn’t feel well. They both bawled like it was the worst news they ever heard.

‘Fortunately’ for me, I only had time to listen to a few moments of heart wrenching sobs before I had to run off to the bathroom for the puking to begin. When it subsided, I rested my head on the tiled wall and wondered how I was ever going to get through this long day.

As it turned out, I did start to feel better post-puke, and about an hour later I decided we would go to playgroup after all. I wasn’t 100% but I was okay, and I knew playgroup would at least keep them busy for a while.

As the morning wore on I felt much better and was pretty much back to normal by the end of preschool.

Except for my knee.

I started an exercise program last week and while it’s been going well in terms of me being able to keep up and not collapse from sheer lack of fitness, I have been having trouble with my right knee.

First time out was fine. Second time, a little niggle. Third time, pain and tenderness that hasn’t completely subsided after two days.

Fourth day out, Saturday just gone, it was pretty painful by the time I got home and it has been stiff and sore ever since. I can’t say I had seen a lot of improvement between then and now (Tuesday).

So I invested in a $220 pair of running shoes, bought a knee stabiliser, iced my knee several times a day, have been doing all the recommended stretches and applying voltaren.

Today I thought I’d try it out and just see how I went taking it gently. I got through the five minute warm up walk but did not last even 10 seconds into the first run.

I’m really disheartened and don’t know what to do. If I can hurt myself this much with just the introductory week, what’s the point? I can’t walk up two steps without wincing at the moment and bending down to do anything is a special kind of torture.

But I don’t want to quit at the first hurdle either, so now I am torn.

I’m going to give it a few days of real rest and then re-assess.

Meanwhile, it’s time to start the bedtime routine, which is almost guaranteed to be the icing on the cake today.

When I got to the end of my long and boring description of Hunter’s first transition to school session I remembered there was something I actually wanted to write about.

I just could not believe what some of those kids had in their lunchboxes!

The session only goes two hours so there’s not really any need for them to eat anything, but there’s a ‘recess’ built into the session so the kids can get used to going where they’re supposed to sit, being responsible for their bags and lunchboxes, opening their own containers/wrappers and getting rid of any rubbish.

This recess was at about 10.30. My kids got a piece of fruit and some water.

The kid next to Hunter had a packet of chips, a juice box and two cream filled biscuits.

The kid behind her had a full sandwich and four big shortbread biscuits.

Mine were definitely in the minority as the fruit eaters.

Really, what are parents thinking? I just don’t get it. Why would you load up your four year old with a snack that has enough calories to fuel an adult for a whole day?

The school Hunter will (hopefully) be attending next year runs a transition to school program during terms three and four – and today was our first session.

It’s just a couple of hours one morning a week, with activities, visits to different parts of the school, introductions to the teachers and principal and that kind of thing.

It should have been pretty non-daunting today because it’s held in the room we go to for playgroup every week, the teacher is a playgroup mum and we know her quite well, and one of the kids from Hunter’s dance class is also in the group so she already knows someone.

But if there’s one thing Hunter’s not good at, it’s transitions.

Even though the session today was similar to playgroup (though more structured), Hunter was still pretty nervous right from the start just because it was a different experience.

To begin with she only wanted to be with me. She found herself a spot at the colouring table and wasn’t interested in trying anything else.

Eventually she hooked up with her friend from dancing, which was good – sort of. Her friend was a bit naughty and Hunter just totally went along for the ride. I’m not saying it was the other kid’s fault. Hunter definitely knew she was doing the wrong thing but she’s such a follower. Thankfully that was just a blip and it only lasted a few minutes. I was disappointed, though, because as much as she has me tearing my hair out at home she’s usually impeccably behaved at preschool. I’m hoping that behaviour will wear off completely in the weeks ahead as she gains confidence. .

There was a pretty broad range of ability in the group. Some of the kids were quite switched on, and others seemed to me like they might struggle a bit in kindy. One boy in particular was full of interjections and was really quite disruptive . No, thaat’s understating it. He was a smart-mouthed little pain in the butt who monopolised the teacher’s time and was very frustrating. I’m hoping he won’t be in Hunter’s class next year!

There were also several who really couldn’t follow directions, and one who had a little mini tantrum. Honestly, I don’t know why anyone would choose to work with that age group!

Added fun for us was that we also had Hugo to contend with (lots of other families had younger siblings in tow, thank goodness). For the most part he was really good. He sat with the big kids and listened to instructions and was quiet during story time and was more patient than some of the ones starting school next year. But then he started getting tired and they were doing some activity he wasn’t part of and the wheels came off. Thankfully the screaming crapfest only lasted a few minutes – that was bad enough.

I can’t say I am desperate to get back there next week. It was hard keeping up with Hugo and still trying to be present for Hunter, and now we’re trying to cram lunch and naps and dishes (and blogging…) into the brief pause before we head back to school this afternoon for Hunter’s dance class.

I haven’t blogged in a long time, though I’m not really sure why. It’s definitely not because there hasn’t been anything happening – we’re crazy busy as usual.

But lack of time is not it, either. Even with everything we have going on, I do still find hours a week to waste away on the internet.

It’s just more a lack of interest, or commitment, or something. I keep thinking about things I want to write, but I don’t write them.

I wanted to update about how adorable Hunter and her friends were in their first dancing concert, even though we could barely see them through all the smoke from the smoke machine. And how Hunter won a ballet scholarship but was way more excited about the McDonald’s voucher that came with it.

And I thought about an update on my visit to my parents’ place, which included two rather painful 13 hour trips, a fun night playing pool at a tiny club, a humiliating game of 10 pin bowling during which every person in the place laughed at my ineptitude, and a moment of TV fame for leigh.

But, well, I didn’t get around to writing about any of that stuff and am not really inclined to now. My attention span feels very short these days and I seem to be losing interest in the things I used to do and seeking out new things instead, so it’s not just blogging that has fallen by the wayside. Just this week I finked on a committee meeting just because I couldn’t be arsed. I called in an apology with a false claim that something had come up at work. Of course, they then couldn’t make a quorum so I feel slack now (I hadn’t counted on the two other no-shows).

Anyway, I am not really sure I have a point here. I think I am just hoping that this post will be like ripping the bandaid off so I can get back to posting more regularly.

There are lots of words that annoy me. Like ‘mush’ (rhyming with bush), which is what leigh’s father insists on calling my children’s mouths. He hates the word ‘kid’, so I try to use it at least three times for every time he says mush.

But the word that really drives me batty is tolerant. I can barely tolerate it. Really, I hate the way people use that word as though tolerance is something virtuous.

As in “Australia is a wonderful, tolerant country.”

Well, you know what? There’s nothing wonderful about tolerance. Tolerating something means putting up with it, because you think it’s impolite not to.

Tolerating gay people or people with little english or people who look or think differently is not the same as accepting them or embracing them.

It’s not even the same as being indifferent to them. I’ll take indifference over the condescension of tolerance any day, thanks.

Of course, intolerance is worse than tolerance, but it just shits me to no end that people who claim to be tolerant think they’re doing the world such a favour.

We’ve managed to cross a few items off the wedding to-do list since my last update. Namely:

– I ordered the dress. I’d more or less chosen it a couple of months ago but wanted to be kind to my mummy and let her see it before I made a final decision. Actually, I probably would have got that one anyway but I still wanted to wait till she visited. I was psyching myself up for her famous half-hearted “hmmmm” that means “I think you’ve made entirely the wrong decision, and after scrunching up my nose and acting coy about telling you why, I’m going to tell you why”. But, it turned out, she loved the dress. So. Deposit down, dress ordered. It takes about four months and will need alterations after that as it’s going to be miles too long but I am calling that job done.

– We collected the rings. We’d decided to lay-by them, mostly to reduce the amount of time they would spend at our house before the big day. We both felt that the longer they were here, the greater the chance I would lose them. But a few weeks ago we got a letter from the jeweller that our lay-by period had expired and we had to pay it out. So we did, and the rings are now tucked away with other wedding-y things and I am trying not to think about them so I can resist the temptation to put mine on and, inevitably, lose it.

– we booked a photographer. This one has been really bothering me because all those helpful wedding sites say you need to book the photog early. Well, we had recommendations from a couple of friends and while one of the photographers came back quickly with a price and some samples, the other took ages to get back. We have decided to go with the second one even though she’s a little more expensive because she’s had lots of wedding experience and she’ll have an assistant with her on the day, which should make things more manageable. She’s the parent of a child at Hunter’s future school and I met her through playgroup. I’ve seen some of her work, but leigh hasn’t – but I booked anyway because I am like that. We’re going to her studio Sunday to have a look at some other weddings she has shot and to talk about what we want.

A few other things have come along a bit without actually being finalised. We visited a party hire shop last weekend to look at tables and glassware and linen, and we now have a fairly good idea about what we want. We’re still deciding how to set up the tables, and leigh is investing an impressive amount of time into looking at every decorating option on earth.

She’s also been trying out various table decoration ideas to see how they work so our house is full of different jars and vases and candles and lanterns and flowers and ribbons. Everything she makes looks elegant and professional so I think she should stop worrying about it.

Oh, and we’ve decided to invest a bit of money on the venue (aka our back yard). Much of our yard is concrete, and not very nice concrete at that. We’ve gone back and forth on whether to do anything with it and if so, what.

Paving’s really out of the budget since the area is so big. Ripping it up and planting gardens is tempting but it’s probably also too pricey, plus the kids love riding their bikes out there so it’s kind of good to have for now. We thought about just painting it for a quick and easy makeover.

In the end we’ve decided to go ahead with resurfacing. So it’s still going to be hard and flat, but it will also be smooth and terracotta-coloured.

It’s not cheap but not terribly expensive either, and we figured if we’d held the wedding at some fancy venue we could have easily spent that additional money and had nothing to show for it after all was said and done.

And speaking of fancy – my boss’s SIL came into work the other week showing off a magazine spread all about her wedding. She mentioned that the budget quoted in the mag was wrong but I got the impression it wasn’t wrong by much. Quoted budget? $85,000!!!

I can’t fathom spending that much on a wedding. Ours may cost a tenth of that, including our outfits and rings and everything else. Even spending that much feels like a big outlay to me. Maybe I am just stingy?

So the boy’s second birthday was nearly a month ago now. I always thought I’d breastfeed him for around two years, which puts us right about now. So we’ve started the weaning process. Kinda.

We actually started down this path about six weeks ago when I finally called a stop to all the night feeding. It was at the point where he was waking four or more times a night and he’d be calling “want boobie” before I even got to the door.

For the longest time I just went with it, because he only ever wanted to nurse for a minute or two then he just went back to bed with no complaint. But the service calls were getting more and more frequent and eventually something had to change.

What followed was a long week of me getting up several times a night, holding an inconsolable boy and repeating “no boobies. you can have some water”. Each time he’d eventually cave in and have a sip of water before going back to bed. Now he rarely wakes, but if he does, he always asks for water.

Really, night weaning was the easy bit. During the day it’s so much harder to say no. He’ll be clambering on me when I am trying to work or trying to talk on the phone and it’s easier to give in than to try to put up with the whining and clawing.

But as of yesterday, I am making a determined effort to limit the daytime breastfeeding. My plan is to nurse only when he wakes in the morning, before his day sleep and before bed for the night. I’ve already broken my own rule once.

I wouldn’t say it’s going fabulously. He does get pretty upset if I refuse him. Distraction and redirection work some of the time but he often remembers a few minutes later and starts to cry again. I’m trying to keep reminding him that we’re only breastfeeding when he wakes up and before he sleeps now, and I think he understands to a point, but he doesn’t like it.

I feel a bit funny about weaning. To some extent I am pretty eager to be done with breastfeeding. Because a lot of the time, it’s a royal pain these days. He can’t sit still, he has to change sides every few minutes and he thinks there’s a self-serve buffet in my shirt.

But at the same time, I feel pretty sad – even though I’m probably at least a few months from being totally done.

In truth, I’d probably be happy to retain the pre-bed nursing session indefinitely were it not for our wedding plans. For various reasons, I want to wean fully before then, but if that wasn’t on the horizon then I could imagine continuing for another year.

As it is, I am planning on a fairly slow and hopefully reasonably gentle weaning process. Once I’ve managed to cut out the on-demand feeding I’ll probably give it another month before I do anything else. Then I might start to think about dropping the pre-day sleep feed. It will be at least another month after that before I look at dropping the morning or bedtime feed. The wedding is still six months away so there’s no great rush.

I think when it comes to say goodbye to that last session, we’ll both be pretty sad.