Shane is like: ok so I haven’t slept with anyone since the last time we were together and you haven’t slept with anyone since the last time we were together and we’re going to spend 2 weeks in my house and I’m making you lunch and we’re sleeping in the same bed and you’re telling me about your mom and I’m telling you about my parents and you like me and I like you and I don’t want you to marry someone else and you wish all the women you slept with were me and you will switch teams and move to my country so we can be closer to eachother and we’re starting a charity to make it easier to be together and I already have our future planned because I care about this I care about us and you love me and I love you and you’re kissing my ankle and you comfort me and hold me when I panic and you’re meeting my parents and supporting me through it and you’re drinking my dad’s vodka and eating pasta at my family’s house and you tell my parents that you would leave Boston for me and that I’m the only person you’ve ever loved. Ok great 👍
heated rivalry the past few weeks has been the best the internet has felt in almost a decade. just pure fun, pure vibes, pure jokes. its been so nice. i feel like we were all at a giant collective sleepover and it got the point of the night where everyone got silly and emotional.
I’m obsessed with the ambiguity in what Shane says to Yuna when they talk outside. Like the words he chooses are very specific but they encompass SO MUCH. “I tried really hard but I just can’t help it and I’m sorry” is simply the most insane and heartbreaking line ever I’m so not normal about this..
“I tried really hard but I just can’t help it” I tried to not be gay. I tried for it to be women (even with the perfect woman). I really really tried for it to not be Ilya. I tried for it to be anyone else. I tried for it to be no one at all. I tried for it to not matter. I tried to just focus on what was supposed to matter. I tried to make hockey the only thing that mattered. I tried to keep this thing separate. I tried to not have it mess anything up. I tried to put the pieces back together. I tried to not break anything in the first place.
“And I’m sorry.” I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry I had this thing to tell you. I’m sorry I couldn’t fix it. I’m sorry it had to be this way. I’m sorry it got to this point. I’m sorry I couldn’t not let it get to this point. I’m sorry you found out this way. I’m sorry you had to find out at all. I’m sorry I’m not who you thought I was. I’m sorry I can’t be who you wanted me to be. I’m sorry I’m not who I wanted to be. I’m sorry this is all so messed up. I’m sorry I’m so messed up. I’m sorry I couldn’t fix it. I’m sorry my trying wasn’t enough.
Like are you FUCKING KIDDING ME???? Anyways I don’t care. Whatever Jacob Tierney I literally don’t care leave me alone…..
Yuna “There is a world of opportunity here” Hollander, you slightly problematic queen.
What do you do when your son comes out to you with his arch-rival lover who’s just been inside of him like five seconds ago? Fucking call all the luxury brands you can think of and tell them that they’d better change their advertising strategy to gay and fucking change it fast. Yuna with special edition Hollanov rainbow Reeboks. Yuna with a Rolex float at the pride parade, Shane and Ilya’s portrait on a giant watch face.
The “no, that’s sad” followed by “here’s a full rainbow capitalism advertising plan” is momager ally-core at its finest. Fucking iconic. You will not only be loved and supported Shane you will be MORE FAMOUS and EVEN MORE RICH. Love you baby boy, Ilya here’s some spaghetti, beef up for your new bisexual Porsche ad.
Meanwhile David is living on Russian vodka and vibes, I just do what she says and my life has turned out fucking great
Yuna and David having watched their autistic son be so isolated all of his adult life and never having a happy relationship or close friends who understand his anxiety and then finding out that the man they’ve spent a decade hating on his behalf can casually talk him down from a panic attack in less than a minute
losing my MIND over the fact that Ilya probably thinks he’s actually helping when they go to Shane’s parents’ house.
They get there and Shane is like “Ilya and I are, uh…” and Ilya is like “hmm we haven’t talked about this but I know Shane is really uncomfortable right now, so I will shout out the one (1) english word I know that describes this situation. LOVERS.”
Then they’re talking about how long they’ve been together and Shane is like “since our rookie season” and Ilya is like “well, hold on now, you said you don’t like lying to your parents, so let’s be very clear about when this started. We have to be so clear about the fact that it started the summer before our rookie season. Wait, would it make you feel better if I give your parents the exact date and time of our first hookup?”
And then Yuna is like “you’ve been in love that long?” and Ilya is like “I need you to understand I’ve been drilling your son into mattresses from here to Florida for the last decade, but I can’t say that because I want you to be my mother in law, so are you picking up what I’m putting down?” and Shane is like ILYA and Ilya is like “I am ANSWERING MY MOTHER IN LAW’S QUESTIONS”
And then he drinks his vodka and eats his pasta in his Boston shirt, very proud of himself for being sooooo supportive, meanwhile Shane is actively praying for a black hole to swallow him up
peregrine-eye said: First, thanks for posting the comic masterlist! I've been reading it like crazy recently. Also, do you know where the black widow "i'm one of 28 young ballerinas in the bolshoi..." quote came from? I'd love to read that issue if you know.
Yay!! I love hearing this! I’m glad you’re enjoying it :)
