Day 30 of 108

 

Today I opened the parcel and took out my copy of The Holy Bible. It was a text that I had loved and cherished as a young girl in school. I thought that it was time to maybe revisit it. Within 15 minutes of me opening it, a strange yet seemingly pre-ordained conversation transpired. If ever the presence of God was evident, it was then. Things falling apart is the best way for them to fall into place. I saw that today.

Here are all the things that I am grateful for today:

1. Papa is well. 

2. Today, cook had made really tasty plain white rice. I mean, I like white rice ordinarily. But the rice was really soft, fluffy, steamed, and tasty enough to have on its own. Really went well with the soya chaap masala curry from last night.

3. Came across this verse by Virgil: "The gates of Hell are open night and day; smooth the descent, and easy is the way: but, to return, and view the cheerful skies; in this, the task and mighty labor lies."

4. Wore my green dress today with the new silk purple scarf that a friend had gifted me for Christmas.

5. Finished some work today. There is so much more remaining but I will focus on the little that I did get done. As Tolkien said, "Little by little one goes far."

6. Went to the Red Chillies Starbucks today. I love that spot so much! Had a large dragon fruit and strawberry Refresher or something.

7. There was such a cute little baby girl at Starbucks - maybe 8 months or so. Big, bright eyes. A red printed romper. Tousled hair. Kept staring at me.

8. Wrote my diary. I was really impressed with Ranveer Singh in Dhurandhar. He writes a diary in invisible ink. I don't have invisible ink. But I did think that I will systematically keep a diary that will track everything that pops up in my head off and on.

9. Someone I had spoken with earlier connected with me about some fresh work. Good to know that they thought of me.

10. Oh, this was really sweet. The place I worked with earlier had given me a contract extension letter earlier. Me being me, I did not keep anything. But now I am applying to a place for work and they insisted that I get that letter. I wrote to these guys and they promptly gave it to me. Really nice of them! 

11. Am safe and healthy.

12. Have water, electricity, food, and a lovely place to stay. The Christmas lights are on and Life continues to be magical. 

Day 29 of 108

 It was equal parts heartburn and equal parts peace today. I won't say, equal parts peace. But equal parts peace plus attempts at generating peace. So that was good. Here are all the things that I am grateful for today:

1. Papa is well. Did not talk to him today but no frantic calls. So that seems to be good.

2. Watched Dhurandhar at one of my favorite theatres today. I love PVR Lido opposite SNDT college. It is so cozy and small! I love it. The movie is quite good. Ranveer Singh is really good. He is quiet and, if the hair and musculature were not so prominent, you would have assumed he is non-descript. The other remarkable actor is Akshaye Khanna who is skinny but seems broader because of the lethal bravado he portrays. I will always remain a Sanjay Dutt fangirl. But I found the film too long and too violent. I think I will have disturbed sleep on account of some of those torture scenes. 

3. One of the things that I love about PVR Lido is just how close it is to my place. In peak time I reached there in 20 minutes and I walked back. It took me 35 minutes and I took a quick route through the bazaar road, past the dance bars etc. But it was a beautiful night and cool and crisp. The Gurudwara lane is gorgeously lit up and it felt like walking through a celebration set up only for you. 

4. The staff at PVR Lido is so sweet and polite. I also enjoyed the coffee.

5. Some work got approved. I had used Canva to create a comic book strip. Oh man! That was just so exhausting! But finally got that done and had it shipped out today. Thankfully it was received well. 

6. Today I ordered some soya chaap from Mini Punjab. It was gravied and not dry like I had wanted. (I generally order the Brraa chaap from Sadak Chaap - which is excellent.) But this was yummy!

7. I like the phrase 'Nazar aur sabr' from Dhurandhar. It's a good resolution to have. I can definitely work on developing the latter.   

Day 28 of 108

 A mixed bag of a day. Anger, annoyance, some anxiety. But a few sweet things happened.

Here are a few things I am grateful for:

1. Papa is well. Went to visit him today.

2. Met a friend today. Went to Vashi together and then we had a really nice time at Bread Kraft, Deonar. They have a lemon meringue doughnut pie that was really really good. I also tried a jalapeno-olive cream cheese croissant that was tasty. But the highlight definitely was the lemon meringue doughnut.

3. Got a rick from Deonar to Bandra. The guy was not accepting Gpay. Thankfully I had cash. Outside of Bandra, traveling in Mumbai is a weird situation.

4. Am safe.

5. Both help turned up and cleaned my flat. A neat bed and a clean sink are so precious!

6. I am feeling very uncomfortable regarding a few things. So I want to take this opportunity to address a comment that I got. It basically said "I want to die" dozens of times. Now, I am listing this as a point that I am grateful for not because it is a hapy thing. But I assume you wanted to reach out to someone. Please do breathe deeply and wait for the emotion to pass. It may feel as if it is terribly overwhelming or that feeling is very strong. But you must absolutely realise that something inside you is stronger than the despair. Please breathe and that strong side of you will emerge. 

I do not know if you are from India or not. These are the Helplines I got from ChatGPT.

🇮🇳 India – Suicide & Mental Health Helplines

🆘 KIRAN (Government of India)

📞 1800-599-0019

🕒 24×7

• National mental health rehabilitation helpline

• Multilingual support

• Confidential and free

🆘 AASRA

📞 91-9820466726

🕒 24×7

• One of India’s oldest suicide prevention helplines

• Trained volunteers

• Non-judgmental listening

🆘 Sneha Foundation

📞 044-24640050

🕒 24×7

• Based in Chennai but open to all

• Emotional support during distress and crisis

🆘 Vandrevala Foundation

📞 9999 666 555 (Call & WhatsApp)

📧 [email protected]

🕒 24×7

• Crisis support + counselling

• Particularly responsive via WhatsApp

🆘 iCall (TISS)

📞 9152987821

🕒 Mon–Sat, 8am–10pm

• Email & phone counselling

• Good for ongoing emotional stress, grief, burnout

🆘 Fortis Stress Helpline

📞 +918376804102

🕒 24×7

• Clinical support backed by Fortis hospitals

Day 27 of 108

Today was good fun. 

Here are a few things I am grateful for:

1. Papa is well.

2. Had tasty dinner tonight.

3. A friend came over and we painted our second canvas together. His is the right side with such beautiful colours and strong form.

4. Had a call with a client. Will share my timesheet in a couple of days.

5. Quite enjoyed the fresh sparkly ginger ale.

6. Have a home, have food, water, electricity, use of limbs, reasonably good health. Much is good. 

Day 26 of 108

 So much has happened today. Chest feels a little tight but all good. Here are all the things I am grateful for today:

1. Papa is well. I spoke to him. He sounded a little tired and exhausted. Will meet him soon.

2. Had tasty food with a friend. Had ordered Tawa Pulao for her. That was nice.

3. Trying out Bru's tiramisu coffee. Nice.

4. Both the help came today.

5. Did a little work today.

6. Have a sweet, safe home, food in the fridge, and running water.

7. I love tinsel on the Christmas tree. In another few days, it will be time to bring it down again. But as long as it's there...joy. Peace and joy.

Day 25 of 108

 Here are all the things I am grateful for:

1. Papa is well. Spoke to him today.

2. Managed to go to the gym today.

3. Enjoyed seeing a really pretty crescent moon today. A little fuller than a crescent but beautiful little sliver nevertheless.

4. Enjoyed some cake and coffee with the neighbour.

5. Am safe, have a house, have electricity, food, and water.

6. Got a sweet little mug from Chalchitra Talks. Am part of their book club.

Day 23 of 108

I am feeling heavy hearted and somewhat anxious. I just want things to get done with

I don't know why this didn't get published but all is well. 

Day 24 of 108

 So tired. Got so distracted. So much work that I just want to wrap up everything and get done. 

Here are a few things I am grateful for:

1. Papa is well. No frantic calls from home.

2. Had a great time with my friends. We went for a gorgeous walk to Mount Mary. I had a strawberry icecream on the way.

3. A friend and I had a lovely club sandwich at JW Marriott.

4. Loved wearing the sequin dress my friend got me.

5. Was safe. 

Merry Christmas everyone! 

Day 22 of 108

 Some deep lessons emerging at the end of the year. Very painful. I wish I had made different decisions. Anyway, one must be stubborn about a few things when times are tough:

1. Papa is well. Did not talk to him today but no panicked calls. So everyone is okay.

2. Twinkly lights on Christmas tree are pretty.

3. V gave me some rum cakes today.

4. Enjoying my coffee.

5. Finished some work today.

Day 21 of 108

 Did not finish a whole lot of work today. Feeling very emotionally exhausted and overextended. I really want a quiet Christmas.

Here are a few things I am grateful for:

1. Papa is well. Did not talk to him today but no calls from home. So I suppose it is okay.

2. Went to the gym today.

3. Had some good, peaceful seconds during meditation today. Not an extended amount of time. Some of it. That's soothing. 

4. Ate khichu today. Yummy.

5. Had nice glasses of Kombucha.

Day 20 of 108

 All that meditation is feeling heavy. My face is puffy and bloated and back, shoulders, and neck are stiff as hell. But it's okay. It will get better.

Here are a few things that I am grateful for:

1. Papa is well.

2. Had a good, safe trip from Vashi.

3. Cook had made tasty food today. Carb-heavy but good.

4. Had a lovely conversation with a friend.

5. The inner fight raged on but I could prevail a few times.