sitting here three weeks before my due date, and three weeks from the moment i was able to hold my precious angel......this is not the post i had planned on writing. i was waiting for just the right time to talk about our little boy on the way, what his name would be, what we would call him, how the nursery would be decorated. and now, learning in the most difficult way i have ever known, things are not always as we plan.
we miss him, oh we miss him. we wonder, we wonder what if, we feel anger, pain and hurt....but we have faith, as hard as it is sometimes, we have faith that he is in a better place and one day we will join him.
we were able to hold our little richie february 5th, 2011. he was 3lbs 5oz of pure perfection and i loved every thing about him. just as i remember saying when sallie was born, our lives were forever changed the moment we saw him as well. he had the cutest toes, long legs, a perfect little mouth, such delicate fingers, and a squishy little nose. we all thought he looked a lot like me.
he was small but felt just like any newborn baby. he was perfect.
i was 8 months pregnant with our little boy, we had his name (he was named after his daddy, richard a morris v), his bedding was complete and on its way, and my friends were throwing him a shower on sunday february 6th....we were so excited!
i remember that week i had not been feeling as many kicks and hiccups as i had been and decided after several "kick count" sessions, i would go ahead and go in for a check up. mainly for my piece of mind, so i would stop worrying. thankfully we had bad winter weather so rich drove me and went in with me, even after i had told him several times to just drop me off.
i weighed in at 138 (yikes, but just about the same as with sallie), and the nurse walked me back for a routine "non stress test". she had difficulty locating his heartbeat, but i seemed to remain calm thinking i was just in a different position than normal, another nurse came in and had trouble as well. i remember looking at rich, at this point, really scared. "its okay sweetie, i heard it" oh rich, that was my heart beat. at that point i knew something was wrong. the third nurse came in and was unable to locate the heartbeat as well, i remember just pulling my ball cap over my face and crying. we then walked to the ultrasound room in slow motion, unaware of what was going on around us. i laid on the table, shaking uncontrollably and looking to rich who still had hope but was unsure what to do at this point. two doctors came in which i know now is protocol. the ultrasound confirmed there was no heartbeat and that our little boy was no longer with us. oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my......were the only words i could seem to get out. i look to the doctors who are so sad for us but are unable to do a thing, i look to the nurse that is crying as well, and i hear my husband say "is it not good doc?" oh, he still had hope, just like always. we began to sob as we held each other close. was this really happening? what do we do now?
we left the office, still not sure what the next step would be, but just so we could spend some time together and call our loved ones. as much as i wanted to crawl into a hole, i still wanted to be comforted. thankfully, our family came right away and we went to the hospital around 10am the next morning. i was having several contractions so they started me on medicine to induce labor. everyone at the hospital was amazing and did everything they could to make sure we were comfortable. i went the entire day with little progress, so rich decided we need to take a break throughout the night to sleep. i now look back and am so thankful he made this decision. they started the pitocin at 6am the next morning. at 8am i was at a three and by 8:30am i was fully dilated. 8:38am was a moment i will never forget. our precious "richie v" was in his daddy's arms and it was the most beautiful picture i had ever seen. the room was dim, quiet (very quiet), and peaceful. i remember that very vividly. everything was so calm, which i now know was just how it was supposed to be.
"richard albert morris v" was the 5th generation with this name and we met him on the 5th of february, how perfect.
i seem to use the word "perfect" quite often, and I guess that is because he was and is, perfect. we are so thankful for his life and the lives he has touched. we love you baby richie and look forward to one day holding you in our arms again.
we miss him, oh we miss him. we wonder, we wonder what if, we feel anger, pain and hurt....but we have faith, as hard as it is sometimes, we have faith that he is in a better place and one day we will join him.
we were able to hold our little richie february 5th, 2011. he was 3lbs 5oz of pure perfection and i loved every thing about him. just as i remember saying when sallie was born, our lives were forever changed the moment we saw him as well. he had the cutest toes, long legs, a perfect little mouth, such delicate fingers, and a squishy little nose. we all thought he looked a lot like me.
he was small but felt just like any newborn baby. he was perfect.
i was 8 months pregnant with our little boy, we had his name (he was named after his daddy, richard a morris v), his bedding was complete and on its way, and my friends were throwing him a shower on sunday february 6th....we were so excited!
i remember that week i had not been feeling as many kicks and hiccups as i had been and decided after several "kick count" sessions, i would go ahead and go in for a check up. mainly for my piece of mind, so i would stop worrying. thankfully we had bad winter weather so rich drove me and went in with me, even after i had told him several times to just drop me off.
i weighed in at 138 (yikes, but just about the same as with sallie), and the nurse walked me back for a routine "non stress test". she had difficulty locating his heartbeat, but i seemed to remain calm thinking i was just in a different position than normal, another nurse came in and had trouble as well. i remember looking at rich, at this point, really scared. "its okay sweetie, i heard it" oh rich, that was my heart beat. at that point i knew something was wrong. the third nurse came in and was unable to locate the heartbeat as well, i remember just pulling my ball cap over my face and crying. we then walked to the ultrasound room in slow motion, unaware of what was going on around us. i laid on the table, shaking uncontrollably and looking to rich who still had hope but was unsure what to do at this point. two doctors came in which i know now is protocol. the ultrasound confirmed there was no heartbeat and that our little boy was no longer with us. oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my......were the only words i could seem to get out. i look to the doctors who are so sad for us but are unable to do a thing, i look to the nurse that is crying as well, and i hear my husband say "is it not good doc?" oh, he still had hope, just like always. we began to sob as we held each other close. was this really happening? what do we do now?
we left the office, still not sure what the next step would be, but just so we could spend some time together and call our loved ones. as much as i wanted to crawl into a hole, i still wanted to be comforted. thankfully, our family came right away and we went to the hospital around 10am the next morning. i was having several contractions so they started me on medicine to induce labor. everyone at the hospital was amazing and did everything they could to make sure we were comfortable. i went the entire day with little progress, so rich decided we need to take a break throughout the night to sleep. i now look back and am so thankful he made this decision. they started the pitocin at 6am the next morning. at 8am i was at a three and by 8:30am i was fully dilated. 8:38am was a moment i will never forget. our precious "richie v" was in his daddy's arms and it was the most beautiful picture i had ever seen. the room was dim, quiet (very quiet), and peaceful. i remember that very vividly. everything was so calm, which i now know was just how it was supposed to be.
"richard albert morris v" was the 5th generation with this name and we met him on the 5th of february, how perfect.
i seem to use the word "perfect" quite often, and I guess that is because he was and is, perfect. we are so thankful for his life and the lives he has touched. we love you baby richie and look forward to one day holding you in our arms again.
