Some days are hard, some days are harder. I yell, my kids get angry, homework causes problems. They don't want to do it, I want them to finish so we can play. They yell back, we all slam doors, and we melt down. Some times I just need a few moments in my now HUGE closet :) to re-group. To think, to find a quote or just close my eyes and breathe slowly while I count to 10, 20, 50....get tired of counting and go back to just breathing.
Some times we're perfect. We get our chores done or we just skip them all together and go have a great time together. We ride bikes, go to the park, ride scooters, dig in the sand, laugh, joke around, have races and 'time' the kids to race the playground structures. We use a LOT of sunscreen.
I look back at those days when my kids were babies - I miss that. I'm glad we're not there anymore. That was a HARD, difficult, time in my life and our marriage. Home alone while my husband was working to death for us to have a good life. It comes at a price.
There are circumstances I find myself in that I don't care to share the details of that I never imagined I would be in, but I get angry, I cry, it hurts, I don't want to be here. I know there are others who have it way, way, WAY, WAY, worse than I can ever imagine. I am here and I have to make it through better than where I began. I have come a long way in my testimony and faith in my Heavenly Father and the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I've never doubted the Gospel of Jesus Christ - that's not my trial, but I have friends and family who do and they leave it, they never look back, and they leave it. It hurts my heart for them. It's the one thing that gives me hope even if in my darkest hour it's only a flicker. I miss them - I hope they are finding what they need to find joy, I hope they come back.
Our marriage is better than it ever has been, again that comes at a price, because we really do have to have opposition in all things. There has to be some really low points to have the really great, wonderfully, beautiful moments. We have those, but thankfully the joy of the really great, wonderfully, beautiful moments are 100 times better than the really low points. We've reached a plateau, a set-back, and now we're on an uphill path. A path that's marked with sacred covenants (President Eyring).
In his address to the women of the church Pres. Henry B. Eyring quoted Elder Neal A. Maxwell:
"All the easy things that the Church has had to do have been done. From now on, it’s high adventure, and followership is going to be tested in some interesting ways."
"All the easy things that the Church has had to do have been done. From now on, it’s high adventure, and followership is going to be tested in some interesting ways."
Wow, not much comfort that everything easy has already been done! Just means I get to take motion sickness pills, stomach the fear of heights I have, and I need to get down in that sports 'ready position' and hold my ground to move forward and hold more ground to make it on my path. I find myself at this time in my life, Young Women's president. I feel I'm entering my refiner's fire to help me not only live what I teach, but to be able to bear pure testimony (pure because I've lived the principle and know it's true). It's hard to stomach some of the uncomfortable and deeply personal some of the situations I've shared or just been a part of. If you want to really evaluate your life and who you truly are - you'll see there is change that needs to be made. Change that needs to occur to become closer to a loving Heavenly Father and a loving Savior who suffered every pain and affliction for me. A change that will make you a better version of yourself that you never imagined existed. Read and DO the addiction recovery program. I attended the classes and found I didn't really know what the atonement was capable of - for me who'd never 'needed' it to the others in attendance who were making it through the day only because of the atonement and all that it offered them. And even though I finished my 12 weeks, I am finding myself having to repeat the 12 steps on a large scale again - we use the 12 steps every day, all day long because it's about our attitude, our choices, repentance, forgiveness, peace and change of heart. I went willingly the first time because the program intrigued me and I felt better not just emotionally, but physically and spiritually. I could see myself growing and becoming a little taller in spirit. Now I'm going, still by my own choice, but a new trial has shown up and it's just hard. I know it will turn out - those blessings will be 100 times greater than I can ever begin to understand, I do know that - doesn't make it any easier or any less uncomfortable. I'm just like my kids - I'd rather just skip the homework and the hard work that is required and just have fun - enjoy rather than endure and enjoy.
It is my choice, as it is yours, as a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father who taught me before I came to earth and daughter of loving earthly parents who taught and continue to teach me truth. I will be as Mother Eve. I will help my family see the pathway home to heaven above by keeping my covenants.
'If it was easy, then everyone would do it'
It is my choice, as it is yours, as a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father who taught me before I came to earth and daughter of loving earthly parents who taught and continue to teach me truth. I will be as Mother Eve. I will help my family see the pathway home to heaven above by keeping my covenants.
that's all for now - my head hurts, crying is emotionally draining. my kids claim they're hungry. ;) humor gets me through the day. so if you see me crying, just give me a hug, and help me bare my burdens. I will help you too.
