tomorrow

I usually like to do posts with pictures, but I'm not really in a picture mood.  Here's one I found on the internet: 

I'm giving my kidney to a stranger tomorrow.  I didn't think that would feel weird, but since my mom isn't getting hers until next week, it does feel a little weird.  Will Robie run into the family of the recipient in the waiting room?  He did ask today if he could a selfie (you know, a self-portrait) with my kidney tomorrow.  Although they did shut him down on that, they did say he can probably send a camera in and get a picture of it.  He's excited about that.

Things I learned that I think are interesting:

• The kidney weighs about 5oz and is the size of a small fist (so small!)
• My mom and my kidney recipient will both actually have 3 kidneys - they don't remove hers to put the new one
• My mom is one of the few people that her dr knows that will be getting a kidney before she had to go on dialysis - she followed the strict instructions he gave her to make it last as long as she could
• the recipients insurance pays for everything - all the testing for me, the surgery for me and their own testing and surgery (and, in my mom's case, flying her new kidney out on its own charter from Chicago)
• They will be taking my left kidney (they like that one better because it has a longer blood vessel that runs into it and also it is the least protected, so they want to leave you the one that is better protected)

Questions I asked today:

• Will there be any spectators for the surgery?  Answer, nope, just the people actually participating in the surgery.
• What causes the pain, mostly the incision?  Answer:  No - after they do the incision, the dr actually has to move the intestines around to get to the kidney which he will be reaching in and removing, so that movement combined with the CO2 they use to inflate the area, and the cutting out of the other kidney causes quite a bit of pain.  Um, great.
• What happens after they take it out before it goes to the next person?  Apparently, they do take it and do some things to it, like cleaning off fat, etc..  My transplant coordinator was very nice and made sure to tell me that everyone has the fat on there (in case I was on the verge of being offended that he called my kidney fatty, I think?)  It was actually kind of funny.
• I had already asked if I could get a tummy tuck at the same time. Sadly, that was a no, too, but I did get a good laugh out of my transplant coordinator on that one.  I wasn't kidding.
• Can I shower at some point?  I probably won't be out of bed on day 1, but on day 2 they are expecting that I will at least try to get up and move around, so when I feel like it I can take a shower and wear my own stretchy and loose clothes, comfy pants for a few weeks straight - YES!
• How long will I be in the hospital?  I had already asked them this but I think Robie wanted to heard it from them - they said from 2-5 days, but they also said I don't have to accomplish anything before I leave (as in, body functions, or eating food...) I do need to be able to drink water and hydrate myself.  This concerns me because I am afraid they will kick me out - she said they don't usually have to do that, you just go home when you are ready.  I said, "what if I'm kind of enjoying myself and you guys think I'm pretty much done."  She said we'd have that conversation if we needed to later... we'll see what happens :)

I have to be there at 6am, and surgery will be at 7:30, it takes about 3 hours and then I have to wake up for a while in the PACU and will then go to my own room in the transplant wing.  It's 12:30 in the morning now and I seriously don't know how I'm going to sleep, but I'm going to give it a shot, even for just the few hours I have left.  My "joke" (it's not that funny so I'll put the term in quotes) is that the chances of me sleeping well tonight are pretty much 0% but the chances I will sleep well tomorrow are at 100% :).  I'm definitely a little anxious - mostly for the effect it will have on my family - will I be down and out too long?  Will this traumatize my own kids if I don't recover really fast?  How bad is it really going to hurt?  I know all my siblings and even friends and most of my mom's friends were willing and ready to give her their kidney so I feel like everyone should be celebrated for being willing, but it worked out to be me.  And it's happening in the morning.  Finally.  Let's do this.

One year older, and wiser too

It's my birthday.  I turned 40 today.  Remember when you were little and your mom turned 40 and there were all sorts of "Over the Hill" jokes and black balloons, etc?  I do, or maybe that was mom's friends?  Or on tv?  The memories are hazy but nonetheless, whoever it was, my impression at the time was they they were definitely a lot less cool and way older than I am today!  Seriously, though, I honestly am kind of having a hard time with it.  I feel like the number secretly distances me from all my younger counterparts - all at once we aren't all the same age anymore, which is funny, because I actually have friends that are over 40... go figure.  I think I'm also feeling a little overwhelmed by my own thoughts because of a major event coming up in my life.  I'm donating a kidney!  My mom needs a kidney, I have a kidney.  That's where it started anyway.  Actually, I was almost the last one to send my paperwork in - but I knew I was going to give it to her.  I swear, the minute she said she needed one, I felt like it was going to be me.  So instead of being the first one to turn in my paperwork, I stalled.  Maybe I was wrong, and one of those other people will be a match first?  They only test one person at a time for the match, and they do it in the order they receive the paperwork.    Most of the potential donors had turned in their paperwork, and I still hadn't even called to receive the info.  I'm mentioning this because lots of people seem to think I'm brave, but I'm not - I'm a whimp, but I gave myself plenty of time to process the idea before I jumped in, and then I was ready.  So I cried, and I mean, I really cried, when they called to say that I wasn't a match.  Then they offered the "Paired Exchange" program.  This is where my medical drama shows on tv come in handy - I don't even know which one it was on (maybe more than one), but I've definitely seen them trade kidneys on tv before, so why not?  My mom had discouraged the others from the program as she was hoping for a direct match, but as her direct match options were dwindling, she let me give it a shot (See, maybe my waiting until the end to send my paperwork in was meant to be).  It's a long process even once you are past the matching point.  Apparently, they would like all donors to be really healthy.  They (in this case, the U of U Renal Transplant team in coordination with my lab and dr here) basically give me the once over and make sure there is nothing already wrong with me that would make either the recovery hard on me, or make my kidney not very valuable to someone else.  I will admit that when I was in the clinic, this was where I went for a full day of testing (CT scan, blood work, x-ray, meet lots of dr's) that they did tell me I was one of the healthiest people they had seen in a really long time.  Admittedly, it is a clinic for really sick people, but they also see the other potential donors there, so I took it as a compliment.  And, especially considering my birthday today, I have to admit that I am probably in some of the best shape of my life - I work out pretty much every day (minus Sunday) and can run farther, play soccer longer, and lift more weight than I could when I was 30, or even 20 for that matter.  But I digress, so after the waiting, we finally get the ok for me to donate.  AND then more waiting.  We were put on the waiting list about a month ago.  My mom's antigen numbers made her kind of a rough one to match, and because things are happening pretty quickly on the matching side of the kidney market (I get the impression it's a little like real estate - there are a lot of houses out there and a lot of people looking, but you have to get just the right match for both people to make it work).  Anyway, last week, my friend, Laura, gets a call.  We knew she was a match for a direct donation to my mom but she still hadn't gone to the clinic (a full day up in Utah) and had a few more tests to do before she could officially donate.  They told her they didn't need her to move forward because JoAnn (my mom) had a donor and was setting a date.  Um, what?!  They hadn't told me or my mom anything about that!  After calling around and more waiting (2 more days), we finally scheduled my donation for July 30th and my mom's for August 6th.  Since mom's is coming from a non-directed donor, they pretty much let him pick whatever date he wanted.  I wanted to make sure I was home and recovering before the first day of school, which is August 21st, so I asked if we could do mine the week before.  I sure hope that other guy doesn't ditch out! (but if he does my mom would be the next one in line for another one that matches her, and it is really rare for someone to back out).  So that's it so far.  It's on the schedule and I'm starting to feel some anxiety.  Not that I'm doing the wrong thing, because I have a feeling it will be ok, just worried about the logistics - will my kids have fun while we are there?  will I be bored recovering in another state (even though I realize it is my home, too)?   How bad will it hurt? (I already know it will be worse than I'm thinking, because I always feel like surgery is worse than what I imagined it would be) What if my kidney fails for the other person?  What if my own remaining kidney really sucks more than they thought it would?  What if I can't play soccer anymore because I never recover?  or can't run again (I hate running, so that ones sort of not that bad); what if I forget to handle something before I go and then I'm too sick to remember and then something gets missed?  I'm having a little trouble sleeping and my stomach is kind of in knots lately, but I know I'm doing the right thing, just gotta do some more deep calming breaths.  I hope my mom feels better soon, by this time next month, she will have had a new kidney for 11 days.