WIth lots of prayer and fasting, Sam and I decided the best situation, along with the help from Heavenly Father, was to seperate this year and Sam go to Boston while I stay here to finish my manditory clinic hours in NC along with the didactic portion in Greenville with the kids. It was the most gut renching decision we have ever had to make during our marriage, thus far. The decision boiled down to the fact that if we all decided to go to Boston, which would have been a no-brainer, Sam needs to go to dental school, then he would need to apply and hopefully get the armed forces scholarship, which then, in the future, could possibly end up being a deployment. We both agreed that if I finished my degree, which I was SO close to being done, we would not go that route. I would continue to work full-time, increasing my salary from a RN to a FNP, which is almost double in some states, and get him through school and work longer so that we could avoid the other option. We both felt confident in this decision, and felt that we would be taken care of.
Bristol turned 4 this year. I was thrilled to get her out of her 3's, because lets just say that the 3s were much more difficult than the so-called terrible twos. She is such a smart little girl that it makes things more difficult because she understands too much. The conversations we have are very adult-like and the things she comes up with amaze me every day. She is a daddy's girl, through and thorough, and has definately had the hardest time adjusting to him being gone. The monthly trips and daily, sometimes three times, facetime calls are truly a blessing.
Burke turned 1 this year. He is growing so fast, and is actually taller than Bri was at his age. He FINALLY started using the sign language I have been trying to teach him over the past year! He can sign all done, more, and milk. That is about it, but it is better than nothing. Mind you, he has been expanding his vocabulary and can say some of those words, too! We are trying to teach him spanish, just like we have with Bristol, but since Sam has been gone half of this last year, my vocabularly is limited. He does say gracias, leche, NO, and his english words include bye bye, Bri (which also happened to be his first word), duck-duck, woof woof, dog, cat, and he waves when he says hi. He is walking and running very well, actually him and Bristol play tag all the time. They are becoming good buddies which has been fun to see!
This past year we also found out, about a week before Sam was set to go to Boston, that we were surprisingly expecting our third. It was almost a joke at first. I remember in my prayers to Heavenly Father that I knew this next year without Sam here full-time was going to be hard, but I knew that I could handle what was going to be placed in front of me. I vividly remember saying I could handle full time school, 4 days a week of clinic (unpaid work, essentially), mostly single-motherhood, and working some shifts at the hospital here and there. I felt confident in knowing that Heavenly Father could help me thorugh this year, but I definatly felt I was pretty maxed out. Then.. this happened.. One night back in August, as I was working night shift in Labor and Delivery, I was laboring a patient. I'm not one who gets grossed out by smells, hence my job, but when I'm pregnant, that ALL changes. That is usually the first sign. Well, that night, it was bad. So bad that I had to hand over my laboring patient to the other nurse and take her patietns for the rest of the night. I knew that this meant, but was boggled how this could happen. Obviously, I know how babies are made, but I had been breastfeeding Burke for over a year, we were careful and using contraceptives and I had only menstrated once since his birth (TMI, I know.) I came home that AM, which was a Saturday, and told Sam he needed to run to the store and get a pregnancy test. He was shocked, to say the least, and I knew what it was going to say. When the results came back pregnant, all I could do was laugh. He just stood there in silence. It was crazy! I knew that this year was going to be hard, but this just pushed it to another level. I felt as if I should be wearing a super-hero costume around, because in no humanly way was I going to be able to take this on, on top of everything else.
Never did we question Sam needing to leave in a week, but we did wonder how this was going to work out. We of course prayed and realized that this was all in His plan and timing. My pregnancies are not hard, thank goodness. I have the usual first trimester yuckiness, but other than that, I'm great. That was never my concern. I was worried about the birth, and whether or not Sam would be there. I was worried about the 2-3 weeks of adjusting to a new baby, which still, pretty much, having a 1 year old baby, and a 4 year old. With the emotions and hormones running rampid, I was concerned. I was concerned about finishing out my clinical rotation in the Spring, with a newborn, a toddler, and a 5 year old, while being on my own. I was concerned about summer term where I would have to be in clinic full time. I was worried about not having any family near by to help when something came up. But, more than ever, I have felt comforted that I could do this. This was not a mistake, this baby is supposed to be here, and be here in April. Not September, like we had wanted.
So far, things have gone just as planned. First trimester yuckiness lasted a little longer than expected, but no unbearable. Nausea with some vomiting. The worst was the 2 week straight headache, that I have never before experienced, but found it to be a common symptom some women experience. The fatigue is undeniable, but something I am used to with my pregnancies. My ability to be as active as I would like is hindered by the lack of time, but I am doing the best I can. The rest, well, its really not in my hands. We are prayerful that the Lord will make it all work out, that Sam will make it here for the birth. Our families have stepped up and are going to come out here to help us out, which we are beyond bleesed to have them!
On Christmas morning we found out were were having a boy. Initially, we were not going to find out the gender. Sam had told me that once we had one of each we could be surprised with the gender at the birth, which is what I always wanted. However, with this being such a shock and a surprise, I felt the need and desire to bond with this baby as much as possible, which I feel guilty for admitting this, has been hard. So, we went to the floral shop, just as we did with Burke, and gave the the ultrasound and had them put colored balloons in a box. We opened it on Christmas morning and we were pleasently surprised with blue balloons, a BOY! We are thrilled, mostly because Burke and this new baby will be so close in age that to have another boy is perfect. Bri, however, was a little upset. She had been telling people that she was going to have a baby sister. I felt for her, but know that we will most likely have 1 more child and we can hope to give her a baby sister then!
All in all, 2014 has been a year of ups and downs, of joys and triumphs. But, we are thrilled that 2015 is here because it means we are that much closer to being done with this 10 month seperation and we are moving forward with our lives. I have never wished away time in my life, but these 10 months, now 6, that we have left to endure I am praying will go by fast. Thus far, time has flown, and we are so grateful for that. The time we have been able to spend together as a family when Sam comes to visit is quality time that we cherish. He has been able to visit almost monthly which has made this bareable. The kids definately notice his absence and we all miss him dearly. We are so very proud of him and his accomplishments. Burke refers to the ipad and Daddy and when Sam gets home, it takes a few hours for him to realize that Daddy is actually home and not on the ipad. We are grateful for technology and that we have the ability to FaceTime whenever we need to. That has definately helped a ton!
We had a laid back New Year's Eve with our friends the Smiths. They came to our home for a little party and some games. Bri really wanted to stay up for the party, but we decided we would have another little party on New Year's Day with the kids. We re-watched the ball drop, toasted to the new year, at yummy snacks and treats and did the little streamer fire works. She loved it! To 2015, we are beyond extatic that you are here and we are hopeful for another amazing year of adventure for the Kelly family. We know you wont dissapoint!!
The Smith's and us on New Year's Eve
27 weeks along, but who's counting?!? (I honeslty forget how far along I am and when people ask I am embarrassed that I don't know.. is this what they mean when they say when the third one comes along there will be no pictures or rememberance of anything? Sad.. )
