We want to share our story, but more importantly we want to thank so many of you who have reached out to us. There have been thoughtful gifts, notes, messages, texts, phone calls, flowers sent, food brought in, services rendered and unseen and kind gestures. We have been amazed and overwhelmed by the kind and healing words of so many friends and family members. Truly we are grateful and have felt the power of prayer from so many. We cannot express in words our gratitude to each of you who has reached out to us. Its been a hard difficult time for us and every kind word of support has lifted us and help us in the healing process. THANK YOU!
We actually didn't want to share this news with anyone when it first happened. We thought for sure we wanted to be left alone, but we were lovingly urged to announce what had happened so that it wouldn't be awkward and uncomfortable for our family and for others when we returned home after such a tragic event. We were very hesitant to post anything online, in fear that it was a 'showy' or 'attention', because that was not the case at all--it put us in a very vulnerable state, which we didn't feel comfortable with. The last thing we wanted was attention. We resisted and then felt impressed that I needed to post what had happened. To our surprise we were so deeply moved and touched by so many comments and encouragement and all the prayers that were offered in our behalf, they were tangibly felt. We read every comment, email, letter, message, and text and found great comfort and healing. We didn't think that having so many people reach out to us would be so important in our healing process. So once again we thank you all that have prayed for us and that have taken the time to reach out.
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I don't even know how to write this post, but feel like I need to share the story of our Perfect Blessing, our fourth child and third daughter, Millee Elizabeth. I have been putting it off because it is such a tender and new wound and I knew it would be painful to put things down on paper. But I want to share parts of our journey in hopes that it will offer continual healing to me and others. I hope that as time passes and my wounds heal that I can share additional detail and stories of what has taken place over the last three weeks.
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June 10, 2013 was a day I will never forget.
I got up for work early and went downstairs to listen to Millee and try to get her to move. About 8 days prior I had started to notice that she was not moving as much, but I was also having a ton of braxton hicks and just thought that she was moving within those constant contractions. The Sunday before June 10, I told Jake that I was having a hard time feeling her move, so we both laid down in bed and tried to feel her, I felt a really strong kick, said of prayer of gratitude and relief and then fell asleep to the last kick (that I can vividly remember) of my baby girl.
That following week was super busy for us, by the time the weekend came around I wasn't feeling her again. That Sunday night I was getting ready for bed and Jake mentioned how small my belly was for being six months pregnant, so I stepped on the scale and saw that I had lost 12 lbs. that week...at that point I knew something was wrong. I again went to bed trying to feel her and trying to put off the horrible thoughts that were going through my mind. I usually see the "cup half full" and never in my life has it ever been "half full"when I think of the worst case senerio, but this time was different.
The following morning, June 10, I went downstairs to try to get her to move, I drank orange juice, changed positions, and even downloaded an app on my iphone that allows me to hear the babys heart beat, but I couldn't find it. At this point I was thinking optimistically--or was in complete denial of what was going to happen in just a few hours and what the rest of my life would entail.
I went to work and noticed that the OBGYN that I worked for (not my obgyn) was going to be in the office for a couple of hours that day (which was really abnormal). I was booked the entire day with very little down time, but around 9:30 AM I had a quick opening and so I asked the medical assistant if she could check for the heart beat. I was put into a room and she searched for it for a very long time. Tears started to fall down my checks as she tried to comfort me saying that it was probably the positioning of the baby and that the Dr. could probably find it. I looked up at her and said, "I'm 24 weeks, we should be able to hear it the minute the doppler hits my belly. And like I said I haven't felt her in a few days". But I was still hopeful that the Dr. could find her heartbeat.
My next client came in and the Dr was completely booked that morning, we kept on passing each other in the hall saying the next break we get we will get into a room and find her heart beat.
I kept a smile on my face as most of my returning clients asked about my growing belly, what my due date was, what her name was, etc...
I called the other laser tech and asked if she could come take the rest of my clients for the day and that I was having some pregnancy complications and needed to go to my Dr. She said she could be there by 1 PM. I was grateful.
At about 12:45 I had another small break and so did the Dr. she put the doppler on my belly and kept moving it around while shaking her head. I knew at that point that there was no heartbeat. I started to cry uncontrollably and asked what my options were. She told me not to think of that yet. She told me she was going to bring in an old ultrasound machine (she works at a different office most of the week and never does ultrasounds in the office I worked at) she explained that the ultrasound was old and that no matter what we saw that I still needed to be seen and get a verification from my OBGYN. She placed the gel on my stomach and placed the hand piece on my belly, I looked at the lifeless baby girl that only 3 weeks earlier was swimming and dancing during my last ultrasound, and was full of life just days before. I thought I was going to pass out, this couldn't be happening, could someone pinch me please, I couldn't breath!
I immediately tried to get a hold of Jake, but had no luck. I called and called and called. I sent text messages saying there was an emergency and to please call me. I felt so alone.
I was able to compose my self enough to get my things and head to my car. There was a babysitter at the house and I was a mess and didn't want to scare her or the kids and knew I still needed to see my doctor for verification, but I also didn't want to do it alone. There was a lot of decisions that needed to be made. I continued to call Jake without success I was ready to open the gate to our neighborhood when I decided to turn around and go straight to my doctor. It was a 12 minute drive, in which I tried to call Jake. I called my OBGYN office and told them what my employer had found and said I needed to been seen immediately. I walked in to a room full of new babies and lively pregnant bellies, luckily they got me back super quick and put me into a room. The MA hugged me and said that my doctor was coming back from lunch and should be in within the next 15 minutes and they couldn't do the verification ultrasound until she ordered it. I was a mess!
Finally the doctor came in gave me a big tearful hug and took me back to ultrasound.
Again, I saw our lifeless baby. I turned to the ultrasound tech and said "Is she really dead?" She looked at me puzzled and said "Did you not know?" I told her I knew but no one had actually said she was dead and I needed her to actually say it. She did. She told me how sorry she was. That is when it really sunk in. Now I had a labor/delivery and a funeral to plan. I was frantically trying to figure out everything I needed to figure out...so many things to think about, plan and decide. I was not emotionally ready for all of this. I just wanted to wake up and have it all be over.
The office manager came in and sat with me. She said she heard the news and didn't want me to be alone because she new I had no family in Arizona and I couldn't get a hold of my husband. She stayed with me the whole time. The doctor came in and told me I had to deliver within the next 48 hours and that labor was going to be induced and would be long and hard and that I needed to plan for a burial. We talked and cried and went over all my options, but it was too overwhelming for me. I told her I wanted to sit in my car and think for a minute, so I did.
I knew one thing for sure, I did not want our baby to be buried in Arizona, I wanted her to be by family in our home town of Centerville, Utah. I also knew that shipping a body is spendy and timely with endless paperwork between the two States, and I didn't want the extra headache of that. I then had a clear plan that came to my mind. I was to call my amazing OBGYN that was in Utah that delivered my older two children and see if he felt comfortable with delivering me. I still miraculously had his direct back line number in my phone from 5 years prior and he was available to talk to me. He said he was so sorry and he would be honored to helped me. I told him I was going to pack the car and be on the road within two hours and I would call him the next morning when we got to Utah. And we would bury her in Utah. I had a plan. I went inside and told my doctor, she gave me all my medical records, a tearful hug and I was off with her blessing.
As I walked outside Jake called. It was now about 2:30 in the afternoon. He was in a heated meeting and wasn't able to break away until then. He wasn't done with his meeting either. When I answered the phone he was speaking softly and was about to say "can I call you back??" but he heard the pain in my voice as I told him our baby girl had died. I told him he needed to get home and take the babysitter home and start packing the car because I need to be in Utah the next morning to start my labor and delivery process, and that we need to start planning a funeral for our child. He kept saying over and over again "What?" He just couldn't believe it. He promptly left his meeting and headed home to start the process.
I started my drive home. I called my parents who are now serving as Mission Presidents in the Charlotte N.C. mission. I called my mom twice, she didn't pick up. I then called my Dad, he picked up. I could hardly speak. He answered cheerfully "Hello Jan!" He could barely understand me as I told him what had happened, he sobbed. My parents pulled the car over and turned their phone on speaker and I told them everything I knew and what our plan was. They offered to call the rest of the family and let them know so I didn't have to. I knew that my parents were praying for me the minute they got off the phone, the only people that knew at this point were me, Jake, and the doctors I had spoken to. At that very moment I started to feel the prayers of others and I started to tangibly feel the love and support as the awareness of our situation became more broadly known. All my life I've heard people tell stories of how they've physically felt prayers being offered in their behalf, I personally have never experienced it until that moment. Prayers work, I know because I have been carried by them!!
When I walked in the door Kaiden and Maggie looked at me and said "mom, you don't look so good!" I was a mess but tried to compose myself as much as I could. I went upstairs to find Jake who was on the computer. He said he just booked airfare and we had a flight that left Phoenix at 5:45, it was 3:15. We cried together in disbelief that this was really happening to us, we said a prayer and then called the kids upstairs to tell them what had happened and what was going to happen. Maggie cried and Kaiden went to his room quietly crying while he packed, and Macy stayed happy and oblivious as she wiped my tears and said "Mommy sad."
We quickly worked our way through the house trying to pack. I stood in my closet looking at my newly organized closet full of maternity clothing trying to decide what to pack... I was pregnant now, but I wouldn't be... what will I fit into....what do I wear to my child's funeral....what will my body be going through post delivery....WHAT DO I PACK?? Then I thought of Millee and began to panic...what will she wear....what blanket do I wrap her in....what do I bury her in....how big will she be....what blanket wont overwhelm her tiny little body....pure anxiety overcame me.
I threw clothing into my suitcase and threw in a few outfits that maybe would fit Millee and a blanket. I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THIS!
We made it out of the house and to the airport just in time. The flight only being an hour and eight minutes felt like forever. I tried to stay as composed as I could but couldn't stop thinking about everything I emotionally was feeling and everything I physically still had to go through. It was almost paralyzing.
We made it to Utah where Jake's parents picked us up. I called Dr. Hall as soon as I landed, he told us to meet him at the hospital. When we got to Jake's parents home I quickly showered and packed a simple hospital bag while Jake got the kids ready for bed. Jake and his dad gave me a beautiful blessing, then we kissed the kids goodnight and were on our way to the hospital.
The ride to the hospital was very somber. I walked into the emergency room and to my surprise they were waiting for me and I was already checked in. I asked the receptionist how, thinking that maybe Dr. Hall who is also my sisters, mom and grandmas doctor and good friend, had called and got the information from one of my sisters, but she informed me that my sisters were upstairs waiting for me and they checked me in. I was a little upset that my sisters were there... I thought I made myself clear to my family that I didn't want anyone around until I felt ready. But when I saw them I realized that sisters know best. It was such a comfort and blessing to have them there, I dont' know if I could of done it without them.
Jake and I made our way through the dark hall ways (it was about 11 PM by now) of the labor and delivery floor, again very somber as we entered our room.
I immediately saw the baby warmer. I sobbed as I knew that my baby didn't need to be warmed and that she would never lay under the lamps. But to my surprise the sweet nurse that was assigned to me that night tried to sweeten it up with somethings she had made for this very situation. On the warmer laid a beautiful box that Irene, our nurse made with sweet keepsakes in it, there was also two very tiny blankets and a very itsy-bitsy outfit for Millee. I don't think she new how much anxiety I had because I didn't have anything to put Millee in or to wrap her with. What a tender mercy and comfort that was to me.
That night was hard. They placed an IV and started the medicine which was inserted tablets that would help soften and dilate me, they were placed every two hours. It was a very painful 12 hours of intense labor. I was scared and didn't know what to expect and didn't think I had the energy to go through the labor and delivery process, and emotionally Jake and I were exhausted and a mess. Irene, my sweet nurse stayed with me until 3:30 AM when I finally fell asleep with the help of some sleeping medication. She had a very similar experience as me years ago. She held my hand the entire night, she cried with me, she helped me get through that night and helped think through every concern and question I had. My mom wasn't able to be there, but the Lord new I needed someone to help me through, so he gave me Irene. I will forever be grateful to her and to my Heavenly Father who placed her in my path to offer me comfort during a very difficult time. Another one of the many tender mercies we received.
The labor was so much worse than any of my other three children. There was a risk to getting an epiderial the risk was that after I delivered Millee the placenta would take about another hour before I could deliver it. I tried not to get the epideral in fear of the extra hour while trying to deliver the placenta. At about 11:30 AM Tuesday morning, June 10, I was curled in a ball receiving the epideral. I simply couldn't take the pain anymore. As soon as the epideral was in they laid me down and I had extreme pain down the right side of my body, so bad that i started to panic and yell that something was wrong, something was not right!! The nurses started to rush in and the anesthesiologist and his co-worker were frantically trying to figure out why I was having such intense pain. I arched my back and tried to move my half numb body as I noticed Millee was just born. The pain was immediately gone and I said in a panic, "she's out!" The nurses quickly pulled off the six heat blankets from my body. I had the shakes so bad and was not emotionally prepared for the delivery to happen so quickly. I started screaming and crying while covering my eyes, I just couldn't see her yet... I wasn't ready. I looked at Jake who had complete panic, fear and sadness on his face as I said over and over again "I'm not ready for this... I can't do this..." Jake had huge tears streaming down his face as he stood at my side and watching the nurses pick up our baby girl from the bed and hand Jake the scissors to cut the cord.
There were no smiles, no laughter and no first cry, just silent tears from everyone in the room.
It was silent.
I looked at the clock to see what time it was, it was noon. She was born at noon. She was stillborn, born still. Now I truly understand the meaning of that word.
Thankfully, the placenta followed immediately after--what a blessing and a sigh of relief!
They took her over to the table to examine her, they wrapped her and handed her to Jake. I still had the shakes so bad that I wasn't able to hold her at first. She is beautiful. She looks so much like Maggie. She has Maggie's shape eyes, Jakes awesome lips, my fingers and feet, Maggie's nose and is absolutely perfect. She had the cutest fingernails and eyebrows. She is our child, a spitting image of our other three children. Her eyebrows and hair were growing in. She is beautiful. She weighs 1 lb and 10.5 inches in length.
My shakes finally stopped and we were able to spend almost three hours with her before she was taken to the mortuary.
I held her, kissed her, talked to her and sang her all the songs I sing to my kids. I cried as I talked and sang to her. The love I have for her is indescribable along with the pain of losing her. I am so blessed to know that I will be her mother forever, I will raise her and hold her again, she is my daughter, we are eternal and that gives my so much comfort and joy. I feel so blessed and honored to be this beautiful persons mother. What a gift she is to me and to our family.
After three hours of holding her it was time to say goodbye to her. The mortuary took her away. I felt like my heart was going to be ripped out of my chest.
I had blood clots after delivery so I stayed until Wednesday morning. While recovering I was able to make a lot of funeral arrangements. We decided to have the graveside funeral on Friday morning, June 14 at 10 AM. My dad called the night before I left the hospital and said my mom was flying in the next morning. I cannot tell you how happy I was to hear that. I would never asked for her to come home, but I needed her there with me. I secretly hoped and prayed that she would come home. I told my dad that she should stay and that I understood, but he said that "she needed to be there and that he needed her to be there since he couldn't be there, and I needed her there"....he was so right!! I am so happy she came. I don't think I could of done it without her. She is one amazing woman and support to me. What would we do without our moms?
Leaving the hospital was hard as they wheelchair me out to the car with only my purse on my lap. I didn't hear the car seat snap in the back seat or the new baby noises as we drove home. It was hard.
We went to the store to get my medications filled and then headed to Jakes parents home. Shortly after we got to Jake's parents home my mom showed up and my sisters followed shortly after. It was so good to see them.
My mom and sisters took our kids for the rest of the day while Jake and I went to the mortuary to finalize the funeral. We picked out a beautiful casket and made all the arrangements. We then went to the cemetery and walked the grounds that should would be placed in. We also walked a couple of cemeteries for ideas on what to put on her headstone. We then went and ordered her headstone. It was so hard to pick out a tiny casket and headstone for your child. I never thought in a million years that I would be doing what I was doing. But we did it and we are doing it, one day at a time.
That night I spent the night with my mom at my grandparents home in Layton. It was great to spend sometime with my mom and to not have to worry about the kids and I was able to get some decent sleep. The next day my mom and I spent the day running errands, we picked out the spray for the casket and flowers along with odds and ends. We finally found after a long stressful search necklaces for all three of my girls and myself. I wanted to have matching necklaces for all of us that would help us remember Millee. I found these Pandora necklaces that says "Sweet Sister" on one side and we had the letter "M" engraved on the other side. Millee is wearing one too.
After we ran all our errands Jake and I went to the funeral home to dress Millee. My mom and sisters found a white gown for a 1 lb baby that we put her in. Jake and I spent a couple of hours with her, we were able to pray and process everything. It was a very spiritual experience for us. We really felt like the vail was thin and we felt her with us. It was something I will never forget I am so grateful we decided to dress her. After the dressing of Millee we headed to the Bountiful temple to do a session. My mom and sisters met us there. I did really well until the last part of the session and I wasn't able to get through it for a long while. I had to turn to the sweet lady that was helping me and say, "Im so sorry, I lost my baby girl this week."
The celestial room is always amazing, I completely fell apart as I hugged my mom, sisters and Jake. I was overwhelmed with joy, gratitude, the Spirit, the blessing and promises we receive there and pure knowledge. The temple is so amazing. The temple is where our eternal family started that allows us to be with our Millee forever--what a blessing and comfort that is to me.
As I went to get changed the woman that was helping me earlier in the session greeted me at the door of the dressing room. She gave me a huge hug and asked if I was ok. I cried to her as I told her that I had just given birth to a beautiful baby girl only two days earlier and that the next morning was her funeral. She wept with me as she told me about the two small children she lost. She lost one as a baby, and one three year old to Leukemia. We wept and helped to lift each other up. What a blessing she was to me that night. She told me how happy she was that I was at the temple, for the temple was the place that she found the most healing. She also told me that at some point in my life I will get the answers I so anxiously await for, and she also told me that I was going to be OK. She was a tender mercy that night. The Lord most definitely knows who I am!!
The rest of the night Jake and I prepared for the next morning. We had Maggie and Kaiden draw a picture that would be placed in Millee's casket. We felt this was a way for them to be somehow be connected to her--and her to them and a way that they could feel apart of the whole experience. They somberly drew beautiful pictures for her. We then tenderly put them to bed.
We ironed clothing and put everything together for the next morning. I stayed up most of the night rehearsing what I was going to say at her graveside funeral the next morning. It was a long night.
I woke up early to serious discomfort as I noticed that my milk had come in. It is hard to lose a baby and to have to bury her, but the physical pain and journey my body and hormones went through and are still going through just seem unfair. I showered and carefully got my achy body ready for the day. I forgot everything for my hair. There were a lot of details that I wished I had time for when packing and preparing, but simply we were out of time. We did the best we could with what we had.
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| Kaiden drew a picture of me in the hospital holding baby Millee. |
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| It reads: Dear Millee, I love you. |
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| Maggie drew a heart. |
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| and I wrote down a little letter to Millee from Maggie. |
We ate breakfast with the kids and then headed to the mortuary. Todd (a good family friend and a boy I played with when I was about 5 years old) helped us with all the funeral plans and details. He greeted us. Jake and I went in to see our precious baby for the last time. Todd watched the kids in the hall. We carefully draped the matching necklace around her neck and body and wrapped her body in a soft blanket, then placed the pictures Maggie and Kaiden drew for her at her feet. We kissed her and talked to her and then said our goodbyes.
Todd switched us places as he sealed the casket. We then took our children in to the room where we showed them the casket that held her little body. We taught them, talked to them and took pictures. We then got on our knees surrounding our baby and sister and prayed together as a family. The family prayer was something I will never forget. Great peace and happiness filled my body and soul as I knew with out a doubt that our entire family was together at that moment.
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| Our four children. |
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| inside her casket. |
We chose to bury her in the Centerville Cemetery. Centerville is where Jake and I are both from, where we were raised and where our roots are. Both of our parents live (my parents are mission presidents for another two years, but they still own their home) in Centerville. My great-grandparents are buried there, and I was very close to my Great-Grandma Suzie. My parents and grandparent will also be buried there, so we felt like she would not be alone and surrounded by a lot of family. We were at peace with our decision and with the generosity of my parents who gave us one of their plots. The Cemetery is beautiful and quaint with big trees and an amazing view. We feel so blessed to have her in such a pretty surrounding.
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| My Grandma Mitchell and the "Millee Flowers" from her garden. |
We rode in the limousine. The kids thought that part was so awesome!
It was so touching to drive into the cemetery and have the street filled with our close family. It was so touching and humbling.
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| Jake was the Pallbearer. |
Jake got permission from our Bishop in Arizona to conduct the service. We welcomed everyone, and then Jake asked if I wanted to share my thoughts that I stayed up all night thinking about, but I declined.
We asked Jake's father to say a few words to us. He did such a great job and bore a strong testimony.
We then sang Families Can Be Together Forever.
Because my Father was not able to be there due to his Church assignment, we asked my grandfather, which is my dad's father to say a few words. He and my Grandma lost their first born baby, I feel like they truly understand my heart ache and because they had been down this road before his words were so comforting.
Jake then offered the dedication on Millee's grave. It was beautiful. He did such an outstanding job.
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| Maggie holding onto her Mille necklace. |
We then had our children place roses on her grave.
I had something really fun planned for our kids after the dedication. I ordered from three different companies live butterflies. I wanted Maggie Kaiden and Macy to release 20 monarch butterflies into the sky. But the night before the funeral I got a message saying that ALL three companies were sold out for that week. I was so sad. I really wanted to do something unique and something that would create a fun and lasting memory to our children. Millee has a small butterfly engraved on her headstone, so we wanted a memory of butterflies to stay with our children as they thought of their baby sister.
My sisters bought balloons and we released the balloons instead. It was still fun, and the kids loved that part of it. We are actually growing butterflies this week and will release them as soon as they are ready. Each year on her birthday we will release butterflies, so hopefully even though we didn't do it at her actual funeral we can still have the memory and tradition of butterflies. Its funny how often I noticed butterflies now!
We then hugged our family and went back to the funeral home to get our car and then headed to Jake's parents home. Jake's mom and aunts hosted a beautiful and yummy luncheon.
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| Jake's amazing aunt. |
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| My brother Mitch. |
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| Our amazing Doctor, Dr. Hall. He delivered Millee and got me through...I was honored he took the time to come to the funeral. What a good man! |
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| My sisters |
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| My mom and sisters. |
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| Mom, sisters and sister-in-law. |
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| Grandpa Craven |
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| Macy just hung out and tooted to her own horn! :) |
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| I love this picture, if you look closely Kaid is putting a dandelion on her grave. He always picks dandelions and gives them to me when he sees them. It's so touching to me that he saw a dandelion and pick it to place on Millee's grave. Thanks Jami for capturing the 'love of a brother' in such a beautiful picture. |
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| Kaiden |
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| Maggie. |
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| Grandma (my mom), Kaiden, Maggie and Macy. |
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| My girls. |
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| The "girls" necklace. |
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| Mom |
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| My grandma and grandpa Mitchell and my mom. |
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| My brothers Mitch and Scotty |
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| Our family. |
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| Jake's sister Nikki |
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| Jake's sister Ashley and her hubby Justen. |
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| Back at the house, Jake's parents. |
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| Grandma and Grandpa Craven. |
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| They truly mourn with those that mourn. I have feasted on every word and advise they have given me. |
Yummy luncheon.
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| Sis, kelli and Win. |
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| Kel, Scotty, Mom |
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| Mack |
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| Maggie and Winston |
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Macy and Jayci
Later that night we went back to Millee's grave, and went back everyday until we left for Arizona. |
The rest of the weekend was filled with family and relaxing before we headed home.
On Saturday we had all of my family over for a swim/pizza party. It was the first time my entire family (excluding my dad) have been together in over a year. It was so fun to be together aside from the circumstances. My mom had to catch her flight that afternoon. It was so difficult to say goodbye to her. It was such a blessing and an answer to my prayer to have her there to help me during those very difficult days. It was a tearful goodbye but I felt so blessed and grateful to her for all she had done to help us. She is the most amazing person I know.
On Sunday, it was Fathers Day. I felt extra love towards Jake as I knew his heart was broken as well and that he was enduring the hardest trial a father could be given. How grateful I am for him! He is a fabulous father and worthy priesthood holder, I couldn't be more blessed to have him forever. All of Jake's family gathered Sunday for dinner and to celebrate Fathers. Late that night Jake and I headed to the cemetery to see our Millee. It was definitely a unique fathers day.
Granny's pool is awesome. The kids swam and swam all week long.
Monday morning was my follow up appointment with my Dr. They found more blood clots and had to do a procedure to help with that. I then went to get my hair "fixed" from a very horrible, nightmare trim (yes I said trim! How did a trim turn into cutting off over 12 inches of my long locks is beyond me). After that I was good to go and so we rented a car (we felt like two days on the road would give Jake and I time to process before real life hit again) and loaded up everything and started to head home. We stopped by Millee's grave to say goodbye. It was hard to leave her there, and to not have that be a place of healing for me. I keep telling myself that we only have one more year of MBA school left and then maybe... ONE MORE YEAR- we can do it.
We got into Vegas around 1:30 AM and checked into the Luxor.
The next day we finished our drive home. We left our car at the airport so we took the rental car to the airport and switched cars. Kaiden rolled down his window in our car and then it wouldn't roll up...so we drove home (30 minutes) in 110 degree weather. We were all sweaty and crying by the time we pulled into our garage. It ended up being a day without a car and expensive fix on top of it all.
When it rains it pours!!
But we are grateful for the life lessons we are learning and the growing pains we are experiencing We are happy we see the beauty in the storms that bring the heavy rain.
