It is 5:30am and I can't stay asleep. Yesterday was John's first day of kindergarten and yes, I cried. It is no secret that I am attached to him. Betsey was giddy when McKay finally entered kindergarten she did a happy dance and then skipped off to lunch. The beginning of a life long tradition, "where should we go to lunch?" But I cried. I remember when he was born as do most of you, not an event easily forgotten. I was so happy he miss the school deadline so that I could have him one extra year. Six years before he would go to school. In six years Emily would be a senior and John would be in kindergarten that day seemed like an eternity away and that it would just never come. But here it is. Emily is starting her "last year" and John is starting his first. My attachment to John didn't come like the rest of my children. They were born and I immediately was smitten. I fed them and bathed them, rocked them and couldn't get enough. But with John, I was in a drug induced stupor for nine days. It was so painful just to hold him let alone nurse him and then on the second day I had a cat scan and because of the dye I had to take I couldn't even nurse him anymore. I watched from what seemed like afar while everyone else took care of him. Melissa slept with him snuggled up to her when he was fussy in the night. He was bottle fed by whoever happened to be on watch at the time. I never changed a diaper until we arrived home on the tenth day. I wasn't even sure he was that cute. He was bald with a receding hair line and that took some getting used to. And to top it all off the baby blues hit hard and fast. So when it was finally my turn I fell hard. I was smitten. By the time he was two weeks old He smiled at Grandma in direct response to her cooing at him and he never stopped. From that day on I thought he was the cutest baby in the world. And I just couldn't get enough of him. I have loved everyday with him. I couldn't even send him the preschool I just wanted to be with him all I could. I know I've lost it but I don't even care. So, on the first day of kindergarten for the baby, I cried. I wonder what it will be like when he enters the MTC?
