It's (NOT!) Crazy Hair Day

Yesterday morning I sent Daphne upstairs to brush her hair before school. She came back with a headband in her brushed hair but then told me how she likes headbands, but doesn't want to wear them ALL the time, and she wishes she could have braids or something. So I said we could do whatever she wanted, it didn't have to be a headband. So she suggested two braids. So I got to work - sectioning off half of her hair into a side ponytail while I braided the other half. After I finished the first braid she turned her head from side to side, looking in the mirror, and announced, "I love it!" I told her I wasn't done yet, I had only braided one side. She said "But I like it like this, can't I just wear it like this?" I said no, it would look silly and people might tease her. She sadly let me braid the other side.

It wasn't a big power struggle, and I really felt I was doing the right thing. I didn't want her to be laughed at! I said no gently, and gave what I thought to be a good reason for saying no. Then, about an hour or two after she had left for school, the moment flashed back in my mind and I had a complete turn-around. I thought of all the days I spent in school, worried, sometimes even obsessed, over what other people thought of me or what I said or wore or ate for lunch, etc. For whatever reason, I think I became self-conscious at a pretty young age. I still spend way too much time and energy worrying about stuff like that. And I realized that is NOT what I wanted for her. She is naturally so much braver and more independent than I have ever been, and I don't want to discourage that. I resolved to apologize to her after school and prayed that I would remember to do so.

So when she got home and I saw her two braids I remembered. I told her that I had been wrong, and that if she wanted one braid and one ponytail that was all right with me. Her face totally brightened up and she asked excitedly "Can I have my hair like that tomorrow?!" I said yes, absolutely!

And this morning, she did not forget. I did her hair the way she wanted and praised her for her creativity. I gave her some quick coaching on what to say if someone asked her why she had one braid and one ponytail ("Because I wanted to!" or "Because I like it that way!" were some responses we came up with together) and then I sent her on her way, amazed at how amazing she is!

Alex Has The Best Laugh

While Daphne was at school today I took Alex and Zoe to the park. Alex found another little boy to play with and he was cracking up as they ran around and slid down the hill and had fun together. The other boy's mom said to me "He has such a great laugh! You have to record that sometime!" And of course I agreed - he does have the best laugh. Just a full-out, from the belly, not a care in the world besides having fun laughter, and I know it won't last forever. It got me thinking about other things that he's already grown out of - like the way he used to say "Dashee" instead of "Daphne". I don't know if we ever got that recorded but it was the cutest.

A different day, a different park

He is picking up tons of new words all the time and sometimes I just can't believe how much his vocabulary has changed in the past year. He is sounding more and more grown up when he talks, but still says little kid things like "Look at my find!" (Meaning: Look what I found!) and "We're good jobbers!" (Meaning: We did a good job!)

He likes to make plans. It usually starts with "Hey! I got an'dea!" (an idea) He'll tell me how he thinks something should happen and then ask, "That's a good plan?" or "You like that idea?"

Everything is his favorite. Or the best he's ever had. "We go to Lake Meridian park? That's my favewit one I ever go!" And "Thank you giving my 'ogurt. It's the best one I ever have!"

He's very dramatic. When he's disappointed about something his arms go limp, he hangs his head, droops his shoulders, hunches his back and walks away with slow, heavy steps. We try not to laugh at his outward display of emotional pain. If he finds out there's something else to be happy about though, his posture instantly changes and he runs back with a big smile, jumping up and down and talking excitedly.

Blue nose from a dry erase marker.

He does this funny thing when he's thinking about something, where he holds his chin in his hand and furrows his brow and says "Hmmm... hmmm..." I don't know where he got it from but I love it.

He also does what we call "The Pirate Face" where he kind of squints one eye and his mouth twitches up on one side and it's hard to explain but pretty hilarious to see. It usually happens when he's talking about something negative.

He's just funny. He just says things every day that make me laugh. Like when he doesn't understand something he'll ask "Wha's dat even MEAN?!" Or like Sunday night when Daphne was explaining to him that she would be going back to school in the morning he said, "WHAAAAAAAAAAT?! On SAT-UH-DAY?!"

Blue tongue from a cupcake. Or really from the frosting, which is the only part he eats.

His attention span for books is increasing. Or maybe he just likes being the only one to pick what I read during the day. But he'll sit through several story books at a time now and listen and make observations and it's pretty fun for both of us. He also likes to read the same books multiple times. Especially if he picked them out at the library.

He likes cars and trains and trucks. Climbing on things. Jumping on things. Jumping off of things. Destroying things. Running and screaming and laughing. Digging in the dirt. Being a boy. But he'll also have quiet moments where he just sits and looks at books for a while, or plays with his toys quietly on his own. So I guess you could say he's pretty well-rounded. And he likes to help with chores when I am gracious enough to let him.

"Driving" the recycling truck.

He's super cute when he's happy but he can throw a mean tantrum when he's mad. And I really mean throw - as in, he will throw anything within reach that is throwable. So look out.

He doesn't take a regular nap during the day, but once or twice a week, if the TV's on, he will pass out just before dinnertime. Then he wakes up suuuuuuper grumpy and won't go to bed on time.

So peaceful... for the moment...

He knocks down his little sister at least once a day on purpose. Or sits on her. Or smashes her into something. It's really a miracle she's still alive. But then sometimes he'll talk to her in the sweetest voice and it gives me hope that they could be friends someday.

He does most of our wall "art". We kind of just stopped trying to clean it because Steve has a theory that once the walls are clean Alex will want to color on them again. He may be right... We haven't had any new graffiti recently. And I don't even notice the old stuff anymore. It's just part of the house now. He also likes to color on himself when I'm not watching carefully enough. Thank goodness for washable markers.

Crazy face next to a peanut butter finger painted window.

He wants to do everything Daphne does, and often talks about "When my five..." (Meaning: When I am five...) and all the great things that will happen when he reaches that magical age. He doesn't like to be left behind, and will dissolve into tears if Steve takes just Daphne somewhere, but he doesn't often want to go somewhere if Daphne isn't going too. Like if Steve invites him to join him on an errand, he'll ask, "Daphne going too?" But I think he's learning to adjust now that Daphne is at school, and enjoying some time in the spotlight.

Covered in pink glittery lip gloss that Daphne got from her Primary teacher. She was pretty upset to discover that he used it ALL.

On that note, he went through a brief phase of blaming things on Daphne while she was at school. "Alex, why are my books all over the floor?!" ... "I think Daphne do that." Riiiiiight....

He's getting to be more picky (opinionated?) about food. He doesn't like to eat with his hands if it is anything even remotely sticky or saucy or greasy. But forks can be frustrating too. I think he would happily survive on a liquid diet. He would drink juice and milk all day if I let him. Especially juice. "Mom I have more orange juice? Orange juice is my favewit!"

Licking ketchup off his plate.

He still comes into our bed every night. Every. Night. But Steve and I have both admitted that sometimes (SOMEtimes!) we kind of like it. Just another thing that won't last forever. Daphne went through a similar phase at his age but eventually grew out of it, and I remember feeling a little sad about it when she stopped. So I try to keep that in mind when his feet are in my face in the middle of the night.

The Kindergarten Honeymoon is Over

I knew it would happen some day. Some day down the road Daphne would get over the novelty of school and be like every other kid who lives for the weekend and dreads Monday morning. I just thought it would be like, first or second grade maybe. Or at least more than six days!

Actually the first sign was the second day of school. The FIRST day of school she came home bursting with excitement and wanted to tell me all about her day. She noted, "I'm not even tired like you thought I would be!" But the SECOND day while walking home from the bus she said, "I think it's the second day when you start to feel tired after school..." (I only suggested she might be tired after school the first few days as she got used to the new schedule, because she kept wanting to set up after-school play dates. Otherwise I've tried not to say anything negative about school.)

Still she gave me lots of details about things that happened at school, not always immediately after coming home, but throughout the evening and before bed and sometimes even the next morning she would randomly bring up something that happened the day before. I loved it. Because I wanted to hear all about school, but didn't want to pry or press for information.

By about the fourth day she started saying things like, "I can't remember... I don't want to talk about it..."

And yesterday, when I suggested she read one of her school books to my dad after Sunday dinner, she was NOT interested. She finally gave in when he said they could go on a walk after she read him a book. And at some point she flopped on the couch and exclaimed, "I hate homework! It's soooo boring!" I thought, Wait a minute, when did you turn 13?

In her defense, she is supposed to read for 30 minutes on her own, every day. After a full day (6 hours and 15 minutes) of kindergarten, I think it IS asking a bit much of a five year old. But even though I'm kind of anti-full-day kindergarten, AND anti-homework in the early elementary grades, I'm trying to be optimistic about it and set the example of supporting school and teachers. So I've got some ideas to start mixing it up - supplementing with books from home and the library, and playing word games. Only reading 10 or 15 minutes at a time instead of doing all 30 minutes in one sitting. Somehow we'll get through it!

Then this morning at breakfast, out of nowhere, she said, "I think I do just want to stay home." I asked her what she meant by that. She answered, "School is too hard. And it's too long!" I empathized, "It IS a long time to be away from home, and sometimes it will be hard work, and maybe you miss your mom and brother and sister a little bit." She corrected me, "A LOT!" And then I tried to get her to talk about the things she does like. "I like riding the bus. And recess. But then we have to sit and stare at the whiteboard so much! Our teacher keeps putting more stuff on the whiteboard and we have to pay attention all the time!" I reminded her about story time, and other things she likes and I think she was okay after that. At least she didn't complain about anything else, and happily got ready for school.

I'm sure it's normal, and I really think she still likes school for the most part. Still, I can't believe the honeymoon was over so quickly!

Not AGAIN?! (school lunch)

One thing I started obsessing over as kindergarten got closer was: what am I going to put in Daphne's lunch? Of course I found all kinds of cute bento box ideas on the internet, but then I realized - she eats a peanut butter and honey sandwich multiple times a week. Why spend all this time and energy finding new and creative ideas, when she doesn't have a problem with the easiest lunch ever? That's what I remember eating almost every single day of elementary school. Maybe the consistency would be comforting, I told myself. So I decided to just see how long we could ride the peanut butter sandwich train. And she was fine with it! For one day.

Day one of school I packed her a full (two slices of bread) sandwich with peanut butter and honey, along with a sliced apple, a juice box and a water bottle. The only thing that came home was the water. She told me that she was STARVING and between lunch and snacktime she ate everything. So I mentally high-fived myself (however that works...) and proceeded to make the exact same lunch for day two.

Big mistake.

Steve let me know that Daphne had confided in him that she was "So mad at Mom! She made me the exact same lunch AGAIN!" When I asked her why she didn't say anything to me about it, she said "I was just too mad at you!"

So we came up with a mutually agreeable solution. Instead of PB and honey, sometimes I would make PB and strawberry jam. And she could take grapes instead of an apple. Problem solved! At least temporarily. I know it won't last. She didn't eat the grapes that day, or her apple slices the next day, or even all of her sandwich.

So... yeah. I've got some brainstorming to do!

Another funny school lunch story: In the morning before the third day of school, I asked Daphne if she wanted to put two pieces of candy in her lunch. She said "YES! I NEVER get treats in my lunch!!!"

That's true Daphne. In all your school experience - all two days of it, at that point - you never once have had a treat in your lunch. Poor, unfortunate soul! Of course you did come home the first two days to an afterschool snack of homemade M&M cookies, but, you know, that's just a given.

Daphne's First Day of Kindergarten!

Daphne started kindergarten today (what?!) and she was SO ready. She was practically kicking me out of her classroom once she got settled. She has been excited to go to school for as long as she's known that there was a thing called school.

Here she is just after waking up, saying goodbye to her dad. I think he was pretty happy that she woke up before he had to go, and he was able to read her the card he wrote, which of course she loved.

And here she is dressed and almost ready to go! How do you like her too-small jacket? So maybe we haven't gone school clothes shopping yet... I'm the worst!

The past couple days, though, she did show some signs of nervousness. Which, in a selfish mom sort of way, made me happy. ("She really DOES love me! At least a little bit!") She was pretty much refusing to do anything I asked her to do, and crying easily about little things and I asked her what was going on and if she was worried about anything, maybe school? And she started crying harder and said yes, and "I just don't know what it will be like not being with you!" So I hugged her and held her on the floor of our garage (we had just gotten home from Zoe's 12 month check-up, Zoe and Alex still in their car seats) and I told her it was okay to be scared and that I would miss her too. And then she felt better for a while but was still acting up that day - more than usual. So I asked her again that night if she was worried about anything else and she said something about being scared to ride the bus without me. But when I asked if she wanted me to drive her to school instead she said "No, I still want to ride the bus." She's so brave!

(Our house faces the rising sun so it was a liiiiittle bright for outside pictures.)

Then last night we were discussing the game plan for this morning. The plan was my mom would get her on the bus so I could drive down early to the school and be waiting there when she got OFF the bus, and then walk her to class. But I had just found out yesterday morning that instead of going straight to their classes, all the kids go to the gym first thing and line up according to classes and having morning announcements and THEN the teachers walk them to class. So I wasn't sure how that was going to work, or if I would be allowed to walk her to class, or just to the gym or what? So I was explaining the uncertainty of this step and she (trying to be brave as ever) says "So you can walk me to the school and ask if you can walk me to my class, and if they say no that's fine!" And then her face kind of crumpled and she covered her eyes with her hand. Then she put her hand down and looked okay for a second, then her face scrunched up again. I asked if she was okay and she started crying and said, "What if they say NO?!" So we had another big long hug and decided we'd just have to figure that one out in the morning.

Well, thank goodness, the school has been doing this longer than we have. And they know about kindergarten. And of COURSE the parents get to walk their kids straight to their class on the first day. (After that, however, it's discouraged). But that was all we needed.

So my mom AND sister Katie showed up just in time for them to walk Daphne (and Alex and Zoe) to the bus stop while I drove down the hill to school. I got there a few minutes ahead of the bus, so I had time to ask a lady about the walking to class situation and that was a huge relief.

Daphne practically jumped off the bus and ran to me and gave me a hug and screamed "That was SO fun!" And told me all about how she got to ride next to Carson (a first grade friend) and all the other details about their one and a half minute bus ride together. Then Carson told us we better get inside or we were going to be late! We actually still had over 15 minutes, but you don't argue with a first grader. So off we went.

Daphne lead the way and assured me, "I know where I'm going." It might have helped that she was following a line of kindergarteners and their parents, but still. She got us there. We walked in and the teacher greeted her by name and told her where to put her lunch box and backpack and invited her to find her name on a table and sit down.

She found it right away and got busy coloring her "First Day of School" coloring page and after taking a couple pictures and giving hugs and kisses and double checking that she knew the teacher's name and where I would meet her after school she started saying things like "Okay Mom, you can go now!" ... "Okay, time for you to go!" ... "Okay bye!" And that was that!

And I DIDN'T cry like I thought I would, only because I knew she would be just fine. I'm sure she'll have nervous moments but for the most part I think she's going to love it. And I'm so excited for her. But it was weird coming home without her, and it's weird being home without her, and it will take some adjusting to life without Daphne during the day - but again, just knowing how happy she is to be there, makes it that much easier for me to be happy for her to be there.

Whew! Major first day of kindergarten milestone - check!

To Bus or Not to Bus?!

I found out shortly after deciding not to homeschool that our neighborhood actually gets bussed to Daphne's elementary school. I was pretty surprised because we're not that far. The maximum walking distance is 1 and 1/3 miles, so we must be just outside the cut-off. Our neighborhood is right off of the same main road that the school is on, so there's no crossing busy streets or whatever. Anyway - now I'm trying to decide what to do.

I always liked the idea of walking my kids to school. And like I said, I don't feel like we are that far, it would probably take about 20 minutes to walk there. BUT. There is a big, huge, steep hill between us and the school. Getting there would be okay - as long as Daphne and Alex don't run down the hill and fall headfirst to their doom. But getting home will be no easy task and would definitely require a double stroller for Alex's sake, which I don't own. And to be honest, once it starts raining I will probably be done with the romance of walking.

Which leads us to the next obvious option: driving to school. Again, we're not that far. It would take us about one minute to drive there. Plus about five minutes of loading the kids in the car and a few minutes of unloading them and then a few more minutes to get Zoe and Alex BACK in the car after walking Daphne to her classroom. IF we can find parking without having to arrive twenty minutes BEFORE school starts. And then we can do it all again in the afternoon! Yay!

Of course there's always the "no-parking" carpool lane option, but that, to me, doesn't seem MUCH better than just sending her on the bus, because I still don't get to see her all the way to her classroom. I guess it's a bit better, but maybe not worth it in my opinion.

Which brings us to the bus. Oh, the bus. I never minded riding the bus (until middle school, where it became an unsupervised place for kids to swear all they wanted and talk about all kinds of super-inappropriate things...) But even in elementary school, I always kind of wished my mom would pick me up at the end of the day. I can still remember a feeling of longing when the teacher would say "Walkers stay in your seats, Bus Riders line up at the door" and wishing I could be one of the "Walkers". But maybe that was just a simple "grass is greener" scenario?

So on the one hand we have the ultra-convenience of only walking five minutes from our front door to the bus stop, and sending her happily on her way down the hill to school. On the other hand, I don't love the idea not being able to see her all the way to the door. And not just for safety reasons - for sentimental reasons too.

So yeah, I'm basically undecided at this point. I guess I still have 26 days to figure it out...

Sleep Training Zoe (And Everyone Else...)

I think one of the hardest things about motherhood, for me, is never getting enough sleep. It's probably because I'm doing everything horribly wrong. But that's how it is.

Zoe and Daphne both tricked me by starting out as really great sleepers. By about 2 months they were starting to "sleep through the night" which at that age I counted as any stretch of at least 6 hours. But they both quickly increased that 6 hours to about 10-12. Until around 5 or 6 months old, when they decided to go back to waking up every three hours or so. Just long enough for me to get used to it, and hate my life when they switched back.

With Daphne, though, I refused to nurse her back to sleep, because the pediatrician said, "She's old enough to make it through the night without eating, just stop feeding her and she'll stop waking up." Wrong. She kept waking up until she was about a year old, and that was when we moved into our current house, where she had her own room (instead of sharing ours) and I finally just let her cry. Within a couple nights she was back to sleeping through the night. Yay! My problems were over!

Until she turned 2 and wouldn't fall asleep on her own, so Steve or I had to sit next to her bed every night until she fell asleep - for the next three years! That's right, we finally put an end to that when she turned 5, and told her (lovingly, and encouragingly, I hope) that she was old enough to fall asleep on her own now. And she's been doing that ever since. Though she still tells me most nights that she doesn't like it when I leave. So I feel a little guilty about that. But not guilty enough to stay.

Poor Alex got the heartless mother-of-a-second-child-sleep-training. Unlike his sisters he never slept through the night on his own. By 6 months he was still up every few hours to nurse, so I decided to cut him off and let him cry. Okay so I wasn't completely heartless - at first. I would only let him cry 5-10 minutes, then go in and hold him and sing to him, then let him cry again, then go back, etc. until he fell asleep. After a few nights he was doing all right on his own. Then I think around 18 months-ish he started waking up at night again. (Maybe because that's when I threw his pacifiers away?) This is when I got heartless. Turned off the baby monitor and went back to sleep. Every night. Zoe was coming, and then she was born, and so I just stopped turning on the baby monitor at night. When we finally moved him out of the crib and into a regular bed, he started sneaking into our bed every night. And he still does. Actually, first he started running screaming and crying down the hall, and stopping just outside our door and crying until we let him in. Then he would come in on his own and fall asleep on the recliner chair in our room. That was nice. THEN he started sneaking in our bed. Which was okay, except that he's a pretty active sleeper and might end up sleeping on your back and face and legs and neck. And sometimes by morning he will be upside down with his head under the covers. So he is my next sleep training project.

But for now I'm working on Zoe! And for now it's going great! Unlike Daphne, I have been nursing Zoe any and every time she wakes up at night. Because it's just easier. So her sleep training is both weaning her off of night feedings, and getting her to fall asleep on her own.

The Plan - If she wakes up, pick her up and hum "You Are My Sunshine". Put her back in her crib and leave the room. Let her cry for 5 minutes. Return and repeat until she falls asleep. Do this every time she wakes up unless it's after 5:00am. Then she's allowed to be awake. I guess. At least it sounds like a reasonable morning time, more than a middle of the night time.

Night One:
She went to bed about 8:00. Woke up crying at 10:30. I picked her up and hummed the song. Put her back down and SHE WENT RIGHT BACK TO SLEEP! Woo hoo! But don't celebrate just yet because then she woke up at 12:30. And when I put her back down she cried the full 5 minutes. Then I came back and picked her up and hummed the song and she cried again when I left. And again and again and again for the next hour. Then she fell asleep. Then she woke up at 4:45 so I held her off 15 minutes and then nursed her and then she went back to sleep until I think 6:30am. So overall about what I expected for the first night. Maybe even a little better.

Night Two:
SHE SLEPT FROM 8:30 TO 6:00!

Night Three:
She woke up around 3:00 in the morning. I hummed the song and put her down and she went right back to sleep. Yay!

Night Four:
She slept from 8:30 TO 5:00! WHAT?!?!? AM I DREAMING?!

So it's going pretty well so far. I'm hoping we can keep this up. And then get Alex to stay in his room all night. And then I just might be able to sleep for once. Wouldn't that be something...