Went to a continuation of training last night (against my better judgement).  I was comfortable on the couch when I was asked what time my training was....hmmm.  I reluctantly got in the car.  The training was on U*se, Abu*se and Addicti*on.  I was suprrised at how informative it was. I actually ENJOYED it. :)

After the meeting I went over some re-cert paperwork with the agency homefind*er and asked her if they planned on leaving my 2nd crib empty for Sprout's sibling (possibly due this fall) and she proceeded to tell me about a baby that is (over) due any day.  Bio mom cannot be with the baby unsupervised so the baby will be coming into care.  Baby has half siblings with other relatives.  I asked about Sprout's sibling and she said "well, either way we'll try to keep the siblings together".  THEN, she asked me if we ever thought of taking older kids.  She has a 5 year old that has been in care for 3 years.  This boy was with a county family and kind of fell through the cracks (so to speak).  Other families have been approached and their reasons for not taking him were because he's too old and because he's too dark (he's bi-racial).  Later in the conversation she found out (from the other home finder doing the training) that the boy was not 5 he was 3 and that the family that currently has him had intended on adoptiong him but the county felt they were too old.  That family switched to the agency and the agency feels the child would do better with a younger couple.  So, I'm sitting here with the possiblity of a newborn or a 3 year old.  I only have to make a phone call to get more info.  I told you I should have stayed home from the training... 

missed visits

No call, no visit for Sprout today (Wednesday). 

18 well baby check today.  Sprout is 23 lbs!! Such a big boy! :)
No shots (thank GOD!) and a sticker for being SO well behaved!!

Bio mom missed the Dr's appointment again.  I called the county worker to have her stand by in case shots were needed and when I called her back to tell her everything was up to date she asked me a few questions about previous visits missed by bio mom.  I gave her my answers and she told me they were working on TP*R today :)    We're not there yet...but we're getting closer!!!!!

more missed visits

Agency worker called this morning.  No call, no visit for Sprout today (Monday).  That makes 3 in a row.  The worker said he'd take a ride over to her house later today to see if she's ok and also see if she's NOW ready to talk about surrendering.  Praying...

Spent the last few days prepping and painting Sprout's bedroom.  The color is called 'milestone'.  Can the name BE any more fitting!!?!?  I did purchase the paint back in March but didn't have the faith time to start AND finish.  LOVE the way it looks!  Now, I have to be honest.  I'll be stressing a bit if we get called for his new baby sibling and it's a GIRL!  We might have to pick a new room theme and color. 
Maybe I'll find a color called 'you've GOT to be kidding me!!!'  :)

Forgot to mention that the agency worker mentioned that bio mom has no intention of surrendering...she wants to take it to court.  Any experience in what I should expect is greatly appreciated... 

missed visits

No call, no visit for today (Friday).  The agency worker said something like "at least is buys a few more days knowing he's safe". 

missed visits, agency worker concerns

Sprout had a visit on Monday.  4 hours unsupervised at bio mom's house.  The agency worker went there 15 minutes early to check-in and bio mom was with Sprout at her neighbors house.  There were 4 men hanging out.  The worker ended the visit early and told me what happened when he brought Sprout back home.  He is LIVID.  He admitted to me that he was very sympathetic to bio mom when he came on the case in April 2011.  He has also expressed that he sees that she is NOT making safe decisions for him and he is worried for his safety. He called some higher ups and at first the answer was sent in an email with a 3 word reply...VISITS WILL CONTINUE.  I guess a meeting was held this morning and they are taking his concerns seriously.  Bio mom DID NOT call for a visit today.  I would be shocked of she called for this Friday too. She has only seen him 4 times this month...so far.  Check the post below for a link to the picture of the reunited twins :) 
Caution:  IT WILL MAKE YOU SMILE :) :) :)

Got a picture of the reunited twins  :)  Peek over here!!

Shared with a few close friends about bio mom's pregnancy.  Different reactions from different people.

There are MANY scenarios that can play out. 

*  Baby daddy might be a stand up kinda guy with family that could be a resource for baby.
*  Bio mom might be able to bring this baby home from the hospital and parent with preventive services in place.
*  Baby is placed with us.

I am trying REALLY hard not to jump to conclusions BUT it doesn't look very promising that bio mom has found a gentleman. And (I'm reaching here) if dad isn't gonna stick around the chances of his family stepping up (or even finding out about said baby) is kinda slim.  Not sure how it works if mom surrenders her rights.  I've heard that she'll be able to keep this next baby if she surrenders.  BUT if her rights are terminated...the baby is taken (just like her last 2 were- from the hospital).  I am willing but I am nervous that this won't be her last baby.  She is 24.  Well within breeding years.  I CANNOT take the rest of the babies that she decides to have.  They will be half sibs to my boy.  Clearly, her choices on baby daddy's have not been made with future plans in mind.  Baby is due this fall...we have plenty of time to figure things out. 

This has been THE CRAZIEST week!  So, last week bio mom only had one visit (Mon).  This week she refused her son at the door (Mon), had a visit at D$$ (Wed) then supposedly broke her hand and made her Dr's appointment for her visit time on Friday.  The agency worker made arrangements to reschedule the visit for later in the afternoon but bio mom did not call to confirm so she missed another chance to see her son.  I called Sprout's brother's adoptive mom and asked about the timeline.  Questions like when did bio mom stop coming to visits?  I found out that bio mom still had visiting rights with Sprout's brother even after Sprout was born.  She missed all visits with the brother to focus on Sprout.  Her rights were terminated in May of 2011 and the adoption was finalized in July of 2011 (because of the fact that the court schedule opened up or it would have been longer).  I also spoke to her about the new baby due this fall and she wasn't surprised.  She said that she didn't think they could be a resource because they had no room.  I asked her if she wanted to get the boys together and she thought that would be wonderful for them!  That makes me smile :)  I called Sprout's law guardian to see if there was anything we could do about missed visits and she said that she could only call the county attorney and complain until something was done but she seems to think that bio mom will surrender her rights before too long.  It's already obvious that her focus is NOT on Sprout.  18 month update coming soon...

Agency worker was on vacation this week.  He called early this morning to tell me that bio mom called for a visit.  We had our regular morning schedule...get Sprout up early so he can fit a nap in this busy day.  Agency worker came to pick him up a bit early to catch up on the week.  I told him about her pregnancy and how there was only 1 visit last week.  I woke Sprout up and got him dressed.  I said goodbye and started counting down the hours till he came home again.  The agency worker called me 25 minutes after they left to tell me he was bringing Sprout home.  We he got here I was told that bio mom was indeed there and answered the door with "I didn't call you to confirm".  There were also 2 men there with her. The agency worker asked if she was pregnant and surprisingly she admitted it.   The  worker said that the call must have been from last week and when his phone was turned on it refreshed the call.  He was very apologetic to inconvenience us.  So yes, she was there and AGAIN chose a man over her son.  The county worker said that the county lawyer is not ready to regress on visits so they'll build their case on situations like these.  I am sure that if they approach her with intentions on TP*R then she'll surrender and visits will cease.  Her focus is clearly on the new baby...just like every other time. 

***No call, no visit for today.  That makes 2 days this week...

She's pregnant.  I spoke to a foster parent friend of mine who happens to live on bio mom's street.  She has spoken to bio mom on many occasions.  I asked her to ask bio mom if she was pregnant. She told me she had already asked.  Bio mom is about half way through her pregnancy...around 20 weeks.  I know that this means she'll most likely surrender Sprout now.  But what does this mean for the new baby!??!  She has another u/s at 25 weeks to find out the gender.  So many emotions...not sure how to process them.  I know that the workers all told me that this would happen...so I kind of expected it.  Bio mom actually told my friend that they didn't let her keep Sprout because of the fact that she was homeless when he was born but she'll be able to keep this next one. 

No visit yesterday.  The agency worker is off this week so I had to call around to a few other workers to make sure that she didn't call to confirm.  She did not.  The visits on Wednesday are supposed to be at D*S*S.  I have a feeling she might be avoiding D*S*S because of her belly. 

Also, I spoke to the county worker yesterday and I just wanted to know what they planned on doing for visits since the judge ordered T*PR.  I have never gone through this before and I was curious to see what the next few months had in store for us.  I asked if they would modify the visits due to bio mom missing and she explained that it was in the court order from the judge that at the county's discretion, they CAN modify or decrease visits according to bio mom's lack of attendance.  The county worker also said that she saw bio mom outside that superstore and she was with some guy.  She had a shopping cart full of food and it looked like they were waiting for a ride.  Bio mom did not see the worker.  The worker thought she saw a belly too. 

I told her about the phone call I received from paternal g-ma and explained that how supposedly bio dad told her he wanted to surrender his rights (as of the week after court).  I haven't heard anything from the county worker or bio dad's lawyer so I think that she called me possibly to see what my intentions were once we adopt Sprout.  She is looking for a possible relationship once he is ours.  I told her I can't promise what will happen in the future.  I explained that it was dad's choice to surrender and that I didn't expect him to make this decision without much thought and support from those he trusts.  I also explained to her that I cannot make any promises because that would jeopardize a possible future with Sprout.

 I am very stressed out about the thought of going through this again.  It is not fair to Sprout to put him through having to see his bio mom but it's his sibling.  He already has 2 older brothers that are placed in 2 separate homes.  I know I can't save the world but...  I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens.  My focus right now is on Sprout and that alone keeps me busy.  He is such a happy, healthy boy!  I LOVE every minute I spend with him.  The county worker explained that it was probably best to go through the worker if g-ma wants visits.  She is entitled to an hour a month but hasn't had an official visit with him since August of last year. 

Waiting to hear back from the county worker and hoping visits are modified especially for the summer.  Also waiting to see if she confirms for her visit tomorrow. 

Bio mom did call for a visit that Friday after court.  The agency worker explained that he encouraged mom to continue to work her hardest to get Sprout back and I do not understand that AT ALL.  If the judge ordered T*PR doesn't that mean that she'll lose him anyway!?!?  I'm a bit confused.  I've already placed a call into the county worker to possibly have some questions answered.  I am interested in knowing what to expect these next few months. 

The agency worker came to pick the baby up and my first thought was that bio mom would run with him.  At the chance of sounding paranoid, I told the worker.  He said he had the same thought.  He assured me that he'd be checking in during the visit. 

It went well and surprisingly, bio mom did not call for the next visit.  I thought maybe she was giving up.  She did call for a visit a week later though.  (Last Friday).  I offered to pick Sprout up and met the agency worker at the agency office which happens to be 2 blocks from the bio mom's house.  I went in to see if the worker had picked up Sprout yet and he was there playing in the toy room.   We walked out the front of the building to my parked car and bio mom walked by.  She kind of caught me off guard and started telling me all about the visit.  She had on a cute baby doll dress that fell a bit above her knee.  When the wind blew just right I saw a belly on her.  The worker must have seen my face because he immediately said (and repeated) "Don't say anything".   She finally left and I just looked at him.  I asked if she is pregnant and he said "does it matter??!".  I said yes and explained that I ONLY have SO MUCH room in my car!  He laughed and said "well, if she is, she will most likely surrender rather than go through TP*R".  Not sure if she is or not.  I guess we'll see.  If I had to guess I'd say she had a 3 or 4 month belly.  I know I've though this earlier and I hope I'm wrong again... 

She did make Monday's visit this week.  So now we just see for tomorrow (Wednesday). 

Ok, the story of court.

I really wanted to post the details so I can remember them ALL. 

We walked in on March 23rd fully expecting to have another 6 months of visits. After 17 months of this I have to admit...I'm tired but I've been keeping my eye on the goal.  We were told by the county that they would NOT change the permanency goal to TPR (or adoption) until bio dad was out of prison and able to start working a case plan. He has been in contact with the county worker monthy since patern!ty was established. He has asked for pictures and shown much interest so I'm not sure if the caseworker has been showing pity or what. It was no secret that there was no blood test to establish paternity. We were reminded by the county worker that their decision was to keep the goal return t0 parent.  Bio dad is in prison and was supposed to be paroled this week and the county had no intention on filing for TPR while bio dad was incarcerated.  About 2 weeks before court we received our paperwork stating that the goal was return-to-parent BUT bio dad's earliest release date was March of 2013.  I called to make sure it wasn't a misprint...it wasn't.  Bio dad was denied parole.  (Supposedly he was denied parole because he wrote a threatening letter to some guy that has been beating on bio mom and she took the letter and sent it directly to the prison).  We went to court and resigned ourselves to the fact that we would just continue on for the next 6 months and see what happened.  We thought that bio dad would be released and start working HIS case plan.  Well.  At court...

We were there for 9am but waited on an attorney.  We were called at 9:15am and went into the court room.  Bio dad DID ask to be produced from his prison 2.5 hours away and he was there.  Bio mom's attorney immediately asked for an adjournment or a recall and both we denied.  The judge reminded her attorney that we have had this date on the calendar for the last 6 months and we all were there.  It was HER son and she should have been there on time. The county presented it's case and spoke of how many visits bio mom has missed and how there are still safety concerns but their goal was still return to p@rent.  The judge briefly spoke and then asked the bio dad's lawyer what her thoughts were and she really tried to have the courtroom have pity on him because he desired to have a realtionship with his son but was incarcerated.  Then the judge told me I could speak.  I prepared a letter.  I read it. 

Sprout is 17 months old today and has been with us since birth. He is a happy, healthy little boy who thrives on consistency and love.  Sprout’s smile is contagious and the sweet, mischievous twinkle in his eyes keeps us on our toes.
He continues to meet and exceed his developmental milestones. Sprout is a smart little boy who is now communicating using a combination of words and sign language. He knows most of his animal sounds and some of the signs to go with them. He is an extremely social toddler who is very outgoing as long as he’s with someone he trusts.
Sprout loves to dance and sing and then waits for the applause of anyone watching. He is not a picky eater, and will eat anything put on his plate.
Sprout is a very busy boy who loves to be outside. Whether it’s swimming or kicking a ball we are definitely starting to see a little nature boy in the making.

Sprout has been visiting with his bio mom 3 days a week. My concerns regarding Sprout’s visits are that after 4 hours unsupervised he’s been brought back dirty, smelling of smoke and sometimes with a the same diaper I put on him hours earlier.
There have been many times that Sprout comes home from a visit using the sign for ‘food’ or ‘eat’ and then goes on to consume a full meal as if he hasn‘t eaten. 
It has been my observation that the safe, loving and supportive environment we strive to provide is not being continued while he is in his mother’s care. Sprout is used to regular meals, a consistent schedule and the family interacting with him.
I understand that the job of a foster parent is to help promote and encourage the relationship between Sprout and his parents. It has been very difficult to do this with the number of missed visits by Sprout’s mother and the fact that bio dad is incarcerated.
When visits are consistent, Sprout goes willingly with the family specialist, but when they become sporadic due to bio mom’s failure to confirm, he becomes more reluctant to go and has cried when the family specialist arrives to transport him.
I am concerned over the lack of bond between bio mom and Sprout and feel that it’s a direct reflection on the choices she’s made that have limited her visits.

Bio dad has chosen not to have visitation with his son while incarcerated. In the 17 months Sprout has been with us his father has seen him a total of two supervised hours. I respect that he doesn’t want his son regularly brought to the jail and I agree that it would be hard on Sprout to go meet with a virtual stranger in that setting.
However, my husband and I are concerned that last year bio dad made choices that extended his incarceration and now more recently his June 2012 release date has been postponed to March 2013. This is precious time he could have been building a relationship with his son. I worry that Sprout’s time in foster care will continue to be extended based on his father‘s poor choices.
This boy needs permanency!
After spending his entire life in our home Sprout is strongly bonded to our family.  He is now calling my other children by name, looking for their afternoon bus and initiating play with them. I respectfully ask that while making descions regarding Sprout’s future that you take his parents past and current actions into consideration and do everything to ensure that permanency is established soon.  Thank You.

The judge immediately asked Sprout's lawyer to speak.  She went on to explain how important it is to make these decisions with Sprout's best interest in mind.  She explained how the baby would negatively be affected by visits with his father at this time next year and how difficult it might be to transition an almost 3 year old back to a father he doesn't know...IF bio dad could get out of prison and get his act together enough to get the baby back. About this time, bio mom walked in.  I am SO glad she wasn't there to hear my letter!  I didn't want her to feel like I was bashing her but I needed the judge to hear my heart.   

I almost choked when the judge asked the county lawyer WHY termination wasn't the goal (or at LEAST concurrent planning) and the county lawyer explained about the statute regarding a bio parent's right while incarcerated.  (Just a side note...the law is VERY grey and leaves plenty of room for judge's discretion.  It is geared more towards a father who has spent time with, lived with or bonded with his son.  Not a newborn who has only known his foster parents).  The judge ordered the county to file TP*R within 90 days.   My mind kept thinking "What does this mean?!".  I could NOT wrap my mind around what the judge was saying!  After court, bio dad's mom asked if we could get together for a picnic.  I stupidly gave her my home and cell numbers.  (More on that later...)  We got outside the court and bio mom was throwing a HUGE tantrum.  I completely understand how upset she was but cursing at the case worker and the agency worker??!  My husband approached her and quietly and calmly explained that getting arrested would not be in her best interest.  She calmed down enough to ask if her right's were being terminated because she was 45 minutes late for court.  Her mother (maternal g-ma) was a wreck.  I felt so bad.  Remember, this is baby #3 that bio mom is losing.  The visit for that day was cancelled because of her attitude.  More soon...