On hold...

I guess I'd have to go back and check to be sure but I think this is the longest we've been without a placement. Doodle left us June 21. That's something like 15 weeks ago without even a call. I'm making the effort to enjoy this in between time but to be honest, the thought of jumping back into the drama and the emotion of foster care is scary. I guess we'll see what happens when/if the time comes. 

I have been extremely blessed. God's hand was so clear in having Doodle moved to another home. I've already said that Mama Smith and I have been in contact but we've seen each other at least once a week since Doddle was placed with them.  Doodle just started crawling and is doing SO well! I'm blessed to have formed an amazing friendship with her.  There are very few people who can tolerate talking about foster care. It seems that those fostering are the ones that will not only listen...but can relate.  So, Sprout has been able to see Doodle and I've been able to snuggle her <3 em="">
Blessed!
The Smith's are also fostering a 3 year old little boy. Please keep them in your prayers. Having 2 cases going at one is extremely stressful. 

Doodle update

I've been so blessed that the Smith family have been in close contact and I've been able to love on and snuggle Doodle a few times since she's left us. She is THRIVING. Mama Smith has been wonderful to send pictures and updates and she's been keeping me in the loop with Doodle's case. It does look like her bio mom is pregnant but there is no confirmation yet. The little boy that the Smith's are fostering is 3 and his bio mom has 2 yr old twins, a one yr old and just had a new baby 2 months early. (She doesn't have custody of any of her kids). I encouraged Mama Smith to buy a BIG stroller :)

We are missing Doodle fiercely but I KNOW that she is where she should be. They are so in love with her. Mama Smith told me that when Doodle hears Papa Smith's voice when he comes in from work she strains to get into his arms.  I am so happy to hear this.

Sprout is doing excellent and enjoying his summer. Swimming daily and being the outdoor boy he is! I am still in shock that he will be going to kindergarten this fall. At almost 6 years old I am not ready to send him but I know it's just one of the many steps in letting go.  He is the youngest of our 5 children and knows he is adorable. He's the sweetest little love and I am so blessed to be his mama.  We're praying for a new little bundle and patiently waiting.  Only God knows who is coming next.  We're ready!

Doodle Smith??!?

Almost 3 weeks ago I had major surgery. The night before I went into the hospital, Doodle went to respite with an amazing family.  A family that I'd met before but didn't know personally. We have mutual friends and I felt VERY comfortable with her staying there while I recovered. The plan was 3 days. I stayed in the hospital 1 night and by the time I was released it was apparent I was going to need more time to recover so I asked  if she could stay for a few more days. I could barely walk and hold myself up let alone a 17 pound baby. They said yes. A few days later I asked to extend it to a full 7 days. They said yes. One week turned into 2...

***The inside story***

Speaking to the home finder PRIOR to surgery I asked her who she thought would be a good respite placement for Doodle. She asked if we were pre-adoptive for her and I had to answer no. She said she has pre-adoptive families that are willing to do respite and she mentioned 2 to me. I was not ok with either family. In one family there was no one to stay home and in the other, the dad was stay at home and the couple was in their 50's. I just wasn't at peace with that. (VERY THANKFUL this home finder values my opinion for Doodle).  We threw around the idea of Doddle staying here and going to daycare everyday for a week but I didn't think that would be good either because I couldn't hold her and I KNOW if she saw me...she'd want me. The home finder then mentioned a couple, The Smith's, whose name I'd heard before and I know we have some mutual friends. They are young and already fostering a 3 yr old boy. I had briefly spoken to Mama Smith at a training and we almost crossed paths regarding a placement of her foster sons brothers a few years back. I was so comfortable with the idea of Doodle going to them. We arranged a meeting for Mama Smith and I to get together for her to meet Doodle and for us to speak.  The next day I met her at the mall where she and Doddle hit it off.  Before long, Doodle was cooing and laughing in her arms. I was amazed. I explained to Mama Smith that we are not a pre-adoptive home for Doodle and I know that the home finder said that they were pre-adoptive. I asked her what she thought about keeping Doodle longer than the supposed 3 days...like maybe 5 days or even a week. She was definitely ok with that. We spoke in depth about Doodle's case and the fact that many of us think that Doodle's mom expecting another baby.  She said that her and Papa Smith were ok with taking on a sibling if it came to that and she told me a little more about her foster son and the way she's kept connections with his bio 1/2 brothers. The more we spoke the more I felt like I found a new friend. I explained to her that since we have no interest in adopting, and with Doodle's lack of bonding with her birth mom, that it would benefit Doodle to be placed with her forever family sooner than later. She agreed. (I mean seriously! If you were adopting a baby...wouldn't you want that baby in your arms as young as possible!?!?!) I told her that I would not request Doodle to be moved but she could ask the home finder about having Doodle moved to them. So, 3 days turned into 5 and then a week.  She made calls to the home finder that went unanswered.  Then I called Doodle's worker and asked if we could extend the respite another week because Mama Smith had no problem with it.  The home finder finally called her back and they spoke.  THEN the home finder called me. She asked what she thought about having Doodle moved to the Smith's house because they were pre-adoptive. I told her that I thought that it was the best decision for Doodle because of her age and circumstance.  The home finder then reminded me that we would now have an empty bed and things are 'picking up' in D*S*S* land. 

Mama Smith has brought Doodle to us when she picked up the remainder of her clothes, toys, diapers and formula from our home.  She is happy, healthy and THRIVING in the Smith home. I am BEYOND excited that I get to be a part of this unfolding story.  Doodle's bio mom has been skipping visits for the past 4 weeks and I am so glad that Doodle has the Mama and Papa Smith to love on her while she goes through this journey called 'foster care'.  I know God is faithful...and she is in the palm of His hand. 

Always more to the story...

Doodle is doing excellent. She is the hardest baby I've ever had (emotionally) but there's been so much progress that I'm so excited to see what the future holds for her. Her bio mom missed every visit from May 9 until the 2nd week in June. Now it looks like bio mom has a belly but no one at the county is allowed to ask :/ Doodle screams her head off during visits and when I pick her up she's still trying to catch her breath and her eyes are puffy. The workers will work with bio mom on how to parent during these visits. Doodle was evaluated for Early In%tervention and was found to be above average!! I'm so excited that she's THRIVING!!!

The court ordered sibling visits with her 2 year old brother. I know that they share the same bio dad but since paternity was never established they are calling then 1/2 siblings.
Big brother is placed with paternal grandma but she doesn't want Doodle. (I've heard that grandma is hoping that we adopt Doodle). 

I am having a procedure done that requires a lot of recovery time and Doodle will be going to respite with a family that is pre-adoptive. I love this sweet baby and I want God's best for her but I don't think that we are included in her future. I spoke at length with the worker and we feel that it's best that she goes into respite with a family that is most likely to adopt. During the 'meet and greet' time, Doodle did exceptional with this 'stranger'. She chatted like normal and was very comfortable in her arms. I'm excited to see what the future holds. Busy next few weeks but will update as I can...

What's going on with Doodle?

She's been here for 40 days. She's happy and seems more settled than I've ever seen her.  She knows that when she cries her needs will be met. She would rather be in someone's arms than anywhere else and we accommodate her as often as we can. She is rolling from back to belly and belly to back. She is trying to clap her hands and sit up. Bio mom has missed the past few weeks of visits and phone calls. She just disappeared. No one from the county has heard from her. Hoping she's safe and making good decisions. I have a feeling that Doodle is going to be a big sister but there's no confirmation on that. I'm just enjoying my time with her and LOVING the snuggles!!!

Just keep swimming...

Doodle is thriving! She has a twinkle is her eye and a smile on her face...ALWAYS. She is settled and content.  She is actually becoming a VERY EASY baby. Visits are going well. 2x a week, supervised with the county.  Bio mom is allowed to call 3x a week and has missed more than 1/2 the calls.  Doodle can roll from her belly to her back. She is vomiting MUCH less so tummy time is easier.  She eats solids every few days but rice cereal is in most of her bottles. She is going for a well check in 3 weeks :)

Visits and Doddle update

Bio mom missed last Friday's visit. She didn't call to confirm a ride and she didn't show up. The worker moved from CP*S to foster care and hasn't dealt with this level of incompetence. I giggle at her reactions sometimes :) Anyway. The worker called bio mom and showed up at her residence. She asked for the W*I*C checks or Doodle's formula. Bio mom claimed it was at a friends house and the worker brought her to get it. In addition to the checks and formula, she also picked up some (ill-fitting) clothes, diapers and pacifiers. (Doodle is in 6-9 or 12 mo clothing. Everything was newborn or 0-3)

Monday's visit was great except for the fact that bio mom's boyfriend is not allowed into the visit with Doodle because he is not the bio dad.  Bio mom wasn't very happy with that. Doodle was fussy and cried most of the time. I gave bio mom a travel can of formula so she can bring it back and forth to visits and feed Doodle.  She gave it back to me at the end of the visit saying she doesn't think she'll remember it every visit. 
I'm trying here. There's only so much I can do here. 

Doodle is doing great. Back on a routine and so smiley. Sleeping better than she was but still not great...yet. I can dream :)

Visits and phone calls

Our first visit with bio mom was last Friday. She didn't come prepared and the visit ended early because Doodle was hungry.  Our second visit was yesterday. Bio mom was transported by the worker to and from the visit. Again, she didn't come prepared with a diaper bag or bottles. The visit is one hour but it is her responsibility to bring what her baby needs for the one hour she has to care to her.  Again, the visit ended early because Doodle was hungry and fussy. Bio mom also requested that we only have 2 visits a week instead of 3 because 3 is just too much for her. She also was given 3 phone calls a week and has already missed the first one on Sunday night. Tonight is the next one. We'll see if she follows through. 

Doodle is settling in well. Eating and sleeping good and her reflux is pretty much under control. She's making great eye contact most of the time. This baby has been through so much and I have nothing but compassion for her. 

Still here...

And it looks like she'll be staying a while. Doodle left us on March 31 after being with us for 3 weeks for preventive respite. Her mother didn't request to see her once. Rules are that after 21 days child is returned to parent. The respite can only last up to 21 days. Well, Doodle left us and ended up with a 'family friend' for 2 weeks. When this 'friend' could no longer take care of her she called county services. Doodle is officially I'm foster care. Visits are set up for 3 days a week at one hour intervals. She also gets 'phone calls' per the new judge. She's 5 months old. She's settling in well. 

Doodle is back...

But I don't know how long she'll be here. She is considered 'in care' but I guess we'll know the truth tomorrow after court. 

Gone :(

Doodle was picked up yesterday morning. I have concerns about her well being but I am trusting God to keep her in His hands. I texted bio mom this morning and Doodle had a well check and shots. She said she was fussy. Praying bio mom enjoyed her 'break' and bonds with her baby. 

Leaving tomorrow...again.

Doodle has stayed her 21 day respite and is leaving tomorrow. Even though bio mom hasn't requested to see her at all during the last 3 weeks. Doodle is so content, smiling and we've even established what seems like a routine.  She has become so comfortable here that she can now fall asleep in my arms. Now she's leaving...for the 3rd time. My heart breaks thinking that she might feel I've abandoned her. Bio mom posted on social media that she's 'in a relationship' because SHE needs to be 'treated like a princess'.  Her baby girl spent her very first Easter with me...a virtual stranger. She was here for Valentines Day last month too. I'm scared for her but I have no choice but to hand her over to the preventive worker tomorrow. Please keep this sweet baby girl in your prayers. 

*posted on Friday morning...was supposed to post Wednesday night. She left Thursday morning. 

Still here...one week

It's been a week since Doodle returned to us for another preventive respite.  This respite can last for 21 days at a time and bio mom is allowed up to 7 weeks a year.  Doodle's case is pretty bad.  Doddle first came to us back in January.  She came with 4 different types of formula.  The worker and I are assuming her bio mom goes from shelter to shelter and community program hopping to get formula for her.  Even though she does have W*I*C it doesn't seem like she's utilizing her checks.  Doodle's belly is messed up and she has a pretty bad case of reflux.  It's just really sad that there are so many concerns at the dr's office and the county but no one can do anything until bio mom really messes up. I've been sending her pictures and communicating via text.  I even sent her a cute video of Doodle cooing last night.  Bio mom has not requested to see her daughter.  I think it's very strange that she was so crazy about getting her back when she was placed in care but here we are 3 weeks later and she doesn't even want to see her! 
At bio mom's request I brought Doodle to her 4mo well check today.  The nurse is very familiar with the case and she was happy to see Doodle so clean.  I got an earful about Doodle's family (screw HIPP**AA) and it's just a sad situation. Doodle is baby #2 from bio mom and dad.  Her brother is 2 and living with paternal grandparents.  The nurse knows them personally and says that he is a handful. Sounds like they are older and cannot or are not willing to take Doodle too.  Doodle was prescribed a reflux med but it hasn't been filled yet.  I called bio mom multiple times while at the office hoping she could give the nurses verbal consent for immunizations...she didn't call me back until over an hour after I'd already left the office.  My heart breaks for Doodle.  She is doing well on a schedule.  She smiles and coos.  She is a drama queen but what girl isn't?  Is it wrong for me to hope bio mom disappears for a while so Doddle has a chance at life with interaction and some type of normalcy? The preventive worker is not very optimistic as she believes this case will be a revolving door.  We have a new county judge and she is completely the opposite of our old judge (the one who handled all of our other county cases and Sprout's adoption).  Please keep this little Doodle in your prayers.

Got a call...

Phone rang yesterday afternoon. It was the foster care supervisor. She wanted to know if we'd take Doodle back for another preventive respite. Of course I said yes. What I didn't realize until last night was that a few hours before the county called, Doodle's bio mom texted me to ask if I'd take her for a few days. She's only been gone for a little over 2 weeks but has changed so much. She's back to very little eye contact. Her hair is growing in more and she's a bit heavier. And I'm not sure how I feel about it but she slept from 10pm to 6am. She woke up and was so still and quiet I didn't even know she was awake... 

Doodle is back with her mom...

On Monday (2/22) Doodle had a 10:30 visit with her mom.  I took Sprout out for the hour during the visit.  We brought Doodle home, got Sprout on the bus for preschool and ran a few errands.  I got in at 2:45 and my cell rang about 3pm.  It was the worker.  Doodle's mom had court at 1:30 and the judge ordered Doodle home because her mom found housing.  I was extremely confused but the worker asked me to bring her up with her things for 3:30.  I packed a bag, grabbed her formula and got in the car.  (I did keep a few things here in case she comes back again)  I do not understand how or why but there's no room for questions.  I dropped her off with her mom and the worker.  It was extremely awkward.  I reminded mom that she had my cell if she needed anything.   On the drive home I called the preventive worker.  She said she had just heard too and was very surprised that Doodle was going home.  She told me it's a good thing that I kept some things at the house 'just in case'.  My heart breaks for the baby girl who was finally getting settled in and smiling more.  Praying for her and her mama...

P.S.-  Thinking I'd get a good night's sleep I went to bed a few minutes later than normal only to be woken up by Sprout every hour from 11:45pm until 6:30am vomiting.  It's been 2 days and he is doing better now.

A little about Doodle

Doodle has been back now for about 9 days. She is settling in well and seems more content. The first 3 days were very hard.  She screamed constantly.  I don't remember her doing this while she was here for respite.  She didn't seem to make any eye contact and actually avoided it.  I felt like she screamed if I was holding her other than to feed her a bottle.  I asked some advice from other foster parents and I was told to wear her, touch her and hold her.  I did. Now, it seems...it's the opposite.  She greets me with a smile, is cooing and very content.  Even if her belly is full she loves to be held, rocked and she loves to have me sing to her. I found out quite a bit about bio mom this time around. Doodle has a 2 year old brother who is placed with the bio fathers mother (or grandmother) no one seems to know.  Bio mom is young.  When she took off her coat at our first visit I saw the scars from her cutting on her arm.  My heart breaks for her.  Last Wednesday she saw Doodle for the first time since removal.  She cried.  They have given her twice a week visits and 2 phone call updates a week.  I took the opportunity to ask mom about Doodle and how she bathes her and if she spits up a lot for her too.  She told me she loves her bath and she bathes her everyday. (Doodle screams during the bath as if someone is stabbing her.  She cries the entire time until she is in a towel.) I also asked bio mom is reflux has been mentioned by the doctor and she said no, Doodle doesn't spit up much. She also mentioned that Doddle was missing a doctors appointment that day.  Later on I called the office to reschedule Doddle's appointment and asked what she was being seen for...REFLUX.  So obviously bio mom's track record is 0/2.  She was supposed to have court on Friday and walk across the parking lot to the visit afterward.  She never showed but called me the night before to tell me she'd be there.  If she calls tonight for an update I have a few questions for her.  Doodle is sleeping better than she was even for respite.  I'm thankful for that.  We are just transitioning into baby world again and I'm happy it's not as hard as I thought it would be.  Sprout loves watching her and playing with her toes.  He sings silly songs to her and she lights up when he's around.  This week is 2 visits and a doctors appointment.  More soon...

Doodle is back!

My cell phone rang at 5:30pm on Friday afternoon. It was the county. The worker wanted to know if we wanted Doodle back.  Um...YES! I explained that we were over an hour from home on our way to my nieces gymnastics meet and we wouldn't be home until around midnight.  I asked if my friend (who is also a foster parent) could take her until we got home.  No problem.  I picked her up around midnight from my friends house and she said that the worker dropped her off at her church with nothing but a onesie and socks on with a FULL diaper. All the clothes and the snowsuit I sent her home with just 2 weeks ago...gone.
It's been a pretty hairy 3 days.  Doodle does not like to be held and snuggled. She really only needs someone to hold the bottle while she eats then likes to be put down. I am concerned that bio mom didn't hold her much. I wore her in the Moby yesterday and I'm hoping to get her more used to the idea that being held is a good thing.   She had a good night last night and I'm thankful for that. She's eating about 4 ounces every 3 hours. The preventive worker bought 3 outfits, bottles and formula before she brought her to my friend. She's on a different type of formula than she was 2 weeks ago. I also think she has reflux.  I have yet to talk to the preventive worker to find out exactly why she came into care OR if she's staying but the worker hinted that she's considered a placement. Since today is considered a holiday we'll just have to wait until tomorrow. More soon...

She leaves tomorrow...

The preventive worker called to let me know what time she'd be picking up Doodle tomorrow morning.  I can help but be torn...  This is how foster care is supposed to work but the worker said that Doodles bio mom has major mental health concerns.  Doodle came almost a week ago...she was very dirty.  Her mom did not pack appropriately for 4 days let alone a whole week.  The average temperature where we live is around 20-30 degrees where we live. There were no socks in her bag, about 15 baby wipes and 3 different types of formula.  Doodle was very fussy for the first 2 days.  She seemed very uncomfortable.  I called the pediatrician to see which type of formula they had her on (these HIPAA laws stink but thank God for nurses who often deal with foster parents) and I was thankful that there was some of that type of formula in Doodles bag.  I also went out and bought more in case we ran out (we did). She seems to be so much more comfortable and settled.  I know that bio mom has moved 4 times since Doodles birth in November. I can't imagine the life this baby is going home to. I can only hope that we loved her enough and held her enough and sang to her enough.  I'm tired of hearing that I need to lower my expectations for these bios.  This is a BABY! Her life matters. I will write bio mom a note to let her know she can call my cell if she has any needs and I will also let the worker know that we'd be willing to have Doodle back if/when bio mom needs another respite.  Keep Doodle in your prayers <3 em="">

A few more days

Doodle has been with us since Friday.  Today is Monday. Bio mom called once (Saturday night) to check in and make sure she had everything she needs. She didn't ask how she was eating or sleeping.  She didn't tell me to kiss her or that's he loves her.  I thought it was an awkward conversation. I called the preventive worker to check on the status of the respite and she said that bio mom requested a few more days... Well, ok then. She stays :)

Got a call...

It's preventive respite for a 2mo old baby girl...Doodle. She should only be here for the weekend maybe a bit into the week but bio is allowed to take her back at any time. 
How crazy is my life? 

New Year...2016 (baseline)

Wow.  2016.  I remember very clearly in 2005 filling out the paperwork and attending the MAPP trainings.  My SON just turned 5 last month.  I still cherish every moment with him.  He is turning into an amazing little person. I sit back and watch him sometimes and I am still in awe that he is OURS! Our year has started out very quiet.  We usually accept placements in December so this New Year has been very quiet for us.  I have been keeping busy with painting certain rooms of the house, some furniture pieces and finishing crafts that have been accumulating a layer of dust waiting for my free time.  Sprout is in afternoon pre-school so we spend our mornings together.  He has become quite the night owl because of his older siblings.  We had company (family) most of the holiday season and now we're at baseline...back to just us and our (crazy) normal.  I just got a training notice in the mail.  Now that we're back with the county I am anticipating going to the meeting to see who's fostering. Hoping I'll see some old and new faces  :)