Ober Gatlinburg

Reflections of the last 2 months

It's 9 weeks later now...and our love for "A" has grown EXPONENTIALLY...we love her like one of our own. Time will eventually make things completely "normal"..but as of today our life is pretty much "normal." "A" is very obedient and is a happy little 19 month old. She loves playing with her brothers and is slowly (but assuredly)

learning to play and get along with her (6 month) older sister. And my oh my, how God has shown us so much during these times. He's taught us patience, to lean on Him WHOLLY...He's shown us that when we pray He hears....specifically, one night "A" woke up and was screaming...Christa went in and rubbed her, assuring her everything

was ok..she fell asleep for about 2 seconds and woke up as Christa left. She screamed for 45 mins...I finally said "let's pray"..we prayed the Lord would calm her heart and show her it was "ok" to be at "peace." The second...the VERY second I said "Amen" she immediately stopped crying in her room and we never heard her again that night....miraculous...awesome....a God who hears our prayers.

The Lord gave me a picture of our wretched nature without Him. While I was taking a walk in Ethiopia (with "A" on my back in a baby carrier) the Lord vividly spoke to my heart about how we, as His children are like earthly adopted "A." He welcomes us with open arms..and we come..and things are "honeymoon-esque" at first...but soon we

start kicking and screaming for our "rights" for our "entitlements" for what "WE" want....and we fight and scream to go back to what we "knew"...the world and it's empty ways. When all along He has ADOPTED us into His family and knows it is what is the best for us. And how He still loves us.....long suffering He loves us.

In that time, and in my lack of love at the time for "A"...I started crying...Man, how could I not also show the same love to "A"..and be patient with her, and hold her, and lovingly guide her and train her and SHOW her that "our ways" (adopting her) was the best.......I was humbled, my eyes were opened, as the Lord gave me a picture of my life in Him. He also reminded us, in our despair that

HE called us to adopt 'A'. Not just the SPECIFIC call to ALL Christians to "care for orphans and widows" in James 4...but He proved Himself over and over during our adoption process. Therefore, everytime we got stressed or depressed or questioned what we did..we just looked to the Lord and said "You called us to this...You will be faithful."...and OH WHAT PEACE!! What freedom it is to rest in the Lord.

Another time, when we were flying back, I was holding "A" at the back of the plane, near the kitchen area, and I began to let the thought of "adopting again" cross my mind...and just as fast you could say "zippity doo dah" I "vetoed" that thought and idea and said to myself.."there is NO way..this is TOO hard..we have done what we were supposed to..we are done!!!!"....and Oh WOW..how the Lord whacked me upside my selfish and self-centered head....(but so lovingly)...He said to me "stephen..this adoption has NOTHING to do with you..it has everything to do with Me...

with what I called you all too...and with this dear orphaned child who now has a mommy and daddy. Yes it's a difficult time, but so what, it has NOTHING to do with you. Life is difficult, it's not about creating this world of plushness, success and smooth sailing...it's a life of serving the Lord and seeing the indescribable and incomprehensible worth of following God. It has, as this adoption process has become, shown us what utter RUBBISH and waste the things of this world are, at how I can truly consider and say "all is trash and rubbish compared to serving and following the Lord." It's how I can say, after the heartache of this whole process, "Lord willing we will be able to adopt a couple more times in our life."

On a final note for this ridiculously long anecdote...we as the Church have failed in our great commission and "religious duty" in caring for orphans and widows. Estimates now, put the number of orphans in the world at around 150million...and 750K in the foster care system in the U.S. So not only have we grossly fallen short of obeying the Lord in caring for orphans, but we have "offshored" that responsibility to the government! We cry out "NO TO ABORTION"...and on the same token say "No thanks" to adopting or fostering a child. We scream out "STOP STEM CELL RESEARCH AND EMBRYO DESTRUCTION" and at the same time we say "STOP" at 2.7 children.

I'm saying that we have royally missed the mark, our view of life is one of "electing the right senator" and "going to a pro-life rally." While these things are right and good; the proverbial "actions speak louder than words" comes to mind. But the idea of adoption is not merely a good and charitable idea..and it is NOT for the Brangelina's and Madonna's of this world..it is for the Church. Now I FULLY understand and 100% agree that not all are called to adopt...but I can say this, a LOT more are called to adopt than have actually stepped up to the plate, from the Church, to adopt. We have been showered with support and encouragement from our church and friends and family in this process...but we won't rest. God has shown us His heart in this adoption, how our adoption of "A" is a replica of our Salvation and adoption into His family as his Sons and daughters. It has made the words of James 4, and our call to 'true religion' clear.....and it has made the cries of the orphans, around the world, echo with deafening tones, and we can't stand idlely by. The Lord has commissioned us to care for them....let's be faithful to what He has called us to and in so doing, you will be blessed beyond what you could have imagined....because we serve an awesome God..a faithful God..a God who, while we were still sinners and orphans and kicking and screaming...adopted us into His family, and loves us with an unrelenting love.

To God be the Glory..........Forever.

The Long Awaited Post

Well...pull up a chair, grab a cup of coffee (or tea) and sit back and prepare yourself for a novel of epic proportions. A novel of new beginnings, of a former orphan, of a mom and dad, a husband and wife who learned about God's faithfulness and His ever, ever, ever, ever help in our present troubles and who learned how our own salvation and life in Christ is an exact reflection of the earthly adoption journey that we have taken for over a year and a half...

It's been about 9 weeks since we brought our newest daughter home. And without a doubt it's been, seemingly, a lifetime of learning and spiritual growth.

I'll go ahead and start from square-one....setting the scene; we dropped the boys and our daughter off at some friend's house to stay the night while we finished packing and prepared ourselves to leave the house around 4:30a.m. (July 6th). Needless to say, dropping them off, more specifically, leaving them was very very difficult. It was the second time in about 2 months that we were hopping on a plane to travel to the other side of the world and be apart from them for 10-11 days..so as you can imagine, mama shed tears and it was tough pulling away. Once we left them, after about an hour, we were able to kick it into "preparation" and "travel" mode. We stopped by some other friend's house (and picked up some t-shirt printed paper) and left there around 8 p.m. (We used the t-shirt paper we picked up to make t-shirts for our dear friend Abel

in Ethiopia; the t-shirts we made were a joke and basically just something to bring a smile and make him and others laugh...which frankly worked like a charm :) We stopped by Wal-Mart and picked up a few last minute things we needed for the trip and then headed home. Needless to say, I (Stephen) had not begun to pack; so you might be saying..whhhhattttt??!!! "you are leaving for Africa in a few hours and haven't packed?!!?...that's right!! That's just how I roll....there's no minute like the last minute..Anyways, moving on, we got back home, and the house was eerily quiet..it was hard coming home to an empty and quiet house that just a few hours before had been filled with strange noises the kids were making, laughing, feet running across the floor and an occassional cry or two....which at the moment seemed like something we longed to hear. We finished packing, cleaning up the house and various other prepatory items and TRIED to sleep. Yes...TRIED to sleep. I, personally, maybe got about an hour and a half of sleep..Christa maybe got two hours. Our alarms went off and we started getting ready to head to the airport. (Since our friends had the kids, we also let them use the van and consequently we had to take my truck to the airport...which is a pretty sweet 1995 Nissan pickup..and no, I dont wash it; because the rust is the only thing holding it together.) We headed off to the airport, with our luggage in the back of the truck (under a tarp) as the rain poured down at 4:30am. We got to the aiport just fine and checked in..our flight left at 6a.m.

We took off from Knoxville and headed toward Washington D.C....as we flew over our friend's neighborhood we choaked up..missing our other children already, but on the other hand we were so ready to bring our daughter, Adalynne home.

We got to Washington D.C....and without going into too much detail Christa had some "very serious medical issues" that needed attending to. We were in line to check in, and had to get out to look around the airport for "medical supplies." But surprise, surprise the "mighty Dulles Airport" did not have what we needed. So, about an hour and a half later, a $50 cab ride, and a visit to CVS pharmacy we had what we needed and were back in line to check in and board. (Christa took the "meds" and eventually started to feel better, but not without a lot of pain in the airport and on the plane. We PRAISE the Lord that we were able to get what she needed while we were still in the United States though. She would have been in a heap of trouble had we went airborne and not gotten her "medical supplies."

The airplane trip (much to my dismay) was relatively uneventful; there was no (like our first trip to Ethiopia in May) old man doing yoga poses in the aisle (at 36,000 feet), no strange strange young German guy sitting next to us who didn't move for 9 hours straight and walked around the airport like the tin-man (stiff legged), no CRAZY old lady asking for drugs to "medicate" the children in her row because they made too much noise, and no old men walking past 5 people standing in line for the lavatory only to open the door on a lady using the bathroom.. No, this trip was just full of a B-movies on a small movie screen on the seat in front of us, interesting but good food (in my opinion) and dozing on and off as the drink cart ladies attempted to dislocate my knee cap by barreling into my leg every 10 minutes..or so..or dropping scalding hot towelettes in my hand and saying "good morning" (as I was asleep) and THEN letting me know it was hot...


We landed in Addis Ababa (capital city of Ethiopia) on Thursday morning (July 7th) safe and sound. We jumped through the immigration hoops, baggage checks and eventually found our guide, and dear friend, Abel. We greeted with hugs and laughing and "how are you's?!" and got in the van and headed to our guest house (Morning Coffee). After we said hello and gave hugs to the ladies at the guesthouse (friends we'd made on our previous trip) we realized we couldn't remember when we last slept, so we went upstairs and passed out for a couple hours. We eventually woke up, at some lunch and then jumped in the van...headed to the Orphanage...we were going to see our daughter, going to let her see mommy and daddy...

The first encounter in 2 months was good...it was wonderful to see her face again and see how she had grown, (and much to Christa's dismay) how she had started walking. The nannies greeted us, and my "little friends" (all the other kids in the orphanage proceeded to tackle me, wipe their hands on my beard and arm hair, squeeze me with big hugs and then try to get me to play soccer and wrestle them in the room. ) We had a good visit, and looked forward to coming back the next day.

We met some friends, from Indiana, while we were there, who accompanied us on our trip to the Orphanage on Friday. We quickly learned that we had a lot in common (aside from the fact that we were both adopting) and were very thankful for some companionship and encouragement while we were there. Unfortunately, they left that Friday night, as we seemed to become fast friends, but we knew we would get together back in the U.S...

The next big blip on the "adoption trip radar" was our trip to Awassa (now spelled with an "H" ..so "Hawassa"...still can't figure out why they use an "H" now..) The drive was about 6 hours, and I'm not talking about a cruise down I-95 or I-75 or any other roadway and interstate in the U.S...this was a crazy ride...but an incredible and awesome one. We were accompanied by our daughter's caseworker and her husband Abel (of which we became good friends).

Abel gave us the history of different areas we passed through; what their traditions were, why they farmed what they did, "what is that guy eating" and various other things. The trip was relatively uneventful, but for all intents and purposes was a "REAL" taste of Africa.

We stopped at a national park and saw ostrich, warthogs, gazelles, flamingos, naked folks in hot spring (ummmmm...very National Geographic-esque) and made a young Ethiopian boy's day (who guided us around the park) because we gave him $6 and a granola bar... when we handed him the "tip," the tough and "cool guy" persona he had displayed all along melted away and he started crying...it was far more than he had ever expected, and I must say as I write this, I think of his face and it makes me choke up. $6 to this young boy made him cry.......because of the blessing and provision it was to him, and yet we whine and complain because they are out of Chocolate Chip cookie dough ice cream, or because we had to wait 34.2 seconds for a pump at the gas station...perspective.

We left the national park and got to our hotel in Awassa, checked in and went out to eat. The food was good and the fellowship with the other adoptive family and caseworkers was a huge blessing. It was so nice to laugh and enjoy each other's company and be encouraged...it was a "break" that we needed, it was encouragement that we didn't know we would need in a few days...


After eating lunch and seeing the hippos in a boat.....no no no...WE were in the boat, and we saw the hippos in the water :) we headed back to Addis Ababa. (On a side note; being the jokester that I am, I brought a long a very "redneck-ish" wig with us to Africa and I put it on at one of the restaurants. After many many of the employees at the restaurant came by, slowly, to stare at me and my awesome wig (which they thought was real), I took my wig off and said "thank you!!!" as the waitress served me my food....hahaha! She all but jumped out of her skin and screamed; it was pretty hilarious. But her and our guide rattled off something in the Amharic language about how I was so crazy and funny...it was a good laugh.)


Fast forward to Monday..July 11th, known to us as "Gotcha Day"...the day we come into the Orphanage and say "Gotcha" to our daughter..."we gotcha and are bringing you home." It was a somber atmosphere and the children at the orphanage all had stoic looks.......they knew the routine, they knew that another one of their friends (and not them) was going home....they knew that "A's" mommy and daddy was coming to get her, but not them...they knew the system, but it didn't make things easier. It was all we could do was hug the children over and over and say "your mommy and daddy are coming" ..."hang on..they are coming."

We went upstairs and changed "A's" diaper and put her into some clothes that we had brought with us, she started screaming and we gave her a baby doll, she grabbed it and immediately stopped...It must have served as some sort of comfort to her...but only for a moment.

We headed out of the orphanage saying our "goodbyes" to the nannies and getting countless pictures and giving many hugs...with joy in our heart and sense of "finally done" in our minds. We had "A"...finally...but the work was just about to really begin.


The first few hours and first day were very much like a honeymoon...all was well with the world and we were very happy..and "A" appeared to be as well...however, that all abruptly came to an end. For some reason after those first few hours, "A" had a deathly fear of me (Stephen)...if I got near Christa, she screamed..if I touched Christa...she screamed, if I held "A"..she screamed. It would take time we decided, plus she'd never been around men so that would be something else to adjust to. (Although as I now tell Christa "what is not to love about "this" " as I point to myself...haha...kidding.)

At first, Christa was strong...we were strong, we could deal with this child who screamed and didn't like me....WE could figure it out. WE after all had 3 other kids and have raised them to be obedient and blessings to us and those around us. WE had the skills to figure it out...WE.....well, as you noticed the recurring "WE" theme, it was these two letters that led to our eventual emotional breakdown...and the mindset, that was broken, that eventually led us to our knees to cry out to the Lord..

We noticed after about the first day, and it's hard to say this, but we weren't really madly in love with "A" like we thought we would be. We thought there would be this instant love, and instant attachment and attraction...but boy were we wrong. Instead we had this child, who frankly hated us, and we weren't too fond of her either; given her abhorrance of Stephen and spoiled-child nature about her. But we dealt with it, knowing that in time "WE" (there it is again) could figure it out, once WE were home in the U.S., we'd tackle the "attachment" beast and get things rolling smoothly. Well, day after day of Christa having to hold her 24/7 and her INCONSOLIBLE crying when Stephen held her or was around began to wear us thin.......VERY thin...this combined with being on the other side of the world, and desperately missing our other kids, began to drive us into despair...it began to lead us to a place of depression and SERIOUSLY questioning what in the heck we had just done. How preposterous that we had just adopted this child...."this wasn't a good idea"..."she hates Stephen"..."we can't do this"..."this wasn't a smart idea"..."can we get a refund"...and so many other desperate and satan-inspired thoughts entered our head. Every night Christa and I, after we had put "A" to bed sat around and encouraged each other and prayed and prayed and prayed......the desperation of our hearts and our wondering what we had done drove us to our knees and drove us (christa and I) closer and closer together...which is a consequence that I would NEVER trade for anything. I would go through that despair and depression a hundred times over to be drawn closer to the Lord and my wife again and again. I, personally, in that time was given a different glimpse of my wife, my carnal mind and shallow thinking of the importance of "looks" and other carnal things MELTED away...I finally saw the utter blessing of a woman that God had given me, a woman that encouraged me, admired me, and frankly was STRONGER than me, emotionally, during the time of transitioning that we were going through. To God be the glory.

The days went by, and Christa and I kept to ourselves, and kept our struggle to ourselves..but by Friday, the dam broke loose and we couldn't handle it anymore. Our pride and arrogance, thinking we had the "skills" to do this, WE could figure this out, "WE" would sort it out in time EXPLODED under the pressure of depression we were dealing with, and we broke down crying (both of us) to our dear friend Birtukan.

She began SOBBING because she didn't know we were struggling so much. We sat on her couch (in Ethiopia) and sobbed in each others arms...(as "A" MIRACULOUSLY Slept through the whole session)...we explained to her what was going on...how "A" hated Stephen and how Christa couldn't handle the stress anymore..the stress of having to deal with our daughter whom we frankly didn't "love" at the time and who, for all intents and purposes hated us....We went where we needed to go...the only place we could go..to our knees. Birtukan sang a song in Amharic and prayed a prayer of such passion for us. While every word was in Amharic we could seemingly understand her heart and what she was saying and we just sobbed, uncontrollably. We asked the Lord to forgive us for our pride, for thinking we could do it, and for hanging out so long and not humbling ourselves and asking for help...Birtukan finished the prayer and hugged and kissed us, looked us in the eye and said "I believe God is doing a miracle tonight..you see, tomorrow "A" will have a miracle."..truer words had not been spoken to us. We started a little "Daddy is OK" crash course for "A" that night....which consisted of Christa making herself "scarce" the whole night and "A" not seeing her..."A" and I went downstairs, by ourselves, and she screamed.....screamed..yes SCREAMED for 3 hours straight...WITHOUT stopping. She "had to learn that Stephen was ok, that he was good" Birtukan (who deals with 100's of orphans and adoptive families) explained to us. After 3 hours of screaming, without stopping, "A" began to fall asleep standing up, at which point I walked over and picked her up. She fussed a little and then just stared at me....Whether out of sheer exhaustion or just plain understanding I was "ok" she laid her head on me. I stood there with her in my arms and walked around the room, holding her, and singing Praise songs to the Lord as she laid on me, awake. I eventually changed her diaper and put her to bed, all by myself..no mommy and she slept without a fuss. The next morning Christa left the room before "A" woke up and left the room. "A" sat up, saw me, and started crying again, as if to say "NOT YOU AGAIN!!"...she fell asleep and then woke up and for 2 straight hours ignored me and stared at the wall.

She eventually turned around and I motioned to the food I had in the room, she nodded "Yes"...and we engaged in a feeding session of her feeding me and me feeding her. She had broken...she had learned daddy was good...daddy was ok. It was a moment of praise in my heart..no, it was a day of praise; it was, as Birtukan had said the night before "a miracle in "A" had happened."

She slowly warmed up to me more and more, yet we still had many "battles of the will" with her...but God was ever ever faithful. He gave us INDESCRIBABLE patience and strength when the tough times would come and when we would cry out to Him and wholly lean on Him. .


We said our goodbyes to the great friends we made in our short time there then headed to the airport





The plane trip home was everything you would expect........LONGEST 17 hours of our life and extremely exhausting, both emotionally and physically. But we eventually got home..and began to walk into the airport, at HOME, and saw our other children and dear friends, waiting for us with "Welcome Home" signs.....we ran to our other children, with tears streaming down our face...we had finally come home..we were finally ALL together. We could now begin to transition and become ONE family...altogether...at home.

We are home and alive

I'm so sorry I haven't posted anything since we got back. Life has been crazy and I have just been trying to get to our new normal. But I'm happy to report that we're doing good. Addy is adjusted so well and feels like she has been here forever. I am planning on writing up all about our second trip to bring her home, soon! Until then thank you so much for praying for us! We are beyond happy to finally have her home!

Cleared for TRAVEL!!!

Yesterday we got the wonderful news that we were cleared for travel! They gave us three dates to choose from July 14th, 18th and 19th. We really really really didn't want to have the 18th or 19th as that would put us ANOTHER week out before we left!
Today we got news that we got the earlier appointment date of July 14th!!!
So we will be leaving here July 6th!!

We are leaving so early because we have planned to do the birth family trip. 'A' was born in a small community near the town of Awassa, Ethiopia. So we are travleing 200 miles on Friday to go see that area and possibly meet with her birth family.
We are praying this will happen. As it stands now there are some doubts as to weather the orphanage will coordinate the meeting (like they usually do) because of some issues they have with our agency. I understand both sides of the issue but we just really want to meet her birth family! We have so many questions we want to ask them and want to answer any questions they may have for us. So please pray that this will work out. We won't know if it will until we are actually in the town and they say yes or no. So we're going hopefull. But if it doesn't work out we will still get to visit with the kids in the orphanage that she was in from age 7-11 months old.

Then we will travel back to Addis on Saturday and pick her up FOREVER Monday
July 11th!!!!!!! Our embassy appointment as I said is on July 14th and we plan to leave the 15th or 16th (still working those details out with our travel agent) and then home on the 16th or 17th!

Praise God we are finally bringing her home! Can't wait to hold her in my arms again!

At the end of the process

So my plan with my blog was to be open and honest with our process through adoption. However I realize that I have allowed it to be a place to complain and be negative. Almost always I feel this way after bad news but a few days out and the Lord shows me something new about our situation.

These last few days have been hard, I won't lie. It's tough to be so close after such a long journey only to be held up again. I have questioned why we decided to adopt, why put ourselves through pain and heartache. Then I got an email from Stephen yesterday that again reminded me of why we are doing this.

Adoption is AMAZING! There are children all over the world that need homes. These children need someone to fight for them, to say "I'll go through pain to end the sadness you feel everyday".

Is it easier to have children biologically, most of the time, YES! Adoption is slow, hard, you have little control over how your case is handled. And in the meantime your heart is growing more and more in love with this one precious little picture that you have been given. It takes the statistics of 147 million orphans and makes it REAL. They have real faces, real pain, real emotions.

God loves life. He loves redeemed life. Lives that were destined for sadness, loneliness being changed forever! But there still is an enemy, his goal is to seek to kill and destroy. He stands in direct opposition to the heart of adoption.

As christian families we have more than anyone to offer these children. A lifetime of not only hearing the gospel of Jesus Christ but seeing the gospel lived out everyday of their lives.

So we decided to adopt knowing it would be hard. But in the mist of it, it's easy to lose your focus and be consumed with the pain. Yet if I will just step back and remember why we are doing this it puts everything into perspective.

We're going through this for the Lord.
We're going through this for the love of a sweet child.
We're going through this because God's Word says 'Love your neighbor as yourself'

God has a special place in His heart for adoption. The idea was His to begin with.
As Christians we know we can't earn our way to heaven. That has been once and forever paid for by the blood of Christ. Yet the scriptures also tell us that TRUE and UNDEFILED religion (the service and worship of God) is to 'care for orphans and widows in their distress'.

So I want to apologize for being negative and allowing my blog to become a place of complaining and whining. Yes this is hard, I won't deny it. But this isn't about me!
It's about HIM! He went to the cross for me and endured unbelievable pain, I can most certainly handle this temporary and fleeting pain! It will come to an end! Before long I'll be able to post pictures for the world to see our beautiful sweet baby girl!

Until then please continue to pray for us as we attempt to finish this journey strong!

Prayer please

So at some point in this process you would think I would have learned to stop assuming that we couldn't possibly hit another bump in the road.

BUT.....

We just heard word that the embassy is already booked for the week of the 4th so even if we get cleared this thursday (which everyone says we SHOULD), the best date we could hope for will be ANOTHER week away. Another family just got word that they are booked through the 7th so as it stands today the 11th is the earliest.

We are just beyond frusterated that we are again being held up. Our little girl is going to be stuck in the orphanage for ANOTHER week. She has been watching all of her little friends one by one go home with their families. She has now been there for almost 10 months! Along with maybe a handful of other families our case has been one of the longest...not something we were hoping for!

We just want to get her home and it seems everything in the world is standing in the way of letting that happen. I'm again feeling that creeping feeling like I felt when we started going through our court nightmare, that this will never ever end. Just when we feel like okay we're actually making progress and following the 'normal' timeline we get hit and then again and then again.

Please join us in praying that the Lord will open the doors for us to travel soon. To not get hit with more bad news. The He will comfort us the way ONLY He can do. That our sweet little girl will be protected and that He will be a mommy and daddy to her until we can get her home.