Testimony

One or two years ago, I came across a poll in the Bloggernacle with the question, "If you were not Mormon, what would you be?"

There is a slight flaw in the way the question is asked, though. If I had never been a member, I would probably choose some traditional Christian religion- I'm not sure whether I would go Catholic, Orthodox, or Protestant. First choice would likely be whatever I was raised in, of course. But if I was raised without a religion, how am I to know what would be most attractive to me? After all, the church has been in the center of my life so far. Raised with a different center, who can say what I'd be?

But if I were asked what I would become after leaving the church, I probably would have answered atheist. My thinking at the time was that if I left the church, it would probably be because I discovered some sort of false doctrine. And if one piece turned out to be false, then why should I believe anything I've been told? Especially since the pieces all fit together.

Now, I'm not so sure that is true. I've been reflecting on my testimony, and I realized that while I have on occasion questioned what would happen if we were wrong about the Book of Mormon or the prophets, I have never questioned what if God did not exist. No matter how hard the trial, I never doubted that He is there and He loves me and He has a plan and through Him, things will work out. The logical side of my brain says that just because I've never had a flicker of doubt before does not mean that it will never come. But I really can't imagine doubting anything I know with such certainty to my center. So atheism no longer looks likely for a discontented me.

I used to think that my testimony started when I was eleven years old. I had finished reading through the Book of Mormon for the first time, and so I knelt down and prayed about it, as I had been told to do. And I got an answer, as I knew I would.

Well, I recently realized that the fact I knew that I would receive an answer says that my testimony was already there. But it was most definitely strengthened that day.

Making Connections

I recently put some pieces together in a way that I am surprised I haven't before.

People who marry young are more likely to divorce. That is a fact. Part of the difference has to do with associated factors- people who marry young are likely to be poorer and less well educated than those who wait a while longer, both of which are also contributing factors in divorce rates. But even when controlling for all other factors, age at marriage does make a difference.

Some people point to evidence that the brain keeps developing into the twenties as a possible explanation. They say that since you are still developing and changing so long, it only makes sense that you should wait to get married, to make sure you know who you really are before you marry. Well, that never sounded quite right to me. You don't stop loving your family because you are changing. I love my siblings and my cousins, and they love me. And they and I have been changing and developing all along. The way I see it, if you marry young, then your spouse is part of who you are becoming. Sort of like how my birth family is a part of me because they are the ones who influenced me as I grew up. And anyway, it's not as if once your brain is developed, you stop changing. My grandparents have been married for almost 60 years. I doubt they have stayed exactly the same that whole time. But they love each other.

So I thought that the difference must be related in some way to maturity and ability and willingness to put the other person first. Which reminds me of a portion of an article I saw in the Mormon Times a while ago about extended adolescence. I don't really want to go into an extended tangent right now, but I linked to the article and will put the relevant portion at the end of this post.

Anyway, that sounded reasonable to me. After all, we hear all the time about the problems with selfishness in the world. And ideally, people develop more maturity with age. But then, not quite a week ago, I remembered one of John Gottman's seven principles for making marriage work.

John Gottman is a marriage expert who wrote a book I read for one of my classes. He has researched happy marriages more than probably anybody else in the world and can predict with 91% accuracy whether a couple will stay happy together after observing them for five minutes. Beyond that, his marriage counseling is more successful than most. Nine months after therapy, the national relapse rate is 30-50 percent. His rate is only 20 percent. Because of the reliability of his methods, the large amount of data he collected, and the fact that what he says makes sense, I tend to put some value on what he has to say.

Well, one of those things he has to say is that in good marriages, spouses maintain what he calls active love maps. Basically, they keep up to date with what is going on in each other's lives. They know what they are doing day-to-day and who they are interacting with and what they are worrying about and what they are dreaming of and so on and so forth. So, basically, keep knowing your partner. Now, this takes some effort no matter who you are and how long you've known each other. But if you are still developing, you might be changing more quickly. And if you are both still developing and changing quickly, then maybe it is just harder to keep up-to-date. I'm not sure about this, but it sounds reasonable to me now.

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Nelson said he found in surveys he conducted that "what (LDS students) believe they need to acquire for adulthood looks different" than what those outside of the church think they need to acquire. While both young adults in and out of the church believe financial independence and accepting responsibility for their actions are hallmarks of adulthood, the BYU sample he surveyed also considered being in control of their emotions, developing concern for others and preparing for family relationships to be signs of maturity.

While Nelson's research is ongoing, he said it appears that those surveyed in the BYU sample group "are further along. They tend to be further along in their identity development. They just seem to be further along in the process than their peers to becoming adults."

"You can tell they're hearing both messages loud and clear," Nelson said. "The message of the world that this is the time period to focus on yourself and have fun, but at the same time they were hearing the message on Sunday that 'now you need to be focused on others and you need to prepare for family roles."

The Other Side

A few days ago, I posted a list of things I want to do in my life. Well, I stumbled across another blog with a list of things the author did not want to do. And I thought it was sort of cool. So, here is my list of things not to do in my life.

1. Eat raw fish. Or any raw meat for that matter.
2. Go skydiving
3. Get botox
4. Have plastic surgery
5. Appear in a tabloid

There don't seem to be as many things I'm really opposed to doing. Unless you count the actual immoral stuff. I chose not to list them. And if #4 is needed because of some accident, I'll allow it.

Personal Inertia

I believe that people are basically consistent. Not necessarily with what they say, but in their actions. If we truly know somebody and their situation, what they do will make sense. People seem to act in a contradictory manner because we don't completely understand them or what is going on. It's sort of like the Bible. One of the commandments is thou shalt not kill. But the Israelites are later commanded to kill everybody in the lands they invade, including little children. This looks very contradictory. But when you see the principle behind it, it makes sense. The worth of the soul is great. So do not kill, because that person is very valuable. But if killing all these people now will save several generations of souls later, then it is for the best. Because it is better that one man should perish than that a nation should dwindle and perish in unbelief. Or it is better to kill one generation if it will prevent many future generations from falling into spiritual death.

If we really saw exactly what each person held most valuable, and what was being asked in each situation, it would make sense. Unfortunately, we can't see that. I think we can't even know ourselves completely, let alone everybody else.

Yes, people change. Not always consciously or on purpose. But these changes are usually in response to something. And for the most part, especially over the short term, people follow the law of inertia- they keep on going the way they have been.

Things To Do Before I Die

So, I talk about my list of things to do before I die, but I don't think I ever actually wrote it down. I guess I still am not writing it down, but I will type it out. This decision is inspired by my little sister's list on her blog.

1. Go on a cruise
2. Sponsor a child
3. Make a perfect pie crust
4. Go to a midnight movie premiere
5. Camp out in line for tickets to something
6. Visit Australia
7. Write a book that gets bought and published
8. Go to a drive-in movie
9. Stay awake for 24 hours straight
10. Sit and watch the sun rise
11. Sit and watch the sun set
12. Go to Marissa, Illinois
13. Stay at a Bed and Breakfast
14. Take a multi-day trip on Amtrak
15. Be at a Seriously Thursday Night broadcast
16. Order and eat from hotel room service

That's all I can think of right now. I may add on in the future.

A Current Event

The television show Big Love is planning to show parts of the endowment on TV this coming Sunday. Naturally, a lot of people are upset. Including me. And everyone has a different opinion on the best way to handle it. Some people have already written and called complaints to the folks at HBO. Some people say that the best thing is to ignore it so as to not bring more publicity. I don't know which side I agree with.

The thing is, most of the response I have seen from nonmembers is negative toward any indignation or offense we feel or any action we take to try to prevent this from being shown. And they assume that it's because we are ashamed of what goes on in the temple. No matter how we express that we are really offended because of the light treatment of the very sacred, they do not get it.

I think some people have no conception of the sacred. And that makes me very sad in addition to the hurt and disappointment.