End of November Update

That other Seth inspired me to pop in here and just update everyone.

Basically, I am working like a dog at the moment - a happy dog though.

It's a time of consolidating debt, and investing in new ventures. I finally received a mock up of my photography website and am truly excited. It's so much better when you give these kinds of things to people who actually know what they are doing - and through some luck, the designer working on my site is talented too. My brief was simple: Besides some functionality that I require, you have a clean sheet to do whatever you want.

In other updates...

Umm.. life is pretty devoid of anything too exciting actually haha! It's damned hot here today, but there's a promise of a good thunderstorm or two in the air. Always my favourite kind of weather. OMG I am talking about the weather ....

Last month, just about every last cent went into debt and prepaying stuff for next year like school fees etc. Also, Wes and spoilt ourselves a little in the beginning of the month with a pedicure, massage and a 45 minute lie in a 'flotation pool' - basically an over sized jacuzzi filled with body temperature water and tons of Epsom salt so that floating is much like a dead sea experience. Meditation music and sounds are fed underwater, and the the room is darkened with twinkly star-like lights in the black ceiling above. The water is gently rotated so that you slowly go round. It really was a very cool experience, but now that it has been done, I am not sure it really interests me to do it again.

My Photoshopping work has basically ended for the year, so there is a little more relax time available. case in point: I invited my step mom and half brother over for lunch last sunday. She came bearing a box of old photo's which pertains more to my dad's first marriage (the one I was spawned from). So we had a lot of fun going through some old pics...

I hardly know my half brother, having met him for the first time last year in twenty-two years when he was just a toddler. So it was a good time to laugh and break the ice a little more. He and stepmom live closer now, so I am trying to make an effort to keep us in touch more often.

My mom and stepmom spent a lot of time joking about what a real ass my dad was. Lol, he basically a good, intelligent, good looking man with a really good career. But his roving cock and insatiable sex drive spoilt every good element of his personality. We are still not really sure how many illegitimate siblings we may have out there. I know of one definite, and both my mom and stepmom have suspicions about a couple of others.

I had some issues with payment from the consultatncy i work through this month. Basically a stoopid paperwork bog down so corporately typical of the type of thing that makes me want to puke rather than wear a tie. So I mailed the CEO this morning - despise titles too by the way. I must have rewritten about five or six time to make sure I don't sound like a whiny employee, but rather a professional who is making a lot of money for them, and who has not been paid because some admin manageress hasn't mailed me a copy of my contract - something that should have been done last week Wednesday. I gently expressed my frustration that waiting around for a piece of paper has cost me a day and a half of a deadline driven schedule which is frustrating their biggest client.

I copied the mail to said manageress (those titles again).

Needless to say, I received a well rehearsed call of apology from her minutes after I received the contract. Her excuses were clearly lies - she can't even do that properly, but at least I received my apology - but more importantly, my contract as well proof that my overdue payment has been made. I was very nice to her, but asked how she would feel if her boss simply forgot to pay her on time just before Christmas because he was 'too busy'.

I hate going into overdraft...

My friend Nix is doing a course to help get over her irrational fear of flying. Obviously to me and most people I know, it certainly seems irrational. But I was reminded of how seemingly silly fears can be mountains for others when I had to go to the Tax office to get some documentation. Irrationally, I really become stupidly anxious when dealing with tax issues. I am not cheating, nor do I have anything to hide, and I am always on time with my returns etc etc.... but I break into a cold sweat and physically tremble.

I think it is because when i was just out of school and I started this little business at some point, and I just let all the paperwork get out of hand. They decided to audit my affairs and the subsequent interview felt like the Spanish Inquisition.

I really really dislike administration type stuff.....

Well that's me for now. A long dry sex season, no-one to call my own for now, and piles of work to get through before tomorrow.

But pretty content.

A good feeling

I was going back through some of my posts as I had given a link to my blog to someone who knows me personally...

It's amazing to look back and watch the ups and downs from a distance. I tried to put myself in my new follower's shoes to imagine how she might feel taking a deep long look into my inner space.

That space that is usually reserved for the anonymity of this blog.

She knows the non-fiction characters that play out almost fictionally here.

It's scary. But for a good cause.

And I finally got rid of that pesky pop-up thing that was plaguing my blog - thanks to those who advised me how.

Procrasturbating I have been... better get back to work. My laptop still hasn't arrived. I feel like a little kid waiting for Santa, and he just ain't comin'! Perhaps he's not real after all.

Oh, and Wes finally told Ali and I that he has been 'kinda seeing someone' for about a month. Let's hope this one doesn't leave him with the need for months of therapy afterwards. I wonder when we will meet him :) I hope I am not over critical lol.

Laterz!

A leetle update

Day Job - Building virtual 3D models of underground geology

Going really well. Seems the contract will run beyond March which is good news. Will allow me to build up a good cushion for slow months. My first invoice gets paid tomorrow. Most will go to clearing all my debt and doing some maintenance on the car which is working overtime right now. My second invoice (end of next month) will go to spoiling myself, and subsequent payments will go to savings.

Evening Job - Photo Retouching

I am hating this now. Been doing it too long for the same clients, who take the same pics, and I do the same stuff over and over..... already told my biggest client that I am going to find someone else to do his work cos I just don't have the time or motivation to continue. And I am just too cheap anyway - classic overworked underpaid scenario.

Weekend Job - Actual real event photography (no weddings thank you)

Been doing some dance competitions and despite no real selling efforts on my part, it is starting to significantly cover my beer bill (which is what Evening Job started out as). And I really enjoy it. So I am having a website set up over the next few weeks, with an ordering system etc etc... and I am going to invest in a new lens, and later also a new camera (one with fewer numbers Torchy!)

And I am shopping for a Laptop, and was wondering about Win7....

Vista and the software I use for my A-Job don't work well together, so I stick to XP. The Laptop I want comes with XP discs (Vista loaded) but they also offering 7 as an option.

And the software is just too expensive (the cost of about 200 laptops) to upgrade to the Vista friendly version. And the 'new' version of my current s/ware doesn't have any significant improvements in the areas I work in....

Lol, the office I work from is full of (about fifteen) people that just sit behind their screens and work. And only one eye candy candidate among the lot of them. I went out to the open plan area and put the question about Win7 out there, and all I got was looks of "look, he talks!"

I have my own office, which I have figured out is the domain of the directors only.... so I think they think I am a demi-god or something.

Anyways, the eye-candy guy came round after a few minutes and was pretty friendly in a subordinate kind of way (Images of handcuffs and a four poster bed) and chatted about W7 and other tech stuff I wasn't really listening to....

And I am also getting that stupid error message pop-up when I want to view my blog! I wonder what the fuck it is...

Um....

Some pressure is off. My photographer client stuff was delivered tonight. Worked till after 1am last night to finish off.

Had a super productive day at work, and found myself finished by 3pm, so I headed for home and found time to to take a power nap before fetching my daughter who is spending the night.

She is super stressed cos she dropped to a C in one of her subjects, but she will be okay. Her mom is the one who puts the pressure on.

I may even get 8hrs sleep tonight if it comes.

I hate being cranky through lack of sleep.....

Nighty night fellow bloggers....

Magnet

So I had a really crappy day yesterday, but it just served to remind me that my ability to say "no" is seriously lacking. I need lessons, or a Personal (hot boy) Assistant - or both.

This is not to say I always just wanna please others, I have serious empathy for those in need, and often put others' needs ahead of my own.

I am getting there though... lolz....

So yesterday, 630am, the ex calls and immediately starts at me with a seriously raised voice. I don't think she really has latched onto the concept of divorce where this scenario really doesn't play out well with me anymore. So I hang up. So she calls again, and I ask her before she starts to talk whether she is still going to shout or else I will just hang up again. It's really easy when she is geographically somewhere else. Just prod the End Call button.

So I hung up again after about 42 seconds when the volume got to banshee.

Karma is going to bite her in the ass one day, that is one thing I am sure of.

More to the story and why, but it's really not important except that I am just tired of being taken advantage of.

Later, Craig calls me to ask if I can help him with a budget proposal. So I laugh and tell him sure, around June 23rd 2010 after 4pm.

Even later, my ex mother-in-law texts me to ask if I can meet her (today) and not to tell my ex (like I am even talking to her right now after the morning fiasco).

So I have lunch with her today, only to hear she has lost her job etc etc.... She knows I can't help her, but I think she just needed to share.

And Wesley boy is sick as hell (personally I think Tick Bite fever), so I went for a short visit and made him some chamomile tea while he moaned on the couch. Speaking of Wesley....

I am getting some signals from him that I hope I am misreading. The last thing I need is for him to declare some sort of need for anything romantically inclined... Small things like "I been missing seeing you the last few days" texts. I been working really long hours, so being social is not on my agenda right now.

Last Saturday, we spent the whole day together, starting out with a two hour breakfast, a trip to the mega hardware place (we both love hardware stores), then a long walk through a bunch of furniture and home decor places. After that, we did some meat on the fire with salads and stuff at his place, and lay on the couch watching dvd's till latish in the evening.

All that was missing was holding hands at the stores, and lying in each others arms at home, and heading off to bed together.... the rest makes everyone else think we are a married couple. Lying on the couch, there was this air of almost sexual tension which I haven't felt with him for ages.

Like I really need a complication like that right now lol......

Oh, and Friday night, we went to some old friends of mine for dinner - like a couple.....

Though after he left, one of the girls said to me she doesn't think he is intelligent enough for me hehe... actually, he was drunk when he arrived, having come straight from a work lunch thingy at the local pub.

So today... is ummm... two and half days since we last saw each other and he texts that he is missing me...

He is a long way from getting over Andrew though. I actually think it's almost exactly three yrs ago since we actually slept together. Will have to check my journal.

And I had a really good, productive day today. My current daily schedule is as follows:

05.30 wake, shower, breakfast, coffee.

06.15 - 08.00 long drive thru the traffic to work

08.00 - 16.00 put in my 8 hrs eating a packed lunch while behind the laptop

16.00 - 17.30 long drive home

17.30 - 18.00 me time

18.00 - 19.00 dinner

19.00 - 20.00 internet time

20.00 - 23.00 photo work (2nd income job)

23.00 - 0.00 me time (blush)

and start all over again........

It can be debilitating at times

It always amazes me how a fleeting smell, a flicker of an image, an unexpected emotional state, can bring back a sudden flood of memories.

Yesterday, it was the Dead Poets Society. Specifically the character Neil Perry (Robert Sean Leonard).

Though the personality of the character didn't match, his mannerisms, smile, jawline, nose... they were all my high school boy friend. My very secret high school boyfriend.

I dreamed of him all night last night, heard his laugh.

I cried in my dreams as he left.

It left me feeling in the weirdest down mood I have had in ages. Sometimes it feels like I am living someone else's life, like I silently watch as it plays out in front of me, with only minimal control, devoid of real emotion.

I will be better tomorrow, but tonight is for him as I go back and hold his hand.

We swapped three short mails about five years ago, but they were just empty keystrokes from both of us. I wish I could tell him I loved him without consequence.

Too many 'what ifs' today.

Dear *insert highschool bf here*

Dear A,

It's been more years than I care to contemplate since I have seen you.

I think about you still after all this time.

Your shy smile.... It's brief flashes in company almost as if you never wanted others to see it. The generosity of it when we were alone. It shone in the light, and glowed warm in the dark.

The touch of your lips... Never has a kiss meant so much, spoke so much, been so insanely gentle. The way we could simply be so close, a single molecule of yours against mine. We breathed each other in. The night we lay in the dark, whispering words quietly, the words meaning nothing, but the touch of our lips as we spoke saying everything.

Your laugh, how it still makes me cry...

Your skin, the back of your hands, the shape of your neck.

The way you sat, the way you stood quietly in the shadows, silently watching me.

I have never loved anyone the way I loved you.

I watched a movie yesterday. For a fleeting moment, in one of the characters, I saw your eyes, the jawline, the shy way you look up.

I dreamed of you.

I dreamed of you.

I am just sorry that it was all so confusing for both of us, so overwhelming, so intense.

It's days like these I like to imagine being with you, no words, just back in the forest, lying side by side on the cool pine needles.

And I wonder, as you go about your life, with your wife, with your kids, tending farmers horses, looking after spinsters' cats. I wonder if you ever look back at that one night, when we forgot about the impossibility of it all, the one night we never questioned one facet, that one night a miracle gave us enough time alone to wake together with the sun on our feet.

It's hard not being able to fall out of love.

I love you still.

S

Building puzzles and not getting much sleep

So I am working my ass off at the moment. I managed to secure a small loan to make it through October till my first pay day with this contract.

It's been interesting - a lot of goal post changing, and a few challenges.

Today I drove 100km to site only to find I had left my data behind on the old memory stick in my bedroom.... So I drove back, sped through the last of the data and mailed them the results aghh!

I guess it happened because I have been giving two of my friends a hard time about doing similar things over the last few weeks. Wes twice left his laptop at home last week, and Gav left his laptop and cellphone at a friends pub in London on a quick stopover from Budapest- He has his laptop (life) back, though the cell phone loss may have occurred during the inebriated trip to Heathrow.

And speaking of Gav - he is up from Cape Town for the weekend for a wedding on Saturday, so got to spend some time with him and Stef today.

And apparently the Italian government considers Gav and I citizens due to some technical procedural thing when our great grandfather emigrated here more than a hundred years ago.

Stef proposed to me today on this basis hehe! Funny thing is that we could probably make a balanced couple.... As he was leaving he said he would call to invite me over for dinner, because we had to start planning soon. A June wedding is apparently what he wants. lol... Imagine a young version of Meatloaf, only more fem....

Had a long chat to him about his recent breakup, and we chatted about what happened between Nev and I too. I don't see him nearly enough since he moved to the city, though he insisted I come to their Halloween Party, well HallowQueen Party technically as all costumes have to be drag. have to check my busy schedule though.....

So since I never got much done today with the silly to and from the middle of nowhere and Stef and Gav being around for the rest of the day, I guess I need to put in some hours tonight.

And Nix won't be here for Christmas.....

But she will be here April with her son. It will be better in terms of timing, and Durban is not as unbearably humid as it is over December. She may have a few more chapters done on her book by then which should be interesting. One of the characters is loosely based on me....

My cat is meowing for attention. His latest thing is to stomp all over the keyboard while I am trying to work.... silly boi, he's not exactly small either.

And I've been so damn horny lately..... almost annoyingly so.

Quick general update

Okay, so I haven't blogged for a wee bit, but that's a sure sign that things are running better in my life right now.

So work: Day Three officially yesterday (Today is a useless public holiday).

I have been stressing because I work with different software to the rest of the team, and my data hasn't been matching up. The ramifications are huge. So basically, I have been importing their data, and it just never seems to register the same co-ords in space.

So on Tuesday I told the project leader that I am going to the client to try and resolve this issue. And I am getting looks of "you don't really know what you are doing, do you?"

My gut feel is that my data is right, and their's is wrong, but my panic is that I am missing something through being a little rusty with the whole system.

Four hours into trying to make a case, the client project manager reruns their process and comes up with a fundamental flaw in their own system. Ten Points For ME!!!!!

The problem is that their raw data was flawed, and they have used this data through several steps which now have to be re-done. Three months work literally down the drain pipe....

And good old Sethy has been mandated to redo all the work. This is good. More work = more hours = more pay lolz. They already know me as Dr Fixit at the client.

Now I just got to get thru financially till the end of Oct. Not really sure how I am going to manage it.....

Drank tequial last night haha! Was out with Wes. I could so have done really naughty things with him haha. I must have kissed him five or six times during the evening, inspiring many giggles from our waitress who just can't fathom why we are not a real couple. And a number of dirty looks from the more conservative patrons....

So I am off to Wes's parents place for a braai (bbq in otherspeak). Beer, sunshine, cricket, Wes, braai... a good day in all.

Saturday

Johnno and I


Me, Iain and Duma

9.35am Rugby, Happiness, SA 1-Oz and NZ 0, Tri-Nations FTW! Beer.

11.30am Breakfast with Wes, Happiness.

1.00pm Iain, Beer, Happiness.

2.00pm Iain, Johnno and Fam, Duma, Happiness, Beer.

6.00pm Home, Supper, Coffee, Happiness.

A good day

Tantric

That's what my life feels like sometimes..... Long and drawn out, yet mostly pleasurable, and still waiting for the big orgasm.

So as you may know if you follow me regularly, I have had some ups and downs on the financial / employment front for some time.

So anyway, after my 'agent' (I always put it in '' cos agents are supposed to get you work right?) called this week asking if I was available for some work, I waited with baited breath for some answer from him.

Day 2: I get a mail from Ray at the client requesting me to contact them direct. This is rarely good because I don't really ever get involved until an order is signed etc... I am not good at negotiating rates and stuff, thats why I have an 'agent'. Anyway, I try call, but just get voicemail. Later, while having a beer with Wes and Ali, Ray calls, so I ask him if this has to do with what my Agent is quoting on. So he tells me yeah, sorta, but not the same - all enigmatic like. Then he tells me that Paul will call me with all the details. Paul is his boss.

Day3: Paul calls me. Says I can't work thru my agent because the project is not at mine level, but at corporate head office level, in which case, Agent is not a registered vendor there and I would battle to get my money (again). Ray will call me and give me the details.

Day4: Ray calls me. Wants to know if I can start earlier, but work through ***con as discussed with Paul. So I say yeah... I can come and see them next week (Paul said not going to happen till late in the month). Ray says next week? Fuck no, come tomorrow cos Charles from xxxcon is leaving for Peru on Monday. Oh Fuck, I think, Charles. Him and I butted heads on the last project.

Today: I go through, all nervous like, because of the Charles butting heads incident that may fuck all of this stuff up for me. Ray takes me to the boardroom where Charles joins us. - all kitten like. Hey S, he says, nice to see you again etc etc... When can you start? What are your rates? How can we pay you? Travel? No problem. Laptop? Sure, we have a new Dell lying around. Oh, by the way, we have some juniors we would like you to take under your wing and give them some training. It's just that you really know this reef and the orebody better than most. We'll pay you extra for that of course.

On the outside I am all smooth and calm like. On the inside, I am going Booooyaaaaaaa!!!!

So he takes me around to the project manager for intro's. 'Hey Heather, This is S I told you about. Make sure he gets what he needs, and if you have any questions, he will help you out. I've asked him to give some leadership to the new guys.'

So I am still spinning a bit....

I mean, the money is really good. I probably could have milked a bit more.... but once this project is done, there is always the opportunity to re-negotiate.

So Sethy is back to building puzzles (My daughter's description for what I do). Basically doing 3D models of underground stuff using a bunch of known, inferred, and extrapolated data plus a whole lotta gut feel. Once my models are done, the geostaticians use them as boundaries within they can estimate the value of the ore, and the engineers use my models to plan their routes to the ore, and the marketers use my models as pretty pictures in presentations to raise billions on the stock exchange.

As long as they don't send me down there to physically check my work...... I am not going 3.4km underground thank you very much. Thats 1.5km below sea-level. And the area is 'seismically' active in some places.

Anyone?

Does anyone know what happened to jlo from Jeff's Favs?

Online relationships

Last night, I went signed on to my 'regular' MSN sign on - not the one I use for my fellow bloggers.

I haven't been there in a while, because well, it's kinda boring, and I usually use Skype for my A-side friends anyway.

My first foray into online chatting was when Yahoo Chat was full of cammers and cool chatrooms. I met a bunch of cool people, and went through a serious camming anonymously phase. I actually think I was a bit of an addict, often with five or six cam windows open lol.... even on dial up, it performed okay.

I guess like all things, I became a bit bored, and canned most of my 'friends', but I still chat occasionally to two of those original guys. Tim is in his fifties, married, but plays around a lot online, and while his wife works or is away on some or other conference. Tim and I went through a lot of stuff together. He supported me during my divorce and my first forays into coming out and one nighters, and almost relationships. I was there for him when his wife's cancer returned, and when they went into chapter eleven due to the medical costs.

I never felt I loved Tim in any way, but we certainly have a relationship of sorts. Once a week we catch up on the latest gossip, porn sites, new characters in our lives, both on and offline. He is a great guy and though we have never cammed (okay once when I was pretty pissed), we always fantasise about meeting some day and getting naked just because we can.

Matt on the other hand is totally different. First of all, he is younger - in his twenties - fit as all hell, intelligent etc etc. He is the only person I have seriously fallen for online. At one point, we were online together for hours at a time. The only thing that was missing to make it a real relationship was actual touching...

He lives on the other side of the planet of course (Sydney).

So last night, he popped up on MSN. I haven't chatted to him for months. Pretty soon, we were back into each other. It's painful actually, because what we have is like nothing else I have experienced with anyone online. It's as if I can feel him snuggled up next to me, whispering in my ear.

The last time I was in Australia, I ran out of time to spend any time in Sydney - just a connect from Brisbane to Johannesburg.

So I either want to do Brizzy or Rio for my birthday in Feb.

I really really really want to meet Matt. To complete what must be completed.

I thought I had forgotten what that feeling of love/infatuation/crush was until we spent time together last night.

Hell, I know it is a risk..... but everyone who really knows me will tell you that without risk, I am nothing.

Decisions.....

My 'agent' called today out of the blue as usual....

Seems his client has once again asked for me to do some work again. This is amazingly good news of course. The quoting is a formality because I have been requested specifically.

Problem 1:

It's from mid October, which means first payment optimistically end of November.

Problem 2:

Little brother has not been requested..... some sibling rivalry dilemma's approaching as he has no work at the moment either. I did ask my agent to keep him in mind if there is extra work.

Problem 3:

Do I expend time and energy into expanding the photography, then let it slide again while I do this (three month) job? The reality is that I can earn enough during this job to give me the capital to do the photo thing properly next year, but also I need income from now until the end of November or else I am going to be so far in debt that the extra cash is just going to go back into servicing the debt again.....

aaaargh!!!!!!!

And I need a new laptop for this job......

And I need software from little brother if I get new laptop.......

o fuck

fuckity fuck

haha....

And my agent says the engineers are working again, which means the recession is officially over in my industry, so I may even have more work next year after this job.

Perhaps Rio Carnival is not too much of a pipe dream for my birthday in February.......

The Universe is apparently listening....

Glorious Day!

Went out with the other two thirds last night. W returned home from holiday yesterday, having spent ten days on the beach (grrrr jealous). Ali was receiving penis pics on her phone while we giggled like girls rating each one as they came through from a (hot) married guy every ten minutes or so. Apparently he was sneaking into the bathroom while at home with his wife, and taking cock pics and sending them to her.....

It was quiz night unfortunatley, so eye candy was restricted to the old age home fogies whose only weekly entertainment is to book a table, order the cheapest on the menu, and take the chance to show that they are old enough to know everything. And win prizes of biscuits and booze.

Had an early breakfast with Wes in the sun this morning at our favourite coffee shop. He only goes back to work tomorrow.

Now back to the PC and get my Photoshop work done. Gah! I am tired of Barmitzvah pics lol.... Sixth one in three weeks......

Trying to figure out creative and different ways to make studio lights pay. Seems every Tom Dick and Anny with a digital camera is out there after being retrenched through Affirmative Action and the recession.....

Much like me of course.

Time to be seriously different!

hi....

It's Monday.
Unseasonally horny.
Have NO motivation to work.
Brother offered to help me buy some equipment.
My erratic outlook on life has never been good for me.
The house I want is back up for sale.
I never won the lotto though....

Why am I so nervous/anxious?

Actually I do know why.

I guess I have never been good at cold calling.

Though it has to be done.

I have never been good at keeping my mouth shut either.

Though - sometimes - it has to be done.

I have never been good at accepting help.

Though, I guess now is the time to change.

Assistant Required
No Experience Necessary

Congenital Nevus

That's what it is.
I think.
I once had a dermatologist tell my mum (in front of me as if I didn't exist) that if I didn't have it grafted off, I would suffer severe pyschological issues.
I often forget it is there because I don't see it.

Does anyone else have one?

Or know anyone who has one?

I am thinking about a tattoo incorporating it. Ideas?

Mixed bag

So I have flu argh! Not bad yet, just a bit chesty and sore throat, but judging by the people around me, it's bound to get worse before it gets better.

Did another shoot last weekend at another dance festival. I don't know these dancers, so its going to be a bit harder to get the stuff sold. I posted a bunch to my photography FB fan page, and invited one of the dancers I found on FB. He was pretty impressed with the stuff, so I will take sample and stuff next week. It's been a busy week for me, trying to catch up on other stuff, and my daughter has been with me as she has been pretty sick too.

This weekend, I am going with my Mom and her sister to the Drakensberg. It's the 40th birthday of a set of twins I grew up with, though we don't see each other much anymore. Our familes are friends, so that's why we are all going down together. All we could get was a three bedroom unit, and I was hoping to take the kids with. But J has taken a few days off school this week already, and she has something on for school on Saturday. And I can't take S without taking J.....

My oldest customer lost his mom-in-law yesterday. A result of too many years of drinking and smoking too much. It never came as much of a surprise, but his kids are taking it hard. Not fun to lose a granny, especially a fun, party-loving granny.

Reminds me of my own grandfather on my dad's side. He lost his drivers license due to an accident where someone died. He was driving and he was blind drunk when the cops and ambulance arrived.

So while he never had a driver's license, he was a senior pilot on an international airline....

Fun.

Lol.. we are four brothers, and I was the only one he would have anyhting to do with. He used to catch a taxi on a Saturday morning to take me (only me) to the movies and pancakes after.

He was a twin, but lost his brother when they were very young (just in their twenties I think), and I think I reminded him of his brother. I sometimes think I am his brother reincarnated. Sounds silly, but I do think that.

A Change of Scenery

No, I'm not leaving blogland, though I really don't visit nearly enough at the moment.

I go through these phases where my body and soul aches for a change of scenery. It's usually set off by a general change of circumstances around me, and of course, over the last few months, a lot has changed.

For the first time ever, I have been lying awake thinking about distant shores. I dream frequently of the odd bit of travel, armed with lenses of various sizes and speedos, but seldom ever imagine myself setting up a little home in a foreign land. My home town has been a constant magnet and rock to me. The centre of the universe if you like.

I did live and work in New England for a time a long while ago. I also once spent six months in the Kingdom of Swaziland, but being only 330km from the centre of the universe, it hardly counts as 'being abroad'.

Nearly two years ago I moved in with Neville - the love of my life at the time - who lived 1200km away. Even though it meant moving away from my kids, I thought I could make it work - and probably could have if we hadn't broken up lol.... But it was like a test case scenario for me and the kids.

Lately, as the kids are getting older, I almost feel that they are needing me less and less in many respects. The ex and her same sex partner now live in adjoining houses on the same property - a bold step towards cementing their relationship in the very long term. She has two kids the same age as mine, and more and more, I feel like they are melding into a new family unit. And a fairly happy one at that. I kinda feel like I am drifting out of the core as time moves on. I know it is inevitable as they grow up, and we are hard wired to let it be, but this transition phase is unsettling.

Sadly, I feel more and more like my ex takes advantage of my good nature, and is only pleasant to me when there are material requirements to her own benefit. Sad, because I for one, cannot write off our history of better times as being completely non-existent - something she seems to be the master at.

So for the last six months or so, I have been drifting without a real goal. And when that happens, I endure night after night of insomnia, as my mind races around, looking for something to cling to.

Basically, I think the time has come to make real plans in terms of working towards a goal that for once does not include the immediate needs of my kids and my ex. As harsh as it may sound, I think this phase of my involvement in their everyday life is passing for them. It is me who is hanging on to them.

I am going through a real financial crisis - which in itself is manageable given a bit of time - but I am met with a stone wall of non-empathy by the ex. Demands of blood from my stone. But I guess that is one of the reasons we are apart. When we seperated, we were going through a similar (temporary) situation, and I suddenly realized that she simply did not have the staying power to endure the downs among the ups. This made me wonder what would happen if I were one day to require special care through an accident or illness. I think she would have simply left me.

So..... Rio for the boys? New Zealand because I have a brother there? Mozambique to build a wooden cabin near the beach and live off the land and the odd tourist? Lima for the Spiritual Pull I have felt my entire life for no apparent reason?

I am inclined to think I will fair better where there is scenery of the shirtless male variety....

So what does it cost?

Hmm... Gauss' comment on my last post regarding the cost of my weekend away got me thinking...

It would be interesting to compare some money things in our lives across the planet..... Every year, some research co. (I forget which) does a Big Mac index comparing the Dollar price of Big Mac's around the world.

So here's the challenge:

Comment or mail me on how much each of these items cost in your area, and be sure to say which currency you are using of course and quantity (per litre/ US gallon / Imperial Gallon / pounds / kg etc), and I will post our prices and the comparisons in a new post. Some items may require some estimating....

Also, I would obviously like to know more or less where you are. You can post anon if you want to of course.

So here we go:

Big Mac Meal (Burger/Fries/Coke combo)
Litre of petrol (or US Gallon or Imperial Gallon)
Litre of Diesel "
VW Golf 6
One way 2 hr flight on a local low cost airline (Ryan Air? Virgin Blue?)
1kg of skinless chicken breasts (or per pound)
1kg of beef fillet (or pound)
Monthly rent on a 2 bedroom apartment in your area excluding utilities (water and electricity)
Approximate cost per minute of a mobile call (prepaid rates)
Monthly internet cost to transfer 2Gb of data (specify connect speed and whether there are limits on usage)
I-Phone
200g (about half pound) steak meal at a family restuarant (with fries and/or veggies)
Average bottle of red wine from your local store (Merlot/Cabernet Sauvignon/Pinotage) - not cheap plonk, nor expensive vintage
Can of Coke
Loaf of supermarket white bread
Tube of your favourite toothpaste
gram of cocaine (optional) (I did know the going rate, will have to ask around for the current one though lol)
One good Marijuana cigarette (joint)
Bottle of Jack Daniels
Pack of twenty Camel / Marlboro cigarettes
GQ magazine (or FHM / Mens health / or local mens lifestyle magazine)
A ticket to see District 9 (or any other latest release movie) at your local movie theatre /cinema or whatever you choose to call it...

I know it sounds like a lot, but please take the time to do a little research for me...

Please?

Hugs

S (oops, nearly posted me real name there....)

Some scenes from the weekend...

So it was a good weekend in all.

Was a bit nervous cos neither Wes or I really knew more than a couple of guys. MG put W and I in the same cabin, so that was good.

On Saturday, we had a mad hatters party, and made good use of the jacuzzi as well as you can see. And of course, R made good use of the bar counter, doing impromptu strip shows the whole night, or until he was too drunk to get back up.

Met some really cool people. MG's brother turned out to be a beautiful boy lol. Sometimes I wish I had a gay brother too. Unusual I guess. Though I did once end up with a set of twins.....

We also spent some time at the local agricultural show. You should understand, that the farm we stayed on is just outside a VERY conservative town. So we looked like the local Gay Pride Parade when we arrived. We didn't stay long....

And I stuck to my drinking budget haha! Was a bit nervous for the bill, but was actually within a buck of the final amount. Strange that Wes's bill was almost identical, which means neither of us really drank that much, though we were bought quite a few shooters - Jagermeisters and Tequila's mostly as I can remember. A couple arrived that wasn't part of the group consisting of this like 60yo with toy boy in tow..... It wasn't pretty. I said to Wes yesterday that if he ever see's me in public with anyone that young, he should make me look at the pics of this odd couple again. It looked a little pathetic. The youngster was only there for the money, and the older guy was there purely for the sex. And they have been together for five years, so he must have been just barely legal when they met.

It's one thing fantasising, quite another thing actually seeing it in the flesh though.

The whole weekend - excluding travel costs - was only $80, food and drink included hehe... and Wes insisted on paying half as I had orginally said to him I can't go because I am broke still. He went ahead and booked and paid for the accomodation anyway.

Then had a fat argument over the phone with my ex when I got home. I guess she thought instead of paying alimony/maintenance/child support or whatever you call it where you are, I was off happly spending all her money.

Fuck her. It's the reason I have no regrets about splitting up - she has zero empathy for the human condition. Basically, if it's not benefiting her in some way, it doesn't exist.

Sethy the Famous Photographer

So a little collage of my Dance comp pics. They sold better than expected, and when I delivered the prints tonight there were plenty oohs and aahs, and once seen in the flesh as such, there were promises of more orders too.

I had a really kak (shit in otherspeak) day, so it was nice to have some positive stuff happening. Felt like I was running around and achieving nothing, and the inevitable calls from creditors - arghhh!

Ah well, off to the little gay resort in the bush again this weekend with Wes and MG. MG's brother is going to be there too (Gay siblings... unusual), plus eight other single guys. Not sure who I am sharing with yet, so this could be fun. There is only a double bed in each room, so sharing the sheets will be inevitable. Though I will be the oldest in the group. At least there will be some distraction from the reality for two short days, and looks like the weather is going to be pleasant - mid twenties (C) - so shorts and Tees. And there are two large jacuzzis.... though nakedness is forbidden in the public area *giggles*.

I am still here :)

Update:

Still here
Slow connection, so difficult to catch up on blogs - ugh
Living with mother is like rehab - cool
Made a bit of money on the dance shoot - more than I expected - yay
Still not enough though - lol
Going back to the gay resort this weekend - yay
It's kinda a singles weekend - we will draw lots on who shares with whom - nervous
Fending off creditors - ugh
Had awesome long weekend with lotsa family - cool
Made so much food, we ate for three days on the leftovers - fat
Had too much white wine tonight at our 'weekend planning meeting' - heartburn

I mentioned that Devon's parents made the decision to donate his organs. When they opened him up, they discovered he had lymphatic cancer. Doc reckons judging by how extensive it was, chances are, he may not have made it to his twenties....

It's a kinda bittersweet revelation.

A new week

First off, I would like to just say thanks for all the supportive mails and comments.

I have a pretty crappy internet connection at the moment as I have moved house, and reception is a little dodgy.

So both funerals were on Friday, and of course it was an emotional time. The thing about funerals though, it also brings people together again.

Wezley's was the first. My daughter and her three friends wanted to attend with me (they were at the same school). Four boys read tributes to him and one was clearly in love with the boy.

I took them for coffees and cake to break the mood before heading off for Dev's. It really was a big funeral. Half the school bussed in. The headmaster as well as several of his teachers were there. His homeroom teacher is a friend of mine.

So it's all over now. No rewind button.

So on Saturday, I did a shoot at another dance competition. I am busy working on the images this morning, and a lot more interest was shown, so I hope to sell a bunch of prints this time around. I have a target of $700 per week to make if I am to get back to comfortable survival.

Then on Saturday night, my oldest and two of her friends completely blew me away by their first live performance of their budding little band.

The show was arranged by their music teacher, who asked only that any numbers performed must be original work. The venue was a local pub, which was packed to capacity. The girls did two numbers, and although they have a long way to go, their confidence completely blew me away.

So yeah, I may not be around too much for now, but watch this space :)

hugs to all

S

Life is short

I am not yet sure how to put all I feel into words. That will come later I am sure.

I posted earlier that Devon, my nephew, passed this morning, but was hoping the second boy, Wesley, would somehow pull through.

Sadly, he was declared brain dead this afternoon after suffering a major stroke late yesterday afternoon.

No need to comment, just a small offer of prayer for their parents and those who were close to them.

It has been a sad weekend, but one that has proven that common cause humanity does exist, and also that our belief in invincibility can be severely tested.

Be safe, and always strive to expect the unexpected.

Its finally over

Yesterday afternoon late, Devon was declared brain dead.

A decision was made late last night to donate his organs.

At 6am this morning they shut down the respirator and took him away.

He is now a hero by saving others' lives.

---

Wesley is deteriotating after showing signs of improvement. Yesterday afternoon, he had a stroke which has been a major setback.

Just to clear up a misunderstanding - this is not the same Wesley I often talk about. My Wesley has been very supportive, sending me texts of support right through the night.

---

Thank you everyone for the kind words in comments, mails and tweets.

Some prayers sought...

Please pray for my nephew, Devon, and his friend Wesley, who were both involved in a motorcycle accident earlier today (Friday).

Both boys are in ICU on life support. Wesley is showing signs of movement, though he has severe head injuries, while my boy Devon is relying solely on life support for now. They have placed a drain in his skull as there is a lot of swelling and bleeding on the brain still.

Devon is 14, and Wesley 17.

They are in extremely good care, and while we all took turns to hold his hand and have a quiet chat, the doctors are still fearing the worst.

A little Update

So I have pretty much moved all my stuff over to my mom's place. It has been emotional, as any move is for me. I really despise change.

Hmm... updates..

My youngest daughter surprised all of us by changing her relationship status to "in A relationship" on Facebook lol. So last week we (Wes, Ali, the two girls and I) were out for a drink. We all made a big thing about her being the only one in the group that was actually IN a relationship, making her the centre of attention for the whole evening. It was good to see her basking in the limelight for a while. She is normally in the background. I had previously briefly met the said object of her affections - a cute shy boy two years her senior (she is 12 lol).

So today (on MSN), she told me she had been dumped.... poor child. Ah well, she still has the stalker who lives across the road, and Joe, the West African boy with the sexy French accent. The joys of being pre-teen and running hormones.

On Saturday, Wes and I joined a mutual friend and his gf at the (almost) local casino for a show. The first half was a cabaret type thing with live band and amazing dance routines - our mutual friend and his gf are competition ballroom/latin dancers. The second half was a stand up comic thing, which was pretty good. The host was far more entertaining than the headliners though....

Chatted for a bit to Chris today (almost passes out from longing for his body which was once against mine). It's his birthday tomorrow and he has invited me to his birthday bash on Saturday. I have my kids this weekend, so I am still trying to figure out how I am going to do this..... I really miss him. I met him online a few years ago, and we developed one of those amazing online relationships which culminated in us meeting and spending a few unforgettable days together on my brother's farm....

He recently moved pretty close to me about three or four months ago, and we have seen each exactly once. And it was a chance meeting at the opening of a new gay venue in my area. We ended up snogging on the dance floor. We were both drunk and also were at the venue with dates'.......

So I am thinking of persuing this.......

Had a drink with Iain tonight. It's been a while, and was good. A few good laughs as we tried to figure out whose future death would make as much noise as MJ's. We figured on Nelson Mandela, Oprah, Obama, Prince William.

Maybe's were madonna and Clint Eastwood. Other contenders were Paul McCartney, Johnny Depp, Britney, Drew Barrymore and any of the current Harry Potter lead actors.

Personally, Elijah Wood, Tom Selleck (don't ask), Brad Pitt, Shaun Pollock, Micheal J Fox and some others would send a wave of emotion as well.

And as usual, the requisite bad jokes abounded. My favourite of the night was a pick up line: Come and tell Pinocchio a lie...

I guess you had to be there....

So where has Sethy been?

Yeah I have been a little quiet lately. Some things have happened.

I mentioned before that if no work came along, I would be okay till the end of June. So the end of June has come and gone, and though I have been doing the odd thing here and there, major cashflow stuff has been lacking.

I wrote a nice letter to my landlord letting them know that I can only make half my rent this month, and would have to vacate at the end of July (14 days notice in stead of the required 30 days notice). Their answer was to cut my electricity - effectively evicting me by cutting off utilities in the middle of winter.

So they're not getting my half rent after all, and I have started moving out. My mom and I have been discussing my moving back 'home' for a few months already, so this has just fast forwarded our plans somewhat. We alread have submitted plans for a two bedroomed cottage which we planned on starting in the new year, but for now, I have moved back into my old room haha. The last time I spent more than a few weeks in this room was in my teens.

My mom shares the house with her sister, and we have all been a little concerned about their security living on their own here, so actually there are some happier siblings around. I always knew that I would be the one to look after the old ducks as they become more needy. It's something that I have accepted and don't mind at all.

But, on the positive side, there have been some movements on the work side. I have an interview of sorts later next week, and I am quoting on some work later today.

Of course, older brother is all full of lectures... but I expected that. I guess I have never been a long term planner like he is. It's just the way I am built.....

And I do miss Torchy! But I guess he has priorities too. I try to keep up with reading at least, and will try comment as I go. The internet connection isn't quite as good here yet until I get it all sorted out, but I will keep posting albeit a little more sparingly.

Weird night out

So Craig calls me earlier in the week and says Joe is trying to get hold of me. Wants to discuss a photo shoot of some sort. So I call Joe and he is cagy about what he wants done, and invites me over to discuss. Now I have the kids because it is holidays here, so we all went through last night after establishing that his own younger daughter would be there for company while we talked.

Weirdness....

It was all about catching up the thirty years we haven't seen each other. Joe was the first guy i ever wanked with lol. We were eleven, and it was in the bath at his house when I spent one night at his place. We also competed for the same gf at some stage, and there was some resentment for each other for a while. Joe needs to win. Every time, and in everything, always. I guess he disliked me cos he lost out to the German girl (who now lives four houses down from me and is a lesbian hahahaha!)

Ah well, so we just talked and talked and talked. he has become something of a shady character over time. I guess he was something o the school bully in his time - though as we discussed last night, even though I was the gay boy even in junior school, no-one ever picked on me. I just was never an easy target. My mouth was a formidable weapon - still is lol. It was the same in high school. I could hold my own, as long as it never involved violence.

As it turns out, he has become one of these 'born again' christian types, and although he tried on several occasions into a debate on Christianity (while smoking a joint and drinking a beer), I wasn't going there.

It's not that I am a-religious - I am anti the church going hypocrisy that goes with it. One thing we did agree on though, is that the Christ message (as it appears under different guises in various 'religions') is what is commonly known as the New Commandment - Love your neighbour as you love yourself.

I believe very strongly that 90% of our human issues today come from not following this simple edict. The secret though, is first to be able to love yourself. Without that ability, 'loving' your neighbour becomes hypocritical.

But that's just my thoughts.

And we never got to talk about the photo shoot.....

Catemba

... is a drink made from red wine and cola - usually Coke.

It's delicious and refreshing served with plenty of ice. It's usually better with a slightly higher ratio of wine to coke.
However, it is highly dangerous.
It tastes like cooldrink.
It kinda creeps up on you.
And suddenly you are very very drunk.
Little brother and I finished two 1.5 litre jugs of the stuff last night.
I slept very well.
And awoke at 5am, my body requiring vast amounts of rehydration.
But no hangover lol....

Actually it was a cool evening out. He called and asked if he could buy me a drink on their way home from having lunch at another really great seafood place.

They were with a bunch of people, most of whom I knew. Introduced to Brian, who I thought quite attractive until he opened his mouth. He made some really racist remarks which got brother and I on our feet together.

He never said another word for the time that he was there. Cunt. I hate stupid fucks like that.

My sister-in-law was all emotional (too much wine earlier I think). Was crying on my shoulder. She had to bury and old friend a few weeks ago.

Then she said that brother and I are like twins. When we don't see each other we get depressed.

She's right.

Random post I guess.....

Happy Birthday

... to Simon who says he is twenty-two today. I don't for one moment believe him (my guess is sixteen).

And I had a good day. One or two good decisions were made.

In a good place right now.

Header Pix - 4

21/22 - Coming of age...

Finished up my two year military conscription.
Moved back in with Trevor.
I guess I didn't really fit in anywhere else.
Dated my future ex-wife on and off.
Worked in the US for nearly year (Boston Mass)
Trevor spent a few months with me there.
Was so terribly home sick.
Was accused of sleeping with the boss by her husband. (not true) (ewwww)(no offence Vicky)
Came home lost.
Moved to the coast and opened a photo lab with Trevor.
Had a brief period where I thought I would marry stalker girl
After my oldest brother's wedding, Trevor and I once again had a huge fallout.
My mother hinted that whatever was going on, it's not good for me, and I should come home.
A few months later, I put everything I owned into my old car and drove the 1500km back home.
I thought it would be the last time I would be starting all over again.
Lol... I was wrong.

Niagara Falls

Horribly long hair

***

Was supposed to be productive today.
But I wasn't.
Hate my life right now.
It sucks.

Weekend Away

Just a quicky...

So Wes, Marky, MG and I headed off to the bush for a little getaway weekend. MG met us there as he had to come from work in a different direction.

The little 'resort' is basically in the middle of nowhere. It's a gay bois only place - pretty much the only place like it within 500km. Yes, there are a couple of others, but they are nudist/cruising spots - something we were not interested in. This is just a relax spot where gay guys fom all walks of life can feel comfortable and get away from the big cities.

Anyway, because of the weather I guess, we were the only guests for the weekend.

They have a new chef, who delighted in experimenting with the new menu with us. Amazing food for every meal. The cabins were very very basic. Just a wooden structure with a tin roof; double bed and toilet/shower. At least there was hot water.

On Friday night we partied with the owner, the chef and 2 str8 guys. The one is a supplier that stayed for drinks, and the other is the cute barman. He is the nephew of the (gay) owner, and clearly loves his job (and the attention). The four of us ended up in the jacuzzi to keep warm.

That night, we froze our balls off. Marky and I shared a cabin and practically slept on top of each other to keep warm. We were more organized on Saturday, and managed to stay warmer without spooning (too much) lol. I swear M thought I was going to 'take advantage' of him lol. He is so not my type though.

On Saturday, we drove around the small communities in the area, just stopping off at the little farm stalls to check out their fresh produce and home made jams and stuff. We were all mightily hungover, so spent the afternoon watching TV under the heaters and blankets in the entertainment area. We also watched the Lions thrash the Boks (grrrr). A fairly quiet and early night for us all.

Sunday, we were served an enormous breakfast, had a few more drinks, then took a slow drive home. Had a glass of wine with Wes and Ali before heading to my place. An early night and a good sleep.

I have tons of work to finish today, but really not in the mood lol.

Hope all the US guys had a great 4th!

Some pics...

Did a bunch of this

MG is cute lol...

Yeah, I know, it's a mess...

I will be away for a few days

This weekend, Wes, Markymark, MG and I are off to a gay resort for the weekend.

They just mailed us to say that it coincides with a special they are having for under thirties and singles.

Woot!

lol.

It was never intended to be a weekend with sex as the main theme, or a theme at all for that matter.

I wonder how that will change after a bottle of Red.

Markymark is sharing a room with me (two single beds). I think he is nervous lol. He has no reason to be. Though he is one of the nicest people I know, he just isn't on my radar. I hope he doesn't mind if I bring someone into the room haha....

I can only dream.

And Torchy! is well, I mailed him and got a reply. He has been away in an area with little data signal, but promised that he would be posting later tonight.

Header Pix - 3

Ah 18.... a year of change and evolution.
My final year in high school.
I received honours at school for academic achievement and got to wear a white blazer and brag a bit.
I never went to school much though.
Completed my Private Pilot's licence.
Was the youngest twin rated pilot in the country. Ever.
I started smoking.
My boyfriend and girlfreind both broke up with me.
My bf said he wasn't gay (yeah right - best kisser in the wrold - ever)
My gf said she was tired of waiting to be 'intimate'
They went to the prom together.
I went with... umm... I forget her name.
Trevor threw me out of the house after a VERY heated argument where we both threw a lot things.
I never told my mother, instead I arranged to move back as a boarder, paying my own way.
My Biology teacher put me up for a week without asking questions. I am eternally grateful.
People who I thought were my friends never offered the same.
I finally felt free and my own person.
I went home after final exams for the first time in nearly eighteen months.
Three days later, I was on a plane to London to backpack around the UK.
The photo is a self portrait on a train somewhere in the south of England.
I never wanted to be gay.
I got a blowjob in the camera obscura in Edinburgh two weeks later by the hot sudent conducting the tour.
I left feeling very confused.
After I got home, I was conscripted into the military.
I excelled in all my courses and became a weapons instructor, then later an instructor on anti aircraft missiles.
I shot down a helium balloon with a missile.
I shot an escaping prisoner in the leg.
I don't think he likes me very much.
I'm still a pretty good shot, though my home (and life) is a gun free zone.
I had a secret wild sexual affair with a high school boy I met in a restuarant on a weekend off.
My car's back seat would never be the same.
I still didn't want to be gay.
I met my future wife briefly through a friend.
She rode a motorbike.
She wrote me tons of letters.
I came out to my military buddies seventeen years later.
They were indifferent about it.
I wish I had come out much earlier.

Header Pix - 2

So at sixteen.
I moved from being a boarder at high school to living with Trevor.
In addition to school, I worked 6 hrs a day in his photolab.
I did up to three weddings (photography) a weekend.
I paid for my skydiving obsession with this money.
Our team won the National Championship that year.
My dad died on a motorcycle.
I tried to commit suicide, but the gun never fired.
So I packed some stuff and fucked off for several days.
My mother asked me why and I couldn't tell her it was because he was fucking me.
She sent me back to him.
My older brother beat me up for making my mom cry.
My little brother changed high schools because they were taunting him about his gay brother.
He only told me the reason this year.
I was very sexually active.
I had a girlfriend and a boyfriend at the same time.
Someone said to me I had no choice: I was gay and nothing could change it.
For twenty years I tried to prove him wrong.
I started doing my pilot's license.
I bought my first car (A 1972 Renault 12TL).
The pic was taken at a hot springs resort for whites only.
I had just taken aerial pics of the resort for their brochure.
We stayed for free.
When the little guy in the pic turned 31 (thirty-one for those pervs who read thirteen), he told me he had a fantasy of me fucking him.
I obliged.
He thinks the FBI is after him.
He uses too many drugs.
His father beat him when he young.
I was at the top of every one of my classes.
But it wasn't a good year.
I have huge missing memory chunks of this period.

Header Pix - 1

So Naturgesetz commented on my header pics, saying how I looked like this and that in each of my pics, so I decided to attach a post to each one over the next few days or so.

So number 1. I was 10 years old.

From left to right. Little brother, Cousin K and of course me lol... (wasn't I a little cuty?)

Okay, so at ten.
I lived at home.
My parents had long been divorced.
My stepdad had not yet moved in with my mom.
Unbelievably I was sexually active with the girl down the road.
She was thirteen.
No wonder I was smiling like that.
My little brother was seven.
My cousin just was over two I think.
Thirty years later, we would all be working together.
We no longer do, though cousin K is still with the same company.
This pic was taken in Scottburgh where K's parents had a holiday home.
Brother and I had just arrived with my uncle.
It was during the oil embargo on South Africa. There was a shortage of petrol (gas in otherspeak) so the speed limit was 80km/hr (really slow in otherspeak).
He was grumpy for receiving a speeding fine for doing 90.
I had nice legs.
I was at the top of my class.
Everyone else seemed to be stupid.
I had a crush on the soccer boy.

The other two peeps in the pic today.

Count me in....

I haven't been tagged, neither am I going to tag anyone, but it's been an interesting exercise.

My blogspace irl...

Some notes...

Canon 350D on top, my old Nikon 50mm lens is there too (?). The box stands on my dear departed grandmothers medicine cabinet that still smells of Vicks when you open it. I keep tools in there, as well as spare cables and thingies for the PC. My webcam is atop the TV, looks like morning cartoons on I think.

A million power and other cables behind the desk... arrgh...

Notes under keyboard of some photo work I am busy with.

Kent Menthol ciggies....

Do I see a bottle of lube next to the box? Oooops!

Spare HTC phone there too, on top of ex laptop external drive.

Car keys next to coffee mug.

Curtains the reason my place is called the Red Light District by my neighbours.

Note storage place where second DVD writer should be. The one that died on me recently. The hole is handy to put CD's in lol.... All PC boxes should come with this.

Ah what the hell... a second post

In some respects, I like familiar things, familiar places. It makes me comfortable.

I have breakfast at the same coffee shop three or four times a week. It's also the place that Wes and I met for the first time.

When I walk in, Bradley the waiter brings me the newspaper, an ashtray and a Cappuccino. I always sit in the same place.

Bradley is cute.

I think he likes me.

I had french toast with bacon, mushrooms and grilled tomatoes today.

I feel better.

Okay silly post.... but what the hell...

An amusing weekend

Wow! A record one week without a post! I guess it is a sign of a few things. Firstly, I have said so much in the four or five months I have been here, it's difficult to write without repeating. Secondly, I typically withdraw when I am down, so I guess it's a sign. We all have our ups and downs in life, and for me it is in down phase. I know it will come back up again, but be patient with me during this time.

So... on Saturday, my oldest daughter and I went off to a Winter Solstice festival in the middle of nowhere. I say that because when I received the GPS co-ords, it just seemed impossible that this would be the location of an Irish Pub. Just a dot away from any main roads. I drove around the area, keeping my eye out for any signs of the place on the main roads until my daughter said: "Dad, just follow the directions, and lets see where we come out."

So madame GPS told me to "Turn left" onto a dusty gravel road and a few minutes later we came across this open field filled with cars - we were at the right place.

Basically, it was a place for Micro Breweries to come to gether to display there wares for tasting, accompanied by a whole lot of entertainment ranging from a Bagpipe band, Country music, Zulu Warrior Dance, and a set of Afrikaans twins (singer and musician on violin and guitar) which just blew me away with their talent. I was designated driver (Craig and Eugene met us there and drove home with us), so was restricted to tasting and a couple of small dark ales during the day. I bought my daughter a couple of Gluhweins during the day as it was pretty cold when the clouds passed over the sun. She is almost fifteen, but I prefer to be the one to expose her slowly to alcohol so that she doesn't overdo it once the peer pressure starts to kick in.

Some pics I took are below.

Afterwards, we took the hour long trip back to our hometown and Met Wes and Ali at Le Irish Pub for a quick hello, then was invited to a barbecue at an old school friend's house literally a few hundred metres away. I hadn't seen Joe since school, so it was an interesting time to say the least. Lol, Joe was the first boy I wanked with haha... Unfortunately, by the time we got there, everyone was pretty trashed. Even though my daughter is pretty tough in dealing with this kind of thing (she loves to be an observer), we only stayed for an hour or so before leaving. And Joe has turned into this overweight and outwardly slightly obnoxious person.

The best thing about the day is how Craig and I laugh so much when we are together. We have been that way since the day we met when we were both 8 years old. My stomach hurts the following day from all the laughing. And of course my daughter enjoying seeing her dad laugh so much. It's good for the soul.

In the background though, I am in panic mode about money. I don't operate well here.

Good news though is that I am going away with Wes, Markymark and MG this weekend to a gay boys only resort about two hours away. It's not a nudist thing, and it's not intended to be a gay play weekend. Just four gay friends going away to get some relax time in, a few bottles of red wine, a few board games, some back to nature stuff, and some jacuzzi time. And I paid for this already about a month ago, so I dont need to stress about the cost of it lol. We driving up in Wes's car. I have a feeling it is going to be a bunch of fun :)