TIme to get down and dirty.

I am in need of a serious kick in the ass. I have got to get my butt in shape. I haven't been comfortable with the way my body has looked in a very long time, probably since high school and even then I wasn't all that comfortable in my own skin.

While pregnant, I really only gained like 15 pounds. This was mostly due to the fact that I was already on the heavy FAT side. I did eat a lot healthier while pregnant so after C was born I actually lost all of the baby weight plus about 15 more pounds. I was feeling pretty good at that point, but was still nowhere near where I wanted to be. THEN, in the last 6 months or so I have just slowly gained all of that weight back. I am right where I was when I first got pregnant. Ew. I feel so gross. I was going to list all of the reasons why I need to drop some lbs then I figured you just might get bored so I decided to skip ahead a tiny bit...

Reason # 246  I really hate seeing myself in pictures. I know this is a common feeling among many of us, but lately it has been really bad. And then thanks to iPhones and a baby that is constantly hitting new milestones, videos are a new enemy of mine. Videos with me in them ohmyfreakinggosh.

Which brings me to today. Carson has been "taking steps" for over a month and walks really well when holding our pinky, but today, was the first day he initiated the walking  himself. He was walking and not just to a specific destination, but movin' all over. Super fun and cute. My mom happened to be video taping the whole thing which was great. Except Fatty McFatterson is all up in it. I was watching it and was so depressed. Totally not what I should be feeling when watching my son's first real steps.

So then I started thinking about how I also hate looking at most of my wedding pictures for the same reason. That was one of the best days of my life and I really despise taking a trip down memory lane photo album style. This made me come to this realization:

Hey McFatterson... Lose some weight, feel better about yourself AND THEN you won't have to hate looking back at these amazing memories that are happening daily.

And that is why I am about to get down and dirty.

Here are my goals for this week:

Drink 120 ounces of water a day
Walk 4 times (up my huge ass hill)
Have 3 meatless  days
Less than 30 Carbs per meal
Lose 3 pounds


I will check in again next Thursday and update. I need some serious accountability so let me know if you are interested in joining me in the "Down and Dirty" plan.  I would love to hear your story as well.

Oh ya and I really want to cut my hair kind of like this:

 

I will think about a makeover after I lose at least 30 pounds. Ok Go TIME.

I blame Infertility

I really do miss the blog world. While I struggled for the four painfully long years with infertility , I feel as though blogging provided me with my only sense of sanity.Now I do feel torn in that I know I have graduated from the " infertile with no kids" category to the" infertile with one kid" category, but I still feel the same when I come back to my blog home. My heart still aches for those still waiting. I feel a sense of guilt that I now have what I know they want and so deserve to experience. For these reasons, I feel weird about blogging sometimes, but I decided to keep on keeping on.

Lately I have found myself dealing with a new ramification of infertility (or at least that is what I am blaming my crazy on). I find myself worrying. A LOT. Worrying about things that COULD happen to Carson. I get scared though out the day thinking of what in the world I would ever be able to do without him. I feel like I am constantly hearing about a child needing prayers for one reason or another. Most of the time they are health related. I feel so horrible for the mother and father having to watch their baby battle some of these horrendous obstacles. At first I wondered why more and more cases were appearing then ever before. Then after thinking about it,  I realized that social media has made many things so much more visible to the world. While I find myself praying for total strangers and their babies on the regular, I also find myself worrying about my own perfectly healthy little man. I praise God for him all of the time. He is my everything. I thought I knew the intensity of the love one has for their own baby, but I was off. Way off. I never knew I could love someone so much. I always just feel like my life is so perfect right now and I hate the feeling of thinking this can't just last forever. With every FB prayer request or blog support page I read, I feel so lucky, but so scared at the same time.  I want to just be able to live in the now and not worry about the future.

I place full blame on infertility for robbing me of my optimistic attitude. I spent one too many days, weeks, months being optimistic and found so often that just to lead me straight to the  big fat disappointment lurking around each corner. All throughout my pregnancy I struggled with these feelings. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. Of course it never did and I went on to have a perfect baby boy. Well, that baby boy is now 15 months old and still full of perfection. I thought my worries would subside. They haven't. I blame this on the beast of infertility.

On another note, I would LOVE to have another baby. I would LOVE to make Carson a big brother. However, my pessimistic attitude tells me why even bother. I don't want to deal with months of disappointment. I feel like I have all I need.

Am I crazy?

Ok rant over. Sorry for being a totally Debbie Downer. I will leave you with some super cute pictures of my favorite little man.

HEEEEEELOOOOOOOOO!

I know. It has been forever and a day. I miss blogging. I hope to be back at it soon. Seriously, too long. 7 months to be exact. I WILL be back with cool stuff to say. Just not today. I will, however, leave you with a picture of my ALMOST ONE YEAR OLD. On the real tip: I LOVE THIS KID.

4 Months

Dear Carson,

You are 4 months old and you are starting to be so much fun! You have learned a lot of new things this month, one of them is how to sleep about 9- 10 hours at night! You go to sleep every night after your bath and a bottle around 8:30 and you will usually wake up between 6:30 and 7! We could not ask for better sleep from you, little man! During the day your naps are not super consistent but you usually take 3-4 naps a day, some shorter and some longer.

You have also learned how to grab things in front and above of you. When you are on you play at you are constantly trying to reach and grasp all of your little toys. You also love to snuggle with your little lovie blanket and you put it right over you face when you are trying to fall asleep.

Your smile is so contagious and you have even started to giggle a little. You also took your very first plane ride all the way to Chicago to see your cousin, Ashley, graduate. You did great the whole flight on the way there and back and slept the entire time. We were in and out of hotels and on the road for four entire days and you were a champ. Makes mommy want to travel more with you very soon:)

You love to look and and eat your hands. You are not too into the binkie anymore, you would much rather suck on your fingers. It's pretty cute. At your 4 month check up you weighed 12 pounds exactly and were 23 inches long. Yup, still a tiny little guy. Your cousin, Truett, is 6 weeks younger than you and outweighs you by 2 1/2 pounds:)

One thing is for sure: we are loving you more and more with each day that passes (which I really didn't know was possible)

3 months

Chris' First Father's Day

Once again, I know this is super delayed but I figure better late than never. I think Chris' First Father's Day was a success. Well, it was a success before it even started in my eyes because last year I distinctly remember writing my Father's Day post wondering if Chris would ever get a card on Father's Day from anyone other than the DOGS! This year, he did. He actually got two cards, one from me and one from his very own human son. And the dogs? Those jerks didn't even bother this year;)

For his gifts, we bought Carson and Chris matching Vans (Chris loves Vans  and wishes he had a pair in every single color) and then we also made him a sentimental gift. I put Carson's hand print on a baseball and wrote "Can't wait to play catch with you! Happy Father's Day 2012"  

 I also made him a Gourmet Breakfast Toaster Strudel and wrote on it with the icing.

 Then we headed to my mom's house for a Barbecue and watched the Dodger game with both of our parents. Very chill day but lots of fun. Love these pictures of their matching shoes. I am going to definitely put one in a frame.

 This picture makes my heart melt...

 Chris with his dad (Left) and my step dad (Right)

All in all ,it was a perfect day and we were able to celebrate my amazing husband and Carson's awesome daddy.

My Very First Mother's Day

Ok.... So I know this post is just a few days shy of being an entire month late... but SOMEONE went back to work and has been super busy lately:( Better late than never on a day I will never forget. My very First Mother's Day. A day I thought I may never get to celebrate. Let me just say I had tears of joy throughout the entire day.

First I got a beautiful boquet of flowers and a balloon from my loves. Carson even picked a special one out to hand to me.

 Carson's card to me

 I thought it was super cute how Chris wrote this on my envelopes...

 We headed to the beach near where we got married and got some lunch and just enjoyed some time together. The weather was not all that great but honestly it didn't matter. I felt so blessed.

 I love my little family.