Shiva & Jaya

The fight against Islamic Cats continues. But not on Saturdays so therefore, we are spending some time relaxing today.

This comfy blankie is mine.

Look, an aerial picture of my weight loss!

On Monday, we will be back in business again. Look how that usually goes:

No news about our two big brothers except for that one of our big brothers can’t stop the feeling.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3QmFziB4mxk

As for our nephews and nieces, we don’t have much news either. Our nephew, however, mom’s little boy, likes bum rubs and grooming sessions.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67ikL8RvGbw

Well, so do we. So nephew…ladies first, right?

S&J

P.S. Our Friesian big brother took a bath. Apparently not a very clean one.

But the bath wasn’t as dirty as the one our big brother from Wales took earlier this year. Well, thank Cat because cleaning that took 3 days.

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Even a million apologies would not be enough for our long absence here. But we’re still here, alive and kicking and back on WP serving all anipals except snakies. We were just busy. That’s it. A lame excuse, we’re aware of that. Let us show what it is that we have been doing over the past few months.

That’s us today with mom.

And a little while ago. Find the differences. I LOST WEIGHT. I AIN’T NO LONGER OBESHIVA.

Too bad that I can’t call her Obeshiva anymore. So I went sunbathing in the house.

But I lost weight. I don’t see it…

Anyway. Mom fell dramatically in love. With a guy named BK. No, not Burger King. It’s quite serious. Like wanting to marry him, stuff like that. Not sure if we like all this.

She bought this dress to join him to we-have-no-idea-where-to. Mellow yellow costs a fortune and will probably hurt his eyes, but anyway. Their party, not ours. And those stilettos, holy Cat.

Miss Grace Jones visited us.

Mom spent time with our brother…

…and with the other one.

Our brothers are also each others’ best friends.

We got a little niece.

Now, four months later, she is a big niece.

We got a little nephew. Mom named him BOUNTY, goodness!!!

Now, almost four months later, he is a big nephew.

As he was extremely scared from the first day on, he was quite a piece of work.

His mom treats him well.

And he treats her…well, uhm…Bounty, that’s your mom…

Other nephew.

Other niece.

And another niece again…we might as well build an ark to offer all those family members a roof over their heads!

Our wishes for now: mom, fall out of love with BK. And family, don’t take so much of mom’s time. We have to blog. We will be back!

S&J

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This is mom with our Secretary of Transportation.

Although a stinkie horsie, he is also our big brother. It is what it is.

His main job is transporting mom, for example when they are getting ready to jump.

But he is also there to cooperate with us. How is that? We will explain that.

Mom sometimes cheats on us with the barn cats. There are four of them, and we recently found this picture. WHO IS THIS!

But things can get much worse. On September 26, 2015, it was time for a new Full Moon and all anipals except snakies that were deported to Pole up North by us know that September Full Moon means…our purrthday! Okay, we’re 8 now and we got lots of food and a scratching post, but to say that it was a happy purrthday…no.

Why not? Mom had scheduled a VET APPOINTMENT for us on that day. Really, the nerve, the disrespectfulnessiticity!

It was sometime early in the morning and suddenly she entered the PM Office with two carriers.

We hid under the bed immediately.

But she closed the bedroom door and we had no chance to escape. So there I went: mom, no no noooooo….what have I done to deserve this?!

Mom, you beach, may all snakies return from Pole up North and eat you like lion eats zebra!

And there we were. Locked up in our own influential PM Office. We should have called the cops!

Mom placed us on the backseat of the car and made some more pictures of us before she fastened our seatbelts.

Then she drove us towards the vet’s office. She must be evil for getting us a vet appointment for our purrthday. Look at those eyes. Triple six to the 666th power.

At least, I got quite a few compliments from the vet. About my Baywatch posture and about my health all-over.

Turns out that Jaya was right all the time: I am officially obese! I have 20% overweight and I am on a diet now. Fortunately, my toothies were healthy.

But this is just plain sadism for my purrthday. How dare they! All of them!

Mom arranged this sadist purrthday vet appointment on the early morning of Monday the 21st of September. Then she left for work and we went in a meeting with all Cabinet members. After the meeting, we had a private session with our big brother. We told him about the vet appointment and we asked him if he could help us out. He said yes.

On Tuesday the 22nd, he threw mom off his back. That’s almost two weeks ago now and she has not been riding him since as she has a broken tailbone. Recovery usually occurs within 6 weeks.

We thank you, dearest big brother, for punishing mom. She has to understand that karma is a beach. Just like she is. She deserved cruel and unusual punishment. Perfect job, big brother. Some things just can’t go unpunished. Thank you, we will never say again that you are stinkie.

At least, not today. Horsies stink. Fact, period. And mom, what goes around comes around. We hope you learnt from it. We are the powerful PMs leading Planet Purrth and serving all anipals except snakies. You should have known.

S&J

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In this House of Cats, nothing is sacred. Nothing will be a secret forever. Watch our most recent movie. Purrime Ministerette Purrductions presents…HOUSE OF CATS!

Click in the image below to watch the movie!

S&J

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You know that Beatles song? Back from the PM ER? The PM ER, that’s where I was last night. Not for the first time though. Honestly, I was there too in the second week of January. Reason: virus. As a PM, I get scanned for viruses every day because if I don’t get scanned, I might be hacked. Just like TV5 today! But one way or another, those viruses sneak into me. Mom and dad say that as they have been giving me different food because of fat overweight obese Obeshiva since November of last year, they will now switch back to the good old stuff as my current noms might not contain enough vitamins for me resulting into a lower immune system. Can’t wait!

So off I went last night at 730. In the PM limousine, driven by mom. Finally some private time to gossip about Obeshiva.

And see me here in the PM ER waiting room awaiting to be called by the…well, you know, that forbidden word.

I got a water IV so within a few minutes, I looked like a football. At least I have the right colors.

Also, I received quite some medicines that I have to take until this upcoming Sunday. These medicines help me getting rid of nausea and stimulate my appetite. Well, don’t worry about my appetite as this is me today!

I can’t wait to be in charge of Obeshiva again. At least, when it comes to the Tunnels of Love, I am the Tunnel of Love boss. And she knows it.

Now you wait a minute, you dwarf, I am the tallest PM and I will be in charge of YOU for nine lives! And as you STINK like the PM ER, I will have you hear my voice until you unstink.

ALL CLICK IN THE IMAGE BELOW TO HEAR MY MIGHTY LION’S ROARS!

As long as you stink, and will probably continue to do so until at least Sunday (oh dear Cat in Heaven, bless my vocal cords!), I will have to find another partner to rule Planet Purrth with. Remember Giant VC? Well, he was here again today. More giant than ever before.

This is true giantnessiticity at its giantest. I am VERY impressed.

So Jaya, I am really sorry. Two times to the PM ER within less than three months is a little bit too much to my Purrime Ministeretterial excellencial opinion. Unless you start to unstink, there will be NO Tunnel of Love togetherness!

S&J

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Dad is always busy with work. We love you, dad. Mom no longer spends 100% of her time on us when she doesn’t work because for some reason, we have a Big Brother.

Also, mom hangs out with baby stinkie horsies, for example this remote nephew of our Big Brother.

But thank Cat! September 9 was Full Moon in September Day and that means…THE PURRIME MINISTERETTE PURRTHDAY! We are 7 right now so that means 7 years of Purrime Ministerette reign. Well, not really…we took office in 2010, but who cares. At least mom was there for a purrthday purrtrait with us.

But I love my daddie! I want my daddie! So I tried to kick mom, but I wasn’t very successful.

I love my daddie too. But it is MY purrthday and to me, my daddie will ALWAYS be an intruder.

For our purrthday, so far, we got love sweet love. Tonight we will have a party with mom and dad and Cat only knows what we will get then. But from our anipal furriends on Twitter, we have already received quite a bunch of gifts. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Now let’s get the great white sharkie cocktails out of the fridge and PAWTY!!!

S&J

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Mom has a horsie. He is our Big Brother. We are fine with him as long as he leaves the billions he owns in his position as a fullblood Arabian oil sheik to us and understands that mom is OURS.

And what mom does with him…

…we can do too. Perhaps we should appoint him Secretary of Transportation. Now run, Big Brother, run.

As Big Brother is mom’s own horsie, she has to clean up all his poops and doodies. It is nice of him to help her with that.

And as Big Brother continues to produces poops and doodies, we are still asses to asses. If only Bowie knew how much we love that song…we even sing it all the time, see that? Asses to asses, funk to funky, we know Vladimir Putin’s a junkie! MOL!

Anyway, meowing of poops and doodies…we recently had a problem with our poops and doodies. Not like they were stuck inside of us or anything like that…if that ever happens, we know what to do. Ask @boriskitty. His doodies were stuck, but we helped him out. Tail up!

No, in our case, things had to be looked at from a very different perspective.

The problem was that suddenly, our trusted Purrime Ministerette litter was sold as a so-called improved version, but it wasn’t improved at all. Far from! This is what our trusted Purrime Ministerette litter looked like:

But the improved version smelled like ammonia already after 3 days. It was pretty terrible. Big Brother’s blankies smell better.

So mom and dad had to think of a solution to the Purrime Ministerette poop and doodie box problem. They came up with this:

It smelled like wooden furniture from IKEA!

I didn’t trust it at first…

…but when you have to go, you have to go, and it was good!

I kinda liked it and I gave it a try immediately. Poops nice!

Purrime Ministerette poops and doodies are classified top secret so we won’t show them. But thank you, mom and dad, for our new unstinkie poop and doodie box.

S&J

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Just the other day, as we were in a private meeting about reigning Planet Purrth, we suddenly had the feeling somebody was watching us. 

It wasn’t even the year 1984, but it was Big Brother who was watching us! Our big brother, to be precise. He is 100% Arabian so he is probably a very rich oil sheik. This is him.

Mom combed his manes until they were completely tangle-free making him look even wealthier. We are sure this oil sheik has billions to his name!

We are not sure though whether an oil sheik is good for our Purrime Ministerette Planet Purrth-wide dynasty. What do you think?

S&J

P.S.: Our big brother is the first UNstinkie horsie we have ever met!

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The Bibble says that the wonderful Jesus dude has to be launched to Heaven six weeks after Easter and one week before Pentecost. It is our official duty to join him to the Space Shuttle rocket every year for his annual flight up. We are very honored, and we wish all anipals on Planet Purrth except snakies a very happy Ascension Day!

S&J

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Horsies stink. That’s a fact. We only serve them with nose plugs on.

Last year we wrote about The Great Giant Stink. Mom cheats on us with stinkie horsies quite often. Too often, in fact.

But things have gone to the extreme now. Lady anipals and gentle anipals, we introduce to you…our new big sister!

Mom, you love us the most, don’t you? Then daddie H and on the bottom of the list that stinkie horsie…right?! Look at our non-stinkie bootifulness!

S&J

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That’s Daddie H’s plane landing.

But not here yet. Daddie H, please come back from far away as I am your favorite Purrime Ministerette, and there is something I want to share with you. And I am keeping the sofa warm for you!

Anyway! Not too long ago, I was watching a movie.

And I thought to myself: either I get busy digging and stay in shape, or I get busy growing as fat as Obeshiva. So I got to work.

See that? My life’s work for nine lives!

I really need that hole so that I can escape from Obeshiva and get to the man of my dreams who lives across the street. This is him! I am not allowed to go out with him though. Mom and dad are against it as he is rather evil. He screams, hisses and attacks people that walk in the street. He is actually quite dangerous, and dad says he is the probably the kind of man that hits his wife. But I’m in love. Dad, please, give him at least the benefit of the doubt!

As a result of that big hole I have dug, mom calls me Andy Dufresne. And she is damn right. I am Andy Dufresne, the smart banker that didn’t kill his wife and her lover, only without the rock hammer! However, my escape attempt has not been completely successful so far, but at least I stay in shape. Look at my Baywatch posture! Obeshiva can’t touch this!

So Jaya wants to escape from me because I am too fat. She says I don’t work out. As she spends most of the time in bed, she hardly sees how active I am. I do pole dancing…

…and yoga!

I just don’t lose weight!

As I am a good dancer, as you can see in this video (click in the image)…

…I spent an afternoon listening to my favorite music.

I love that CD so much I like to lick the case. Nobody ain’t ever gonna tell me they don’t do the same!

Then I suddenly realized that to get a better waist line, I should hula hoop so I watched an eduCATional video (click in the image).

But after watching that, I was completely exhausted and couldn’t care about my fatnessiticity at all. You know what? Nap to the rhythm…I’m out for today!

S&J

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We love you, Daddie H. You are The One. But it’s goodbye for now. Bye Daddie H, we love you and we’ll see you next week!

And bye old fur! As we are getting ready for the summertime, we’re getting rid of our winter coats. That means more grooming sessions. And we love that.

We should sell this on Ebay. Very authentic Purrime Ministeretterial Jaya & Shiva fur. For all anipals except snakies!

Obeshiva, I am not sure if this grooming sessions will cause you to lose weight. Look at your fat obesity, dude!

Jaya, nomming strawberries isn’t a very healthy habit either. Better obese than a red strawberry commie like you!

Besides, Jaya, look at your face when you woke up a few mornings ago. That tongue?! Better obese than…!

Obeshiva, you don’t look like you are very wide awake either. Be with mom, I’m going to wait for Daddie H.

Happy day all! Daddie H, we love you much and mom loves you muchest of muchest!

S&J

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Great white sharkies come from eggies. That is what we celebrate every year on Easter Sunday. Because great white sharkies are NOM. We nom one every week. So far, we haven’t had our Easter great white sharkie yet. It is 1:30PM; it is about time that we get our great white sharkie, for fishie’s sake!

For Easter Sunday, we love dad. Daddie, we love you. We also love mom. Mom, get us our sharkie. Go find great white sharkie eggs. Now.

Easter Sunday is about the birth of highly nommable great white sharkies from eggies, and that has to be celebrated appropiately as the great white sharkie from an eggie is one of the greatest and most miraculous blessings from Cat. So here is how (not) to spend your Easter weekend.

1. Celebrate eggs with great white sharkies in them with Popie!

2. Dad is busy working, and has no time to celebrate the birth of highly nommable great white sharkies from eggies with us. That is definitely NOT how to spend your Easter weekend. His excuses: purroblems on Planeth Purrth. Something in Ukraine. Where he has to go soon.

3. Mom: slave for us. No days off, no mercy. Feed us. Now. Then bow for us.

4. To lose weight, as I am a little bit overweight, I nom a potato chippie…

…just to make sure that I am fat enough for a third invitation to grace the cover of Playcat magazine!

Mancats, the two other Playcat magazine covers are here!

5. Cat has proved Himself to be mighty enough to create eggies with great white sharkies in them. For that, I am very thankful so this Easter weekend, I relax…

…and I lay my mighty tail to rest for a few hours! See the mightinessiticity? Looks like an anaconda!

6. Spending the Easter weekend does NOT mean that you bring The Great Giant Stink back into the PM Office, mom! Fact: horsies STINK!

As today marks the birth of great white sharkies from eggies, we think, as this is a big party, those great white sharkies should nom mom first before we nom them. And then we will live nine lives with dad, he will give us a great white sharkie every day, and every day will be Easter Sunday! I hope that includes potato chippies every day! Obeshiva, I think it will include a crane to get you up.

We wish all anipals except snakies a wonderfull great white sharkie eggie day!

S&J

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This is Purrime Ministerette togetherness.

But this is Purrime Ministerette tail togetherness!

All yous might remember that mighty tail tale. But whose tail is really the mightiest? The tail of all tails?

Cast your vote now in the comments section so that we can not only have continuous fights over the Tunnel of Love, but also over the mightiness of Purrime Ministerette tails, and that is very impurrtant for Planet Purrth in these times of economic crisis!

S&J

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Miss Degeneres, if you read this: we luv you and we think you’re quite hilarious. But nothing beats PM selfies.

Sorry! Couldn’t concentrate! There was a mosquito flying around in the PM office!

Ok, so we were in a selfie. Honestly, I prefer a great white sharkie. Get me one. Now.

This is something I am excellent at. It’s called reading sabotage.

Have to agree with Obeshiva. I gave it a try and yes, it’s very useful.

This is what we want: attention. And dad, we love you, but mom was with us first, we was with her first, and never you! But we love you!

This winter was snow and ice-free. So I have spent my time catching tan so that I can become a black panther.

Asked Cat Almighty to stand by Obeshiva. She doesn’t understand that she IS already black. And highly obese.

Oh! By the way! We have…

…drumrolls…

…A NEW MOVIE!!!

Click in the image below to watch our new movie Shiva & Jaya Megamix Part VI which we dedicaTTed to daddie!

S&J

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Mom got into dad’s car.

Usually she does that to hang out with other hoomans.

So we waited for her to get back home…from our purrfect boxie…

…like my boxie? Obeshiva is too fat for that!

Who says I’m too fat? I do fit in that boxie!

Well Obeshiva, I have doubts about that.

Anyway, after around 30 minutes, mom and dad’s car returned. And this is what we got!

Then the doorbell rang. It was Eric. All yous PM bloggie readers remember Eric? He is our excellent Secretary of Purrime Ministerette Package Delivery, but he is no official Cabinet member as he delivers to other parties as well in order to make ends meet in these times of crisis. Eric was security-screened though, and he has been working for us since 2010. He brought a huge boxie!

I think this boxie is purrfect for a cat my size.

I can make this boxie my bed…

…or nom it with a great sharkie and French fries…

…but Obeshiva, you’re on a diet so I’m gonna check out that boxie!

Those contents are indeed very interesting. For work-outs!

Thank you, mom and dad’s car…uhm, we mean Eric!

We have to say that we basically destroyed our good-old Purrime Ministerette Real Estate…

…so it was time for a new skyscraper!

Honestly, I don’t see Obeshiva climbing to the top.

Jaya doesn’t understand that this is a scratching post and not a climbing tree…

…and this boxie is just purrfect for me! Told you so!

Then it was time for even a THIRD surprise: T U N A. Normally, we eat cooked pollack, but mom thought she’d spoil us a little. So we tried the tuna which we had had before…

…and then we asked mom how in nine lives she dares to show this kind of disrespectfulnessiticity to us. See that? Full bowls of tuna, but where are we?! Deffo not nomming!

Where is that friggin’ tank?! We will show her what a real surprise means!

S&J

P.S.: Ok, so we nommed it later…bit by bit…

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Purrime Ministerette kitchen help yielded some results today.

So that was good. But without us, mom can’t do anything in the kitchen so we made a meal together. It is called Noodles à la Shiva and Jaya. And this is how you make it.

Slice the mushrooms.

Add spiced pork cubes so that it becomes a mixie.

Now stir-fry that mixie in oriental oil until the temperature gets very high.

Add the noodles…

…and cook that mixie in water or coconut milk and add your preferred spices, for example Mediterranean or oriental flavors.

Cook and stir until the water is completely gone…

…and then serve!

Noodles à la Shiva & Jaya can purrfectly be combined with a veggie salad or fresh fruits.

Happy nomming!

S&J

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Today, February 25, 2014 marks the 17th purrthday of the kitties before us who are now in Heaven sitting on the right paw of Cat. Do click that lynxie to read more about them!

Happy purrthday, Nala and Zazu! We hope you get to nom a lot of treats up there.

Happy purrtday, Nala! We are sorry you were lipgloss-smooched when mom made this picture of you.  We go through that all the time. Very annoying.

Happy purrthday, Zazu! We heard that you were not a very huge fan of fishies which is a pity as we would have loved to share a great white sharkie with you.

Dearest Nala and Zazu, we would like to dediCAT our most recent great white sharkie nomming ceremony to you.

Happy 17th purrthday from your elected Purrime Ministerettes serving all anipals except snakies!

XXXX S&J

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Being Purrime Ministerettes serving all anipals except snakies is not only about leading Planet Purrth. Sometimes chores have to be done. Cooking, for example. Therefore, usually on Fridays or Saturdays, we make sure that mom gets Purrime Ministerette kitchen help.

And this is how we do that.

Mom thinks we’re just waiting for something to fall off the kitchen counter. An uncooked pasta. Or a fishie. Well, perhaps that’s true. But today there was no such thing as an uncooked pasta or a fishie.

This is what she made.

So that’s not something that we would like, but at least she had official Purrime Ministerette kitchen help to make sure that everything would work out. We are of great impurrtance in the kitchen. No doubt about that!

S&J

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That picture below, that’s us with mom. And that’s what our family should be like. Daddie, we love you very much until the end of time and beyond. But we will ALWAYS think of you as an intruder and an unreliable politicat trying to steal our PM pawwer. We love MOM because she was with us before you!

But the question is: does she love us back? She has cheated on us before, and that caused quite an uproar in the PM Office. She promised to NEVER do it again. In the name of Cat Almighty, she SWORE that she would ALWAYS be faithful to us. In practice, however, all that went a little bit different. We have been accepting her cheating on us with dad for quite a while now. But now it is time to draw a VERY clear line.

Today she went to see the neighbors. They have a snow panther. So far, so good.

But this is definitely NOT so far, so good, MOM! What have we done to deserve this?! WHAT?!

Ok. We’re done with this whole friggin’ cheating thing. This is absolutely unacceptable.

How dare she cheating on us like this!

It is time for intervention, and we mean REAL intervention. We won’t need any mandate from the U.N. on 1st Avenue in NYC, we will just go to war. And we have our OWN rules of engagement. Because we can. The ferrets using the Twitter account @cherylpoestone, Ambrose, Oliver, Juno, James, Zoey, Sampson, Delilah, Marco, Benny, Autumn, and Sylvia got us a real official Purrime Ministerette TANK so now we not only have an Airbus and a Nighthawk, but also a real TANK. Kaboom. Thank you, ferrets, for this amazing toy, especially in times of economic crisis!

This AM, we will test our brand-new tank. So that means that let’s say around 2:30 AM, we will drive the tank into the bedroom where mom will be sound asleep, not giving a you-know-what for the fact that she cheated on us AGAIN. We have an excellent aim so it is only a  matter of locking, loading and firing.

May Cat Almighty have mercy on your soul, mom! Thou shalt not cheat!

S&J

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