The Resume

Ode to the Resume
(to the little piece of paper that stands between me and an interview )

Oh how I hate you, let me count the ways
Mere black ink on white space
The magic of power verbs and buzzwords
Open doors or kick you in the pants.

Be more specific, more succinct, more applicable
Simply be perfect and then maybe
you'll have a chance.

I'm soooooo tired of writing and rewriting my resume. It has way too much power you know. It's like a picture placed in a personal ad, if the it doesn't immediately catch a person's attention then then gig is up, and you'll never get the chance to prove your worth.

But what can you do? Lying is completely unacceptable. Using "pretty" paper or a fancy font, will only get you laughed at. So you analyze the job description for which you are applying, and compare it to your resume. Perhaps you change some buzzwords, remove a bullet point or two replacing them with something more appropriate, or in rare cases, change the format completely. Whatever the modifications, you do your best to make it "perfect" and then you send it on. Of course you must also include a cover letter (another creature of contempt). Then you pray that this time you've got it right, but you don't bank on it. Instead you start the process over again with the next job description.

Aleigh in Wonderland

You know, I had heard that Los Angeles is a whole different world--like nothing you’ve ever experienced. But I naively thought, how different could it be? I’ve visited before, and it didn’t seem all that different. Then I moved here. Now I feel like I’ve gone down the rabbit hole and live in Wonderland. It wouldn’t surprise me if I walked out the door and ran into the Cheshire Cat or had a conversation with a hookah smoking caterpillar, so it didn’t really surprise me when I went down the stairs of my apartment to see this:

The door leads to the parking lot and locks when it’s shut, so it’s not unusual for it to be propped open with a rock or a brick, but this is the first time I’ve seen it propped open with a head.

Once I stopped laughing, I thought why does someone have a dummy head and why did they think this was a good idea? What, a rock wasn't good enough for you?

But then I started to let my imagination run away with me. What if there is guy living in my building who just broke up with his girlfriend, and she's sending him a "message"? You know The Godfather style. Sure it's not a severed head of a $600,000.00 race horse, but it's not bad. It says:

"You're nothing without me. You're just doorstop."
or
"Watch your back. I'm going to do this to your head for real"
or
"Please get a restraining order because I'm obviously nuts."

Then again, maybe it could be a cosmologist girlfriend/wife who took off in the middle of the night with the best friend of the boyfriend/husband. She left all her stuff at the apartment and her (ex)boyfriend/husband is unloading some of the more useless objects like a dummy head, which happens to make an excellent doorstop. With any luck, the residents here will continue to slam the heavy door into the plastic cranium for weeks and months to come. It's not much of a revenge, but it would give the (ex)boyfriend/husband a certain satisfaction of kicking it each day as he walked through the door.

Ha, ha, it would seem Wonderland is seeping into my brain and is influencing my imagination. You'll know I'm a goner if I report later that the Queen of Hearts is demanding my head. If it comes to that I hope she's willing to accept a doorstop instead. :)

Funny Photos 2009

The holidays have come and gone. The decorations are down, and we are all well on our way to forgetting our new years resolutions. This is also when the blah-ness sets in. I like to call it the khaki time of year. Right about now all the clothing stores stock enough blah brown in various shades to redo your entire wardrobe in nondescript dullness. It's a fitting comparison to how many people feel right about now. For us singles this blah-ness will continue until Feb 15th, but there always hope. You just have to find the little patches of happiness to cheer up this khaki state of mind.

So here are some silly photos I snapped during 2009, that may just make you smile.

Diet Coke Frosty

Just in case you doubted your high school physics teacher, we have proof that water (and Diet Coke) expand when frozen. Thanks for this science lesson, Michelle. Mr. Merrill would be proud. :)

Diorama: The Land of Boredom

This is what happens when I am stuck sitting at a table with my fellow chaperon in a strange boys apartment until 3 am. What you're looking at here is a diorama of the magical land of Boredom. This is of course the ritual sacrifice of the bananas to their god and ruler Hot Tamales. I wonder why I never did a posting just about that? It's a great story. Thanks again Jaxon for your input. I couldn't have done it with out you. Well, I probably could have, but it wouldn't have been nearly as funny. :)

Black Lagoon:

Do you get the feeling my neighbors are upset about something?

Awesome Object Lesson

And who doesn't love a good object lesson? Today's topic: The Whole Armor of God. For some reason I never considered the possibility that the helmet could look so much like Optimus Prime.

Boxing Lesson

This takes the adage "a good offense is a good defense" a little too literally. You never need to learn to block when your gloves cover your entire torso. Thanks for the demonstration my compadre who shall remain nameless (and faceless).

'Nough Said

So what if it's not Easy Street, Wall Street, or even Sesame Street? It's good enough. This would be a good place for Mr. Roger fans to live. It would be your daily affirmation that you're good enough and that Mr. Rogers likes you just the way you are. :)

Well, there you have it, some of my favs for the year. I hope they brightened your day just a bit.