end of 24

and i am still

re watching

the same old

dorama series

where the

main character is terminally ill

and dead at the end of the story

but she was loved

plenty 

like so much

to the point of

suffocating 

at her death bed

and all she can think about 

is the people she’ll left behide

am i addicted to the plot

or just because the lover is kimutaku

and for the love of God

to be loved unconditionally 

till the end of your time

by his character is just 

you know

to die for

after watching it again for thee 100 times

today i cried

on my way home

while listening to

coney island 

when the lyrics goes

The fast times, the bright lights, the merry go
Sorry for not making you my centerfold
Over and over

and it hits me 

right through my soul

that nobody is literally pop out

in my head

like is there literally no one

worthy enough 

for me that i could just

easily leave

everything behind 

?

or am i just craving the feeling of loving

or being loved 

?

2024 and still i still holding onto the biggest question

 

you think

some places

gonna heal you

like bali or tokyo

or new york

you went there

and you’d still

get that little

sip of loneliness

but a different one

a strange one

the kind of 

loneliness

other wont know

because you’re

so far away from

them

the kind of loneliness

you have to solve

for yourself

because no one

knows you

there

the kind of loneliness

that trigger the braveness

in you

because life’s meant

to be lived alone

and the waves

and the sound

of busy station

heals you

and complete

the empty compartment

in your heart

because really home

is where your heart

is

last weekend

i finally feel the liberation 

from things that keeps me

going back to the nothingness of the past

i started forgetting important dates that are no longer significant 

maybe it no longer worth celebrating 

maybe no one ever celebrated it anyway

not until everything old and grey

i’d keep my composure well and steady

on some random news 

like i don’t give any shit anymore

because maybe i am no longer care

who are those people lingering when i am not around

maybe i don’t want and need to know

cause all i know is this comfortable silence

and that is enough