After reading many birth stories in preparation for my own birth, I’m excited to finally have my own story to tell. I was so grateful to the women who were so open about their experiences, and I hope my story can be helpful and inspiring to others, even if it’s not the perfect birth story I envisioned.
I should start out by saying that this story is of my unmedicated birth in a hospital with my husband and a doula as my coaches. To prep for my birth, I attended Bradley classes and practiced hypnobirthing. I also read Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth and Natural Childbirth, the Bradley Way. My husband and I both read The Birth Partner. My goal was to have as little interventions as possible. I had an uncomplicated pregnancy and therefore did not anticipate any need for interventions, but was prepared to change my birth plan if any complications arose.
The day I went into labor, I was at home cleaning up a bit when I got really exhausted so I laid down on the couch for a nap. I then started feeling little shocks in my lower abdomen, something I hadn’t felt before. It was a week before my due date and I thought maybe I was having contractions but wasn’t sure. I hadn’t had any Braxton Hicks, I didn’t know what contractions felt like and up until then hadn’t had any signs that I was going to go into labor (I didn’t lose my mucus plug, didn’t have any bloody show and my water didn’t break). But because the contractions were happening about every 10 minutes I thought, okay, this might be labor.
I didn’t want to alert anyone because I was afraid it was just going to be false labor that tapered off but I called my mom and told her what was happening and she assured me that what I was feeling were contractions and that I might be going into labor. The contractions kept coming but I waited another half an hour to call my husband Andrew at work. He decided to come home immediately and finish prep for the hospital and pack his bag. He was sweet and called me from the store to see what kinds of food I wanted to eat while I labored. Nothing sounded good to me though. I could tell he was excited and nervous that I was going into labor. I was excited but still kind of thinking “is this really happening?”.
My mom told me that the best labor she ever had was when she ate a steak right before labor, so around 4:00 pm Andrew and I decided to go to Texas Roadhouse. Thankfully we were seated quickly and I ate a fillet mignon while hoping the waiter and the people around us didn’t notice I was tracking my contractions on my phone. My contractions at this point were light and about 10 minutes apart.
After dinner my contractions were still light and far apart, so I decided I would try to make it to the baby shower my mother-in-law was throwing me that evening. I didn’t feel like being around a ton of people but I thought it would be a good distraction from the labor. I ended up having a great time and just had to pause every ten minutes to let the contractions pass. By the end of the party I was feeling tired and distracted, so I knew things were progressing. At this point I texted my doula to let her know that we didn’t need her yet but that I was in labor. She said to rest up and stay hydrated and I told her I would get in touch in the morning.
We decided to go to bed early so that I would have enough energy for the labor, but I knew the night ahead was going to be rough. We slept for an hour or so but continued to time contractions, which were now around 7-8 minutes apart for most of the night. At first Andrew and I took turns timing contractions and then he fell asleep and I continued to time them. I was glad he was getting some rest so that one of us would be alert the next day. Around 3 am, the contractions were getting more intense and I decided to labor in the bathtub, which decreased the intensity of the contractions and felt good. I wasn’t that hungry but knew I needed to eat so at one point I had a bowl of cereal in hopes it would tide me over.
In the early morning hours I started using the breathing, relaxation and visualization techniques I learned through hypnobirthing and the Bradley Method. The most helpful visualization for me was the wave visualization, where I pictured the contractions as a wave that I was riding up and over. At this point I also used the mantra “I’m riding this wave to meet my baby”, which seemed to center me and give my pain purpose. Andrew also talked me through visualizations of places we had visited on vacation like Hawaii and Switzerland, which helped me relax.
Around 9 AM my contractions were closer together, around 5 min. apart and were growing in intensity. Andrew and I had a plan to go into the hospital when contractions were around 4 min. apart but when I started having contractions 2 min. apart sprinkled in there, we decided it was best to head to the hospital, which was 10 min. away. At this point I had been in labor for 18 hours.
The drive to the hospital was uncomfortable and we had trouble finding where to go for labor and delivery which you can imagine was super frustrating for me especially since I had called ahead to the hospital to get a tour only to find out that this particular hospital doesn’t give tours and doesn’t provide any helpful information/documents for their patients. I would find out that this was one of the hospital’s many shortcomings when it came to patient satisfaction.
We finally found the correct building, checked in and were quickly shown to our room. I asked if the room had a bath because part of my birth plan was to labor in the bathtub and the nurses said yes, which was a relief. The nurse assigned to us came in and I could tell something was off with her energy/attitude but I thought at the time I was just being critical. I just wanted to get admitted and focus on my labor. She checked to see how far I was dilated and I was at a four. This was slightly disappointing but I was feeling mentally calm about the work I had ahead of me. The nurse told me she wasn’t going to admit me yet but would check back in an hour to see how I was progressing. She also told me that I would have the heart rate monitors on for an hour, which was disappointing to me since all I wanted to do was start laboring in the bathtub and I was only expecting a half hour of monitoring.
After an hour the nurse came back and checked me again. She said I wasn’t progressing enough and would have to go home. I was shocked. I turned to Andrew and in a panicked tone said “What’s going on?? I don’t understand! Why are they making us go home??”I knew from my Bradley training that I was in heavy labor. I also knew from my training that sometimes labor stalled after arriving at the hospital but then picked up again once you got settled in. I couldn’t believe that they would send me home when I was having heavy contractions close together. I called my OB/GYN to tell her the situation and she echoed what the nurse said and stated that it was hospital policy that if I didn’t want any interventions to make my labor progress such as the breaking of my waters or pitocin, that I would have to go home. I asked the nurse how I would know to come back if I went home and she said “if it feels like you’re having a bowel movement you should come back in”, which made no sense to me because I knew that the bowel movement feeling happened during pushing.
We asked her to give us a little more time and to let me labor in the bathtub. She seemed annoyed with us and it felt like she didn’t want to let us stay but she said she would give us one more hour and that I could start laboring in the tub. A small victory! Or so we thought. Upon inspecting the tub, Andrew discovered that it didn’t have a plug. Ugh. We let our nurse know and she said she would try to find us a plug, but she couldn’t find one. Thankfully Andrew figured out a way to use the top of a can of peanuts to plug the bath and a half an hour later I was in the tub. My relief from the tub was short lived because the nurse was soon back to check me again. When I was getting out of the tub I finally lost my mucus plug.
The nurse checked me again, and again told me that I wasn’t progressing enough and would have to go home. I couldn’t take this news. I was having a lot of trouble staying on top of the contractions at this point and my relaxation/visualization techniques were no longer working. I couldn’t face the idea of gathering our things, driving home and laboring at home again. I was in too much pain. I called my doula and she let me know she was on her way. She couldn’t believe they were trying to send us home and didn’t want us to leave before she got there to assess the situation.
I called my mom and told her what was going on. She said that this kind of labor could go on for days and I told her I was considering getting pitocin and an epidural because I couldn’t face days of contractions like this. I called my oldest sister Jen who had gone through natural birth and I told her I was considering an epidural. She said this was a perfectly valid and acceptable choice and that if I wanted an epidural I should totally do it. It was then that my resolve to have an unmedicated birth started to crumble. I told Andrew I was considering the interventions so I wouldn’t have to go home and he said he thought I could still reach my goal of an unmedicated birth but that he would support me in whatever I chose. By this time I was struggling with the contractions and told Andrew I was getting the epidural. He accepted that but said that I had to say the word we had established prior to labor that would indicate that I was serious about getting an epidural. “Strawberry,” I said, and he knew I was serious. That was settled, or so we thought.
The nurse came in again to evict us from the room. We told her we’d made the decision to have the intervention, but our doula was on the way and we wanted to discuss it with her before we went ahead with it. The nurse was skeptical and again appeared annoyed but said okay and left. She also said to my husband “Okay, but she has to get an IV then”, as if that was something I would protest, even though it was in my birth plan and I was totally okay with it.
Thirty minutes later, around 12:30 pm, our doula arrived and I let her know about my decision to have the epidural. She was patient and said, “Okay, but have you tried using counterpressure?” We hadn’t. So she helped me through several contractions with her pushing against my knees and my husband pushing against my back. It helped but I still wanted the epidural. My doula understood but suggested that we spend an hour laboring before I get the epidural so that once the epidural was administered, the baby would have moved down farther and my labor would be shorter. I wanted to just get the epidural but I knew what she was saying made sense. I also knew that I had paid the doula to coach me and it would be a waste just to give up at that point.
The next hour was one of the hardest of my life. Instead of trying to relax through the contractions, my doula had me really lean into the labor to help things progress. I labored on the toilet, then walked down the hall, hanging from Andrew’s neck when the contractions hit. He says I almost broke his back. So dramatic :). When we got to the end of the hall, my doula had me go into a squat and that was the hardest part of my whole labor. I didn’t think I could keep going.
After the hour was up, we went back to the room and my husband asked me if I still wanted the epidural. “Where is the anesthesiologist??” was my quick response. I was done. Before getting the epidural, a new nurse who we liked much better did a cervical exam and to everyone’s surprise, I was at a 9.5. Andrew asked again, “Do you still want the epidural?” “YES,” I said. “Are you sure? You’ve already done all of the work?” he said. “Ugh. Fine. No.” I said. I knew that I was close to pushing and once I got to that stage, things would be different. Not easier necessarily, but different.
I asked the nurse “Can I start pushing?” She said yes and I remember not believing her. I had heard so many stories of women running into trouble because they started pushing when they weren’t fully dilated or had a lip of cervix left. I wanted to make sure it was time. She said she didn’t feel any cervix in the way and it was fine for me to start pushing. The nurse told me at this point that the OB/GYN was on her way. I couldn’t believe I was having the baby soon. It seemed impossibly quick
I got into one of my preferred pushing positions. The nurse raised the back of the bed and I was in a reverse squatting position facing the wall and the head of the bed which had been raised. I labored like that for a while and then tried to labor on my back with my knees up. It was too uncomfortable so I switched back to the squatting position. The OB arrived and commented that it was a good thing they didn’t send me home. Andrew was doing a beautiful job coaching me through the contractions. I remember him yelling “Push, push, push!” at the top of each contraction. As the baby got close to crowning he said that my legs and feet were turning purple and that I should switch positions but someone (The OB? The nurse?) said I should probably just stay in that position. So Andrew started rubbing my calfs to get blood into them. It was also around this point that the OB asked if she could break my water and I said yes. I didn’t feel it and I don’t remember it making a difference in how pushing felt.
There were two mental exercises that helped me at this point. I remember checking in with myself and saying “How are you feeling?” and then thinking “I have the energy and the strength to get this baby out.” I was amazed that this was the case. I also remembered something from Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth that helped. She had a woman she was helping through labor who thought to herself “I’m going to get huge! I’m going to get huge!” and this helped her open up during pushing. I did the same thing and I believe it helped me get over the fears I had around what would happen when the baby crowned and it helped me open up.
I knew from my training that once the baby started crowning, I should try to breathe the baby down and slow down on my pushing, but when I got to that point, all I could think of was the stories I heard of women having to push for hours and hours and I just wanted to get the baby out as quickly as possible. I remember someone saying “We see his head! He has hair!” I still just couldn’t believe that I was actually doing it and the baby was actually coming. I was pushing the baby out and things were going great. I don’t know why I expected that they wouldn’t. I pushed for around 45 minutes and Arthur was born at 3:49 PM. This was about 25 hours after I went into labor ( and four hours after they tried to kick me out of the hospital).
Arthur was 7 lbs. 1 oz., and 21 in. long. There was meconium in his amniotic fluid, which was surprising and disappointing to me, but his APGAR score was a perfect 8/8 and he came out screaming so they didn’t take him to the NICU. They put him on my chest and he seemed happy to be put on my nipple but he didn’t seem that interested in latching on. I had a second degree tear, so the doctor sewed me up while I did skin-to-skin with my baby boy.
I was exhausted, but so in love with my baby boy and so happy that I was able to have an unmedicated birth as planned, even if it took some grit to achieve it.
Unfortunately Arthur had some health issues shortly after birth that landed him in the NICU, but the NICU staff were great and they were able to give him the care he needed to make a quick recovery. Those three days of having Arthur in the NICU probably put more strain on Andrew and I than the 24 hours of labor. I’m now able to empathize with parents who have premature babies in the NICU for months. It is truly so hard to see your baby go through that.
Arthur was on oxygen for a month after coming home, but now at 2.5 months, he is a happy and healthy boy. We are exhausted but we’ve felt so much joy getting to know our little boy.
