Grandma Beth March 12, 1916 to July 20, 2019

My sweet Grandma Beth decided it was time to go home to Heaven this week. She was a strong 103 year old, who until the last seven weeks was looking and acting like a typical 80 something year old. I called her on Mother's Day, May 12th, and she answered the phone really loudly saying "I'm Ready!" I must have just woken her up from a nap because after that pronouncement she was a bit groggy. She was really sweet on the phone and told me that she loved me and told me what a good mother I was. Grandma always tells me that she loves me, but I don't know if I have heard her say that I was a good mom. It was a different sort of conversation for us. After she hung up, I kept thinking about her first words, "I'm ready". I got the feeling at that time that it would not be long until she died. I really felt like she was telling me that she was ready to go.

Memorial Day weekend Grandma took a turn for the worse and ended up in the hospital and she thought it was the end. She said her goodbyes on the phone to much of the family but then rallied over the next month. Giving me enough time to go see her twice, once alone and once with my kids when they finished school. Both times Grandma was very tired and mainly in her bed but you could lay down with her and chat. It was so great spending time with her. She was talkative and able to answer questions. At one point, I asked her what she thought heaven would be like and she answered unequivocally that she knew that there would be meadows and lots of flowers. I asked why she had that impression and she told me a story that I had never heard before.

Grandma said that right enduring a very difficult 18 hour labor then delivering my mom that she started hemorrhaging very heavily.  (Side note, she said she paid for it all by herself despite the fact that the military could have paid for it because my mom's dad was an officer, but she didn't feel like it was right to take hand outs from the government when not everyone got the same treatment.) To try to stop the bleeding she said that they actually pivoted her gurney so her head was near the floor and her legs were high in the air. She said that she felt like her head was going to explode there was so much pressure on her brain and she was in a tremendous amount of pain. Suddenly, she noted, that she found herself completely liberated from all her pain and running carelessly in a gorgeous meadow filled with wildflowers. She said her body felt weightless and her movement was like something she had never felt before. While running, she came to an abrupt stop and the thought popped into her mind, "If I leave now, who will take care of my baby?" She knew she couldn't go and when that thought popped into her head she immediately returned to her body in the hospital and was woken up by the nurse aggressively slapping her face.

I got to hold Grandma's gnarled hands, pat her soft cheeks and rub her platinum hair. She was so sweet and submissive, which is not something I would ever use as a trait to describe Grandma Beth. She seems ready and resigned to the fact that she was dying. Most of her grandchildren were able to visit in her last days and my Mom, Aunt Viki, Ian and Ethan were with her in her house when she died. I'm so glad that she was surrounded by people she trusted and loved in her own home. I'm also so grateful for my Mom and Ethan who were instrumental in helping grandma stay in her home and remain so healthy for the final years of her life.

True to form, Grandma's last works were of love to those she always looked out for. A week ago, Ian and Laurel had just gotten back from Italy and they took their girls to see grandma. I was told that Grandma had been sleeping and non-respondent for the proceeding few days, but she opened her eyes for the Maddie and Kara and told them that she loved them. It is so typical that Grandma would look out for the littlest among us.

We are in Italy now visiting Aaron and Keri. It breaks my heart that I am so far away and will miss her funeral. It comforts me to know that Grandma would think it was absolutely ridiculous to pay the amount of money it would take to get us home for her funeral.     

Grandma is a matriarch to remember. She is wise, caring, unconditional in her love, funny, present, undistracted, a great conversationalist and general "good company" (my favorite quality in a person). I will continue to love her fiercely and when I think or grandma, I always want to remember:

• Holding her hand on long walks on the beach.
• Collecting dried kelp pods for creating beach gulls when we returned to her house.
• Snail races in grandma's yard.
• Grandma's yard needs a memory all to itself. Until the last few years, I never realized how small it was because it always felt so big and mysterious, with gates to back alleys, laundry hanging on the line which created perfect hiding spots, an unattached garage full of forgotten items that were perfect for elaborate fantasies and wars with the cousins and of course a forbidden front yard. 
• Grandma's house also needs a separate memory all to itself. It has also shrunk to me over the years, but I remember it always full of people, laughter, games til late in the night and friendly family gossip. I don't remember where we slept all those kids every summer, but I remember my favorite place to sleep was right by the wall furnace to maximize the heat on those cold Seaside mornings. Her kitchen was always full of the smell of bacon and guilty-pleasure coffee in the morning and some pot of soup at night (I'll never be able to eat a split pea, navy bean or any soup with "fresh herbs" without thinking about her again). Her bathroom always had a sandy tub from the residue of long days at the beach. Her back bedroom drawers had letters and pictures from days gone by that were the best fodder for imagining bootlegging days in Utah, a military grandpa I never knew, and my gorgeous mother, flanked by her handsome brother and sister in teenage and college years. 
• Living with grandma after I graduated from college for a year. I called her my roommate and treated her like one too. I shared so many confidences with her. She gave me finance, friendship and dating advice and helped heal my heart after breakups. After her witnessing two relationships and breakups first hand and getting attached to the guys I was dating, she told me that I couldn't tell her about any more guys, it was just too hard on her to get her hopes up and then heart broken again.
• Watching her say her prayers, kneeling by her bed in her long nightgown every night. 
• Witnessing grandma breaking up Jared and Ian fighting with a PVC pipe. 
• Watching her roller blade on her 80th birthday?
• Watching her hair get lit on fire by the candles on her cake on her 100th birthday?      
• Hearing her bear her testimony time after time, but particularly at Kennedy's baptism, where she said that she has seen the Savior walking by the early pioneers, teaching in Galilee and standing by her side in the most difficult and happy times of her life. 
• Wanting my grandma just to live long enough to meet my husband, then seeing her do just that and learn to love him and then hoping and praying that she would live long enough to meet each of my kids then seeing her do just that and watching her love and know each one of them. 
• Grandma calling everyone child, even my mother in her 70's.
• Grandma's huge hugs and wet kisses on the lips. If you tried to avoid the lip kiss she would grab your cheeks and direct your lips right to hers. 
• Hearing Laurel and Amy calling her the "Sacred Cow" of the Fischer clan and agreeing wholeheartedly that I couldn't think of a single fault in her or allow anyone else to point out any others too.
• Meeting a resident of a homeless shelter for people with mental illness and drug addictions, that I was working at, who had lived with Grandma when he was young and that she made her home a very safe place to "go crazy". 
• Seeing Grandma do her visiting teaching every month and take meals to people in need. 
• Observing her opening her home to everyone in need. 
• Being with her at my first time to the temple, when I left on my mission and when I returned, at grad school graduation and my wedding and at two of my children's baptisms.    
• The feeling you get when you knock on her front door and hear her yell out "I'm coming" and then hear her shuffling to the front door.  
• Feeling the sense of "home" and peace that is always present in her house. You always feel welcome and you always feel at ease. 
• Napping on grandma's couch in a room filled with family with their chatter lining your dreams.  
• Knowing that she was a chain breaker in our family and a path paver. Grandma overcame a difficult, poverty stricken, dismissive at best, abusive at worst childhood. Then overcame a broken relationship and later abandonment with her husband and the father of her children. To then master the raising of three children on her own, emotionally, financially, but never spiritually. Somehow, smiling through it all, never seeming burdened by her reality, seeing others people's trials as greater than her own and reaching out to them and always looking out for the little people around her.

Living Waters

Dear David,

Last Sunday was one of the favorite days of my life. Surrounded by both Johnston and Thatcher family and friends on a sunny Spring day at the Thatcher family farm you chose to become a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. You were baptized in the pond by your dad. The same place your dad was baptized by his father when he was eight. The same place that the Thatcher's have lived and farmed since 1903. 

The pond you were baptized is an artesian spring. Artesian springs are a natural phenomenon where water flows to the surface without the aid of a pump. It seems to defy gravity, but the pure water is actually forced out by pressure that has built up causing it to perfectly free flow to the surface level. It is very desirable drinking water (and I affirm the water at the farm is the best I have ever tasted) and coveted because it is rich in minerals but also because it is pre-filtered by mother nature. It is pure, alive, and very refreshing (55 degrees to be exact!)

Jesus preached of living waters and their ability to permanently fulfill a person. He said, "But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life." Of course, Jesus was speaking spiritually and the water he spoke of was not a physical destination, like our special family pond, but was his gospel. The gospel of Jesus Christ has the power to eternally quench our thirst for knowledge, peace, fellowship, happiness and meaning. It is life-sustaining and will soothe, refresh and enliven our thirsty spirits. 

I had these things floating in my mind when I was watching you be baptized and they have solidified for me there now. You remind me of those artesian waters, David. There is something in you that is different than in anyone I have met. You have a goodness about you that just bubbles up to the surface for all to see.  You are refreshing to be around because you are kind to the core, desire to and help others, and when people are spiritually parched around you, your easy presence helps sweeten their lives. Your understanding of God's plan for you is confident and uncomplicated. Being baptized was a natural expression of your faithfulness and never even seemed to be a decision that you had to make, but seemed like something your old soul had decided long ago. You are who you are, in part, because you have always fully accepted those "living waters" in your life. 

After you were baptized, you were confirmed a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and received the Gift of the Holy Ghost. Your dad, grandpas and uncles surrounded you and laid their hands on your head. Later you told me that you felt the Holy Spirit most in this moment. Your dad declared the following things to you in your confirmation. He:

• Informed that the Lord wants you to know how much he loves you, that he cares about you and is watching over you at all times. 
• Blessed you with a desire to learn about your ancestors.
• Reminded you that your middle name is Hezekiah, a great man of your ancestry.
• Challenged you to learn about your ancestors.
• Blessed you to have a desire to learn from your ancestors successes that you may gain confidence from the hard things that they did in their lives.
• Blessed you to learn wisdom from your ancestors mistakes.
• Blessed you that you will learn to listen to the Holy Ghost and that you will be able to take action when the Holy Ghost speaks to you.
• Blessed you with a thirst for knowledge in the gospel and in your professional life.
• Blessed you with courage.
• Blessed you that you will not be afraid of failure.
• Blessed you that you will try and try again and that you will know that as you do this you will succeed spiritually and in all else that they Lord has planned for you.

My eyes filled up with tears and my heart was overflowing as I watched you covenant with Heavenly Father in that perfect setting surrounded by so many people who love you. I am so proud of you, my son, and so grateful I get to experience your goodness each day.

Love, 

Mom

I Almost Titled This Claire Turns 11...

Dear Claire,

This year has been so joyful for you. You just seem comfortable in your skin (except for complaints that your nostrils are too large, which just makes us laugh). You have been easy going and happy for the most part, although you still love to pester your long-suffering sister Kennedy. Her distress does not deter you but makes you even more gleeful.

Transitioning to middle school was nerve wreaking for you over the summer, but as soon as you started it seemed like you had been there forever. You picked up a few more friends this year too, which was a goal you had for yourself. You experienced another first this year when you started the Young Women's program at church. You have liked it alright, but this last week when your best friend Kate moved up was your favorite. You are friendly towards others, but can still be shy on occasion too so having the comfort of a best friend around makes you feel more at ease.

Your Dad calls you and Kennedy his "pioneer girls" because you could easily warp into pioneer times with all your interests. You like to sew, to draw, to cook, and to make up dances and plays. You don't do technology yet, which we love. Your like to get your creative juices flowing and your active imagination guides your activities. You started ballet this past year, which you have loved. It almost makes me feel bad I didn't start you earlier. You danced in the Nutcracker in December as a Polinchinelle. I call you my baby giraffe when you dance because you are all skinny arms and legs. I even caught you hitching up your tights during your performance, but your smile stole the show. You absolutely beamed.

Your Dad also started golfing with you one on one this year. You have gotten up one day a week when it is still dark outside to golf together. You both love this time together and your Dad loves having a side kick for his favorite sport and is so proud of you

. I hope you always remember these mornings together.

Aunt Shari and I took you and Logan to your birth place, New York City, for your twelfth birthdays. I knew I wanted to take you at some point but debated for years over when the best time would be since I wanted you to really love it the first time. I picked right. Twelve was old enough to go all day and young enough to still experience real awe at all the city has to offer. You and Logan loved being together and laughed your way around the entire city. We went to the Met, the Museum of Natural History, the 9/11 Memorial and the Tenement Museum. We walked across the Brooklyn Bridge and went to Times Square. We saw two Broadway shows, Wicked and Anastasia. We biked in Central Park and got cookies at Levains and cupcakes at Magnolia Bakery. You and Logan loved counting rats in the subways, bartering in Chinatown and almost getting conned in the subway, not to mention midnight strolls searching for hot dogs in Times Square. As we flew back into Palm Springs, Logan said, "Welcome back to the city that always sleeps." You two were adorable and I think it cemented your childhood friendship.

I love you so, dear one. I hope that you always maintain your cheerful zest for life.

Love,

Mom

David Turned Seven, Uh Hem, Seven Months Ago

Dear David,

So you turned seven years old, seven months ago! This is how this year has gone for you. It's been a quick one and you growing up is sneaking up on me. You are easy David. Kind. Thoughtful. Obedient. Fun to be around. A good friend. You understand things quickly and like to learn. You are the first to raise your hand in church or school and volunteer to help. You will try anything and give you best when you do.

This year, your favorite sport is soccer, or maybe snow skiing. You've also taken golf lessons and tennis lessons. You do well, because you are athletic but more because you listen to your coaches and really try to implement what they recommend.

You made three best friends at school this year. Liam, Alex, and Logan. Your teacher, Ms. Caronna, said you picked the three nicest kids in class to be your best friends. It is no surprise. You have great judgment, my boy.

David, you are a great big brother. Benji loves you and looks up to you. He shines when you spend time with him. He can be a pain at times, but I'm so grateful he has you to help guide him and show him how to treat others. Claire and Kennedy are your biggest fans. They love watching you play soccer and supporting you in the things you love to do. They never complain about having to hang out with their "brother" even though you do your own thing when they are playing their "girl" games.

I'm trying to be fair and think of your weaknesses too, because that is also part of your story. And you know what, I can only think of one. You have a bad habit of biting your fingernails and toenails, but in typical David fashion you even chew them straight and never too low.

Your dad and I think you are the best, my Davey-do. We are so glad you are ours!

Love, Mom

Promises

Benji came in to my room early this morning trembling from a bad dream. It is the first bad dream he has ever told me about and he was really shaken. He kept saying, "Mama, you lost me." I held him close and told him that I would never lose him and that I will always keep him safe. After he fell back to sleep, I kept thinking about his words and his fear from the dream. I'm sure he was talking about getting physically separated from me, but I kept thinking about him being spiritually separated from me and from God. I thought back to all the promises I have made over his life to love him, to protect him, to teach him about God and his mission on earth and ultimately to teach him how to return to God one day. So I laid there with tears streaming down my face thinking about the consequences to my sweet boy if I ever shirked my responsibilities. Then while sharing a pillow with my now slumbering little boy I made those promises of the heart to him over and over until I fell back to sleep again.

Our Benji Boy is Three Years Old

Dear Benji,

Our wild child, our keep-us-on-our-toes, our most favorite and least favorite rolled into one, our love on you one minute and hit you right in the face the next minute, our keeps us giggling, our never know what to expect boy. You bring all of us such joy, but can also test everyone limits. The whole family adores you, despite your and maybe even because of your unpredictability. 

Three has felt a lot easier than two. You seem to have settled into a much easier state this year. You seem happier and easier to be around. You are safer. Less into stuff. More verbal. Less combative. Smilier. And maybe even cuter. 

You refer to yourself exclusively in the third person. Always Benji does this, Benji wants that. Every time we tell you that you are cute, smart, funny, etc. You state back, "I'm not [insert adjective], I'm a Benji." As if being "a Benji" is superior to any form of praise you could give. It shows just how confident and sure of yourself you are. 

You still love flying around on your bike in the house, which you always call your motorcycle. Motorcycle spotting is always a focus too, but you are too scared to ride one. You adore Power Rangers Dino Charge and every stray battery you locate around the house (including the ones in the remote controls) become your Dino Charges. You thrust them out dramatically in front of you and they become the source of all your power and martial art moves. 

You sleep in a big boy bed (a trundle bed in the same room as your brother and sisters). You are potty trained, except and naptime and bedtime and much to your chagrin during those times you still have to wear a diaper. Which you hate because "diapers are for babies". 

Dad is still your favorite, except when Emma is, or Janie is or even when your swim instructor is (you call her best-friend Tanya). On that note, you also started swimming this summer. You launch yourself into the pool screaming Cannonball, but always hit the water before the ball part.

We sure love you, our crazy, fun boy,

Mom

SZTHDY Grand Alaskan Tour

Boating on the Prince William Sound

The Morgan's came to visit about a year ago and while we were driving along the road one night Dave saw a signature license plate that read, SZTHDY. He said "What do you think that license plate means, shiz-the-heady?" We all had a good laugh, when I interjected that I thought it probably meant Seize the Day. From that day forward, Shiztheheady has become our friendship motto. So this summer when Mark and Shari, Barrett and Danielle and Dave and me, plus all our kids headed to Alaska for a two week tour we dubbed our trip the Shiztheheady Grand Alaskan Tour.

And it was grand. This was our second time to Alaska and nothing compares to its remoteness. Both times we went during the height of the tourist season and practically anywhere we went we were completely alone. We packed everyday of the trip with adventure, laughter and lots of exploring. We left exhausted and fulfilled (from all the salmon we ate, not to mention the 100 plus pounds we sent home) and can't wait for our next Shiztheheady trip.

Itinerary:
Monday, June 26th—Arrive and check into VRBO in Girdwood.

Tuesday,June 27th—Guys hit Costco; Moms and Kids do Alaska Heritage Center. Meet up with guys for reindeer dogs at Tiki Pete's food cart. Walk Temple Grounds.

Picnicking on the beach at Bear Glacier Lagoon.

Kayaking in Bear Glacier Lagoon

Wednesday, June 28th—Leave from Seward at 7:10am to fly to Bear Glacier with Adventure 60 North and then kayak the day away.

Winner's Creek Trail

Thursday, June 29th—Hike Winners Creek Trail. Picnic en route then hand cart across river to Crow Creek Mine where we pan for gold.

View from the 26 Glacier Cruise on the Prince William Sound.

Friday, June 30th—Phillips Cruises 26 Glacier Cruise leaving from Whittier. Lunch on boat.

Saturday, July 1st—Checkout from Girdwood rental and drive to Coopers Landing. Hike the Russian River Falls Trail to see the salmon spawning upstream. Drive to Kenai and check into historic rental. Explore oldtown Kenai via bike. Play on the beach until 12pm sunset.

Sunday, July 2nd—Mom and kids go to church in Soldatna at 9am. Dads fly fish for salmon in the Russian River. Play at the beach in afternoon. Adults leave from Homer's Spit via boat to Halibut Cove at 5pm. Eat at The Saltry and explore island. 

Monday, July 3rd—Adults floatplane from Soldatna to Wolverine creek with Talin Air. We bear watch and salmon fish.

Tuesday, July 4th—Dads and big kids fish for King Salmon in the Kenai River. Moms and littles go watch the 4th of July parade in Kenai. Check out and drive to rental in Denali National Park. Watch the midnight sun set for three hours.

Denali National Park

Wednesday, July 5th—Bus into Denali National Park. Spend the day picnicking and exploring Denali.

A rare sighting of Mt. Denali.

Thursday, July 6th—Say goodbye to the Morgan's and Thatchers. Drive to Aaron's house in Eagle River. Play with the cousins and drop Dave at the airport. 

Friday, July 7th—Spend the day at Eklutna Lake with the cousins picnicking and playing on the coast. Meet up with Jared and Alexis who are biking to Alaska from Utah.

Saturday, July 8th—Drive to Whittier. Hike in the pouring rain to Portage Glacier. Spend the evening chatting and catching up with family. The kids sleep outside in the tree house in midnight sun.

Sunday, July 9th—See Jared and Alexis off on their North American road trip. Go to church with Aaron and family. Spend the day hanging out with the kids. Leave just after midnight to fly to Portland, Oregon for the Thatcher family reunion.